Chapter 34 – Liam
I wasn’t happy about leaving Juliana even for a handful of days, but Ivy had been in a bad state when she’d called and I’d suggested Ethan’s place.
She’s kept her silence and her secrets, the way she’s done for years, but at least she seems happier.
I hadn’t wanted her disappearing again when she’s trying to start over.
While the time with my siblings has been enjoyable, I hate feeling like I’m torn in different directions when I’d rather devote all my energy to taking care of Juliana.
But, I was still raw over her reaction to my admittance in the ultrasound room.
I needed the break to think, even if I sprang it on her rather suddenly.
Of course, nothing has changed. I love her with every beat of my heart while I have no idea if she’ll ever feel that way about me.
“Jesus,” I mutter, declining Mom’s third call after she insisted I join her and her friend for dinner. I know what she’s up to. I need to have a sit-down with her when I’m back in town. Maybe that would be easier than trying to tell them our news when they’re together.
“Is she still by the lake?” Ethan asks, coming outside to join me at the grill.
It takes me a moment to realize he means our sister. I nod, tending the fresh-caught salmon and accepting the beer he passes me. “I think so. I wish she’d open up to us. I feel like I must’ve done something wrong. The two of us were so close when we were younger.”
“I know, but I should’ve been the one to go to her years ago,” he argues.
“I should’ve dragged her back home or at least made sure she was okay.
I was too busy trying to fulfill my role as eldest and please Dad, an impossible task.
One I’m ashamed to say I dropped in your lap when I ran away from home at the age of thirty-five, Liam. ”
Chuckling, I can’t deny he sort of did that, but I don’t blame him either. “You needed to escape after Pressley tried to crucify you on social media.”
“I needed to get away from her, but the other shit didn’t matter to me,” he says, darkly.
“Dean said she wasn’t good for you. He said she was… like Dad.” I know how he treated my brothers when they were younger. Pressley had that same rage about her though Ethan never admitted anything directly to me.
He sips his beer and watches the sun dipping below the pines. “It’s behind me now. It was years ago.”
I can’t blame him for wanting to stay in this beautiful place, but I wonder if the past really is behind him. His entire life took a one-eighty the day he walked away from the altar. “Maybe I should’ve come to fetch you home.”
“It wasn’t your job. But, my little sister running away from home and dumping my responsibilities on my baby brother-”
“I’m not a baby, Ethan,” I reply, angrily.
“He’s right. He’s not a baby and neither am I,” an even angrier voice says.
“It wasn’t either of your jobs to bring me home and stop blaming yourself for other people’s choices, Ethan.
” We turn to find Ivy has left the lake after all.
She’s clutching her notebook and her dark blue eyes burn through us.
“Is that ready?” she asks me stiffly of the fish.
“Soon.”
She stalks inside after giving us a nod. No matter how much I want to help my family, I suppose I’ll have to wait until they want it.
Over dinner, the atmosphere grows relaxed again. They tease me about being the first of us to have a kid despite being the youngest but not in the way that annoys me. I catch myself waxing on about our little blueberry and Juliana. I sound like a lovesick fool… because I am one.
I wind up confessing I’ve not told Mom and Dad yet while letting Juliana believe I have. “Idiot,” Ivy huffs.
“Thank you for that. And, yes, I am.”
“Is that why you ran off with Ivy to see me then?” Ethan asks, clearing the table.
“I came to support Ivy.”
“You suggested I come see Ethan. You didn’t have to come, too. I wouldn’t think you’d want to be away from Juliana for long right now.”
Ivy’s words stir my guilt… and my defenses. “Fine. If you two don’t want me here-”
“Oh, stop it, Liam. I’m glad you came with me. But, I know how you feel about her.”
“She doesn’t feel the same way about me,” I admit. “It's been that way for years now. I can deal with it.”
“I’ve not known her nearly as long, but I know she does care for you, Liam. Very much.”
She cares for me. She loves me as her friend.
But, she may never fall in love with me, and, if that’s how it’s going to be, that’s how it’s going to be.
Love can strike unexpectedly. It can hit you when you least wish for it to.
You can fall for the completely wrong person even.
But, you can’t force someone to fall in love with you.
It simply doesn’t work that way. No matter how many coins I tossed into the damn water by the banyan tree, it wouldn’t change that fact.
“Are you worried about how things will go when you tell Mom and Dad about the baby?” Ethan asks.
I should’ve known they’d figure me out there. “Yeah. More Dad than Mom. I tell myself I’m ready to move on if that’s the case but… after you both were gone and Dean cut them out of his life, I felt like I had to try harder. I’ve tried for so long to please them.”
“You have tried. Have they?” Ivy asks, pointedly.
When I look toward Ethan, his expression matches hers. I know the answer to her question. They don’t try to be good parents. They never have really. And, I know what I should do.
“It’s our last night here. Want to play a game or something?” I suggest. “Something other than Truth or Dare, if you don’t mind.”
They nod and Ethan goes to fetch a beat-up Scrabble box. I’d rather enjoy the last few hours we have together before worrying over tomorrow.