Chapter Eleven
“THANKS FOR COMING with me, Ren.”
Quinn’s baby shower is an early morning brunch event, thank goodness. Otherwise, Ren wouldn’t have been able to come. He has to be back in time to be at his restaurant.
He glances at me, then returns his gaze to the road ahead, concentrating on his driving. “I’m happy to be your plus one. How’re you holding up?”
“Nervous. But with you by my side, I feel like everything will be fine, like I can face this with no problem.”
“Tell me what to expect.”
“Sawyer and Quinn are the perfect couple. Be prepared for PDA, sugary-sweet sentiments between them, and so much cuteness it will hurt your eyes.”
“Yikes. They’re already hurting.”
“Mine too.” I breathe out heavily.
“You know you don’t have to do this, right? We could go home and pull out your hair, one strand at a time. It would be less painful.”
I let out a bark of laughter. “Actually, I do need to do this. Remember when you were talking about closure? Today, the final page is closing.”
“Hey, I’m kidding. You’re right. You need to do this. It’s all part of the healing process. But you don’t have to do it alone.”
No, I don’t. Ren will be with me the entire time, a guardian of my heart, protector of my soul. My sanity is safe. I won’t do or say anything crazy or unhinged.
Speaking of safety. “Ren, this is a seventy-five zone and you’re hovering between sixty-five and seventy.”
“Everyone else is speeding. It seems like we’re going slower than we actually are.”
“They’re passing you for a reason. You drive like a grandma.”
“Thank you. My grandma was a fabulous driver. Never had a ticket in her life.”
He never gets offended. Although I’m not trying to offend him. Just joking around. “Have you?”
“Nope. Not one. I rest my case.”
“Watch out for logs. I rest my case.”
Ren pushes on the gas and brings his car up to speed. “Touché.”
WHEN WE ARRIVE at 5201 Beachcomber Lane, Ren studies the shingle-style two-story home with the white picket fence surrounding it. The morning sun shines brightly, illuminating the house as though it’s being showcased.
I look at him, awaiting his reaction.
“Charming,” he says. “Sort of like living in a storybook.”
“The theme continues as you move inside. You have been warned.” One glance at my face and I know he can see my anxiety.
“You can do this, Bree.”
I nod. I need to do this. It will set me free.
We’re about fifteen minutes late—because Ren drives slowly, albeit safely. I’m not complaining. I like his calm demeanor that translates to everything he does.
I assume the shower is in full swing already.
Ren looks nice. He’s wearing dark jeans, form fitted to his tall body.
His black dress shirt is tucked in, and he’s wearing a tie.
The leather belt at his waist tops off the slim look.
Casual, but classy. My eyes are drawn to him, and as usual, they want to wander all over him from head to toe. He’s perfection.
We match without even planning it. I’m wearing a black wrap-around dress that’s casual, but my strappy heels and silver necklaces, bracelets, and earrings dress it up. My long red hair is glossy from a deep conditioning last night.
I’m used to dressing up in work attire. It’s a hard habit to break.
As we walk up the front walkway, many thoughts wander through my mind. Is this a test of sorts? I don’t want to think of it like that. But deep down, I know a ton of emotions are going to bombard me when I see Sawyer.
That’s not the test, though. The true test will be the emotions I feel when I see Sawyer, and then Ren.
I won’t be comparing them; I will be experiencing the range of emotions I feel as my eyes land on each one separately.
What will I feel? Will there be a marked difference between my feelings toward the two men?
I already know the answer in my heart. But I want to feel it, to confirm it. Then I’ll know without a doubt.
The front door is open, with only the screen door between us and a crowd of well-wishers.
“You got this,” Ren whispers in my ear.
This man has been my champion since the day I met him.
I’m not sure how I would’ve handled the last few months without him.
I’m able to be here today because of him.
He befriended me in my broken state and put me back together.
I love our companionship. I know it’s only a taste of what’s to come. He’s been amazingly patient with me.
I ring the doorbell, then we let ourselves in.
There’s a decorated table set up in the foyer, covered with all sorts of delicious foods perfect for a brunch.
People are standing everywhere, plates of food in their hands, visiting and laughing.
I’m familiar with many of them since I lived here for so long.
But I don’t really know them. Most of them know I was engaged to Sawyer and were invited to our wedding that never happened. I hope this doesn’t get weird.
“Beezy, Beezy!”
It’s Josie and Jordyn, running toward me with huge smiles on their faces. I kneel down and hug them tightly. I can hardly believe they’re three years old now. They seem so grown up.
My heart swells in my chest. They make my world right. I’ll never stop missing and loving them. I hand them each a cute teddy bear I bought for them, and they cradle them in their arms.
“Thank you, Beezy,” Josie says.
“I love him,” Jordyn echoes.
They look adorable in matching pink dresses. Their long hair is curled, with large bows holding it away from their faces.
“Mommy has lots of presents to open for our baby brother,” Josie tells me.
I hand Josie the four gift bags I’m holding, and Ren hands Jordyn the three gift bags he’s holding. I might’ve gone a little overboard in the present department. “Can you put these with the other presents?”
They toddle off, thrilled to have such an important job.
Ren smiles at me. “Wow. Kids don’t come any cuter than that.”
“Right?” That’s why it was so hard to let go of them.
“They obviously love you.”
“I love them too.” So much that I experienced temporary insanity at the thought of losing a life with them. Ugh. I don’t know that person anymore.
