Chapter Twenty #2
Allison is calmest right before the dinner hour. I tried visiting once in the morning before work, and she was in her restless and aggressive mood. I left without even trying to visit. She can be rather terrifying.
When Thanksgiving arrives, I heat up a frozen dinner and spend the day watching Netflix. I may or may not have eaten an entire pumpkin pie.
Christmas is the hardest. I don’t even bother putting up a tree. I stay at work until six p.m. on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day, I sleep in for as long as possible, then go see two—yes, two—movies at the local movie theater. Turns out, it’s their busiest day of the year. Go figure.
I don’t open any presents. I don’t have any.
I return to work at eight a.m. on the twenty-sixth. It’s like the holidays didn’t even happen.
But they did. As much as I try to deny it, it was the loneliest time of my life.
Without Ren, without Quinn, without my mom. The fact is, I have no one. I’m completely alone in the world.
Of course, Ren has tried to call me several times. I don’t answer, and he doesn’t leave a message.
It’s my own fault. I said I wanted to be friends. I said I didn’t want to date for a year. In reality, I’m the one who went back on my word. I changed the rules on him.
I’m very aware of the mistakes I’ve made once again.
I ring in the New Year with Mandy because she loves me now and has stopped hissing at me if I so much as look at her.
I’m glad to have the holidays behind me.
It’s finally mid-January.
At work, one of the young new-hires comes to my office door. “Hi, I’m Zessica. I’m new here. Want to have lunch together? I don’t really know anyone yet.”
I was engrossed in my work. It takes me a moment to switch gears. I actually look behind me—in my private office—to see if she’s talking to someone else. Nope, it’s all me.
People don’t usually approach me. I’m told I have the “go-away” vibe. Guess that’s why I’m alone in the world.
“Sure, I’d love to, Jessica.” I could use a new friend.
“It’s Zessica.”
“Excuse me?”
“Zessica. With a Z. Not a J.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I haven’t heard that name before.”
“That’s what my boyfriend says too.”
My boyfriend doesn’t say anything because I haven’t spoken to him in so long. I dreamed of kissing Ren last night. We shared a relationship, and I’ve never even kissed him. Pathetic.
“Where would you like to go?” I ask, wondering if I can call her Zess for short.
“I love the McDonald’s down the road. Sound good?”
I freeze. McDonald’s? We’re surrounded by umpteen adorable individually owned small restaurants that offer unique dining experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I crave a Big Mac every now and again. Okay, probably once a week. But it’s not usually a place for a lunch date with a coworker.
Whatever. I’ll just go with the flow.
“Okay. Let’s go.” Why not? I need a friend.
The walk to McDonald’s is uncomfortable in the confines of a pencil skirt. Thank goodness for my Dior heeled sandals. They’re like walking on clouds. My Armani coat keeps me warm on this chilly January day.
I ask Zessica where she’s from. Her constant chatter about growing up in a small town makes the time go by faster. I can’t even tell you what she said. I was only half listening. Guess I’m not a very good friend. Add it to the ever-growing list of Bree’s Faults.
We’re way overdressed for lunch at McDonald’s, but we forge ahead anyway, placing our orders. Zessica doesn’t pull out her wallet when the total is due. So I go ahead and pay for both of our lunches. Not that it’s expensive or anything.
I’m surprised she wanted to go to McDonald’s because she ordered a salad. Of course, she added fries and a milkshake too, canceling out her healthy choice. I unapologetically order myself a Big Mac supersized meal. Go big or go home. I’ll run it off tomorrow.
We grab a table as I ask about Zessica’s family. Our meal consists of her telling me about her life, which somewhat resembles a soap opera.
“So after my mom and dad got divorced, my mom realized she’d married the wrong brother. She married my Uncle Jim next, which created a lot of family drama. Their marriage didn’t last long, though. She remarried my dad a year later. Now they just pretend the whole Uncle Jim episode never happened.”
Just like the Bree and Sawyer episode never happened.
I listen to her stories, suddenly feeling like my life is normal and boring, which is saying a lot. I watch her dip her French fries in mustard instead of ketchup as she tells me about her rivalry with her best friend during high school.
“So my best friend, Deb, makes the cheerleading team, and I don’t.
She totally stops hanging out with me, stops eating lunch with me, and stops talking to me.
Then she gets herself kicked off the squad for missing too many practices.
Suddenly, we’re best friends again. And she just expects me to forget what she did to me and accept her back into my life.
Can you believe it? I told her no way and found myself a new friend.
Who needs someone like that in their life? ”
I release a heavy sigh. I miss Quinn. Zessica has not asked me one single question about myself. She has only talked about herself the entire time.
Like I used to do to Quinn. She listened to me go on and on about my life. But she really listened and would offer advice or her opinion in return.
And it wasn’t a one-way street. In turn, I listened to Quinn as well. I knew all about her life and what she was going through.
I need Quinn. She’s my rock, the person who keeps me grounded, who keeps me happy.
My lunch with Zessica wasn’t a waste. It made me realize how much I need my best friend.
The thing is, in essence, I dumped Quinn for the “head cheerleader.” In my defense, I thought Quinn was dead. But there’s an unwritten rule—that’s probably written somewhere—about going after your best friend’s husband. I broke that rule.
Unlike Zessica, who refused Deb, I think Quinn might take me back.
She waved me off and didn’t let me say what I really wanted to say to her during our first visit after I’d left.
She’d acted as though I didn’t need to apologize.
But I do. I need to apologize profusely.
I’ll get down on my hands and knees and beg for forgiveness if that’s what it takes. I know I was in the wrong.
Quinn made the first move by inviting me to her baby shower. I know our friendship will never be what it once was. It’s not possible. But if I can just call her every once in a while, or just meet up for lunch every now and again, I’d be a happy camper.
Zessica glances outside the window, yelping when she sees a bright yellow Camaro. She jumps to her feet. “Oh! That’s my boyfriend. He thought he couldn’t make it for lunch, but now he’s here. Gotta go. See ya, Betsy.”
After she exits the building, I mumble, “It’s Breanna.”
DURING THE WALK back to work, I can think of nothing but Quinn. After my first apology visit, she reached out to me about her baby shower. The ball’s in my court.
I gather up my courage and call her. Her ringtone for me is probably the theme song for Darth Vader.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Quinn.” Oh brother. I sound like a scared mouse.
“Hey, Bree. How are things with you? It’s nice to hear from you.” She knows it’s me after only two words. Or maybe caller ID on her cell made it obvious.
Quinn is the sweetest and best person I’ve ever known. No one else would be so forgiving after how I treated her. She lives up to her “Melanie” persona.
“To be honest, not great. I’ve found love, but it can’t be mine. Any chance I could treat you to lunch? I need someone to talk to. I’m kind of desperate.”
“Are you okay?” Her tone suggests concern.
“Not really. But I will be. I could really use a friend right now.” Desperately.
“I can do lunch tomorrow. I’ll make arrangements with the Grandma Gang to watch the girls. Does that work for you?”
Tomorrow’s Friday. The end of the work week. It’s perfect. “I’ll be there.”
We make arrangements for the time and place. Not too far from home since she’s due in a month and would prefer to stay close to her doctor. I don’t mind going to her.
I’d drive for five days straight just to see Quinn.