CHAPTER 16
Aidan stared absently at the glowing screens. In one hand he held a glass of whiskey while the fingers of his other hand held a cigarette.
The room was already dark and the only light that illuminated the room was the light from his two computer monitors.
The files from the last case he worked on were hanging open, but Aidan hadn’t bothered to look into them. His head was already spinning from all the amount of alcohol he had consumed, but he continued to drink the honey-colored liquor anyway.
Min-Jun.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the young man even when he tried to drown his memories in alcohol.
“Min-Jun…” he closed his eyes and sighed loudly, throwing his head back. “Min-Jun,” he voiced Min-Jun’s name again. He took another heavy sigh as he recalled their shared moments.
Why do I feel this way?
His heart clenched once again.
I… I don’t want to feel like this.
He straightened up again and filled his glass. He pressed it to his lips and downed the liquor in one go. He grimaced and groaned from the burning sensation and filled the glass one more time. He didn’t intend to stop drinking until he felt his old self again.
It will pass… It will all pass. It has to.
The alcohol kicked in, and in his head swirled, and the memories overflowed him. Aidan put the glass away and lowered his head on the table and covered it with his hands. He was unable to control his thoughts at that point.
“Why? Min-Jun… Why? Why you?” he muttered under his breath.
Memories of them together flashed before his eyes: He saw Min-Jun ride his dick.
Then how he was taking Min-Jun from behind.
Min-Jun sucking his dick while he worked.
Him pounding into Min-Jun in the shower stall.
His dick stiffened at those recollections, but at the same time his heart tightened when he remembered the way Min-Jun kissed him and touched him.
The way he smiled at him whenever they saw each other.
The way his heart picked up its pace and butterflies fluttered in his belly whenever Min-Jun entered his room.
Aidan bit his lips and his eyes became misty when his heart squeezed in pain.
“Fuck it! I don’t need you!” He pulled away from the table holding the glass and threw it across the room, shattering it into pieces.
“Arrgh!”
The bottle fled right after.
“I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone!” Aidan yelled at the top of his lungs then his yells turned into sobs.
He tried his best to stop thinking about Min-Jun when all of a sudden one of his least desired memories came to the surface: He was only three when he fell and cut his knee on the concrete floor.
He remembered the pain and the tears that wet his face.
His mother came out of nowhere and looked at his wound.
She cleaned it carefully and kissed him on the forehead.
It will pass, honey, she said. When you’re all grown up, you won’t even remember this. She added with a smile.
The greatest irony was that he remembered this particular moment very well. And no matter how hard he tried to forget it, he simply couldn’t. He still remembered his mother’s scent and the warmth of her hug.
“Why did you leave me?” Aidan asked no one as tears began rolling down his face.
After all these years, Aidan couldn’t understand why his parents gave him up.
Especially his mother. He never found out the reason for his adoption.
One day he ended up in a strange house, and his parents never came back to get him.
The sadness and disappointment he felt couldn’t be measured.
The pain and feeling of emptiness were never relieved.
Even after all these years he felt a hole in his chest but only when Min-Jun appeared in his life, it suddenly subsided - and now when he was gone - it all came crashing back.
“Why did you hate me so much?” Aidan slid off the chair onto the floor, wishing to disappear.
***
Aidan stopped in front of the door and knocked. He waited a few seconds then knocked one more time. He took a deep breath and patiently waited, but the door remained closed. He then searched for the doorbell and pressed it. After another few long seconds, the door opened.
Min-Jun looked at him from the other side, the chain preventing the door from fully opening. He narrowed his eyes and asked, “What do you want?”
Aidan’s palms were sweaty in his pockets, but he casually said, “I came to apologize.”
“You’re wasting your time.”
I knew you would say something like this. I don’t really know why I am here.
Aidan tried again anyway. “I want to talk.”
“Well, I don’t want to. Goodbye.” Min-Jun closed the door to his face.
Aidan clenched his fists, stood there for another moment, then left.
***
Another week passed, and Min-Jun saw a suspicious black car parked near his school. He was annoyed because he was almost one hundred percent sure it was Aidan’s car, although he couldn’t see the man anywhere.
As he walked with Ha-Joon to the bus station, he heard a familiar male voice calling his name, “Min-Jun.”
It’s him!
Min-Jun’s heart skipped a beat, and he turned. Aidan stood beside the wall of an older house, hidden from the view.
“Leave me alone.” Min-Jun took a step back.
“I already told you. We need to talk.”
“Well I don’t think we do.”
“Why won’t you listen to me?”
“Just… Leave me be. Okay?”
“I just want to talk. Is it that hard?” Aidan pleaded.
Ha-Joon only looked at them, first at one then at another.
“It is! Since I don’t want to talk to you. And I don’t want to see you anymore.”
“Min-Jun... Please.” Aidan took another step towards him.
Ha-Joon stepped in front of Min-Jun. “You heard him. Go away. Now you’re acting like that stalker you beat on the street.”
Aidan frowned and forced a smile. “I see.” He nodded. “Of course.”
Min-Jun turned, and they left.
When they were further away, Ha-Joon laughed, “At least he thinks I’m your boyfriend.”
“Oh, stop it!”
***
Aidan pushed a dark-haired man into the mattress. The young man moaned and arched his back while Aidan penetrated him roughly from the back.
“Fuck me harder, daddy,” the younger man blurted out in Korean.
“What did you say?” Aidan grunted but the words only made him increase his pace even when he didn’t know their meaning.
The man grinned. “I said I love your dick.”
Aidan pushed the young man’s head back down and imagined it’s Min-Jun instead of this stranger he met online an hour ago. He didn’t even remember the stranger’s name at that point.
“Oh, I’m close! Don’t stop,” the dark-haired man added and groaned in pleasure.
Aidan squeezed his hips and pounded until he felt the walls around him squeeze. He drove his orgasm out as well and pulled out of the slick hole. He collapsed onto the bed next to the man to calm his racing heart.
The young man pulled closer to him and was about to connect their lips when Aidan pushed his face away. “I said no kissing.”
“Aww, come on. I bet you’re a good kisser just as you’re a fucker.” The man smiled and leaned in again.
Aidan shot him a glare. “No.” He pushed himself into a sitting position and sighed, cradling his head.
I will not kiss anyone ever again. Min-Jun would be the last person I ever kissed.