Three #4
The cough was barely one. “Listen, I did a lot of thinking while I was away, and I realized that you were right—there’s no reason in the world for us not to be friends.
Simply because we want different things shouldn’t make us strangers.
We spent nine months together. Why would we just throw all that away? It makes no sense.”
“That was my argument,” I reminded him.
“I know, and I’m sorry for the things I said. I merely… I’ve never asked anyone to live with me before, and I was certain that you would say yes. The no never even entered my thought process.”
I sighed deeply. “I’m sorry too. I wish I could’ve said yes.”
“Well, so you know, there’s not a time limit on the offer.”
“But you said—”
“I know what I said. I’m telling you now, if you change your mind…please inform me. I would love to hear if you do.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Okay.”
Long exhale of breath from him. “Good. Now, when will you eat with me?”
“When do you want me?”
“Tonight. I have a new chef who makes a wonderful risotto.”
“No, I ate already. How ’bout tomorrow?”
“How about now?” He chuckled. “I’ll eat, and you can tell me all about Dane’s wedding. I’ll meet you at Serenade instead.”
“That’s a cocktail bar, Sutter. What’re you gonna eat?”
“Are you kidding? They make great steaks there, J. Don’t worry, I’ll eat.”
I let out a quick breath. “Okay.”
“Yes? You’ll meet me?”
“Sure.”
“That’s great. I thought I’d have to fight with you.”
“No, I’m all argued out.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Do you remember me telling you about the police detective I was involved with a while back?”
“The one you were in love with? The one who left you?”
I stifled a groan. The one who left me sounded bad. “Yeah, that’s him.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“Well, he’s back, and I saw him tonight and—”
“And he wants you back.”
“Yeah.”
“Of course he does. Makes sense.”
“Does it?” Because to me all of it was illogical.
“Yes. So can you be there in half an hour?”
“Probably sooner. I’m still downtown.”
“Great, I’ll see you in twenty minutes.”
“Yep,” I said and hung up my phone. I was surprised when it rang again. “Hello?”
“Hey.”
“Sam. What—”
“Do you still drink tea?”
Weird question. “Yes.”
“Good. How ’bout I make you some?”
“When?”
“Now.”
“I can’t. I’m meeting Aaron. We’re gonna catch up.”
“You left me to go see him?”
“No. I left you because there was nothing else to say. Aaron just got back from Hong Kong and wants to hang out. It’ll be good. I could use the diversion.”
“Because of me.”
“Yes,” I replied honestly.
“I see.”
“I’ll talk to you—”
“Don’t hang up.”
“Why? What’s the point of—”
“I don’t want you to go sit and talk to Aaron Sutter. If you’re gonna sit with somebody, sit with me. I’m the one who wants to talk to you.”
“Yeah, but Aaron just wants to—”
“What happened to ‘some people stay gone’?”
“I guess, in my life, everybody comes back.”
He laughed, and the sound buzzed right through me.
“So I’ll—”
“Listen, lemme see you tomorrow, all right?”
“No. How ’bout Saturday or Sunday?”
“How ’bout Thursday instead?”
“Sam.”
“C’mon.”
“Sam, I’m on my way to see—”
“Yeah, I know. Just call me when you’re done talking to him, all right?”
“No, that’ll be, like, midnight or—”
“I don’t care. Just call.”
“Sam—”
“Where are you going? His place?”
“No, to Serenade,” I told him before I thought about it.
“I know where that is.”
“Yeah, but don’t—”
“Call me soon so I don’t show up, all right?”
“Oh for crissakes, Sam, you can’t just—”
He cut me off when he hung up. It was just plain rude. I tried to stop scowling before I got to the bar.
When I turned the corner onto the street where Serenade was, I saw Aaron leaning against the side of his black Mercedes in his charcoal cashmere topcoat, looking like some ad in a magazine.
Immediately when he saw me, I got the smile that lit his eyes.
As always, I noticed the warmth in them.
Aaron’s beauty came not so much from physical appearance as from what radiated from the inside.
He was the kind of person people instantly liked, instantly wanted to touch and be close to.
He brought it out in everyone, and it was from there that my initial attraction had sprung.
I had met Aaron Sutter when Dylan and I had done some corporate identity work for his company.
They’d wanted to create a logo that embodied their commitment to the culture of the area they built in, their commitment to the environment, as well as speaking to the ideal of their mission statement, which was their constant striving for excellence.
