Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Aurelia
A s I slink through the dim passages within the walls, a twinge runs through my belly, reminding me of the disappointing news I’m bearing. I swallow hard and push myself onward.
As soon as I saw Marclinus leaving this evening’s entertainments with one of the court ladies, I signaled to the princes to meet me in our hidden room after a couple of bells. I hadn’t been counting on returning to my chambers only to discover a splotch of red in my drawers.
I descend the stairs, rubbing my nose against the tickle of dust, and set my jaw. One lost month isn’t much. It’ll be a pleasure just getting to spend time with the men I love without the pressure of watching eyes.
I tell myself that, fixing a determined smile on my face as I ease aside the panel to step into the room. But the moment I see my three lovers’ faces brighten in the glow of lanternlight, a burn comes into my eyes.
Raul’s expression turns fierce in an instant. “What’s wrong, Aurelia?”
I blink hard, willing back the threatening tears. “It’s nothing particularly startling. These things take time. I started my monthly bleed.”
The two nights of closeness we ended up sharing back in the Ubettan palace weren’t enough. I’m not yet with child.
I don’t need to spell that out to my men. Lorenzo comes straight to me and slips his arm around my waist, drawing me against his well-built frame. Bastien steps near enough to cup my cheek and offer a kiss.
“We have time,” he says. “And we’ll get plenty more chances.”
Raul makes a gruff sound and claims my mouth the moment Bastien eases back. He stays at my side, stroking his fingers over my hair while Lorenzo dips his head close enough to rest his cheek against my temple. “I can’t see why the godlen wouldn’t bless you of all people with a child quickly. Who would be a kinder, more patient mother than our Shepherdess? And you have a much bigger worthy cause on top of that!”
I make a face. “I don’t know how many of the godlen consider murdering the emperor a ‘worthy cause.’”
Bastien lifts his chin. “They don’t get to decide our lives. If they have a problem with getting rid of Marclinus, they should have guided him to be a better human being.”
Their emphatic support brings a trace of my smile back despite the melancholy lingering around my heart. “I was just hoping we could already be on our way. We’re not even really started yet.”
Lorenzo tightens his embrace. “You have all your skills, and all of ours as well, as much as you need them. Nothing ever holds you back for long.”
His comment about my skills sends inspiration tingling through my head. I’ve never put my gift to this particular purpose before, but— “I could brew a fertility potion. I should have thought of that to begin with! It isn’t exactly healing , but it’s close enough…”
I drift away from the men as I reach to my gift, focusing on the purpose of encouraging a new life to take hold in my womb. Images of the necessary ingredients and the ways to prepare them flit behind my eyes.
One draws me up short. “Oh. It never occurred to me to keep a supply of socha.” Probably because up until now, I’ve been much more focused on preventing pregnancy than encouraging it.
The princes have watched my pacing. Raul cocks his head. “Will it be hard to get your hands on some?”
“Not exactly… It’s a sort of moss that grows only on the trunks of evergreen trees. Pale green with a star-like shape to the leaves and tiny orange flowers. I’ve seen it in the woods here on the imperial grounds at least once.”
Bastien nods. “I know the kind you mean. I’ve definitely come across it.”
“I don’t think it has much medical use other than encouraging fertility, though.” I suck my lower lip under my teeth as I think over the implications. “And it’s not the sort of plant I might be gathering simply for decoration. I’m not sure I want my guards wondering what I’m up to and mentioning it to Marclinus. When I do get pregnant, it should seem like the natural course of things, not something I went out of my way to ensure.”
I don’t want there to be any chance at all of someone tying my future child to a plot to murder the emperor shortly thereafter .
Bastien catches my hand with a brief squeeze. “You don’t even need to worry about that. I can go find some right now and bring it back to you without any guards being the wiser. It’s not as if I have a host of them following me around.”
Of course. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not mired in this awful situation on my own.
I grip his hand tightly in return before letting it go. “Thank you. You don’t have to gather it right away—it won’t matter for several more days at least?—”
“Better to get it done now while I definitely have the chance to bring it to you unnoticed.” He lowers his head for another swift kiss and heads into the hidden passage.
As I watch the panel shut behind him, another uneasy thought rises up. “We’re going to be leaving for Rexoran to carry out Creaden’s confirmation rite soon. Another week on the road each way and who knows how long at that imperial residence without being able to reach each other through secret hallways.”
“We have other ways of getting around the guards’ notice,” Lorenzo reminds me. “We’ve seen for sure that yours can’t detect magic. As long as Marclinus isn’t nearby, I can use my gift to conceal you.”
I touch his cheek, warmed by the affection shining in his dark eyes even if I doubt his suggestion will be carried out so easily. “Whisking me away right under their noses will be quite a feat.”
He smiles. “You’ve only seen a few glimpses of what I’m capable of.” He glances toward Raul. “I think our empress could use cheering up. Why don’t I give her a trip to more familiar ground?”
I knit my brow. “What do you mean?”
