Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Aurelia
“ W hat are you reading?”
My husband’s cool tone puts me on guard before I even lift my eyes from the book. He’s barely spoken to me in the couple of hours we’ve been on the road this morning, the last short stretch before we reach Vivencia after the delay by Norbina set back our schedule.
Marclinus hasn’t criticized my handling of the situation a few days ago beyond the few snarky remarks he made in the moment, but I get the impression he’s simply pretending it never happened rather than accepting. For the entire journey, he’s alternated between filling our carriage with friends so he doesn’t need to speak to me except in random chatter and burying himself in records and private pondering even more deeply than on the journey east .
This might be the first time in our eight days on the road that he’s shown any interest in my activities while we’re alone. I don’t know if the question is a peace offering of sorts or the prelude to a new battle.
I lift the book so he can see the cover with its ornately lettered title. “It’s an account of the Grotillian Period of Revolt and the imperial strategies for ending the series of uprisings. I thought it might provide some insight useful to the present unrest, should it continue to escalate.”
Actually, I’m mainly interested in the sections that discuss the one empress who ruled during that period and the brief mentions of the wives of the emperors before and after her. I don’t think it’ll do me much good to mention as much to Marclinus, though.
He raises his eyebrows. “You dug that out of the vast library back home when there’d been nothing more than a couple of outpost attacks?”
He considers the capital palace to be “home” then, does he? It makes sense when it seems he and his father spent more than half of their time there compared to the various other imperial estates.
I dip my head as if abashed. “I actually discovered it in the library at the Ubettan residence, which was a little less intimidating to peruse, after the matter seemed worthy of more concern. I hope it’s all right that I borrowed it.”
Marclinus studies me for long enough that the back of my neck prickles. Then his lips curve with a trace of a smile. “I can hardly complain about you immersing yourself in our country’s history.”
He’s certainly complained about many things I’d think show equal commitment to my new role, but I’m not going to mention that either. I bob my head and drop my gaze to return to my reading.
Perhaps some hint of my annoyance showed through despite my efforts, or perhaps Marclinus is simply poking at me to see what he can turn up. He waits several seconds, long enough for me to read through a short paragraph in which the author appears to think the empress’s new gown is the worthiest point of focus, and then speaks up again.
“You’re angry with me.”
My eyes dart up with a jolt of surprise I can’t completely suppress. Marclinus gazes back at me, neither his expression nor his tone revealing how he feels about that statement.
My stomach lurches with the sense that I’m standing at the verge of a precipice. Another trial my husband has decided to spring on me. The carriage rocks with a pothole, setting me even more off-balance.
The literal jolt at least gives me an excuse to brace one hand against the seat, my fingers sinking into the velvet cushion. “Pardon me? I don’t know what you mean.”
Marclinus’s stare doesn’t waver. “You’ve been excessively quiet since Prospira’s rite. You haven’t asked me for news of the current uprising or offered your opinions on it, even while you’re reading up on a similar subject. It seems obvious you’re upset that I changed my mind about how I’d handle Lavira.”
I don’t know whether to be more irritated that he’s prodding me on this subject after he specifically lambasted me for offering my opinion or that he’s missed all the other reasons I’d have to resent him.
It doesn’t matter, since it wouldn’t be wise to admit to the irritation at all.
“You told me that it wasn’t my place to suggest possible strategies,” I say as evenly as possible. “That I should only worry about serving you personally rather than the empire. I thought you wanted me to stay out of that matter.” I glance down at my book. “This is only for my own understanding, so I have a better sense of what you’re going through. ”
Marclinus’s jaw works, as if he’s grappling with his temper.
What does he want from me? Is he honestly going to lay into me for not hassling him about his response to the rebellion after he tore into me the last time I dared to question him?
He inhales slowly. “Did it not occur to you that you might serve me by continuing to share your views so that I can be sure I’ve left no possibility unconsidered?”
I can’t stop a bit of an edge from creeping into my voice. “Not when you called the strategies I favor ‘nonsense’ and ‘bullshit,’ no.”
My husband blinks. For a second, I could almost believe he doesn’t remember the insults he hurled at me.
Perhaps he doesn’t. Perhaps it was merely one of many dressing-downs he delivered in the course of that day, no more significant than the breath he just took.
“Ah.” He swipes his hand past the scar on his lip. “I see your point. No wonder you’ve been upset.”
My fingers ache from the strain of not digging them into the cushion in frustration. “I never said I was upset. I’m trying to ensure you’re as happy as possible with my part in this marriage.”
Marclinus sighs and leans back on the bench, folding his arms loosely over his chest. “What if what I need from you varies somewhat from day to day?”
“Then I suppose I’ll do my best to keep up. But it is difficult to be sure when what you appear to welcome one day turns out to have gravely offended you.”
I’m not a fucking mind-reader, you infuriating prick.
Marclinus waves his hand dismissively. “I wasn’t offended. Sometimes I may be more extravagant with how I express myself than is strictly accurate. It was a long day with trying news, and I was not in the mood right then to be challenged.”
I can’t hold back the question that’s clawed by my throat. “Are you suggesting that I shouldn’t take you at your word?”
