19. 19 – Caterina
19 – Caterina
I can’t breathe.
Can’t breathe – can’t—
A black canopy.
A bare back.
The sky above my head. Flashes of bare skin. Heat on my arms, close, too close—
My world vanishes into cold, the buzzing in my ears dulling as my nose burns. And then those hands are on me again, pulling me up, shaking me. My name rings in my ears, called in panicked tones.
Fuck. Fuck—
I heave, doubling over as I wrap my arms around myself. I can’t look at him. “Put – put your shirt on. Please .”
I stay like that, trying to catch my breath as he throws himself away from me. Seconds, countless seconds as I focus on breathing until he makes his way back to me.
“Cat,” he breathes in anguished tones. His hands are up, stretching toward me, but he doesn’t come closer. “Tell me what that was.”
My panicked breathing turns to shudders. “No.”
“Tell me,” he says it again, his voice hoarse with panic. “Tell me so I can make sure it never happens again.”
I scared him. Scared myself.
My throat aches when I finally speak. “When I was – there. He kept injecting me with ket. Over and over again. And I couldn’t remember what happened, not properly – I stopped knowing what was real and what wasn’t.”
His fists clench, but he waits, his eyes on mine.
“I would have these dreams,” I say brokenly. “All the time. Where I would see you – all of you, and we would be living a normal life, and it was perfect. And then it would twist, and change, and I couldn’t work out if I was awake or asleep.”
His face crumples, agony crossing it. “ Tentazione .”
But I hold up a hand. If I stop, I don’t think I’ll be able to start again.
“But I kept seeing the same thing, over and over again. This black canopy above my head, and – and a bare back.”
Slowly, he looks down. And then up, at the sky.
I grip myself, my nails digging into my arms. “That – that was real. It was him , sleeping, and I was just… laying there, and I knew what had happened. Maybe I thought he was one of you – or maybe I was too out of it to realize, but I don’t remember fighting it. He took what he wanted, and I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t stop him.”
Nausea surges, my hand slamming over my mouth until it passes. I swallow, several times and take a breath.
“I don’t remember the details. And maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe it isn’t. And I still – I still want you. All of you. I was with Luc, before, and he kept his shirt on and it was fine. I’m fine . Just – that’s a bad combination for me.”
I grip my elbows, falling silent.
The water sloshes as he moves closer. “Can I…?”
I nod. Stare at the soaked cotton of his white shirt as he moves to stand in front of me. He takes my fingers and presses it to his chest. “Do you feel this?”
His heartbeat pounds beneath my touch, and I nod again.
Carefully, he leans forward, until our foreheads press together. And when he speaks, there’s an edge to his voice that I haven’t heard before. “This is the heartbeat of a man who loves you with everything he is, Caterina Corvo. I want to kill him for what he did to you. Rip him apart with my bare fucking hands, but you did that already. Don’t you dare stand there and tell me you didn’t fight, when he is dead and you’re standing here in front of me.”
My lungs feel a little less tight at his words.
“He took something from me,” I admit. “I’m not the same person that I was three months ago.”
“None of us are the same people we were.” His heartbeat thumps against my palm, as if confirming the truth of his words. “But your heart hasn’t changed, Cat.”
“A little more fragile, maybe.”
“Then I will look after it more carefully.” His lips press to my forehead. “What do you want, Cat?”
I think about it. And he gives me that space, waiting patiently as if we have all the time in the world, both of us standing in water at the edge of the sea.
And in the end, the answer is surprisingly simple. “I want to be happy.”
“Then focus on that.” He half-smiles, sadness and anger still lingering in his eyes. “Do more of what makes you happy. Not everything has to be a battle.”
We walk slowly back to the house. Dante slides the monitor out of his pocket, checking it. “She’s asleep?”
He nods. And my hand tightens around his. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
Dante swallows. “You’ve never asked me that before, you know. Not out loud.”
Maybe I need to be a little more careful with his heart, too.
So I lead him to my bedroom. My damp feet sink into the rug as I pull off my swimming costume. He hesitates. “Give me a minute.”
He’s gone for the few minutes it takes to brush my teeth, slipping inside. My eyes skate over the fresh, dry shirt, my heart squeezing.
“Tell me,” he rasps. “If you feel – if there’s anything .”
I want his skin against mine. Want to feel him all around me. He balks when I unbutton the front of the shirt, but I only press my lips to his bare chest. “Just the back.”
Dante follows me down onto the bed, our bodies slotting together in perfect connection. He tangles his fingers with mine, his lips moving over my mouth, my neck. My breasts, his tongue rasping over my nipples, sealing over them and sucking until my back bows.
He pauses to kiss the brand in my skin before he continues down. And my stomach flexes as he examines the marks there, in the low golden light of the lamp next to the bed. His lips are reverent as they travel over me, as if he’s learning me all over again. His fingers dip, feeling the wetness between my legs as he strokes, the pad of his finger rubbing against my clit.
And when I’ve had enough, when I can’t wait anymore, I pull him up, his mouth on mine as he pushes inside me with excruciating gentleness.
We don’t speak, our breathing the only sound as he moves inside me, our eyes locked together. As if neither of us wants to break this moment.
My fingers brush his cheek. Push back his growing hair. “ Ti amo .”
“ Ti amo .” He wraps his arms around me as he comes, my body twisting beneath his as his face buries in my neck. “Forever, tentazione .”