Lorenzo brushes a kiss to my temple. “I’ve been doing a little different reading from usual. There are a few accounts from delegates and other travelers who ventured up to the wild north. One of them even included little paintings in her journal. I just won’t be able to concentrate enough to create my voice while I’m also doing this…”
The room around me shimmers. The dull walls and pieces of worn, mismatched furniture fade away.
Suddenly I’m seeing bronze fixtures beaming from walls of dark wooden paneling topped by leaf-patterned wall paper. The floor has transformed into a matching polished wood. A vast hearth crackles with a cheery fire, and a thick-beamed ceiling arches high above our heads.
I lose my breath. Everywhere I look, I pick up on more familiar details: the treetop imagery etched in the mantle over the fireplace, the sturdy style of the side table holding a carafe of some beverage.
Even the air tastes almost right. A hint of pine and woodsmoke winds through its coolness.
It’s not exact. But if I woke up in this place instead of having it created around me out of much drabber surroundings, I’m not sure how quickly I’d realize it’s an illusion.
I spin around, absorbing every facet of the conjured space with a soaring sensation inside me. “This is incredible. It looks just like a common room in one of the noble houses back in Accasy.” My gaze darts back to Lorenzo. “You captured it so well.”
One corner of his lips curves upward again. I can only imagine how much effort it’s taking to produce such a solid and detailed illusion. No wonder he can only speak with his hands while he’s doing it.
His fingers curl between us. All for you.
With a tick of his head, music winds through the room—the usual sprightly melody of the imperial court dance, not an Accasian song, but he wouldn’t have been able to learn an entire musical style from a few sparse records .
Lorenzo holds out his hand to me with a questioning gesture. May I have this dance?
All I can do is let out a giddy laugh and twine my fingers with his.
None of this is real. Not the music or the achingly familiar imagery of home or the impression that we’re free to dance together without any fear of consequences.
But this temporary, illusionary escape is the best gift I can imagine getting right now, reality being what it is.
We glide around the room, Lorenzo resting one hand on the small of my back. He draws me close against his toned chest and nuzzles my hair at a lull in his conjured music. When his mouth grazes my skin, I tip back my face to welcome a fuller kiss.
Raul clears his throat, watching the two of us from the side of the room with an amused expression. “I think you’ve gotten to show off enough. Our empress deserves a chance to dance with all of us away from prying eyes.”
As Lorenzo releases me with a friendly grin, I arch my eyebrows at the prince of Lavira. “It often seems your eyes—and gift—are doing much of the prying.”
“Hmm.” He leans in, tucking me flush against his massive frame in a way we’d never dare in front of the court. “I’ll never venture farther than you want me, Shepherdess. I just intend to keep ensuring you want me everywhere.”
His suggestive tone sends an eager shiver over my skin, even though I hadn’t planned on letting tonight’s encounter get very intimate.
As we step with the music, Raul teases his fingers all the way down my spine to my ass and up again. “What else would we do if you brought us home with you? Other than taking plenty of tumbles in your wild northern bed, of course.”
I let out a soft snort, though I’m sure he isn’t wrong .
My thoughts drift beyond the imagery Lorenzo has crafted. “I’d show you the big wild woods we’re fond of—much more breathtaking than the tame imperial forest. Hold a festival in the capital so we could dance among the city folk rather than ringed off by guards. We’ve some gifted musicians of our own.” I aim a smile at Lorenzo over Raul’s shoulder. “And you’d have to sample treats from all my favorite bakeries and cafes in town…”
“Hmm. I think we’ll have to make that dream real someday too.”
I tip my head against the massive man’s shoulder, tamping down a pang of homesickness. “I’d like that. And I’d like to see all of your homes too.”
Raul chuckles. “I can just picture you politely sparring with my parents and sisters. The fiercest of diplomats, all of you. But of course I’d have to whisk you off to have you all to myself for a little while. There’s this secluded cove along the lakeshore where we could tuck ourselves away…”
He dips his head to nibble a path down the side of my neck, and a gasp slips out of me. I’m starting to think maybe the mess of stripping down in my current state would be worth it when Lorenzo reclaims me.
The prince of Rione’s eyes shine as I rest my hands on his chest. His thumb strokes a gentle line over my ribs.
I beam back at him. “I already know a little of what you’d like to share of your home. The picture you painted with words during the rite of Prospira was beautiful.”
Lorenzo lifts one hand so he can sign his answer. More beautiful with you there.
Even after everything that’s already passed between us, a blush warms my cheeks.
I dance with him through another song and then sway back to Raul, letting everything but the illusion fade away. Then the panel in the wall slides open .
With a startled laugh, Bastien passes into the illusion, gaping at the imagery conjured around him. He aims a crooked smile at Lorenzo. “I didn’t know you were planning a party.”
Not planned , his foster brother answers. A sheen of sweat has formed on his forehead, but he adds, I can hold it so you can dance too.
“I’m not going to refuse that offer.”
