Chapter 26 #2
There was a moment, when he held Elizabeth in his arms, that he forgot himself; caught in the tumult of a dangerous accident, she was not sensible to propriety.
He knew her gesture was caused by her fear and gratitude for his having saved her.
Still, he shamelessly admitted that the instant he almost kissed Elizabeth gave him the most intense delight he could remember.
But his sister had seen them, and he hoped never to see such distress again.
He could not allow her torment to last; he had to speak to Georgiana without delay.
He knocked on her door and, not surprisingly, heard the countess’s voice invite him to enter. His aunt and his sister were alone, talking on the couch.
“How are you feeling, dearest?”
“I am fine, Brother. I am a little tired; I believe I will retire early.”
“Should we not fetch a doctor?”
“For me? But I am unharmed. Perhaps for Miss Bennet…she might be hurt or might catch a very bad cold…”
“My dear, we must talk…”
“I know you must be upset with me…for being unwise with the skating. I should have brought someone with us…and I should not have returned when you asked me to go home. I am frequently incautious as we both know…”
The girl’s voice was sharp and carried a poorly disguised anger that he had never heard before in his sister. He noticed that she called Elizabeth “Miss Bennet” and she was fighting tears.
“Georgiana, I would never reproach you for an accident…and it pains me that you believe I would. Have I been so unreasonable in my behaviour to you? Have I ever called you incautious?”
“I am sorry for your pain, Brother, but it cannot be worse than mine.”
“Which is why we should talk, my dear,” he continued while Lady Hardwick sat on the couch in complete silence, not attempting to intervene.
“I cannot talk now; forgive me, I am not feeling well.”
Her rejection cut him more than anything could. He did not understand what she saw, what she believed, or what upset her so, but her grief seemed to return, along with an unwillingness to talk to him.
“Very well, I shall wait for you to feel better. But we cannot delay for long. Any questions you have, we must clear up. You cannot judge things without knowing the truth.”
“The only truth I know is what was told to me. And if I have questions, how can I know whether I will be told the truth?”
“Georgiana…”
“Forgive me, Brother; I need to rest.”
∞∞∞
Elizabeth was in bed, blankets wrapped tightly around her. She felt exhausted; her body was weak and her mind restless. She had been cleaned, warmed, and fed, but she felt worse than when she shivered from cold under the bridge.
Of the few minutes she spent with Darcy —in his arms —and of what she did and said, she dared not remember. Her worry and torment now were entirely related to Georgiana. Her heart ached as she wondered what the girl might have seen and —more importantly —how she felt.
Maids were still moving around the room, and Elizabeth kindly asked them to let her rest. When they finally left, Elizabeth flushed as she saw Georgiana enter. She rose to sit and stretched her hand to the girl, who remained at a distance from the bed.
“Georgiana…how are you, my dear? Please come and sit with me…”
“No…I cannot stay. I only came to see if you are well. I hope you were not harmed?”
“I am fine…only worried that you seem upset with me. Your distress pains me more than anything else...”
“You should not think of my distress; it will go away as it did before.”
“My dear, if you tell me what you believe, I might explain to you…if you
will only speak to me…”
“My brother keeps telling me I should speak to him too. But I do not wish to. I cannot. He seems more desirous to speak to me now than he ever did before.”
“My dear, that is not fair…”
“It is strange to hear you speak of fairness to me, Lizzy, when I have never been unfair to you.”
“Nor have I been unfair to you,” Elizabeth whispered.
“Yes, you have! I know that you put your life in danger for me today as you have before. I know you put aside your family to visit with me! I know how much you have done for me; yet, you did not trust me enough to tell me what was happening between you and my brother! You deceived me —both of you!”
“Georgiana, we never deceived you. Nothing improper has happened between Mr. Darcy and me.”
“If you did not deceive me, you surely distrusted me. I saw you embrace, Lizzy. I saw you kiss each other while for months you let me believe you can barely stand each other.”
“We were not kissing…it was just a gesture of comfort that never would have taken place if not for the distressing situation. I do not know what happened…I was so cold and I think a little frightened…”
Elizabeth attempted to explain, ashamed, sad, and uncertain of her own words and feelings. The girl seemed not to listen to her.
