Chapter 13Gavin
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
GAVIN
It’s still relatively early in the day and Jules is tucked comfortably against my side. His hand is under my shirt and he’s mindlessly playing with my belly button. I twist a strand of his hair around my finger over and over again.
After our mutual promise to do our best to make one another happy we fell silent, but our conversation is far from over. There’s still one pretty important thing we need to talk about.
I comb my fingers through his hair and scratch his scalp. He presses into my touch with a soft hum. “How do you feel about kids, Jules? I mean a baby of your own. Is that something you’ve thought about?”
If not, he needs to start thinking about it really hard. With as many times as I fucked his womb and spilled my seed inside of him, the chances of him getting pregnant are high. If he doesn’t want a baby, we can deal with it. There are plenty of private and discreet clinics that take care of omegas who don’t want to carry a pregnancy to term for whatever reason. They won’t ask Jules any questions. Certainly not if his alpha mate is with him.
“I’ve never thought about it. But... someday I’ll probably want one or two.”
I press my face into his hair and inhale. Right now, I can’t smell anything, but the change to his scent won’t happen quickly. If he’s pregnant though it’ll happen, and anyone who catches a whiff of him will know he’s with child—my child, because he smells a little like me now. The longer we’re mated, the more entwined our scents will become.
“Someday might be sooner than you anticipated, sweetheart.”
“Oh. Oh fuck.” He pulls away with wide eyes. “You came inside of me a lot.”
“A lot might actually be an understatement,” I mutter. Every time after the first time I fucked him, I’d pumped his womb full of my seed.
He stands and shoves his fingers into his hair as he paces in front of the sofa. “I can’t have a baby right now. We can’t have a baby. My life is a shit show. I’ll be an awful dad.” He spins to face me, breathing hard as his cheeks flush pink with panic. “Do you even want more children?”
I stand and rub his arms. “Take a breath. I’m not against more children if you want a baby. And you won’t be an awful dad.”
I have no argument against his life being a shit show—up until a few days ago, I suppose his life was a mess. He was homeless, on the run—even now, there’s so much he needs in order to properly settle in Pine Glen. All of that can be handled so he can get his life back on track and focus on what’s next. Of course I’ll help in any way he needs. And not just because he’s my mate now.
“There’s no guarantee that I’m pregnant,” he whispers, eyes bright and a little glassy.
“If you are and don’t want to be, we can visit a clinic?—”
“No.” He shakes his head as he clenches the bottom of my shirt. He looks so young and scared and I feel like the worst sort of bastard. Even if I’d been just as messed up by his pheromones as he had been by mine, I should’ve taken better care of him. Instead, I lost my head like a teenager who doesn’t know any fucking better. “If I am then I am. We’ll figure it out together, right?”
“We will figure it out together,” I promise as I draw him against my chest. He rests his ear over my heart. “But whatever happens, whatever you want, that’s what’s going to happen. I won’t force you to carry or terminate a pregnancy.” I’ll follow his lead, because in the end he’s doing all the work. All I did was enjoy myself and his body.
“If I’m pregnant, I’ll carry to term.” He looks between us and presses a hand to his stomach. “There’s nothing wrong with terminating but that’s just not for me.”
“Okay.” I brush his hair away from his face and press a kiss to his forehead. I don’t have the heart to tell him it’s more of a certainty than not. His heat lasted four days and I didn’t miss a single opportunity to fuck his womb. If he isn’t pregnant that will be the concerning part. “Everything’s going to be okay. No matter what, you’ve got me and mine. You’re going to be just fine.”
“Yeah.” He exhales and presses his face into my shoulder. “Sorry for freaking out.”
I chuckle under my breath and lay my cheek on his hair. The heat of his body seeps through his clothes and into mine. “I think a freakout is warranted. You’ve gone through a lot of big changes in a short amount of time and a baby is just one more thing.”
He’s handling the one-two punch of life remarkably well for someone his age. I hope one day, when he looks back on these moments, he sees how much strength and courage it took to keep moving forward. Even when he wasn’t sure what the path ahead had in store for him.
Jules slips his arms around my middle and peers up at me. “It’s a little scary, but it’s also the first time I’m not alone so I’m feeling a bit brave.”
