Chapter 32 - Liam
“I ’ll be right back,” Juliana says, heading to the bathroom. “You’ll be okay?”
“Sure, sure. We’re good.” Amelia has been passed out in her carseat since Wendy and Nell dropped her off fifteen minutes ago. Literally, this kid is dead to the world. Wish I slept that soundly. I take a seat on the sofa, close to where the car seat sits. Watching this kid? A breeze.
Black curls, chubby cheeks and lips all puckered sweetly, she’s a slumbering cherub in her yellow ducky shirt and shorts with the ruffled white socks on her adorable little feet.
Her mothers said we could just let her finish her nap where she was, but she’d want her post-nap comfort bottle once she wakes. Easy-peasy.
Her little brows scrunch up. My heart. Her little hands ball into fists and she stretches, though her eyes are still closed. It’s fucking adorable.
She smacks her lips. That’s a hunger cue, right? I see the bottle stuff sitting on the counter. What do I do with it again? Juliana knows. That’s all I know. Fuck . I glance toward the bedroom, hoping Juliana’s already on her way back from the bathroom.
I stand up and go toward the bottle, but I freeze when there's a quiet grunt from the carseat. Sleep, little one. Pretty please? Taking a step closer, I watch Amelia frown in her sleep… and hear her fart. I clap my hand over my mouth before I can start giggling like a ten-year-old.
Then, Amelia’s eyes open. I’ve been looking forward to those bright eyes opening but not now, dammit. Whose idea was it to leave me alone with a baby?!
Her eyes drift closed. Whew .
Then, they open again. And, they get bigger and bigger and bigger as she stares at me. The guy she’s seen a handful of times and probably doesn’t recognize. Oh shit.
Adults chattering, the door banging closed, a honking horn down the street, none of that phased her. But, the silence and my panicked breathing after I’d been left alone with her for three whole minutes must have rousted her. Maybe they can smell fear, like bees and dogs.
“Juliana?” I whisper, worriedly. She went to pee, said she’d be back in a flash. Flash, my ass. It’s been five minutes. How long does it take to piss, for fuck’s sake? “Juliana?” I repeat, a bit more insistently.
I start to walk toward the bedroom, but I can’t leave Amelia just strapped in that seat and all alone, can I?
She’s blinking up at me, looking so tiny down there on the floor with me looming over her.
I quickly fumble my way through unfastening her from the seat.
She whimpers. “I’m Liam and we’re friends.
Well, I’m your aunt’s, um… friend. It’s-okay, it’s-okay, it’s-okay-today,” I sing-song, trying to convince her as much as myself.
Amelia is not convinced as I scoop her up. She shrieks in terror. The scary, bad man has her and her mommies are nowhere in sight. “Separation anxiety, huh?” Amelia wails in response while my blood pressure skyrockets. “Jules?!”
“Just a sec,” she replies, blithely, as if she hasn’t a care in the goddamn world.
“You want your bottle, I know,” I tell the squawling toddler in my arms. I try to open the container. It tips over, making a huge mess. “Fuck! I mean… shucks .”
“Ooh,” Amelia coos, staring at me warily.
“Great. Two seconds and I’ve taught you the granddaddy of all bad words.”
Amelia’s chin trembles as she attempts to decipher my words. Or decide if I’m a monster about to eat her. She’s going to start crying again (which breaks my fucking heart.)
“Aunt Jules is very bad to leave us this way, isn’t she?”
“Liam!” Juliana snaps from across the room.
“Oh, thank God.”
She bites back laughter at my panicked state. “Clean that up,” she says of the mess on the counter before taking the baby from me.
“Should you be holding her?” I ask, suddenly guilty over passing Amelia to her quicker than a very heavy hot potato.
“She’s twenty pounds. I can handle it. What do you think moms with more than one kid do?”
“Hire a nanny? That’s what my mom did.”
She rolls her eyes. “We’re not hiring a nanny. Not anytime soon at least. What did your mom say about our news by the way? What did your dad say?”
“Um… they were surprised.”
Or, they will be once I actually tell them, I think. I’ve never lied to Juliana before and I don’t know why I would now. I start panic cleaning the mess to avoid more questions and Juliana turns her attention to Amelia.
“Let’s get you another bottle. Amelia-boo, Amelia-boo, cuddly little ducky all fluffed and puffed,” she sings. Amelia is fascinated. Even with tears still clinging to Amelia’s thick eyelashes, her aunt gets a tentative smile.
“What sort of song is that?” I grumble because her singing worked.
“She just doesn’t know you that well yet, Liam, and she’s hit the stranger-danger, separation anxiety age.”
“I know. I read the books,” I keep grumbling as I clean the mess, watching Juliana handle her niece like a pro. I’ve read several parenting books now. None of it has prepared me for five minutes alone with a kid. “You’re going to be a wonderful mom, Jules. Me, on the other hand…”
“You will be a terrific dad.” I huff in disbelief. “Go get in that armchair over there. ”
“Why, so I can disappear behind a newspaper like my grandfather might have and let you handle everything?” She scowls. It’s meant to intimidate. It makes me grin instead, but I still do as she says.
Once I’m seated, she picks up Amelia with the freshly prepared bottle and comes over, taking a seat in my lap. “Juliana… the baby.”
She laughs. “We’re not doing anything naughty, you goof. She’s going to get used to you. She knows me. She trusts me. She’ll see I trust you. Have a little faith.”
