Chapter Seven
Damn and blast.
Gabriel knew he was trapped in a wicked temper and was showing himself for an arse, but he couldn’t help it. Someone was deliberately and blatantly courting Mary right in front of him, and he didn’t like it one bit.
For the next hour, he toured the traveler’s fair, sometimes in Mary’s company and sometimes without her if she paused to browse through a wagon’s wares.
Though he adamantly avoided the lemonade wagon, he did manage to share a couple of hand pies with his wife as well as take tea with several of the Romani people, who were generous and curious about their hospitality.
They offered a long pipe, but since he didn’t know what exactly had been mixed in with the tobacco, he declined a friendly smoke.
By the time Mary was ready to return to the manor house, all he wanted was to be left alone.
He wasn’t in the mood to socialize or to see anyone.
In fact, he wanted to lock himself away in an empty room and stew.
Yet he felt horrible about the image he’d projected while at the fair, and he owed her an apology.
“Mary, my behavior today has been deplorable.”
“Oh, I quite agree on that.” The glance she shot him brimmed with annoyance beneath the brim of her straw bonnet trimmed with white satin ribbons and yellow silk flowers.
“Ever since we arrived here, you have been seething with jealousy. It is not becoming, Bright, especially from an upstanding member of the beau monde and a father besides.”
Hot shame filled his chest. “I know.” How could he live with himself if he acted thusly in front of his children?
What if they witnessed him being an arse?
It would change the way they saw him, and he would do anything to avoid that.
“I can only apologize. Again.” Was she merely out of charity with him or were they truly breaking apart?
Either thought was frightening.
“The best apologies are when a man changes his ways. Actions speak louder than words, Inspector. There are only so many times I can grant you latitude if you persist in making a cake of yourself.”
“I realize that.” Wishing to say more, or perhaps convince her of his authenticity in a different way, Gabriel took her hand and tugged her across the rear lawn.
“Where are we going?”
“Into the hedge maze.”
“Why?”
“I wish to talk more privately.”
She wrenched her hand from his. “However, you didn’t ask what I wanted, and I do not wish to go into the maze. At least not until you return to your well-mannered self.”
“We need to do this.” So saying, he escorted her into the maze he knew the way through like he knew his own history. “God, it’s been an age since I’ve been in here.” Since it was only a quarter of a mile from the fair’s location, it was perfect place to have a bit of time with Mary.
“This is ridiculous. Why do we need to talk in the maze?” A certain waspish tone had entered her voice.
“Because there are far too many people in the manor, and I don’t wish to run the risk that my brother will interrupt.” The worry had been at the back of his mind that Francis was somehow involved, but surely that couldn’t be right.
“I’m becoming worried about you,” Mary said over her shoulder as he prodded her along over the gravel and crushed shell pathways.
The pungent scent of the evergreen hedges infiltrated his nose while the crunch of the gravel beneath his boot soles sounded overly loud in his ears. “Don’t concern yourself with me; I’m well enough.” But was he? These days even he couldn’t say.
“Are you?” At the heart of the maze where the fountain rested, she turned on him, her eyes shooting blue fire.
The roses in the dark green bushes hadn’t yet budded, but once they did, they would add a layer of magic to the area.
“For the past few months or so, you have been distant, barely talking to me about the things that matter. And now, when we are supposed to be enjoying a holiday without the children, you are ruining it by acting like an overbearing, possessive donkey.”
A quick wave of hot anger surged in his chest, for at his core he knew she was right. “How would you feel if the positions were reversed? If you had credible evidence that another woman was pursuing me?”
“I wouldn’t be pleased, obviously, but I wouldn’t go about like a bull in a china shop.” She shook her head. “What else is ailing you? Something has been gnawing at you that is making you act like this.”
They may as well have it out in an argument since they were both on edge. It had never been as bad as this, though, and along with the desire-fringed tension sparking between them, the anger and fear were very real.
