Chapter Seventeen
THE BACK DOOR opens, and Ren says, “Bree, ready to go?”
He doesn’t sound excited and bubbly like he did earlier with the kids. He sounds solemn.
Jack nods. “See you when you get back. Ren’s going to be making dinner, just like he does every Sunday afternoon. It’s something to look forward to.”
It would appear everyone knows what’s happening except me.
As I join Ren, all I can think is where are we going? I study his face, wondering who HER is. My thoughts are going wild, conjuring up all kinds of crazy scenarios.
“You okay?” Ren asks.
“No.” I shake my head. If there’s a HER in his life, that’s a game changer. Something tells me he knows that already.
“Sorry, maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”
I want to run out the door and never look back.
I know I should. But as I look at Ren’s sweet face, I see remorse and sadness and anxiety.
He rubs the back of his neck and rocks back on his heels.
Without his gorgeous half smile, I notice the puffiness around his eyes and the crease between his eyebrows.
Perhaps they’ve always been there, but I was too consumed with myself to notice.
Whatever is going on in his life, it’s not an easy situation, that much seems clear.
He needs me. And I want to be needed. “No. I want to be here with you.”
His lips part, and his eyes blink slowly, like I’m watching him in slow motion. “Thank you, Bree.”
“Where are we going?”
“To the part of my life you need to see.”
We make our way to the door where we find Kate waiting patiently, sweater and shoes on, an envelope in her hands.
“Ethan, let’s go,” Ren says, projecting his voice toward the hallway.
We hear banging coming from the vicinity of his room, I assume.
“Hang on, I can’t find my shoes.”
So he’s a normal kid after all. Glad to hear it.
“If his head wasn’t screwed on…” Ren says as he walks toward Ethan’s room to help him.
Kate finishes for him. “He would lose it.”
I kneel down at Kate’s level. “Would you like to try some perfume now?”
“Yes, please.”
Kate has the manners bug too. Ren has reason to be proud of his kids. They have been raised well.
I pull a small bottle of perfume from my purse and teach Kate how to put a very small dab behind her ears and at her wrists.
“I smell so pretty now.”
“You do. More importantly, you’re pretty on the inside.”
“Grandma says that’s the part that matters most. But I don’t get it. No one can see the inside.”
“We can. We see how good you are through the light in your eyes and through your huge smile, through the things you say and the things you do.”
Can anyone see that I’m good on the inside?
My mother always called me feisty—and she was proud of that trait.
She said I wasn’t afraid to fight or argue.
It’s true. I’ve never held back when I had something to say, many times not thinking it through first. That kind of behavior was encouraged in my home.
It’s gotten me into trouble, though, and I’m learning to tame the beast. I’ll always be honest about my opinion and say what I’m thinking, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about it.
My mistakes with Sawyer and Quinn have knocked me down a peg or two.
I’m happy being low on the pegboard. I don’t plan on climbing back up.
It’s not so much that I want other people to like me.
I want to like me.
Ren and Ethan join us. Ethan is now wearing his elusive shoes. I notice Ethan is also holding an envelope.
Conjectures about Ren’s life are filling my thoughts. My heart feels heavy in my chest, like it weighs more than it used to. Like seventy pounds more. There’s a part of me that wants to lash out, demand that Ren tell me everything right now, this minute.
There’s another part of me that feels empathy for this little family. Everyone seems just a tad needy. That’s okay. I am too. We fit together for that very reason.
We climb into Ren’s car and set off down the tree-lined driveway. I look forward to returning this afternoon for dinner and seeing more of Ren’s life.
I think.
“Tell me more about your week,” Ren says to Kate and Ethan.
They don’t stop talking as we drive, telling their father about every little detail of their week at school, from what they had for lunch to which playground equipment they played on.
I wonder if this is tradition as they go on their father/children outing each week to…
I don’t know where. The anticipation is making my nerves taut.
I look down at my hands and command them to stop wringing.
“Kate,” Ren interrupts, looking in his rearview mirror. “Don’t lean on the car door.”
“It’s closed tight and locked,” Kate tells her father.
“It’s not safe.”
I don’t mention logs because he has a point.
It doesn’t take long to realize we’re driving back into Portland. Before I know it, we’re back in the neighborhood where both Ren and I live.
As we make a few turns, the car goes silent. The constant chatter has been replaced by sullen Kate and Ethan staring out the windows.