“I cannot understand. You kept such a secret from me for no reason! I would never blame you for a having a relationship with my brother. Quite the opposite; it was I who suggested it several times. But you both let me believe you loathed each other. You refused to spend time in each other’s company.
What was the purpose of such deception?”
“Neither of us would mislead you on purpose. You must know the strength of our affection for you…”
“I do not question your friendship, Lizzy. You have proved it to me many times. You often thought more of my safety than your own. But you did not confide in me. What are your plans? And when did you intend to tell me?”
“There are no plans. Dearest, please, I beg you —just speak to your brother. Do that for me, for him, and for your own peace of mind. You have said many times that you owe me —please let this be your repayment.”
Georgiana looked at her for a long moment, her eyes filled with tears she did not attempt to hide.
“You are still not telling me the truth; I can see it. You still do not trust me. You have saved my life in many ways, Lizzy, but you have broken my heart…”
She hastily left the room, slamming the door behind her.
Elizabeth’s torment burst from her soul into her eyes and fell on her cheeks in heavy, painful tears. The notion that she had brought so much pain to Georgiana —justified or not —was unbearable.
She knew there would be no good resolution to this. Nothing they could tell Georgiana would calm her unless they wished to continue lying to her. How could the girl understand their burdensome present unless she knew their anguished past?
But more agonising was the memory of what had actually happened and how she felt about it. It was true that she deceived her friend. Something was indeed happening , at least on her part.
The comfort of being held tightly in his arms —his hands warming her feet, his whispers to her ears, his lips almost touching hers, their hands entwined, their lips almost touching —remained deeply burned into her heart, and the sorrow of knowing it would never happen again threw her into a pit of despair colder than any frozen swamp.
∞∞∞
When Georgiana dismissed him, Darcy could not bear to return to his apartment, so he headed to the library.
A glass of brandy later, his restlessness increased.
He was tempted to go for a walk or a ride, but the weather had worsened.
Dinner was still three hours away, and he was alone and lonely, struggling to solve a situation that again occurred because of him.
He was surprised to see Watts, his valet, enter and bow to him.
“Sir, Miss Darcy is asking whether you have a moment. She wishes to speak to you if you are available.”
“Yes, of course. Is she in her apartment?”
“No—in Lady Hardwick’s.”
“Very well, I will go there.”
Darcy had only a minute to wonder what his sister wished to talk to him about.
She had obviously changed her mind after the earlier refusal.
He was at least content that she did not keep her distance from him, but he feared the turn such a conversation might take.
And he felt deeply embarrassed at the mere thought of discussing such a subject with his sister and his aunt.
Georgiana met him with restraint, her face pale and her eyes still teary.
“Are you well?” he inquired.
“I am not,” she whispered, her eyes avoiding his. “But Elizabeth begged me to speak to you. And Aunt Amelia said I should.”
“You talked to Miss Bennet then?”
“I did. I told her how upset and disappointed I am with her.”
“Miss Bennet is not to be blamed for anything,” he said decidedly.
“She is my friend, and she betrayed my trust —and so did you. You pretended to disapprove of her… disguised your feelings and concealed them from me…and now you suddenly seem to protect her.”
“You have reasons to be disappointed in me…but Miss Bennet is not to blame,” he repeated. “She thought only of your well-being. Her affection for you is deep and genuine.”
“I do not doubt that. But I was persuaded to believe you and she are enemies, only to discover what was truly happening between you.”
“My dear, nothing is happening between Miss Bennet and me.”
“She said the same…but if I trust you, I must presume that my eyes are deceiving me.”
“Do you suspect that I would involve myself in an improper relationship with a young lady under my protection —one who came into my house as my sister’s friend? And even if I were such a low sort of man, is Miss Bennet that sort of lady?”
Georgiana paled further; her lips trembled, and tears rolled from her eyes.
“No…of course not…but then what should I believe?”
He paced the room, glancing from his sister to his aunt. He had little courage to speak, yet he dared not remain silent.
“There are things that must be told…delicate things. It is a story no man should ever share with his young sister or his aunt. And yet, it must be related from the beginning, or else trust and sincerity will disappear forever.”
“You are frightening us,” Lady Hardwick said. “Let us have tea and speak calmly.”