The crowd parts, and I see Sawyer and Quinn. Sawyer has his arm around Quinn, and they’re both smiling radiant smiles.
The golden couple.
Seeing their happiness doesn’t hurt like I thought it would. Instead, a surge of pleasure washes over me.
This is the reaction I hoped for.
Everything is right. Just the way it should be. Quinn has Sawyer, and I have Ren. I love having him at my side, feeling his body’s warmth next to me, his shoulder brushing against mine on occasion. His quiet strength bolsters me.
Quinn is obviously pregnant, but she’s not huge yet. She looks adorable though, practically glowing.
When she notices me standing in the foyer, she promptly ends her conversation and heads my way.
Good feelings are swirling inside me like they just exploded throughout my body. This is more than I hoped for.
“Bree, I’m so glad you’re here.” Quinn hugs me, her bulging belly between us. It feels so good to feel her love. “I couldn’t have my shower without you.”
She backs up, her eyes on Ren. “Hello, you must be Ren.”
“And you must be Quinn,” he says.
She holds her baby bump. “Lucky guess.”
“Figured that was my first clue.” Ren laughs, and they hug lightly.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” Quinn says.
“Don’t believe a word of it.”
I watch Ren’s eyes sparkle with friendliness. He has such a genuine smile. It causes a warm sensation inside me every time.
“Even the good parts?” Quinn asks.
“Especially those,” Ren warns.
“Look at you two. You look like you just walked off the pages of a glossy magazine.” Quinn flashes me a smile.
I glance at Ren again. His height, dark hair, and dark eyes are striking. But it’s his heart that makes me love him.
However, we are overdressed for the occasion.
Most of the women are in joggers and sweatshirts.
The men are in jeans and t-shirts. Quinn and Sawyer stepped it up a notch.
Quinn looks adorable in a burgundy turtleneck sweaterdress that clings to her figure and highlights her baby bump.
Sawyer’s wearing jeans and a button-up but no tie or belt. They’re fashionably casual.
Ren and I are certainly not fancy by any means, but we definitely stand out in a sea of joggers and lazy jeans.
Distracted by seeing Quinn, I don’t notice Sawyer approach until he speaks.
“Hi, Bree.” Sawyer grants me a polite nod.
To my surprise, he doesn’t sound angry. I mean, he doesn’t sound overjoyed either. He sounds neutral, his usual go-with-the-flow relaxed personality. Like he’s Switzerland.
I don’t think he cares whether I’m here or not, which is a good sign.
It means his feelings for me are…nothing.
Neither good nor bad. Neither angry nor happy.
He’s moved on. So have I. Our eyes meet, and I see indifference.
Indifference is about a thousand times better than the pure unadulterated anger I saw in his eyes on the day we went our separate ways.
I didn’t expect a warm welcome from him. I burned that bridge. Me. All by myself. But his calm hello is more than I expected.
However, it’s the moment when I know without a doubt that I’m totally in love with Ren. Sawyer no longer has a hold on my heart. I suspected as much, but I had to be sure. I mean, the indifferent reception helps.
I’d wondered if I was fooling myself into believing I was no longer on the rebound, telling myself lies to make myself feel better, forcing myself to fall for Ren.
No. My gut instinct has not deceived me. I’m on the right track, and my emotions are spot on. There’s no need to question myself.
“Hi, Sawyer,” I finally manage to blurt.
He nods again, then his eyes move to Ren.
Ren holds out his hand, and Sawyer grasps it as they shake firmly.
“Hi, I’m Ren Chambers.”
“Sawyer Denali. Nice to meet you.”
“You, as well.”
“Come on in,” Quinn says. “Grab a plate, and make yourselves at home.” Then under her breath she says, “I think we’re going to play a game pretty soon. Somebody save me.”
“Chin up. I think you’re in this for the long haul,” I tell her.
She sends me a funny face. “No backing out now.”
As if on cue, one of Quinn’s neighbors says, “Okay everyone, it’s time for a game.”
Michelle lives down the street. She was always friendly to me when I lived here. I’m assuming she’s the one throwing the baby shower today, which was thoughtful of her. Even though I can tell Quinn is not a fan of baby shower games. Me neither.
We all gather round as Michelle has Sawyer and Quinn sit on the loveseat. Nothing like being put on the spot. No wonder Quinn isn’t thrilled.
Sawyer pulls Quinn onto his lap, and their arms wrap around each other naturally.
A few people whistle and clap, egging them on.
Sawyer kisses Quinn lightly on the lips and the crowd reacts as though this is a wedding, not a baby shower.
I get it. This is a celebration of life.
Not just the new baby’s life, but Quinn’s life as well.
It’s a sight I won’t soon forget. I witnessed Sawyer’s longing for Quinn. Every agonizing moment. To see them both so happy is fulfilling in ways I can’t explain.
I love that my thoughts concerning them have become so healthy. It’s like a weight has been lifted. I’m no longer filled with ugly, crazed emotions. I don’t know who that person was. But I’m not her anymore.
Josie and Jordyn are being held by the Grandma Gang, clapping and laughing with the crowd, their teddy bears tucked into the crooks of their arms. So cute. I want to spend time with them, but it’s difficult with a houseful of people. Maybe later when things die down.
So much happiness lives in this once-quiet house. This is no longer a house of mourning, a house of grief and despair.
This is a house of joy.