“I’m suggesting that you need to learn how to determine what I’m really getting at. And not be offended yourself if I’m not perfectly polite.”
“I’m doing my best. It would be appreciated if you’d be forgiving when I err, especially at this early stage in our marriage. And if you understand why I might prefer to make those errors on the side of caution rather than risk provoking hostile moods.”
With the last words tumbling out, I snap my mouth closed. My heart stutters in a sudden panic.
I haven’t been quite that forceful with him before. I managed not to outright criticize him, but the implicit chiding isn’t exactly subtle.
My husband’s eyes have narrowed. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d have made it through all those trials only to be crushed by a few harsh words.”
Is that all he thinks he’s punished me with over the past few weeks?
I push a demure smile onto my face. “I’m quite all right. As I said, I simply wish to see you content and to serve you as well as I can.”
His cool gray gaze lingers on me through several more beats of my heart. I’m afraid to look away.
Something shifts in Marclinus’s expression with a twist of his mouth. “I may have been overly extravagant with my demands on Accasy’s breamwood trade as well. Obviously doubling production would be over-stretching. I was merely making a point. A ten percent or so expansion should be more than satisfactory. ”
So he can decipher that I have reasons beyond my own comfort to be concerned about his moods. The punishment still stings when I’d hoped to decrease the pressure Dariu is putting on my family’s kingdom, but I’ll take the small win for what it is. “I’m sure my former people will happily fulfill that request.”
Marclinus adjusts his position restlessly as if he’s not completely satisfied with my response. “You do need to recognize that I’m the ultimate authority in the empire. The decisions are mine and mine alone to make, regardless of what we’ve discussed. Any great leader must have the ability to change his or her mind as circumstances call for it.”
He already thinks of himself as a “great” leader, does he? I wonder what the Lavirians his soldiers are stringing up would say about that.
“I wouldn’t want you to do anything you feel is bad policy,” I reply. “When I ask questions, it’s so I have the full picture. I much prefer knowing what’s going on around me to being kept in the dark, whether I have any say in what’s happening or not. And I think I can be a better partner to you the more I’m aware.”
“Yes. That’s reasonable.” Marclinus brushes his unruly golden curls away from his forehead, his gaze sliding away from me. “I’ve prepared for this position for a long time, but the promotion was rather… sudden. I’ve gained many vital duties and lost the one person I fully trusted for guidance all in one swoop. It will take a little time before my footing is perfect. I appreciate your patience while I find the right balance.”
That almost sounds like an apology—or far closer to one than I’ve ever gotten from him before, in any case.
It’s my turn to blink at him, just for a second before I gather myself. “Patience is one of my greatest virtues. You can thank my dedication to Elox for that.”
A thin but definite smile stretches Marclinus’s lips. “I should never discount the wisdom of any of the godlen. And your input has generally been both thoughtful and relevant.”
He glances down at his wrist, his fingers grazing the gold band that symbolizes our marriage vows. “We are meant to be a partnership. Perhaps what would serve both our interests best is if I ask you for your opinions when I’m sure I can give them due consideration, and you believe that if I do ask you outright, I mean to consider them?”
When his eyes meet mine again with a glimmer of warmth shining in them, a lump rises in my throat.
In this moment, he sounds genuine. But after all the cruelty he’s shown in the past, after the many times he’s turned on me on a whim, how can I possibly trust him?
Neither I, the men I love, nor the countries we hope to protect will be safe until this man is ashes like his father. Him being slightly nice to me for a minute changes nothing.
But I should take the opportunity to touch on one delicate subject I’m going to have to address sometime.
I offer a soft smile in return. “That sounds like a fair compromise. May I ask your opinion on something?”
“What’s that?”
“You expressed some misgivings about my participation in the confirmation rites. I had planned on completing the final two as well. If it’s your wish that I abstain, so be it, but I worry about the impression that will give our people.”
Marclinus nods slowly, his eyes going distant as he thinks through the implications. “It might seem as if you backed down out of fear—or lacked the commitment to see them all through.”
At least he’s clever enough to put those pieces together.
My smile tightens. “Exactly. I wouldn’t want to tarnish the start of your reign with an empress who’s seen as not only a bad omen but weak or fickle as well.”
“You’ve certainly made some progress toward turning that first perception around.” He chuckles. “And I’m curious to see what you make of the final two rites. If I seem irritable about it later, simply remind me of this conversation.”
And hope that he doesn’t claim it was all a lie?
I’m hardly reassured, but I can’t ask for more approval than that. Whatever happens in the future, I’ll deal with it then.
Right now, in this strange moment, the silence that falls between us in the carriage feels nearly companionable.
Why couldn’t he be this man—arrogant and demanding, yes, but also contemplative and open to some small compromise—all of the time? I could tolerate being married to that man for the rest of my life, finding my ways of working alongside him.
As it is, I never know how quickly he’ll go back to poisoning me or mocking my moral standards.
He’s worn down the vast stores of patience I do possess bit by bit…
My fingers close around the spine of the book. Maybe that’s the beginning of a strategy right there.
I don’t have to knock him down in one blow. I can prick at him gradually, weaken him in some subtle way that’ll only matter in the face of a supposed accident.
All I need to do is determine what sort of accident he might happen to stumble into with the right nudge.