Chapter 34
Luka
Sophie seems distracted as we play but she’s not half as distracted as I am. I’m sneaking glances at her, marveling at the girl in front of me.
Her nose scrunches as she tries to concentrate, and she looks adorable. I resist the urge to shake my head, thinking about how wrong I’ve judged her. I thought of her as boring. Insignificant. All the while, she was fighting her demons day after day.
She’s absolutely incredible. To go through what she did and come out in one piece. To fight through the nightmares and the pain and the scars that her memories inflicted upon her.
“I’m sorry about your dad,” she says, glancing up at me.
“You had nothing to do with it.”
“Regardless. Seems like you were close.”
My throat starts to constrict so I clear it. “Yeah, we were. He was an amazing father.” And I fucking miss him.
“And your mom? Are you close?”
“She died giving birth to me.” What’s that stuck in my throat?
Her head draws back. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
Losing my mother made a hole in my heart I haven’t managed to fill. Even though I never met her, let alone watched her die a violent death in front of my very eyes. How did Sophie survive?
I take her rook with my bishop and ask a question that’s been plaguing my mind since I broke into her apartment. “You and your dad aren’t close?”
The scrunch of her nose relaxes with surprise. “That’s an understatement,” she huffs. “I had to stay with him until I turned eighteen, but I got out as soon as I could.”
I inhale deeply, calming myself for my next question. “Was he… was he bad to you?”
She shoots me a smile, but her eyes are down turned.
“I was a total daddy’s girl growing up. We used to play chess for hours.
” I remember her telling me that. “He was super smart. And I wanted to absorb everything he could teach me.” She looks down, only to checkmate me with her queen.
“Turns out I knew nothing about him. I had no idea he was involved in anything remotely dangerous. He was an accountant, for fuck’s sake.
After Mom’s murder, he tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I wasn’t interested in anything he had to say.
He might have not been the one to pull the trigger, but he was the one responsible for her death.
” I swallow, knowing exactly what she means.
“I think he saw I needed help, but it’s not like he could have taken me to a therapist without exposing what he was involved in.
” She places the pieces back into the starting position, so I do the same.
“I haven’t spoken to him since I left. So I don’t think you’re going to get what you’re hoping for.
I doubt he’ll sacrifice himself for me.” She looks around the room and my chest tightens.
How could anyone not do her best not to save her?
“But you got out? Started a career and everything?”
“Yeah.” This time, her smile is a little less sad. “I finished high school and college early, working my ass off just to get away from him. Funny thing, once I got away, I’ve gotten worse.”
“What do you mean?”
“I had a goal before that. To leave. And I put all my mental capacity into achieving that. Once I got out, I was lost.” She shrugs.
“Everyday things like brushing my teeth or eating became hard. Leaving the house became impossible. That time, I saw a therapist. She gave me some medication, which helped, but once again, I couldn’t tell her the full story. ”
She was scared. She still probably is.
“For the last ten years, it’s been an uphill battle with depression and anxiety. I read a million research articles about it and found some things that really helped.”
“Like exercising?”
“Yeah, like exercising. My dog, Alan, as well. He’s the one who saved me.” Her eyes turn glossy.
I clench my fist on the table, a knot forming in my stomach. “Alan is fine,” I mumble under my breath, unable to keep the words in.
“What?”
“Alan is taken care of,” I say, just slightly louder.
“How do you know?”
I connect my gaze with hers, trying to convey the message telepathically. “You’re just going to have to trust me on this.”
She stares at me for a second before dipping her head. “I trust you.”
The knot in my stomach unravels, its loose ends fluttering.
I want to tell her that Alan is happy. I want to tell her he made a great new friend, and they haven’t let me enter my apartment in peace ever since.
But I don’t want to give away too much. Because the more time passes, the more I realize she’s my soft spot.
And if that information came into the wrong hands, it would put her in serious danger.
If I stay, I’ll tell her. I can’t look at her gorgeous eyes wet with tears and not try to make it better. I need to leave.
Taking the phone out of my pocket, I pretend there’s an emergency I need to take care of. I text Ivan to get down here immediately.
“Sorry, I have to go,” I say, getting up from the chair.
“Could you tell me what time it is?” she asks, stopping me in place.
“Yeah, sure. It’s 4:15.” My brows narrow.
“Thank you.” Her eyes lift like I did something special.
Her gratitude cuts into my chest. A knock sounds at the door, and I let Ivan in, not daring to look back at her before leaving.
By some miracle, no mafia emergencies are currently happening. At least not ones that I’m involved in. So I enter the car and make my way home. A ray of sunshine shines right through my windshield, making me think of Sophie, who hasn’t seen the sun in a month.
“Fuck,” I grunt, shaking the steering wheel.
After everything she’s been through, I’m doing this to her. I step on the gas, wanting to get out of the sun. If she can’t enjoy its warm glow, neither should I.
My mood is a mess when I step into my place. Two sets of paws scrape the marble floors in a rush before Hades and Alan jump on me. Hades does his signature three jumps to get my attention while Alan focuses on sniffing me. Today, he whimpers as he sniffs me, letting out a few small barks.
He found her.
I scratch under his head, whispering, “She’s okay. Sophie’s okay. I’m going to make sure of that.”
This promise I made to a dog is not one I plan to break.
Because finding Landers doesn’t matter anymore. Getting revenge is irrelevant. What matters most is keeping her and my family safe.
Which is far more complicated than freeing her from the dungeon I’ve put her in. If I free her, I put my family in danger. I also put her in danger because I’m pretty sure the Russians would find her next, so they could control Landers.
No, I’ll need to be strategic about this.
I need to figure out how to set her free and keep her safe. Restless energy pumps through me, making relaxing uncomfortable, so I get up and head to my home gym. I used to spend hours here, but it was during a calmer time. When Father was still alive and shit in my life made sense.
I remove the protective sheet from the punching bag hanging in the middle of the room and on a sharp exhale, hit it with all my might. My knuckles scream with pain, but I repeat the same thing, not bothering to wrap them.
Rhythmic thuds of my fists connecting to the bag echo in the otherwise silent room. Visions of me turning Zvone’s head to goo invade my mind, spurring me on. Killing him was such a poor man’s comfort. I want to do it again. And again. And again.
A drop of blood falls to the floor and I realize my knuckles have split open. I huff a loud breath, deciding it’s enough exercise for today.
The dogs jump on me as soon as I exit the gym. I grab a quick shower to wash the blood and grime off me and take them for a walk.
I wish Sophie were here with us. I wish I could tell her exactly where Alan was. But I don’t want her thinking I’m a good man. Not while I’m hurting her. I don’t deserve it.
Still, my feet carry me into a store, desperate to give her every bit of comfort I can.