Chapter 65
Wilder
Horoscope Taurus
Taurus, you’re usually so steady and levelheaded in love. Draw on those traits today and stop being a complete and total idiot!
The Starlight Grove Clinic’s lobby was quiet. A home improvement show played on the TV, and every staff person had been friendly and helpful.
I still fucking hated being here.
I’d done my best to avoid doctors my entire adult life.
Before this past week, the last time I’d seen a doctor was when I had to be hospitalized with my burns.
Fuck, that was ten years ago. If it weren’t for the multiple semi-threatening calls I’d gotten from the hospital telling me to get new labs done so I didn’t drop dead, I wouldn’t be here at all.
I’d thrown myself into work the second I got back from New York.
Everyone at the firehouse had given me a wide berth, clearly sensing my dark mood.
I’d finished an entire shift without being pranked once, something that had never happened since I’d started working here.
I never thought I’d miss the guys’ asinine pranks, but they were preferable to the dirty looks everyone had been giving me.
Things only got worse when Lucy came by twice to see me in the past two days, and I’d hidden in my office like a coward.
I needed to get the fuck out of this town.
There was no way for me to live this close to Lucy without losing my mind.
Every moment without her felt like slowly being ripped apart.
Distance wouldn’t make it easier—my heart would forever be a gouged, shredded lump—but it would at least make Lucy safer. That was all that mattered.
This was always how our relationship was going to end, wasn’t it? My hopes that we could make this work had been pure delusion. There had always been a countdown timer looming over us.
After this doctor’s appointment, I would notify the regional fire chief I was resigning. Maybe I’d move out to the West Coast.
I was jolted out of my spiral of self-loathing when a nurse called my name. I stood, still surprised when a wave of dizziness didn’t wash over me. I hadn’t realized how much the suppressants were messing with me, but I felt stronger and more clearheaded than I had in weeks.
And I couldn’t even find it within myself to care.
Nothing mattered without Lucy. I even missed King and Leo. The video game Leo liked came out yesterday, and I’d been tempted to get it for him. I was sure they both hated me now. I was a risk to their omega.
The nurse—Annie—made chipper small talk as she led me down the hallway. My only response was a grunt, and that made me think about King’s exasperation with my nonverbal responses. Riling him up had been one of the best parts of working together on Stanley’s projects.
“You’ll be in here today. I’ll get your vitals and Dr. Finch will be right in.”
I’d expected the clinic to be white and sterile, but the hallway had a huge rainbow painted on the walls and no scent of antiseptic hung in the air—likely because of the hum of the heavy de-scenter machines running in the background.
Dr. Finch was the only designation medicine specialist in town, which meant Lucy probably came here for medical care, too.
I bet she liked the mural. It was as bright and vibrant as her.
Once the nurse finished with me, she left me alone in the room.
I groaned and rested my head in my hands.
This appointment was useless. It wasn’t like this doctor could tell me anything new.
I couldn’t take suppressants anymore, which meant I couldn’t be around any omegas, especially not the one my alpha was fixated on.
The door opened and an omega with curly black hair entered. “Hi, Wilder. I’m Dr. Finch. How’re you doing today?” She sat down on a rolling stool in front of me and opened up her laptop.
“Fine.”
She hummed to herself as she typed something on her computer. “I’ve reviewed your records from the hospital. Your lab work showed some very troubling levels. You were diagnosed with hyper alphosferone at fourteen?”
I nodded.
“And you’ve just taken suppressants for treatment?”
My brow furrowed. She asked as if there were other options. Before I could respond, there was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” Dr. Finch called out.
Annie popped her head in. “Sorry for the interruption. Mr. Everett’s omega has arrived.” She turned to me. “I didn’t realize you were waiting for someone when I brought you back. You should have said something!”
My heart raced as the nurse stepped aside, allowing Lucy to slip inside.
“Sorry I’m late,” she said, slightly out of breath. “Hi, Dr. Finch.”
“Hey, Lucy.” The doctor looked between the two of us, her eyes wide. “I didn’t realize you were together.”
I opened my mouth, but Lucy spoke first. “It’s new, but yes, we are.” She sat in the chair next to me, so close our arms brushed. I clenched my fists tight, fighting my screaming instincts that urged me to pull her into my lap.