I cup his face in my hands and press my forehead against his. “You’re never going to be alone again, Jules. I’ve got you now.”
“Will your kids be okay if you’re having another baby?” It’s a valid question.
“If we’re having a baby, they’ll adjust.” All of them will feel some kind of way but aside from Baz, and he doesn’t remember differently, none of them know what it’s like to be an only child. One more sibling is just one more person to make my life hard on any given day. They’ll spoil them and teach them bad habits, and maybe I’ll let this one get away with things I never let Baz, Altair or Callum get away with as my own form of revenge.
Teach your little sibling to swear?
I guess their curfew can be midnight instead of ten thirty.
See how the little shits like that. I can fight fire with fire.
Jules slips his hands under the hem of my shirt. His palms are soft and warm on either side of my spine. “I guess big changes are coming.”
I drop my hand to his mate mark and stroke the bite. “Like I said, it’s not a bad thing.”
“Yeah.” His smile is soft but bright enough it reaches his eyes. Hopeful. “It’s not.”
I wet my lips. “I guess there’s only one more thing we need to knock out of the way.”
He curls against me. “I physically can’t have sex any more right now.”
“No. I figured.” We just spent four days having nearly non-stop sex. It’s going to be a couple more days before I feel comfortable having sex with Jules again, even if he was interested. He needs time to recover. At my age, so do I. “How about a shift? Does your pika want to meet my hawk?”
“Oh. Yeah.” He sounds breathless as his face flushes. “I want to see your shift.”
I brush a kiss across his mouth before I step back and pull my clothes off. “You join me when you’re ready. There’s no rush, and if you don’t feel comfortable shifting you don’t have to. Okay?”
I’m a predator and he’s a prey shifter—a tiny one at that. It isn’t common for our two types to cross mate. Like tends to stay with like—not so much in species these days, but not too many rabbits are married to wolves, or snakes with mice. The power imbalance on top of being an alpha or an omega makes toxic relationships far more likely.
Jules nods and I shake out my limbs before drawing in a slow and steady breath. The shift is familiar and happens quickly. One minute, I’m a man on two legs and the next I’m still on two legs but covered in feathers and much closer to the ground than I like to be when shifted.
It sets my feathers on edge being so low, surrounded by things I can’t see over or around. My hindbrain reminds me that I might be a predator but I’m still prey to plenty of bigger animals. With no easy escape, it isn’t a good feeling. I hop and flap my wings, landing on the coffee table while my mate watches with wide eyes.
What does he think of me? Is he pleased? Do I look strong and regal?
I spread my wings and preen a little as he pulls off his clothes. They join mine in a pile on the floor before he takes his own deep breath. When his shift is over, he’s a tiny, chunky bunch of tawny fur and ears, pressing deep into the carpet as if he has any hope of hiding from my keen eyesight.
I hop from the coffee table and he startles, ears laying flat as he curls into himself with a high noise of distress. I drop, even though it’s awkward and uncomfortable, and spread my wings out beside my body. We’re eye to eye, nose to beak.
Like this, we can’t talk, but I hope he knows I don’t mean him any harm. I’ll never hurt him. He’s so cute; I wish he’d shifted first, just so I could snuggle him a little before I shifted. Maybe get a feel of his tiny twitchy ears. Boop his adorable nose.
I chirp and wiggle closer, tucking my beak into his whiskers.
It takes a second but he relaxes and leans into me before creeping forward, slipping under a wing and pressing against my hollow ribcage. I draw my wing in just enough to make a small burrow for him and tuck my head under. His ears are right there, just... right there.
I nip at one—not hard, but he jerks back with a sharp squeak of fear. A sick and twisted part of me likes it—the predator in me enjoying toying with the prey at my side—but I don’t mean my mate any harm. He doesn’t know that though.
I tuck my beak into the carpet and meet his gaze.
See. I’m harmless. Beakless. He has nothing to worry about.
He uncurls from my side and creeps forward on tiny hesitant paws. I hold perfectly still as he lifts onto his back legs and drops his front paws down just above my beak. If I could smile in this form, I would. Pinned. At his mercy. I suppose that’s accurate enough.
Jules has far more power over me than he realizes.