Chapter 15 #3
A renewed anguish washed over me. Not only did I remember that gala, but I also recalled his behaviour later that night. He'd been cold with me, and instead of ravishing me like he promised to at the start of the night, he fobbed me off and spent most of the evening locked away in his study.
"When I went away for business, Annabelle happened to be there with her father—"
"You slept with her."
His brow knitted together, and his mouth trembled slightly at the sharpness of my tone.
His hands tightened on me, refusing to let me go.
"Yes. I also asked her to be my mistress and drew up a contract with a non-disclosure that she signed.
But after that, I just…couldn't. I asked her to come to Manchester with me a few weeks before she confronted you.
But she never left the hotel I booked her.
I told her that something had come up and that I was cancelling my plans to see her.
I didn't bother telling her that I wasn't planning on seeing her again at all, which, in hindsight, I should have.
Then perhaps she would never have approached you. "
I shook my head. "No. No, she still would have. I'm sure of it." I licked my dry lips, my stomach feeling hollow after his confession.
"But as odd as it sounds, I'm glad she did.
Oh, I knew you had mistresses, but as long as I didn't see or know of them, then I didn't have to think about them.
In fact, things were so good between us that I was sort of lulled into this false sense of comfort, that maybe our marriage was real, and you'd given them up. " I gave him a sad smile.
"When Annabelle cornered me, it was as if the blinkers were ripped off my eyes.
I was forced to confront the reality of our marriage, to know of your dalliances, and that they were very real and closer to home than I thought.
The cracks started to widen, and that's when I realised I wasn't okay with any of it.
That I wanted more out of my marriage than what my parents had. "
"I'm sorry." His lips covered my face, peppering it with small kisses, his shaky breath dampening my skin. "I'm so sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
When he pulled back, my smile was tremulous as I pushed him away. "I should've just told you. I should've said that I wanted you to stop seeing other women. But I was scared you would say no, or worse, tell me yes to keep me sweet, but do it anyway behind my back."
"Is-is that why you started seeing him?" he asked, his tone missing the normal confidence and arrogance that I'd come to attribute to him.
Him. Archie. He meant Archie.
"No," I softly remarked. "It's not in my nature to have casual, unemotional sex with someone.
I tried to be, but it's just not how my brain is wired.
I have to spend time with them first, get to know them on a more intellectual and spiritual level.
That's how I fell in love with you, and how I was able to sleep with you. "
I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to ask about another Annabelle incident that had been bugging me.
"When you were in Edinburgh towards the end of last year, Annabelle approached me again when I was out shopping."
His eyes widened in surprise, and his tan face turned slightly pale. I searched his features for any sign of guilt or deception and came up empty. "What did she say? God, I'm sorry that she upset you, my love."
My heart warmed at the endearment, but I pressed on with my line of questioning. As much as I loved him, and as much as I believed he loved me, I didn't want to let that sway me from digging deeper with my concerns. It was the only way our marriage could have any chance of surviving and thriving.
"She insinuated that you had gifted her jewellery. When that failed to rile me up, she then told me she was on her way to see you. In Edinburgh. She seemed to know that you were there."
His brow furrowed, the confusion clear in his features.
"Si. For a conference where I was a keynote speaker.
Her father was there, and she tagged along.
But, tesoro, I have never gifted Annabelle a thing, let alone jewellery.
Whatever she said to you that, for sure, is untrue.
But I must confess, I did converse with her on that trip. "
I immediately flinched, but he held onto me tightly, refusing to let me go. "No. Not like that. Dio mio, no. She approached me, but I again made it clear that I had no interest in her. I avoided her before I left early and went back to the hotel. Alone," he emphasised.
I closed my eyes because I believed him. I did. "The next day, I was volunteering with Archie. He confessed that he had a thing for me, and I was so pissed off at you and Annabelle that I asked him out, told him that we were in an open marriage."
I could feel the slight tremble in his tall frame and heard the way his breathing changed—shallow and quick.
"When you discovered us, I wasn't prepared for your reaction. You went from silently fuming to overly attentive. And then when you told me that you'd give up other women and wanted to have a traditional marriage, I was pissed."
He held me away, his dark eyes assessing me with a question.
"I thought you only wanted me so that no one could have me," I explained. "I didn't want you to want me exclusively because you were jealous and didn't want anyone else to touch what you deemed yours."
He blew his breath out, his thumbs running circles on the curve of my waist. "I was jealous," he confessed. "I was sick with it. But I need you to believe me: after you found out about Annabelle, I planned to end it with her and not step out on our marriage again. I was just too proud to tell you."
His mouth swooped down and touched my forehead, lingering there in silent apology and regret. I could feel the tension in his stance and the fear that his secrets, once exposed, would damage our marriage forever.
"I didn't want to think that you had power over me, that you were aware of it and could one day use it against me.
But I was a damn fool, because you've always had power over me.
I would give everything up just to see you smile.
When it all became too much and when work was too stressful, you were my home.
My peace. And I almost ruined it because of my stupid pride, and what I thought I needed to stay in control. "
He let out a harsh laugh, bitterness creeping along the edges of his tone. His eyes were hooded in pain as he searched my face, his hand sweeping up to smooth back stray tendrils.
