Chapter 34 Summer
SUMMER
I never thought my toes were that far away, but I sure was having a tough time touching them.
Tagging along to the Starlight Grove Walking Club was humbling me.
Ivy had firmly impressed upon us the importance of sunscreen, and now all our scents were blanketed in a waxy zinc.
I wrinkled my nose. Why had I agreed to do this in the late-July heat?
“Because we needed to catch up and I already promised Mamma I’d come along today,” Lucy reminded me primly.
One of her mothers, Frida, led the club, which consisted of some of the town’s chattiest ladies, and Harry.
Ivy’s mom Noelle was a regular, and although my má didn’t join us, she did run over in a panic to hand me one of her windshield-sized visors and question my decision to expose myself to midday UV.
Yes, I was wearing it. At least the pink matched my workout set.
“It’s totally fine,” I said, striding into a lunging stretch as if I knew what I was doing. “How hard will this be? I mean, even Harry is here.”
“Summer, are you implying that I am out of shape?” my former boss called from the other end of the footpath.
Even though I didn’t miss the bookkeeping aspect of my old job one bit, I did very much miss working with the funny little accountant.
His buttoned-up appearance masked a penchant for mischief.
Tax returns took twice as long because we would yap so much.
“Harry, you have hearing like a bat,” I told him candidly as he strode over. “Are you sure you should be here? It’s Walking Club. Not Flapping Club. Or Hanging Upside Down in a Cave Club.”
“Are you done?” Harry crossed his arms.
“I could go on but I won’t. Out of respect for you.” I tipped my invisible hat at him.
Harry patted my shoulder benevolently. “I’ve missed having you around the office. It’s so quiet and productive now.”
I didn’t even pretend to be outraged because I knew he was right.
“Now stop insulting me and get walking with your friends. Whatever you are procrastinating telling them is making your forehead form new creases.”
Rude . But accurate.
We set off down Main Street with Frida in the lead like a colorful school of fish. Olive and I immediately fell to the back, and Ivy and Lucy slowed down to match our molasses pace.
“You left Winnie’s party in a rush yesterday. Are you all right? What happened?” Ivy asked, her arms pumping in perfect form.
I grinned nervously, recalling using Lucien like a dildo.
“Okay, don’t tell us everything ,” Ivy corrected herself after she saw my expression. “Relevant, safe-for-work information only, please.”
“Boo!” Olive cleared her throat. “I mean…please tell us what’s on your mind so we can help.”
I smiled, knowing they were only trying their best to lighten the mood when they were concerned about me. Summer Pham all twisted up over some boys was a once-in-a-lifetime show, after all.
“Lucien invited me to be his date for a work gala.”
“Can I make your dress?” Lucy cut in with a gasp. “Wait, sorry, let me try that again. Ahem . A work gala? I think that’s such a good sign. Also, I would really like to make your dress, and if you could let me know the dress code as soon as possible that would be super!”
I winced. “Is it a good sign? I can’t even tell anymore. I’m so confused trying to figure out what each of them wants.” My steps dragged, and the four of us fell even farther back from the group.
“It’s definitely a good sign!” Ivy nodded vigorously. “If he only saw you as a casual fling, why would he want you to meet his colleagues?”
“Yeah, you said he loves work, right?” Olive piped up. “Maybe this is his version of having you meet his family.” Her lips pursed. “Wait, that came out sounding sadder than I intended.”
“The point is…” Lucy nudged me encouragingly. “I really think if you tell them how you feel they’ll want to court you. Officially .”
My friends were so sure. I wished I had their conviction.
“I keep thinking about the things they’ve said about their plans after the summer,” I said, subdued.
Every time they mentioned anything about leaving, I gained another reason to be afraid.
Tally marks lining the walls of my mind.
“I have to take that into account, too,” I reasoned.
“Not just how it feels when we’re together. ”
“And they can’t take into account something you don’t tell them,” Lucy shot back.
This way, we can have fun without any of the other stuff.
My own words in that half-renovated kitchen weeks ago rose up like a specter. Why on earth would they think I wanted differently?
“Ugh.” I slumped. “You’re right.”
Ivy hugged me around my shoulders impulsively. “You can do it, Summer. You’re the bravest person I know.”
“Oh my god, stop,” I sniffled. “I can’t be crying at Walking Club.”
“Who’s making you cry, Summer?” Harry’s voice floated back from the front of the group.
