Chapter 7 – Liam
T he sparkler burns out as my jaw drops. And, my cock hardens. Again. I’ve barely recovered from the hard-on I had in the sauna. Did she just ask me to knock her up? Because, ma’am, I don’t know how we got to this page of the script without me noticing but I am more than willing to-
“God, that came out too abrupt,” Juliana says, shaking her head and smothering a chuckle. “I mean, I’m looking into in vitro fertilization so I can have a child and wanted to know if you’d consider being my sperm donor.”
My jaw is still on the ground, but that spark of hope in my heart (and in my boxer briefs) recedes. Despite the fact I’ve just seen her naked after she touched my cock for the first time - okay, she squished my balls - we have not skipped past the friend zone after all.
“You want a baby. Now?” She nods and the hint of vulnerability in her eyes does things to me, making my chest all achy. “Okay, let’s, uh… talk about this,” I suggest, gesturing for her to sit.
I sound so calm.
I am not remotely calm.
“This is coming out of left field, isn’t it?” she asks, sheepishly.
“Way, way out. Like a homer from a neighboring ballpark landed in my diamond.” She gives me a weak smile at the extended baseball analogy. “I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, honey.”
Except, it doesn’t feel right in my soul.
I know she told me she wanted a baby but, to be honest, I shoved the thought away the past few days because I feared Juliana having a baby would mean someday seeing her with a man who wasn’t me.
She wants to make a baby with me, but she doesn’t want me.
She may have said she loves me earlier, something she’s sworn she wouldn’t say to another man again, but she loves me as a friend .
It fucking hurts even if she doesn’t know how I feel.
“Why now? Why like this?” I ask after she’s taken a seat at the kitchen table. I tried to moderate my tone but I’m not sure I succeeded. I carry the cupcake over to her to show her I’m not angry. I have no reason to be angry.
“Well, I’ve been giving it a lot of thought lately,” she says, gingerly peeling the wrapper away from the cupcake like she always does.
“I’ve wanted to have a child for years now.
I was trying for one before Chad… I get this ache inside me whenever I hold Amelia. It’s something I can’t keep ignoring.”
“And, why am I your choice for the father?”
“A sperm bank might have all the data in the world but they can’t tell me what kind of man their donor is at heart. I know you, Liam. I know your heart.”
Not all of it, I think, sadly.
“You wouldn’t have to worry about being burdened with anything.
I’m financially secure. I have a home. My career allows me freedom with the hours I work.
I have a good support network, and I want so much to love and care for a child of my own.
You won’t be asked to handle diaper duty or math homework or birthday parties or anything at all, I promise. ”
She lifts her eyes to meet mine. I’m her friend, the friend who would merely be the baby daddy and not the dad.
The one who could be set aside someday. The one she doesn’t want to ‘burden with anything’ when it comes to my own kid, not even changing diapers.
Earlier, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven in the sauna.
Now, I feel like my heart’s been backed over a few times and left on the side of the road.
More hurt is bubbling up inside of me and so is anger .
“Anyway, I spoke to Wendy and Nell at dinner the other night-”
“And Miles?” I grit out, surprised my teeth haven’t cracked yet. I can’t fucking see straight at the thought of her talking this over with him instead of me.
Her brow furrows in confusion. “No, I don’t discuss such personal things with-”
“Men?”
She shakes her head at my interruption. “An employee. Liam…”
“I was planning on getting you something more than a cupcake, but a baby isn’t a standard birthday gift, Juliana.”
“I know that,” she snaps and that tell-tale crease between her eyebrows appears. “I just thought that we could talk it over. Rationally. As adults.”
We should discuss it, but my anger is a scratchy sweater I can’t remove or ignore. “What about adoption? Have you really thought this through at all?”
“Sure, adoption could be an option, but it might be harder to get a court to award me custody of a child on my own, and, yes, I’ve thought about this a lot.”
“How long? A couple of weeks?” I ask, sarcastically.
“Longer than that, okay? I know this is a lot to drop on you-”
“Yeah, it is. You squash a man’s balls before his first cup of coffee and then ask for this?” Hurt flashes in her eyes. I’m being a prick. “What’s the rush?” I ask, softening my tone again.
Her defenses are still raised, but she shrugs and pinches off a small bite of the cupcake. “Because I’m thirty-six today.”
“So? Dean’s thirty-six and he’s not starting a family yet.”
Her eyes widen, burning with fury. I am aware there are times my stupid mouth gets me into trouble. This is one of those times.
“Are you shitting me? Why the hell is Dean part of this conversation? In case you slept through Biology class, there’s a big difference between me and your brother. Dean could still father a child when he’s eighty if he wants! His wife can’t have a baby at that age and neither can I!”
“Don’t be so dramatic. You’re nowhere near eighty. Not even halfway there yet.” Hello, Shovel? I’d like to keep digging deeper, please. “I mean, lots of women have children on into their-”
She smashes the cupcake in my face. “At least, it’s not your balls this time,” she snarls, jumping to her feet. I almost laugh until she adds, “Silly me thinking we could have a mature discussion about this. Just forget I asked!”