Chapter 24
CLARK
I had rewritten my new letter to Arabella at least three times before having it delivered to her residence on Milsom Street.
I had asked her to meet me at Pulteney Bridge at sunset.
A row of ducks swam in the river below, which I foolishly hoped might soften her heart enough to accept my apology.
The streets were less crowded than usual.
The assembly rooms were hosting the most elegant ball of the week that evening, drawing many guests there instead of to Great Pulteney Street.
I paced in front of the stone balustrade overlooking the river. I had rehearsed my words hundreds of times over the course of the day, but they still didn’t feel right. I couldn’t guess what Miss Sharp would say or do. I never could. She was far too unpredictable.
My heart pounded in a shallow rhythm. There was a chance she could refuse to meet me.
I had never received a letter in return.
The sun hung low beneath the clouds, painting the sky in deep shades of pink and orange.
The air was cool beside the river, and the ducks vocalized softly as they swam through the water.
I waited for several minutes, my eyes fixed on the end of the street.
The colors in the sky faded to dusk, and then Arabella appeared from around the corner.
I would have expected to see her aunt accompanying her, but tonight it was Mrs. Ollerton. They walked arm in arm across the cobblestones.
I stood up straighter as they approached.
I wasn’t surprised to see the fire in Arabella’s features; I knew she would be upset and confused after how Colin had treated her at the ball.
Her eyes were as sharp as they had been the first time I had met her—cold and inquisitive.
A light breeze tossed the ribbons on her bonnet, and as she came closer, I noticed the crease between her eyebrows.
Her jaw was tight, her pink lips stitched in a firm line.
In every step she took toward the bridge, I sensed the defenses she had raised against me.
Mrs. Ollerton released Arabella’s arm, stepping away with a glare. She looked as if she wished to scold me, but instead she slunk toward the other side of the bridge. She must have planned to observe our interaction from a distance.
I met Arabella a few paces away from the bridge. The fading sun cast a golden glow over her skin and hair, and when her eyes met mine, they flashed with hurt. But then her scowl returned, harsher than before.
I hardly knew how to begin, but only that I needed to apologize for a great number of things. I reached for her hand, taking her fingers softly in mine.
She tugged it away.
I took a step back. “Arabella—I’m sorry. I should have contacted you sooner, but thank you for meeting me. There is much I must explain to you, and a letter simply wouldn’t suffice.”
She stared up at me. Dark curls framed both sides of her forehead, tucked neatly beneath her straw bonnet.
Her eyes were hard and calculating as they traveled over every inch of my face.
“I don’t believe I permitted you to call me by my Christian name.
” Her voice snapped through the air, harsh and quiet.
“Forgive me.” My mind raced. My plans already felt entirely out of control.
I had anticipated a slightly different reunion than this.
I had expected Arabella to be upset after the night before, but not as angry and cold as she was now, glaring up at me.
Even Mrs. Ollerton had been incredibly hostile.
“I shall refer to you as Miss Sharp if that is what you prefer.”
“And what do you prefer?” Arabella took a step closer, her chin lifted high. “Shall I call you Colin or Clark?”
My skin went cold.
How did she know?
All the words I had rehearsed were trampled under her feet. My throat was dry. “Clark.” I held her gaze, my heart pounding fast against my ribs. “I planned to tell you tonight. But how did you?—”
Her nostrils flared, and she turned away from me, marching toward the railing that overlooked the river. She stared down at the water, her jaw tight. The occasional passerby glanced in our direction, obviously sensing the tension between us.
I turned toward the river beside Arabella, gripping the balustrade as I leaned forward, desperately trying to catch her gaze. “How did you know?”
She turned to face me, a hot fire burning in her eyes.
“I knew it was not you at the ball last night. I made the discovery myself, though I cannot begin to imagine the cruelty that would induce you to lead me to believe you cared for me when you did not.” The fire in her eyes melted into a sheen of tears, but her voice was still harsh.
“Why did you do it? What purpose could you have possibly had in deceiving me so heartlessly?”
Dread settled in my stomach. I wanted to hold her face in my hands so she couldn’t look away again, to somehow soften the pain that lingered in her eyes, but I knew she would not let me. I swallowed hard, a wave of guilt climbing up my throat. “I called you here so I could try to explain.”
She glared up at me. “There will be no need for that. I believe I have already come to the correct conclusion without your assistance.”
“No, I don’t think you have.” Frustration rose in my chest. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“How?” she snapped. “How could you have not meant this to hurt me? I knew your brother hated me when I spoke to him at Lady Benton’s dinner party weeks ago.
I knew I did not have a chance to marry him, so I told him I was seeking a fortune.
I believe that from that moment on, my interactions were with you and not Colin. Do you deny it?”
“No, but?—”
She turned to face me fully. “Your brother sent you to court me, did he not? He wanted me to fall in love with you and then realize that you didn’t have a fortune.” Her eyes gleamed with tears. “Am I correct?”
Silence thrummed between us for several seconds before I forced the word past my throat. “Yes.” I couldn’t lie to her, but there was more—far more—that she did not understand.
