CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Operation Chutney Grab was underway.
But not everyone was feeling optimistic of a good result.
‘What if there’s a security light that goes on automatically when intruders approach?
’ whispered Fen, as we crept up to the side gate of Bogg House, guided by the light from our phones.
(I’d brought a small torch in my jacket pocket, just in case we needed to shed more light on the situation.) We’d left the car at the side of the road and walked the hundred yards or so along the lane so as not to wake the family.
‘I don’t think they’ve got round to doing security stuff yet,’ said Maddy.
‘You’re just saying that to make me feel better.’
‘I’m honestly not,’ promised Maddy, opening the gate, just as a light at the front door flicked on, catching us all in its glare.
‘Shit! I thought you said –’
‘Shush.’
‘Oh, hell, why did I let you talk me into this, Maddy? It’s all going to go wrong and the last thing I want to do is fall out with Ellie.’
‘We’re doing this for Ellie, remember?’ Jaz whispered. ‘She’d never forgive herself if she made the village ill with her chutney just in time for Christmas.’
‘I suppose so.’
‘And anyway, it wasn’t us who triggered that security light,’ I added. ‘We’re in the middle of nowhere here. It was probably a wild animal.’
‘A wild animal?’ Fen let out a yelp.
‘I mean a mouse or a fox or something?’
‘A fox? I really wish you hadn’t said that, Katja.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Hey, no dissension in the ranks, please,’ hissed Maddy. ‘Can we just concentrate on pilfering these pickles?’
There were a few subdued snorts of laughter at this.
‘Or rustling the relish?’ put in Jaz.
‘Snatching the sriracha?’ whispered Fen, who’d started to giggle hysterically and couldn’t seem to stop.
Grinning, I nudged her and she gave a mouse-like squeak and wiped away tears of suppressed laughter.
We all slipped through the gate, and Jaz closed it behind us.
Maddy turned and hissed, ‘We move like ninjas, people – not stampeding badgers.’
I chuckled softly. ‘You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?’ From a tree behind us, an owl let out an enormous hoot and wiped the smile right off my face. ‘Jeez, whose idea was this?’ I whimpered, my heart racing with fright.
‘Follow me,’ ordered Maddy, leading us along the side of the house. ‘Eyes sharp, feet quiet and no one breathe louder than a goldfish.’
‘Yes, Sir!’ whispered Jaz.
I nudged Fen and murmured, ‘This is not a drill. This is a relish-related extraction.’
Fen snorted with laughter and was rewarded with a glare from Maddy. ‘Single file, you lot. And stop whispering louder than you talk. We’re not doing the conga.’
As we crept across the snowy lawn, our boots made unfortunate crunching noises but it couldn’t be helped.
It was Sod’s Law that the shed, target of our mission, should be right at the far end of the garden.
Or maybe that was an advantage? As in less chance of anyone in the house hearing any suspicious noises .
. . jars rattling, that kind of thing . . .
‘Unfortunately, it’s locked.’ Maddy was peering through the window of the shed, shining her phone light inside. ‘I can’t see any likely boxes that could contain jars of chutney. Are we sure they’re in here?’
I nodded. ‘Ellie definitely said she’d stored them all in boxes in the shed.’
‘Anyone any good at picking locks?’ asked Maddy.
‘I can open a door with a credit card,’ said Fen.
We all turned and stared at her.
She shrugged. ‘It only works with yale locks,’ she whispered. ‘Not with deadlocks. And definitely not on padlocks.’
‘How on earth do you know all that?’ asked Jaz.
‘My friend lost her key so we did an internet search it and it worked,’ explained Fen.
‘When was this?’ I asked.
‘Oh, we were just thirteen or fourteen. It probably wouldn’t work now. Doors are much more secure.’
‘Well, anyway.’ Maddy sighed. ‘How are we going to get in there?’ She looked around at us. ‘Anyone got any other bright ideas?’
Jaz grinned. ‘I’m still trying to get my head round the idea of Fen going rogue and breaking into a house.’
‘But if the chutney isn’t in there, there’s no point trying to break in, is there?’ said Fen.
‘Very true,’ I agreed, joining Maddy and peering in the window with my phone light. ‘I can’t see any likely boxes. Although that lawn mower is definitely blocking the view.’
‘There’s a sky light.’ Maddy pointed at the window in the sloping roof. ‘I’ll shin up this tree here and get a better view. If the chutney’s not there, we’ll have to abandon the mission.’
‘Maddy, don’t!’ I gasped, as we all gazed at her in horror. But she was already clambering onto the lowest branch and then levering herself up onto the branch above, which hung close to the skylight.
‘It’s a solid branch. It’s really quite safe,’ she hissed, sitting astride it and edging herself slowly along towards the window.
‘Come down, for goodness’ sake,’ called Fen. ‘You’re making me nervous.’
Maddy ignored her, craning her neck to see inside the shed. ‘Throw me your torch, Katja?’
So I did and she managed to catch it, wobbling alarmingly in the process, which made us all draw in sharp breaths.
‘There’s nothing in there,’ she announced, sounding disappointed. ‘No boxes. And not a single jar of chutney in sight. Just a lawn mower and garden tools.’
‘You should definitely come down now,’ urged Jaz.
‘Yes. We need to go before someone sees us.’ Fen glanced around her nervously. Then she gasped, ‘Schitt’s Creek! I just saw a face at the summer house window!’
We all swung round to look.
But the windows gazed blankly back at us.
‘I’m sure I saw something,’ Fen insisted, looking shocked. ‘Human, I think. But it was really pale, like a ghost.’
‘Maybe it was a reflection?’ I rubbed her arm reassuringly, although I could feel the hairs on my own arms standing up. ‘I don’t blame you for being spooked. It’s really quite creepy out here in the semi-dark.’
‘Just in case, we should probably get out of here,’ suggested Jaz.
‘Er . . . easier said than done,’ announced Maddy from her perch in the tree. ‘I’ve sort of got a branch stuck down my jeans.’
‘What? Can’t you pull it out?’ I whispered.
‘No. I think it’s snagged on my knicker elastic.’
There were a few suppressed snorts of laughter at this.
‘Hey, it’s not funny. I’m getting a wedgie up here.’
A light suddenly snapped on in the house and we all froze.
‘We need to get out of here,’ I urged. ‘Maddy, just pull yourself free.’
But Maddy was staring across at the summer house. Then she looked at the light that had come on. ‘That’s the landing light. Hopefully just someone going to the loo. Look, you lot scarper back to the car and I’ll join you just as soon as I get myself free.’
‘We can’t leave you here!’ protested Fen.
‘No, it’s fine.’ She was reaching behind her and then we heard the crack of a twig. ‘There. Done.’
‘Come on down, then,’ urged Jaz.
‘I will. I’ve just got something I need to do. Once that light goes off again.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, go on!’ Maddy hissed. ‘Go back to the car and I’ll be there in a minute.’
‘Come on,’ said Jaz, and we followed her back across the lawn to the gate. Then we hurried along the lane to the car, laughter bursting out of us in little squeaks from sheer relief . . .