Bastien turns to me as Raul releases me without complaint—though with a provocative caress of my thigh. The prince of Cotea presents me with a small cloth carry-bag. “I thought you’d want something discreet to keep it in. I hope I brought enough.”
I tug the bag open to check the lumps of socha moss inside and grab Bastien in a hug. “It’s plenty. Thank you so much.”
He embraces me tightly in return. “It’s to all our benefit too. Now how about that dance?”
I haven’t twirled around the room with Bastien since our last dance when Emperor Tarquin collapsed. Perhaps he’s remembering that too, because as he sets his hand on my waist, his expression turns briefly solemn. “It should always have been like this. It should always be like this. One way or another, we’ll make it happen.”
I grasp his shoulder, wishing I never had to let go. “I won’t stop trying until we get there.”
After our second dance, the traces of strain in Lorenzo’s face have deepened—his jaw flexing, a crease forming in his brow. It’s a complex illusion to maintain for so long.
I step back from all of the men, my joy bittersweet. “Let’s end this wonderful evening here. I shouldn’t stay away from my room for too long.”
The trappings of an Accasian parlor fall away, leaving the abandoned servants’ room that looks even drabber now. A sigh slips from Lorenzo’s lips.
I grasp his hand to emphasize how much I loved his offering. “It was lovely. I had no idea… No one really knows how much you’re capable of, do they? Have you even told your family about your real gift?”
He shakes his head and answers with his hands. Safer if secret. They’d still think I’m broken.
I bristle instinctively. “You’re not broken .”
They see it that way. Can’t talk long even with gift. Tires me out.
“That shouldn’t matter. You can express yourself in all kinds of ways.”
Lorenzo shrugs and cups my face with one hand while he swivels the other. I don’t care. This is my family now.
He indicates the other two men and me. A lump rises in my throat. “It’s an honor to be part of it.”
When I step toward the panel, Raul joins me. “We’ll see you back to your apartment like the gentlemen we supposedly are.”
Bastien and Lorenzo follow without complaint. As we weave through the shadowy passages, we drop our voices to mere murmurs.
“I did get a chance to do some research into the Creaden rite,” Bastien tells me. “Unfortunately, the information I found is about as vague as with the Prospiran one. It sounds as if you’d be leading citizens in some way—that might be metaphorical—and as if it relies a lot on your sight. There were multiple references to ‘seeing the right path’ and ‘discerning the route.’”
I consider those details. “I can probably concoct some kind of ‘cure’ that’ll sharpen my eyes temporarily. Let me know if you come across any other descriptions.”
“Of course. ”
“And we’ll keep doing what we can to encourage support for you as empress,” Lorenzo says, his illusionary voice a little rough after the energy he’s already expended.
I shoot him a nervous look. “Be careful not to be too overt.”
His smile turns sly. “My gift makes subtle nudges much easier.”
“I can pull off a trick or two myself,” Raul puts in. “What I’ve mainly been trying to figure out is how we’re going to topple that prick when we’re ready.”
That is the big question that’s haunted me too. I worry at my lip. “How did the four of you expect to do it back when you were making your own plans?”
Bastien answers for his foster brother. “Come at him with all our gifts in quick succession—an illusion to startle, a shadow solidified so he’d trip, a gust of wind pushing him in an unfortunate direction… Something like that. But it wouldn’t work. He has protection from any kind of direct magic as well as from blades and other weaponry. And we need it to look like an accident. How?—”
He cuts his hushed voice off completely at a much louder remark that reverberates through the wall up ahead, just beyond the panel leading to my room.
It’s Marclinus’s spirited tone. “Here you go. I’ve brought you some company while I enjoy my wife’s!”
He must be talking to my guards—referring to his own staying outside with them while he comes in.
My heart lurches. “I have to get back into my room.”
Raul is already lunging ahead down the passage. As he presses the spot to open the hidden panel, I dash after him.
There’s no time for good-bye kisses or even a loving glance. I spring out onto the rug next to the bed, the panel whirs into place behind me—and my bedroom door swings open .
Marclinus saunters in with a jaunty stride. I smooth the skirt of my dress and smile through the racing of my pulse.
Am I flushed from that last short dash? Gods help me, where would we be now if I’d returned even half a minute later?
This is the first time my husband has called on me after he’s seemed to take up with other women for the night. I’ll have to be even more cautious about my clandestine meetings in the future.
“Husband,” I say, managing to smooth my nerves out of my voice. “What a wonderful surprise.”
Marclinus cocks his head. “What are you up to, just standing around here?”
His tone sounds teasing, not suspicious. I think I’m all right… for now.
I meander over to my trunks and toss the bag with the socha into one. “Oh, just sorting through some of my things before I turned in for the night.”
My husband ambles up behind me and slides his arm around my waist. “No turning in for a little while yet, wife. I’m in need of your attentions.”
Of course he is. I force a sweet smile and flick my finger over my ring. “Anything to serve my emperor.”