CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
In the shower next morning, remnants of the nightmare still in my head, I scrubbed my hair extra-hard to get rid of the negative thoughts that always lingered after one of those horrible dreams.
After my chat with Penny about Caleb, I’d started thinking maybe his behaviour wasn’t anything to do with me at all. He’d been ‘off’ with Penny and Will as well. Maybe I wasn’t losing him, after all. It was just work, pure and simple, that was monopolising all of Caleb’s waking hours.
Out of the shower, I phoned him, expecting my call to go straight to voicemail. But to my surprise, he answered it.
‘Hi! Just thought I’d check in and see how you’re doing.’ I kept my voice casual and breezy.
‘Katja?’
‘Yes. Yes, it’s me. How’s the new housing project going?’
‘Erm . . . good.’
‘So everything’s okay? You’re okay?’
‘Fine. Yes. It’s . . . going well. The purchase of the site we’ve earmarked for development will hopefully go ahead in the next month or two, fingers crossed.’
‘Great!’ That wasn’t exactly what I meant.
‘So how are you?’ He sighed. ‘Sorry about Saturday night, having to cut things short.’
‘Hey, no problem. We can do a re-match some time.’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Where are you now? On site?’
‘No, no. I’m at home. Just taking it easy for a change. No meetings at all today, although I’ll be heading into the office later.’
I heard a tapping noise in the background and Caleb said, ‘Hang on a second,’ and after that, the sounds were muffled. ‘Sorry about that.’ He was back.
‘No problem. Well, give me a ring when you’ve got a free evening and we can get together? Maybe I could cook you dinner at my place? I could make your favourite curry. Mind you, it might not be as good as Rosie’s, so maybe not,’ I joked.
‘Sounds good.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Take care, Katja. See you soon.’
‘Yes. ‘Bye.’
When the call ended, I cradled the phone against my chest for a while, thinking about our oddly disjointed conversation.
Phone chats weren’t the same as face-to-face conversations.
On the phone you couldn’t gauge how the person was really feeling by seeing their eyes and their body language.
Perhaps talking to Caleb face to face would give me the reassurance I needed .
. . that he still felt the same about me as he used to . . .
I wasn’t due to start my shift until eleven and it was still only nine-fifteen.
Plenty of time to call at the bakery, pick up pastries and coffees and motor over to Caleb’s with breakfast . . .
*****
Driving through to Lockley Meadow, I was filled with hope that over coffee and almond pastries, Caleb’s favourite, we would be able to talk about us and get back on track.
I wanted that more than anything.
Richard’s betrayal had dented my heart and my confidence in relationships almost beyond repair. But I knew now that Caleb was nothing like Richard and it had been unfair of me to doubt him.
I needed to throw myself wholeheartedly into this relationship and embrace the future. Was Caleb my future? I hoped with all my heart that he was . . .
I called at the bakery in Lockley Meadow and picked up two coffees and some pastries, then I drove round to Caleb’s house, full of hope.
But that hope died as soon as I arrived and spotted Amanda’s car parked outside his house. The two of them were standing together at the open front door, apparently so engrossed in their chat they hadn’t even noticed my arrival.
I switched off the engine and waited there.
Caleb was in his dressing gown but Amanda looked dressed for work, and when she leaned in and they hugged and she started walking away, I realised that was the tapping sound I’d heard on the phone earlier.
Amanda’s heels walking across Caleb’s kitchen floor.
Was it really normal for an assistant to be so . . . familiar with their boss? Calling at his house and dispensing hugs every time they parted? Although to be fair, from what I’d seen, it had been Caleb reaching for Amanda just then . . .
The front door was still open although Caleb had turned away. But Amanda caught sight of me as she was slipping into the driver’s seat and her expression changed instantly to one of shock. I took a deep breath, pasted on a smile and got out of the car.
I waved cheerily and she froze for a second. Then she smiled and waved back. ‘Katja, hi! I was just confirming Caleb’s schedule of meetings for today. Have you brought breakfast?’ She nodded at the coffees and the bag of pastries I was carrying.
‘Yes. I was hoping to have some time with him. He’s been so busy lately.’
I said it in a perfectly pleasant way, but a shadow crossed her face for a second as if she suspected there was another layer to my meaning.
‘Well, he’ll be delighted to see you, I’m sure. Better dash. Good to see you.’ She started the engine, waved and drove off, and I was left there staring after the departing car, wondering what she was hiding.
I knew the purpose of her visit wasn’t to confirm his schedule of meetings. Caleb had told me himself that he had no meetings today . . .
*****
Caleb appeared at the open door. About to close it, he looked over and saw me as I locked the car. I smiled and waved and hurried up the path.