“I suppose I want to know if me working these long hours will benefit our family.” It was at least part of it.
He retreated to the fountain a few feet away.
“All these cases I’m taking? They are incredibly dull at times—finding lost dogs, tracking down stolen property, tracing bounders who physically abused their wives—but every case brings in an income that supports the family you and I have started. ”
She stood there watching him then set the basket of flowers on the lip of the fountain. “Are you unhappy with the work?”
“Yes and no. It’s not exactly exciting, and I shine more when investigating murder cases.
” Confusion pushed through his mind while worry knotted in his gut.
He’d never told her any of this because it made him appear weak and vulnerable.
A man should provide for his family and not complain about it, yet the responsibility was becoming a bit crushing.
“Truth to tell, I feel…” He cleared his throat.
“I’m feeling that if I don’t take these cases, help these people, I’ll fail as a husband and a father.
The need to take care of you goes deep, but it limits the freedom for me to work with Bow Street when they need it, and those are the big cases. ”
“That will land you in the papers again,” she finished in a soft voice.
“You want the prestige; you miss the accolades and the attention.” Accusation rang in her voice.
“When we first met, you had to be convinced to take on the case of the murdered butler in this very manor house. You wanted nothing to do with it or the notice that would come with it, but ever since last October when you—we—solved that case of young society women being killed and it hit the papers and started you on the interview circuit where everyone wanted you to give speeches, you’ve been craving another shot at the same. ”
It was true; he couldn’t deny it. “Perhaps that is what’s happening, but is that so wrong? The higher the profile on a case, the greater the payout, which only helps take care of my family.” Couldn’t she see that everything he did was for her?
“Except those sorts of things take you away from me, from the children, the very family you claim you wanted.”
“Claimed?” He didn’t like the ugly connotation that conjured. “Of course I wanted a family with you! Why the hell do you think I’ve agreed to the adoption of the children? Why do you think I’m working so damned hard and putting everything into jeopardy?”
Shock registered in her eyes. “Yet you just more or less admitted that you would toss all that away to take bigger cases.”
“That’s not what I meant.” They were both speaking with raised voices, and he hoped that didn’t attract unwanted company. “What I should have said was bigger cases might require more of my attention, but they will pay better and therefore, I won’t need to take as many.”
“Yet what of your ordinary clients? You swore to me when you opened your private investigation business that you wished to help people who had no voice, who had things done to them that required assistance where Bow Street wouldn’t help.
You will abandon them for the chance to be a famous detective? ”
“Not necessarily.” With a huff of breath, Gabriel whipped off his hat and laid it on the fountain’s lip next to her basket.
“I just think I’m settling with those cases, that my skills are wasted when I could be solving bigger cases to put extremely evil men or women into prison.
So they can’t hurt anyone else.” He rubbed a gloved hand along the side of his face.
“That is the reason that I have this talent, I believe. It has never been about fame or notice. Surely you know me well enough to know I speak the truth.”
“I do, and I can understand why you think that.” The words were so soft, he barely caught them. “And it terrifies me.”
That was a surprise. “Why?”
“Because the bigger the case, the more horrid the murderer. Sooner or later, you’re going to develop a reputation, and those killers will come after you.”
Or my family.
“Nothing will happen to me.”
“You can’t know that.”
They were on opposite sides of the same coin, but they had never voiced their fears to each other.
“At this point, I don’t know what is the right thing to do.
No matter what I choose, someone is going to be angry with me, and I rather think it will be you.
” Though it was good that these things were being spoken aloud, he couldn’t help but wonder if they would make things worse between them.
Was everything he’d done for the past nearly three years a mistake? Did he not know Mary as well as he’d thought? Had they rushed into a relationship when he’d thought they had been so well-suited?
All those thoughts were scattered when she spoke again.
“Why haven’t you given me flowers since it is a May Day tradition?”
Of all the things she could have said, he didn’t expect that. “How could I know you wanted them?”