“Like a bat, I swear,” I hissed to my friends. “No one, Harry!”
“Better not be!”
I jogged on the spot, flapping my arms like I was about to enter the boxing ring. “All right, I can do this. Tell them how I feel. That’s all I have to do. So easy.”
God, I wanted to throw up.
“Yes!”
“We believe in you!”
There was lots of clapping and jumping up and down. We fell even farther behind.
Still one last item on the agenda to wrap up. “Luce, I don’t think there’s enough time to make my dress, but honestly, I would be so thrilled if you wanted to tailor one off the rack for me. Make me look super hot. And rich. Like my natural habitat is a superyacht.”
“Done!” Lucy squealed gleefully. “You won’t regret it, Summer. I’m going to make his eyeballs fall out.”
How grotesque. “Perfect. I’ll be the last thing he ever sees.” Our walk had taken us along the shoreline, every step leading farther away from civilization. I looked back wistfully at the town. “Hey, so…how much more walking do you think we have to do before we can go grab smoothies at the diner?”
There was an unfamiliar car parked out front when I returned home. Lucien was shaking hands with a man in a suit. Was he a lawyer? Traveling salesman? Or maybe a hitman. Either way, it was an unusual sight in our town.
Suit Man gave me a polite nod on the way out. “I’ll send you possible dates and times for the photoshoot and we’ll get it on the calendar,” he called over his shoulder to Lucien.
“Thank you,” Lucien replied with a wave.
This thinly veiled coded language was alleviating none of my suspicions. Photo shoot . I knew what they were doing.
“Who was that?” I asked. Lucien’s widening eyes landed on my giant visor. I forgot I still had it on. I hastily took it off so he could focus. “Did you hire a hitman? You can tell me.”
“What?” Lucien balked. “No, Tom’s a real estate agent.”
Huh. Turns out there was something worse than a hitman.
I forced a laugh. “Makes sense. You’re pretty much done with the renovations, right?”
“There are a few more cosmetic touch-ups before we get the listing photos done, but yes. Home stretch now,” Lucien breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh. Your nest.”
What about my nest, Lucien?
“We won’t put photos of your nest online, of course,” Lucien said quickly. “I can help you pack it away, and we’ll put something simple out for the shoot.”
Simple . Ouch. It was one gut punch after another. Hearing him offer to dismantle my nest. The realization that I already thought of that space as mine.
Clearly that was a mistake.
I tried to remember my friends’ encouragement. Tell him how you feel so he knows everything .
My confession sat right on the tip of my tongue, my breathing too thin to give it life. Inhale. Exhale . I almost said his name when his scent washed over me. Instead of its usual grounded calm, his heavy emotions shrouded it. Twists and turns in the dark, branches scraping.
“Are you all right?”
“Hmm?” Lucien was far away, staring off at nothing in the distance. “Yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Because I’m so attuned to you now I can read your scent like a book . I gave his cheek a poke instead. “Because you look like the frowny-face emoji.”
“That obvious, is it?” he conceded, the crooked dip of his mouth lifting slightly. Lucien composed himself with a slow breath and turned toward the front door.
“Eleven years ago today, my mom walked out of that door and we never saw her again.”
“Oh. Lucien, I’m so sorry.” I’d heard about it, of course, years ago when it happened. Stories told in gossipy whispers. Embellished, holes in the timeline, and clumsily deciphered by my thirteen-year-old self.
I didn’t know what else to say so I hugged him. As tightly as I could around his waist, my cheek against his chest. To my relief, his arms wound around me and squeezed back.
“I was home from college for the summer. Mercer was on edge, waiting to hear about his pastry school applications. He’d taken the loss of Papi a couple of years earlier the hardest, and I think that was part of helping him cope. And Jae was…well, you know.”
Yeah, I did know. Hiding in the library. Stealing my cake.
“Even before I left for college it was stifling living in this house.” Lucien stroked my hair but it felt like the repetitive motion was to soothe him instead of me.
“They weren’t right for one another. I can see that now.
But breaking up your bonded pack was unthinkable, especially for their generation.
Even when it became more and more apparent that having a strong scent attraction wasn’t enough of a foundation to build a good life together.
Greg was just…a symptom. I wish we had been enough for Mom. ”
Even though we weren’t bonded, I felt Lucien’s pain so keenly. The helplessness. The simmering anger over the unfairness of it all. Small fractures, pressure, and a catastrophic break.