Dylan and I had been unable to come up with something that hit every concept they were shooting for, but Aaron had insisted on taking us to lunch anyway.
Later that same day he came by the office when I was alone and asked me to dinner.
I turned him down flat. I did not mix my business and personal life.
He told me it was all right since I didn’t work for him, but I held my ground and gave him the second no of the night.
When he left, I was relieved. I was not in a place where I could date anyone.
I wasn’t ready to do any more than I was—going out and going home with a different stranger every night.
Having returned to the club scene a year after Sam left, I was in an endless cycle of drinking and one-night stands.
I was toxic, and it wasn’t fair to subject a nice guy like Aaron Sutter to that.
Aaron might have been nice, but he was also relentless.
I got constant calls from him. Would I like to go to the ballet with him?
Would I like to go to a baseball game with him?
There was an art exhibit opening, there was a new club opening, a new restaurant downtown…
would I go with him? The answer was always no, but he was so gracious about it, never angry, never resentful, only hopeful each and every time he asked, promising me that surely next time I would say yes.
I told him he should concentrate on someone worth his time, and he assured me I was.
I saw him at a club on Halloween, dressed like a gladiator, and I was falling-down drunk.
I stumbled over to say hi, and he ended up taking my hand and sitting me down in his lap.
It had to have looked funny, since I was dressed like a pirate, but his hand tangled in my hair felt good, as did the arm around my waist anchoring me to him.
“Please, Jory,” he said, rubbing his cheek against mine. “Let me take you somewhere, anywhere. I’ll take you to the movies and buy you popcorn. It doesn’t matter. I just want to spend some time with you. Please. I’ll do anything.”
And I gave in, because he was so honest and Sam wasn’t coming back.
A year had come and gone without a word.
I was holding on to a dream, and I was lonely and depressed and just a wreck.
Dane was on me constantly to start dating instead of just sleeping around.
His new girlfriend, Aja, had lots of prospects she was dying to set me up with.
It was time, and I took the plunge. Five dates later, when I realized it was me who was going to have to make the move to get us in bed, I invited him over for spaghetti out of a jar and lots of red wine.
He told me how great everything was, and I rolled my eyes.
The man had his own chef and my food was good?
It was ridiculous, but the way he watched me, never took his eyes off me, told me all I needed to know.
When we were sitting on the couch watching a movie, I eased him over against me so his back was pressed to my chest. His sigh was long and made me smile.
When I slid my hand down his abdomen to his belt buckle, I felt a slight tremble run through him.
When I undid first his belt and then the snap of his jeans, he scooted up higher so I could reach him more easily.
The zipper went next, and then my hand slipped under the waistband of his briefs to find him already hard.
He bucked up into my hand, and his head went back on my shoulder.
“Jory,” he moaned, kissing over my jaw as my hand moved on him. “Please, can I get in your bed?”
“Later,” I said, shoving him off me. “First we see what you think of my blow job.”
“What?”
I liked that his voice went out on him, and even better, how he couldn’t keep his eyes off me. The panting and writhing that followed, how he begged me…that was good too. When he cried my name and had to have me in his arms, all that was nice as well…it just didn’t satisfy me.
When I made love to Aaron Sutter, I never had to clench my jaw so I wouldn’t scream his name.
I tried not to draw a comparison to Sam Kage.
It was pleasant enough, and Aaron was a very considerate lover.
I had appreciated him, and when he’d told me that none of his lovers ever had any complaints, I believed him.
Such an attentive, compassionate man could never be called bad in bed.
The thing was, I craved dominance and strength.
I craved Sam. I wasn’t careful or inhibited when I was in bed with Detective Kage, I was myself, and he knew the things he could do to me.
So, whereas Aaron would have worried about being too rough, not wanting to ever hurt me, Sam knew better.
“Jory?”
I looked up and realized my mind had been drifting.
“Come here,” Aaron said.
I jogged over to him and didn’t stop, lunging at him instead, wrapping him in my arms.
“Oh.” He laughed softly, his face buried in the side of my neck. “Somebody missed me.”
Turning my head to lay it on his shoulder, I let out a deep breath. I felt his hand in my hair, the other clutching my back, felt the way he was trying to press against me, and I understood instantly that this was a huge mistake. I pushed out of his arms.
“What?” He looked at me, his hand on my arm. “Why are you—”
“Let’s go in,” I suggested, taking a step toward the entrance.
“Sure.” He forced a smile, sliding his hand down my back.