What’s with the mood change? Even Ren is quietly frowning. In spite of the somber mood, Ren stops at a small flower shop. “Be right back.”
He returns with a bouquet of sunflowers.
“Can I hold them, Dad?” Kate asks. “Her favorite.”
“Sure, sweetheart.”
Who’s her? I can guess, but I’m in denial.
Ren swings the car into a driveway, then deftly parks.
We’re only minutes from my townhome. I’ve passed this building numerous times, always pausing to admire its beauty.
It’s a large L-shaped building that surrounds a brick courtyard with a fountain.
The rust-colored tile roof, white stucco exterior, and numerous oval windows make for a stunning structure.
The landscaping is pristine with well-tended flower beds and expertly trimmed shrubbery.
Tranquility House Long-Term Care Hospital.
I’ve always added an addendum to their title: For the Rich and Famous. Who could possibly afford to send their loved one to this hospital? I’ve always wondered if I’d see a movie star or a rock star hanging out in the courtyard as they relax after a stressful visit with a loved one.
Why are we here?
Ren doesn’t look my way. “Ready, kids?”
“Do I have to go in?” Ethan asks, a hitch in his voice.
Ren grips the steering wheel. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You know that, Ethan.”
“I want to go in,” sweet Kate says. “I colored a picture.”
Ethan gives in. “All right, I’ll go. I never know if she’ll be calm or if she’ll be scary. It’s just hard. Sometimes I wanna go, sometimes I don’t. It makes me feel bad.”
“I know, son, I understand. It’s okay, you’re allowed to feel that way.”
I remain quiet, letting Ren’s life unfold before my eyes.
Ren turns to me. “Bree?”
His mouth is a straight, thin line. I long for his tender smile. “Yeah, I’ll go in with you.” That’s why I’m here. To see what he wants me to see. I’m curious, but I’m dreading it, just like Ethan.
We exit the car, heading for the front doors. Kate runs to my side and takes my hand. I’m surprised by the show of affection and smile down at her. Oh my, she’s precious. I’m already in love with her. If Ren needs help with his children, I’ll give his parents a break anytime.
When Ren sees us walking hand in hand, it earns me a smile. I’ll take it.
When we enter, we have to sign in at the front desk. Then we’re let into a locked hallway with a nurse’s station immediately to the right.
“Hello, Mr. Chambers,” an older nurse says. She turns to the kids. “Hey, Ethan. Hey, Kate. Someone’s going to be happy to see your beautiful faces. But then, who wouldn’t be happy to see you two?”
The staff knows them all by name. They come here often.
As we walk down the hallway, Kate’s hand grips mine tightly. She seems nervous and edgy. Ethan is dragging his feet, lagging behind.
“Ethan?” I say, holding out my other arm, unsure how he’ll react.
He quickly walks forward, allowing me to wrap my arm around his shoulder.
We turn down another hallway and enter a room. A nameplate next to the door says, “Allison Chambers.”
I already know who she is. The clues have been there since I arrived at Ren’s home this morning. I suppose I’m just waiting for the truth to be spoken aloud, for it to be confirmed.
We enter a foyer where there’s another locked door that leads to the patient’s room.
The foyer boasts a large viewing window with a couple of chairs, a nurse’s desk, a small refrigerator, and a microwave.
The nurse on duty can survive her entire shift without having to leave her duty station.
I should have known this was the type of place where each patient has a private nurse.
Beyond that, it opens up to a beautifully furnished bedroom with a small sitting area and a bathroom. If it wasn’t for the viewing window, it would look like a normal—albeit lavish—master suite, not anything like a hospital room.
Ren kneels down next to his children. “Stay behind the window with Bree until you’re ready to come in and visit, okay?”
Ren stands, locks eyes with me for a moment, and nods. It feels like he’s saying, “This is it. This is me.”
Kate and Ethan take their places behind the viewing window with me between them, Kate’s hand still tight in mine. Ethan sneaks his hand into mine as well. My heart nearly breaks in my chest. These kids need a mother figure—besides their grandmother—and I would love to fill the role.
A nurse is sitting in a corner of the room, a book in hand. “Hi, Ren.”
The sound startles me. There’s a speaker in the small foyer. We can hear everything that goes on in the bedroom.
“Hi, Patty. How’s she doing today?”
“She’s agitated. Take it slow.”