His throat bobbed, and his eyes were everywhere but on mine. "Were you…did you have feelings for him?"
His question caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for Alessio wanting to know the intimate details of my short-lived affair.
I figured that his possessive nature would've tried to sweep that part of our marriage under the rug.
Even now, his tone was uncertain and shaken as he braced himself for my response.
My mouth was dry with nerves, but I was determined to extend the same honesty he had shown me.
"That's a tough question. I have no desire to get physical with someone unless there is a deeper attraction.
Not a surface level attraction based on looks.
So, Archie would book us a hotel room, and we would talk. "
"Talk? About what?"
I lifted a shoulder, his shirt sliding and exposing smooth, bare skin. "His life, mainly. I didn't want to talk about mine. Because to do so meant that I had to think about you, and I refused to discuss our private life with him."
Archie tried to push for details about my marriage, but I'd kept tight-lipped on it. It was a sacred part of my life that I didn't want to touch on with a man I planned on sleeping with. Who was not my husband.
"We did stuff as well," I awkwardly confessed. I tugged his shirt up, but it simply fell back down my shoulder.
"Stuff?" His voice had a dark edge to it. Low and scraped out of his throat. He had a sickly pallor to his skin, but his eyes still caught and held onto mine.
"Hmm."
"Tell me," he rasped. "I need to know."
So I did. Perhaps we needed it all out, every ugly detail exposed, so there was nothing left but the naked truth to stare at.
"We kissed. A lot. And…there was some heavy petting and…
a little oral." His eyes closed, and I quickly moved on.
"I wasn't ready to take the final step. Like I said, I needed to build emotional intimacy with someone first. So we'd talk, order food, and watch movies, and-and cuddle.
" My eyes dropped from his, bracing myself for his response.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply. "All things I should've been doing with you. Instead, I was busy being too afraid to get attached, too scared to become too close to you in case I fell in love." His laugh was forced as his eyes showcased the bitterness he felt.
"And the whole time…I was already there. I could've lost you to another man. While I was busy keeping my pride in check, you were falling in love with someone else."
"No!" I exclaimed, my hands arriving on his broad shoulders.
"No, I wasn't even close to it. I felt terrible because—while he made me feel good—I only really saw him as a friend.
But by that point, it had taken a lot of courage to get that far with Archie…
I just didn't want to try to meet someone else and attempt again to build a connection with them. "
"And you never will! I'll make you feel so wanted and loved that you'll be sick of me. Christ!" His hand cupped my cheek. "How can you love me? I've been nothing but a proper bastard to you."
I leaned into his touch. "Not always. In Sicily, I was so mad when you brought me there and dragged me away from Keating.
But then I saw another side of you. A loving brother to Dante and Giada.
A fun and gentle uncle to Valentina and Lucia.
When we spent time together, I saw how kind you were to everyone, no matter their status; you treated them all the same.
And then with me, you were so sweet and tender when we made love.
You never pressured me, and you took care of me.
Even when we came back, when my heart was shattered after that conversation I overheard, you were still the same Alessio I fell in love with.
I knew I was one of the lucky ones, and that I shouldn't complain too much over something I thought—at that time—was as trivial as infidelity. "
"It wasn't trivial. I was selfish and cruel.
I took you for granted and thought I could separate the two worlds.
That if I was…was intimate with other women, that meant you had no control over me.
I'm sorry, tesoro. More sorry than you can ever imagine.
I'll do my best to ensure that you know you're the most important person, that you're the only woman for me. "
Our mouths collided, and we kissed in the middle of that hotel room, sealing our love and our renewed commitment to each other. One tied with truths and fidelity.
Much later, I was once again snuggled against his chest. He gave a melancholy sigh, his hand playing with my hair.
"What is it?"
"If I had known that all this was for me, I would've appreciated you in that sexy little number for longer. Perhaps fucked you with it on. But because I thought it was for the benefit of another man, all I wanted to do was destroy it."
"I bought one in red too."
His breath caught, his hand stilling. "You will model it for me when we get home, si?"
I hid a smile against his hair-roughened chest. "Si," I agreed.
"Come on, let's go home. I need water pressure that doesn't feel like it's tickling me. Plus, I don't have any spare clothes."
"Oh! I forgot. I packed a small bag for you. I thought we could make a weekend of it."
I didn't want to book into one of our hotels as I was worried I would run into someone who would alert him and ruin my surprise.
I also didn't want to book into one of the well-known five-star hotels.
Someone in Alessio's circle might recognise him and think it odd that he was staying anywhere that wasn't his property.
My husband gave me a gentle smile and tucked a stray hair behind my ear.
"That is very sweet and thoughtful, tesoro. But if I have to stay a minute longer in this three-star hotel, I think I'll break out in a rash." He gave an exaggerated shudder.
I snorted. "I knew you were a snob."
He flashed me a grin, grabbed my bag and his before checking out. He instructed a sheepish Gordon to take us straight to one of his hotels—well, technically, my hotel since it was one of my father's properties.
But I put my hand on Alessio's arm to stop him. "No. No hotels. Let's go home."
He made a sound of contentment before he tucked me beneath his arm and kissed my head. "Si. Home. Together."