Dr. Finch glanced at the computer. “You’re not bonded, right? Your discharge paperwork listed you as single, but maybe they just meant unbonded?”
Her devastated face in the hospital room. Her twisted scent. Tears dripping down her cheeks.
Lucy brushed her fingers over my wrist, gently unfurling my fist and entwining her fingers with mine.
My chest felt tight and expansive at the same time.
This was the first time I’d been around her without any suppressants in my system, let alone the extra doses I’d been popping since we met.
I breathed slowly through my mouth, fighting the temptation to drag her onto my lap and scent-mark her.
“Not bonded yet,” Lucy answered easily. I didn’t have it in me to argue, because what the fuck was happening? Why wasn’t she demanding I leave town forever? She should hate me.
“Do you have others in your pack?”
“Yes. King, another alpha, and Leo, a beta.”
Dr. Finch nodded. “That’s good. I don’t quite understand why you were taking such high doses of rut suppressants when you’re courting Lucy.”
Had I landed in an alternate universe? Nothing about her question made sense.
“I could hurt her.” It hated speaking the truth out loud, but it had to be done. I moved my hand out of Lucy’s reach and shifted to create space between us.
She crossed her arms with an adorable little huff. “He won’t have sex with me. Apparently, his cock is just too powerful.”
I choked on my spit and Dr. Finch’s lips twitched.
“Pretty sure I never said that,” I sputtered.
“He’s convinced we can’t be together unless he’s taking unsafe doses of suppressants.
” Nothing in Lucy’s expression of body language betrayed how she was feeling, but her scent was sharp and bitter, like she was in pain.
My chest tightened until I could barely drag in a breath.
Before I realized what I was doing, I’d pulled her onto my lap and buried my face in her hair.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, sweetheart. It’s that I can’t,” I murmured.
She twisted in my arms and cupped my chin, running her fingers through my beard. Fuck. How was I supposed to live without this? The universe was cruel to dangle this in front of me, only to rip it away.
“But why? I don’t understand. Most alphas go into rut.”
Why the fuck didn’t Lucy have better self-preservation instincts? She should be scared of me, not clinging to me.
I looked at the doctor for help. She fixed me with a pensive expression before speaking. “You’re right. It is common for alphas to experience ruts when their omega is in heat, but HA is more than that. I’m assuming you’re concerned about violating Lucy’s consent?”
My jaw clenched and I nodded. I worked up the courage to glance at Lucy, but the expression of shock and horror I expected to see on her face didn’t materialize.
“Violate my consent? You’ve never been remotely aggressive with me. Even when I wish you would be.” She muttered that last bit under her breath, but I was close enough to hear her. My cock surged to life, but mixed with my arousal was soul-destroying fear.
“I would never do something intentionally to hurt you, but—” I cleared my throat. I should move her back into her own chair, but my arms wouldn’t release her.
“HA makes me unpredictable. I’ve been taking daily rut suppressants since I was a teenager.
When I first revealed as an alpha, I became violent at school, especially toward other alphas.
Rut suppressants made me feel almost normal again, and I stopped fighting.
” I tried to keep my tone even, but my chest was a riot of emotion.
“My parents never treated me any differently, even when everyone was telling them to kick me out of the house before I went into an alpha rage and hurt them. They died soon after I graduated.”
“They’d been older when they had me. My mom passed of a heart attack, and my dads followed shortly from broken hearts.”
“I had to figure out what to do with my life, and I knew I wasn’t cut out for sitting in classrooms, so I became a firefighter. It worked. I’m stronger than most alphas, and heavy labor is one of the things that levels out my hormones.”
I wished I could stop the story here, but I had to keep going. “I dreamed of being part of a pack and having an omega, but then the Turner court case happened.”
Dr. Finch made a noise of recognition, but Lucy looked confused.
“What is that?”
I clenched and unclenched my fists as my mind was transported back to that day as a nineteen-year-old in my shitty apartment. My throat tightened, and sweat prickled my forehead. I couldn’t do this.
“Is it okay if I tell her?” Dr. Finch’s voice was gentle.
I nodded.