Chapter Fourteen #2
He doesn’t say anything, so I continue.
“The first night we met, you learned everything about me and my life, no holds barred. Our relationship has been all about me. My worries, my faults. My reservations, insecurities, doubts, and fears.”
“I’m glad I could be there for you.”
“And I appreciate what you’ve done for me. I feel whole, ready to approach life and begin again.”
“That’s what friends are for,” he says again, just like last time we were together.
I hate those words.
Well, there you go. It doesn’t get clearer than that. I push forward anyway. This needs to be said.
“The thing is, I’m beginning to feel like our relationship is very one-sided.”
“How so?”
“This has been all about me. I know nothing about you.” I feel so self-absorbed. I’m kicking myself for not being more observant.
He shrugs. “You know me.”
We have spent a lot of time together simply talking.
Somehow, he skillfully avoided his life and concentrated on mine.
“I don’t. I know nothing about you, Ren.
I’ve never been to your home. I’ve never met your children.
I’ve never met any of your friends or family. Am I a secret? Do I embarrass you?”
“No, of course not.”
On a roll, I keep going. “I have no idea what you do with your life outside of the restaurant. I know nothing personal about you. You’ve never even told me anything about your children other than they exist.”
He’s quiet for much too long.
“What do you want from me, Bree?”
“More. More than we have right now. I thought that was where we were headed. Am I wrong? Please tell me. I need to know now.”
“I thought…I thought you just wanted to be friends, that you didn’t want to date.”
“Are you saying we’re just friends? No more, no less.”
“No, I’m not.”
“I don’t understand. You’re confusing me. Are you waiting for some kind of sign from me, something that tells you I’m ready for a new relationship? If you are, this is me giving it to you.”
I wanted this to happen naturally without a weird discussion. I’m ready to kiss you now, Ren. Ugh.
Can you imagine? So clinical, which takes away all of the heart-racing emotion of the moment.
I’m dying to be kissed by someone who actually loves me. Not a second-class stand-in. Not a friend forcing herself on her best friend’s husband.
He walks away from me, standing at my front window and staring into the distance. His arms are folded, his posture tense.
I stand and follow him. Mandy objects, meowing at me over and over. “Ren?”
His silence is killing me. I feel like he’s already answered me. Why am I pushing for more?
He faces me again, his expression dark and intense. I’ve always known there’s deep emotion underneath his facade, but I wasn’t expecting this. It takes me back.
“I want to be with you, Bree. I want to spend time with you. I love being together. I’ve loved every minute we’ve shared.”
There’s more, I’m sure of it. I wait for him to go on.
“But this, what we have right now, it’s all I can give you. Nothing more. I’m so sorry.”
I close my eyes, feeling as though he just slapped me in the face. I’m used to Ren leaving me speechless, but not for this reason.
He continues. “It’s the way it has to be. Can’t we just keep things the way they are?”
I know my face registers shock. I can’t hide it. “You mean you want to be friends and that’s all? Nothing more. All this time, that’s all you’ve ever wanted from me?”
“I told you that from the beginning.”
“But spending time with me insinuates more will come in the future. Right? Or am I mistaken?” I’m proud of myself for remaining calm, for not becoming wild, unhinged Bree. I’m changing, learning to be better. Even though this conversation is killing me.
He runs his hand through his hair, and I sense frustration within him. “No, you weren’t mistaken. It’s not the right time, though.”
“Not the right time? Will there be a right time?”
“Yes.”
“Just not now?”
He nods.
“What are you not telling me?” I whisper, the sound traveling across the room and hitting him in the face.
He evades my question. “Why now, Bree? What changed?”
“We’ve been seeing each other for what? Around three months? I’m attracted to you. I have been from the very beginning. I assumed you were moving slowly for my sake. I’m ready now. I want this. I want you.”
He shakes his head in the negative.
“I’m in love with you, Ren. You. I’m giving you my heart. Are you turning me away?” I can’t hide the hitch in my voice.
Ren looks into my eyes without wavering. “No. I love you, Breanna Kingston. More than you know.”
All I’ve wanted my entire life is to have a man look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me and mean it. How can this be the best and worst moment at the same time?
“You do?”
“Yes, but I…” he starts, then his phone rings.
“Just ignore it.”
He doesn’t.
He glances at his phone, then tells me, “I have to take this, it’s important. I’m sorry.” He taps the screen and brings the phone to his ear, his eyes on me, forceful and concentrated. “Yeah.” Silence. “Okay.” Silence. “Is everything all right now?” Silence. “I can be there in ten.”
He puts his phone back in his pocket, his eyes never having left mine.
“You have to go.” I say. A statement, not a question.
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand what’s happening right now.” I only know that something is very, very wrong. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I can’t take another failed relationship.
“We need to talk. I owe you an explanation, but it’ll have to wait until later.” He pauses. “I can explain, Bree. But it won’t be easy for you to hear.”
With that, Ren Chambers walks out my door.