The look of disgust on her features tore my heart in two.
She turned to march away from me, but I took hold of her arm just as I had in the stairwell.
“Arabella, wait.” I circled in front of her, my breath coming quickly as I struggled to find the right words to appease her.
“I did impersonate Colin at his bequest, but I didn’t want to.
I owed him a debt and this was how he asked me to repay him.
I believe he thought it was a harmless hoax that would teach you not to hunt the fortunes of the other men here in town.
I cooperated for my own selfish reasons, but I never thought that I would grow to care so deeply for you.
I never thought I would fall in love with you, but I have. ” My breath caught in my throat.
A tear rolled down her cheek, but she hid her face from me, wiping it away. “And why should I believe you now?” Her voice cracked. “You have been lying to me all along.”
“Have you not also been lying to me?”
Her eyes flew up to mine with a glare. “There is no comparison.”
“You cannot pretend you haven’t also been hiding something from me. Is your family in debt? Is there a dire financial strain you haven’t disclosed? Why were you seeking a fortune in the first place?”
Her gaze flickered away, and for the first time that evening, I saw a hint of uncertainty. She was silent for a long moment, and then she turned back toward the river. Her shoulders shook as she took a deep breath.
I wished I could have comforted her somehow, but she wouldn’t allow me to touch her.
Her eyes glistened in the fading light as she watched the swimming ducks down below.
“You have seen our lodgings on Milsom Street. A woman cannot be faulted for desiring more than that.” Her voice grew quiet.
I still felt like she wasn’t telling me the entire story.
“But I have been honest all along about my identity and about my reasons for courting you. I never hid the fact that I was seeking money. That was what surprised me so greatly about your pursuit. Part of me knew all along that it wasn’t real. ”
My jaw tightened. “It was real. It became real. I knew you were a fortune hunter, and I knew that I didn’t have a fortune to give you. I knew how unwise it would be to fall in love with you, yet it happened still. My feelings could not possibly be more genuine. Please trust me.”
Her eyes met mine, still heavy with anger. “I find your choice of words entirely hypocritical.” Her eyes darkened. “ You were a fortune hunter first. I know about the woman whose fortune you were hunting in Derbyshire. I know how you left her at the church. Why would you do that?”
I looked down as a wave of shame overtook me.
Arabella had been quite busy investigating my past, it seemed.
She had uncovered everything about the ruse and even the worst mistakes of my life.
I felt completely bare and vulnerable, exposed to her harsh judgment.
“I should never have courted her. I should never have proposed. But I learned that day that I couldn’t marry someone I didn’t love.
” I held her gaze for several seconds. “Can you?”
Arabella scowled, but her eyes were still wet with tears. “What?”
“Can you marry a man you don’t love in order to obtain a fortune?” I breathed deeply, my heart in my throat. “Or would you rather marry for love?”
She scoffed, placing one hand on her hip. “I expect that is the lesson you and your brother intended to teach me? I will not cooperate with your game any longer.” She turned to leave, and this time she was too quick for me to grab her arm.
“I have lost my heart to you, Arabella,” I said, my voice rough with emotion.
She stopped a few paces away. Her shoulders rose with a deep breath, but she didn’t turn around.
I walked closer until I stood one step behind her.
“The ruse is over, but I cannot say that I wish it had never begun. I would not have come to know you otherwise. You might not have even glanced in my direction had you known that I didn’t have a fortune to offer you.
You’re right. I am not Colin. I’m a second son by twelve minutes, a new solicitor, and a man who will treasure you, adore you, and give you everything at my disposal, if you will have me.
” My heart raced, and I circled in front of her again.
I took both her hands in mine, but they were limp and cold.
I must have been out of my mind, but at the moment, I didn’t care.
“Marry me, Arabella.” My voice was hoarse.
Her lips parted, her eyes tracing wildly over my face.
“Marry me,” I repeated. I lifted my hands, cupping her cheeks between them.
Tears wobbled on the edges of her eyelids as she stared up at my face.
“We do not need riches to be happy together,” I whispered. “I promise I will do all I can to provide a comfortable life for you.”
She shook her head, her lower lip quivering. And then she pushed her palms against my chest.
I stumbled back.
“No!” The raw emotion in her voice was like a dagger through my heart. “Are you mad?”
Perhaps I was. She blinked at me in shock, hot anger still burning behind her gaze. She looked conflicted, and for a moment I wondered if I had been entirely wrong about her feelings. Perhaps she truly had only courted me for my perceived fortune.
For once, Colin might have been right.
A pang of grief struck my heart.
Arabella composed herself with a breath, a stray tear hovering on the edge of her jaw.
“I cannot marry you. You may tell your brother that he failed.” She sniffed, rubbing the tear away.
“I have not learned my lesson.” Her eyes settled on mine, dark brown and impossible to read.
“Tell him that I am still a fortune hunter.”
My throat tightened with emotion, my head spinning.
Before I could reply, she turned away, darting off in the direction of Mrs. Ollerton.