Chapter 33
Sophie
Luka leaves after breakfast, leaving me with Ivan again. He sits in a velvet armchair, one of the two which they brought down from upstairs.
Even though I feel safer when Luka’s here, a part of me is glad he had to leave.
It gives me time to organize the massive mess that is my mind.
I fluff the pillows as best as I can to make some support for my back and sit on the bed.
The book on my lap serves as a cover, but my eyes aren’t focused on it.
My scientific mind now knows three things for sure.
First, spanking is an awesome relief from emotional trauma, just like the book in my lap suggested. The skin of my ass is still sensitive, but it’s much tamer than the wounds I’d inflict upon myself.
Second, I think I’ve bonded to Luka in some inexplicable way.
On some subconscious level, I feel protected next to him.
Like nothing could hurt me. It could be the small scraps of decency he’s shown me since I’ve been here, or his sheer size, but I don’t think that’s it.
He wants to protect me. That part is still a hypothesis I haven’t fully tested, but it’s one I can’t expel from my brain.
Third, I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt so alive.
It’s stupid. I’m held hostage in a sex dungeon.
I was almost raped only two days ago. And somehow, my anxiety is lower than usual.
My mind is quieter. My appetite is great.
And my body is jittery with the need to work out, something that never happens organically.
Dropping the act, I close the book and put it aside, jumping down from the bed. Ivan glances up from his phone, surprised by my sudden movement.
“I’m going to work out a bit.” I point my thumb back and he looks at me with suspicion.
Luckily, he drops his gaze to his phone and I jump into a plank position. I hold it for 30 seconds, counting in my head before starting 12 reps of plank to push-ups. It’s possibly too much since I haven’t exercised in a while, but I’m pumped for this. A feeling I don’t remember.
Ivan eyes me with curiosity, yet I ignore him.
Even though I’d prefer music, I let the sound of my breath lead me.
After plank to push-ups, I continue with mountain climbers.
My chest gets slick with sweat as my heartbeat picks up.
I move on to regular push-ups and even though I had more things in mind, my body betrays me.
Fifteen push-ups in, I drop to the floor, unable to lift myself back up.
“Shit,” I mutter, realizing that the floor is absolutely disgusting under my cheek. I jump to my feet and start for the bathroom.
The scalding water washes the sweat and dirt off me, my heart still pumping wildly. I dry myself with a towel, trying not to think of last night, when Luka was the one drying me off. Dressed in clean clothes, I exit the bathroom, only to find Ivan gone, Luka now sitting in his chair.
My heart skips a beat. “You’re back.”
He smirks. “I heard you worked out.”
“Yeah. Just a few exercises, though. I’ve gotten out of shape since I’ve been here.”
Something flashes in his eyes. Something like regret. He drags both armchairs to the small table and drops into one. It’s then I notice two coffee cups sitting on it. Once again, my heartbeat picks up and I get my ass into the chair across from him.
Oat milk, says my cup, making me smile.
“You’ve been working out for long?” he asks, as the first sip of coffee hits my taste buds. Just like the one that Nina brought, it’s amazing.
“A little under a year.” I lick the foam from my lips and his eyes catch the movement. “It’s the only exercise regime that worked for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have a hard time motivating myself for simple things.” I drop my gaze to the side. “Like eating, or working out, or getting out of the house.”
When I dare look up, I notice how his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Do you have someone in your life? Someone you talk to?”
“I do. My cousin Alex. She’s also my best friend. We talk pretty much every day. Even though she currently lives in Vegas.” My lips turn up of their own accord.
“She sounds great.”
“She can be overbearing at times, but I get it. Considering my history, it makes sense that she feels the need to check on me.” I feel vulnerable, exposing things about myself, but I can hardly help it. Something about him makes me want to open up.
I lied when I said I only wanted relief from nightmares last night.
I wanted to feel him next to me. On me. In me.
It’s another thing that’s not typical for me.
I was never really relaxed enough to want to have sex.
The few times I did, it was more of an experiment, trying out something that a healthy adult should do.
But last night, it was all I could think about.
I lied because telling the truth would make no sense. He’d get paranoid I’ll fall in love with him. His guilt would consume him, knowing he’s keeping me here. Meaning some distance needs to be put between us. Because as much as he wants to protect me, I want to protect him, too.
And I’m guessing developing a romantic relationship with the girl he has in captivity wouldn’t work out for anyone.
His uncle’s men are obviously dangerous, and he already has a target on his back after killing the bastard who attacked me. I still want to leave, but I can’t let him save me. No, I need to work on that myself.
Taking a sip of coffee, he places the cup in front of him, and I suggest the only thing I can think of. “Chess?”
His lips turn up in a smile that looks almost boyish, and my chest flutters. The newly developed will to live is a great motivator, but these confusing emotions will likely be a detriment for my thinking processes. I’ll need to get a handle on them.