Amelia peers around her aunt to stare me down the entire time as she sucks that bottle dry - I’m watching you, pal.
“I’m watching you, too, kid.”
∞∞∞
The following weekend I’ve come in early like usual for Sable’s busiest night but I retreat to my private office instead of spending time with my co-owners. Hudson’s still being a prick lately. I don’t know what his deal is but I’m sick of it.
“Figured you’d be babysitting again to earn some money for the mall,” Santi jokes, stepping in to find me.
I flip him off. “I’ll have you know that the evening turned out to be delightful, and I have a new best friend.
” Earning Amelia’s trust over the course of three hours was the highlight of my week.
Well, that and every second I spent with Juliana.
“She even flexed her little hand, saying ‘bye-bye’ to me when it was time to leave.”
“And, I’ll bet that melted your player's heart faster than anything.”
“It would’ve melted yours, too. But, damn, they’re a lot of work. Much more than cat sitting. I needed a spatula to scoop me off the floor after Wendy and Nell reclaimed Amelia.”
He chuckles, taking a seat across from me. “Children are a lot of work? This is a revelation. ”
“Fuck you.”
“You scared?” he asks next, seriously.
“Hell, yeah. Only a fool wouldn’t be, but… I’m excited. Really excited. Even more so after spending time with one of them.”
“I’m glad, Liam. We wondered if you knew what you were getting into, but I think you’ll manage just fine.”
“God, I hope. Do you think you’ll ever want kids?”
“You know my parents. It’s expected. But, I’d have to want a wife first. Which, no thanks. Did you tell your parents the news yet?”
“Not yet.”
“What did Juliana say when you told her you didn’t yet?” I hang my head. “You dumb fuck,” Santi growls.
“Yeah, I know, I know. I should’ve by now. I just know it’s going to turn ugly.”
Dad was in a foul mood at our dinner and drinking heavily while Mom was talking a hundred miles a minute about some daughter of a friend from the country club she thought I’d like to meet.
I told her I wasn’t interested but should’ve explained why.
Instead, I just sat there wishing I could be anywhere but with two people who barely tolerate each other’s company.
I envied my siblings who’ve given up trying with them.
But, I also felt sorry for Mom for even thinking that.
“So what if it does turn ugly, Liam? It’s not the end of the world.”
“This is rich coming from a fellow parent-pleaser like you,” I mutter.
Santi raises his dark eyebrows. “I believe I resigned from that position a few years ago. Maybe you should, too.”
“Yeah… maybe.”
But, I know it would be the end of my career at Culver if Dad and I really fall out. I suppose since Santi chose his own path he wouldn’t understand, but I’ve pictured myself taking over the family business someday ever since Ethan turned away from that choice.
If I’m honest though, it’s not really the job I’m worried about losing. It’s the idea of finally giving up on having a real relationship with them.
I expect my friend to call me a coward. Instead, Santi changes the subject. “Juliana’s got a big appointment coming up soon, right?”
My dark mood bursts apart like a cloud letting the sunshine through. Her eighteen-week ultrasound is coming up. Both of us are excited to see how the baby’s growing and start narrowing down the list of names on the fridge.
∞∞∞
“It’s cold in here,” I comment as the lights are dimmed.
“Yeah, we freeze in this room,” the tech says, pulling her cardigan on before firing up her enormous machine. “Ready, Juliana?” She nods and my hand reaches for hers in the darkened ultrasound room as the technician rolls the wand over her belly.
The audio kicks in and the quick whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of our baby’s heartbeat surrounds us. The tech takes measurements, talks about the heart, the bones, the brain. Ten fingers, ten toes. I can hardly breathe. The miracle of life squirms and flips on the big screen.
“You’re sure you want to know the gender now, right?” the tech asks, rolling her wand around some more. We nod and Juliana’s grip on my hand tightens. “Okay, Mom and Dad… it’s a little girl.”
I stare at the screen and then Juliana’s huge smile. My knees go weak. “Hang on, Dad. I can get a chair.” I shake my head at the amused tech, determined to be strong for Juliana. To be strong for them both.
“Everything looks perfect, but I’m going to run some of these images by Dr. Mallard before we finish up, Juliana. You two can have a few minutes.”
“A little girl, Liam,” she whispers once we’re alone .
The baby’s heartbeat still echoes around the room.
I’m speechless and overjoyed. I would’ve adored a son, but there’s time for more babies if we want them, and this little girl already has me wrapped around her teeny-tiny pinkie finger.
The only thing that will top this variety of joy is when I finally get to hold her.
Unlike me, Juliana is full of words that simply must come out.
I grin, listening to her rattling on about the scan and what she thinks might be the first flutters of movement she’s been able to detect.
I’m busy pinching myself to ensure it’s not all a dream.
I can’t believe the woman I love more than anything is going to be having my baby in a few more months.
When I finally find my voice, I say the words I’ve been choking back for the better part of three years now. “I love her already… and I love you. I love you so much, Juliana.”
She smiles and pats my hand in response, and I can see the slight panic in her eyes followed by the flash of relief when the tech steps back in a second later so that we’re no longer alone.
The chilly exam room suddenly feels ten times chillier. She didn’t have to say it back. I wouldn’t want her to say it if she didn’t mean it. She doesn’t have to be on the same page as me. But, fuck, I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt wondering if she ever will be.