‘What are you doing here?’ he demanded, peering along the street after Amanda’s car.
‘Joining the queue of morning visitors, apparently,’ I said, only half-joking.
With a frown, he reached out and pulled me inside so that I half-stumbled over the threshold and almost dropped one of the coffees.
‘Sorry,’ he mumbled, closing the door and taking the two cups from me. ‘Come in.’ He ushered me ahead of him into the sitting room and placed the cups on a side table.
My eye was drawn first to the embers of a fire smouldering in the grate and then to the whisky bottle and two glasses on the table, alongside the remains of some cheese and biscuits on a plate.
There was an envelope lying on the sofa with Caleb’s full name handwritten on it in large capital letters.
‘What’s going on, Caleb?’ I handed him the bag of pastries and crossed my arms.
I’d been patient for long enough with his strange moods and the detached way he was behaving towards me.
Something was wrong and I needed to know what it was, otherwise I’d go mad.
‘Is our relationship still important to you? Because from where I’m standing, it seems that you’re not being entirely truthful with me – about anything! ’
He frowned, rubbing his hands wearily over his eyes and the dark stubble on his face. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘Caleb, you look awful. Sorry, but you do. There’s something troubling you and I need to know if it’s me that’s the problem.
If you’re going off me, that’s fine. I’ll get over it.
But I need to know.’ I felt sick to my stomach and I was trembling with the effort of telling him the truth about how I was feeling.
‘I mean, where do you see our relationship heading?’ I sounded desperate.
I knew I did. But I had to know the truth.
He gazed at me for a long time without replying, his eyes dark with torment, and I realised I was holding my breath.
At last, he muttered, ‘I think we should cool things,’ and he turned away.
My heart gave a sickening lurch. So I’d been right; his feelings for me had died. I drew in a shaky breath. ‘Well, I’m glad you’ve told me. So did Amanda stay here last night?’ Trying desperately to hold back the tears, I nodded at the two whisky glasses.
‘What?’ Caleb looked at the glasses, bemused. Then he seemed to suddenly realise what I was asking him, and his eyes opened wide. ‘No! No, of course not.’
‘So you had a visitor last night and then I just happened to see Amanda leaving at nine-thirty in the morning?’ My insides were rolling around uncomfortably. I so hated confrontation of any kind – especially this. But I had to see it through.
‘She . . . was here last night. And then she called round this morning,’ he said.
I gave a bitter laugh. ‘And you want me to believe that?’ I shook my head incredulously.
‘She said she was here to confirm your meetings for the day, and yet you told me you didn’t have any meetings.
So do you see how I might be a little bit suspicious that what I’m being told by the pair of you isn’t exactly adding up?
What the hell is going on, Caleb? Just tell me the truth, for God’s sake! ’
His eyes slid away from mine.
Then he suddenly reached for the envelope on the sofa, and that’s when I caught a glimpse of the photograph lying beneath it.
With a punch of shock, I recognised the figure in it and made a move to snatch it up, but Caleb got there first. Folding the envelope and the photograph together, he marched over to the open fire and threw them both onto the embers.
‘What are you doing?’ I gasped and ran over, wanting to retrieve the photo. But it had already caught fire, the face burning away to nothing.
‘Why didn’t you want me to see that photo?’ I demanded, feeling utterly bewildered.
‘Because I care about you.’
‘What?’ I gave a scornful laugh. ‘You care about me but you want to cool things between us?’
‘Yes. It’s for the best,’ he said calmly, although I could see a muscle working in his jaw.
‘Well, fine. If you’re not going to tell me what the hell is going on here, then we’ll call it a day and I’ll leave you to your oh-so-cosy relationship with Amanda.
’ Tears were blinding me now as I headed for the door.
‘Even if you two aren’t an item yet, I’m sure you soon will be.
Because you clearly trust Amanda far more than you trust me. ’
‘It’s not like that,’ he insisted. ‘There’s nothing going on.’
‘No?’ I turned at the door. ‘Well, pardon me if I don’t believe you. You’ve been cooler than . . . than . . . a polar bear’s toenails towards me recently so it really won’t wash to say that everything’s fine.’
‘Everything’s not fine, Katja.’ He followed me into the hall. ‘But I can’t go into the details.’
‘Of course you can’t.’ I wrenched open the front door. ‘Why not call Amanda? She’s clearly the one you’d rather confide in these days.’
I stormed away to the car and Caleb didn’t even try to stop me.
Glancing back as I slid into the driver’s seat, I saw that he’d already vanished inside and the front door was closed. As if he couldn’t wait for me to be gone.
All the way home, two questions were plaguing me.
Who had sent a photograph of me getting into my car outside the supermarket to Caleb?
And why had he felt it necessary to burn it?