28. The Midnight Train
The Midnight Train
AIDAN
The Metropark, New Jersey, Amtrak train station was deserted.
The gates over the Dunkin’ Donuts and the convenience kiosks were locked down.
Every seat in the waiting area was empty except the one behind the glass booth where a bored-looking worker with curly brown hair filed her long nails and listened to music.
Henry nudged my back. “Oh Lord! You scared me,” the woman said when I entered her peripheral vision. “Where ya headed?”
“New York City,” I said, nervously toying with the handle on the rolling suitcase Henry had given me. Everything I owned clattered around in there except my portrait. Henry promised to hold on to that for me, keep it safe until I had a place of my own. “I have a ticket already.”
I’d chosen the midnight train because it was the cheapest to ride.
I had to be economical. Isla had given me a generous check.
Henry gave me some cash after finally selling the Art Deco engagement ring.
Those were all the funds I had to start a life with, my own life. I couldn’t squander this opportunity.
“That train is running slightly behind. It should be arriving in about twelve minutes on track 2. Take the tunnel to the other side and walk up to the platform level. Last car is business class, second-to-last car is the quiet car, and the middle car is the café car. Are you making a connection or is New York your final destination?” she asked.
“I’m not sure yet,” I said. Henry had told me that from New York my travel destinations were endless.
Up on the platform, Henry stood by while I waited. Wind whipped around us, billowing the back of his long coat. Cars whirred on the street just past the fence at our backs. My body flared with anxiety.
Suddenly, I was glad the train was delayed. I still had the opportunity to back out of this. Duck back into Henry’s car and insist he take me home to the apartment in Ocean Glen with Topher.
Though Topher wasn’t there anymore. Neither were most of Henry’s things.
Alexa and Sid had adopted Topher after Henry finally admitted that living with a pet that he was allergic to was bad for his health, physical and mental. Since Isla’s Attic was shuttered, he didn’t want to live above the shop. If he was moving on, he needed to do it all the way.
Over the last week, I’d helped him pack. In turn, he did the same for me.
“You have your EpiPens and inhaler, right?” Henry asked.
“Yes.”
“You put your new ID in your wallet?”
On New Year’s Day, the red wish card magically transformed into a real ID. One that would get me into clubs without buzzing, allow me onto airplanes. I was a legitimate citizen of the world with the documentation to prove it. “I did.”
“Good. You said the hostel confirmed your stay?”
“I think so?” I reached for my phone.
Henry waved his hand. “Sorry. I’m asking a million questions for myself. I know it’s all handled. I’m just delaying the goodbye.”
“It’s not goodbye,” I insisted.
“It’s goodbye for now. I know.” He smiled weakly at me in the glow of an amber-tinted streetlight.
I blinked hard, hoping it might act as a camera, capture his expression so I had it to conjure later when I was alone.
“I texted you the address of the brownstone they used as the exterior to Carrie’s apartment.
It’s in the Village. It shouldn’t be too hard to find.
You’ll like it down there. It’s more like a neighborhood.
Send me a picture when you visit,” he said.
“Of course. You’ll tell your family that I loved meeting them and hope to see them again soon?
” I asked. I thought often about the Asters.
While I’d spent a few final days with Isla planting pins in a map of the USA for where I should visit and helping Alexa and Sid clear out their new storefront, the rest of the brood I’d not seen since the proposal-gone-wrong at Christmas.
“You know I will. Text or call me anytime. Don’t hesitate.
I’ll be around.” He burrowed his hands deeper into his pockets, but it didn’t hide the fact that they were shaking.
Mine, too. Worse, probably. I wanted to rip the feeling out of my body, throw it onto the train tracks, and watch it get run over.
What if I didn’t go? The question was right there on my tongue, but as I was about to voice it an announcement came over the speakers above our heads. The train to New York would be arriving in three minutes.
I had three minutes to decide whether I wanted to venture out into the great unknown or spend the rest of my life wondering about it. Though, of course, that wasn’t entirely true. There would be other trains. Cars and boats and buses. Other days. Other months, even.
But I cut off that thought strand. Because I knew in my heart if I didn’t go now, I’d never go. My love for Henry had nearly made making it this far impossible.
“Be safe, have fun, don’t spend all your money in one place,” Henry said as the light of the train approaching appeared in the distance.
“Are you sure you can’t come with me?” I asked in a fit of sudden panic.
He nodded somberly. “I’m sure. This is your big adventure. You got this.”
“I’ll come back by next Christmas,” I said, throat growing thick.
“Come back when and if you’re ready,” Henry said. He fussed with the collar of my coat, so he didn’t have to meet my eyes, which were becoming increasingly watery. “Explore, do everything, make mistakes, date…”
That was the hardest conversation we’d had while packing.
Henry brought up that I’d likely meet many interesting and attractive people during my travels.
He explained that I didn’t need his permission to explore my connections with them.
That I should allow my love to be a limitless resource. “If we’re meant to be, we’ll be.”
I couldn’t fathom kissing or sharing a bed or a meal with anyone but Henry. But then again, my imagination was not yet in full bloom. “I will.”
The train screeched in beside us. A loud whistle blared through the otherwise quiet night as it came to a full stop. “Don’t let me keep you. The world is waiting to meet Aidan Smith.”
I blinked back the tears that threatened to fall in streaming waterfalls. “I love you, Henry.”
“I love you, too, Aidan,” he whispered.
We embraced each other. The hardest thing I ever had to do was let go that night.
Eventually, Henry successfully peeled me off, pointed me in the direction of the open door, and placed my hand on the handle of my luggage.
There was no point fighting it. I didn’t think he’d let me come home with him if I asked.
Inside the quiet car where the lights were dim and people were sleeping with their seats reclined, I stowed my luggage as silently as possible on the overhead rack and slipped into the seat by the window.
As the train pulled away, I waved to Henry.
He waved back. I wondered when I’d see him again. If I’d see him again.
I nearly shouted for the conductor to turn the train around, but a weary-looking worker in a blue shirt and hat appeared in the aisle. “Sir, may I check your ticket?”
When I turned back to the window, the platform had ended, and Henry was gone.
At that point, all I could do was look ahead.