Chapter 40 – Juliana
I left the club hours ago, telling myself I’d simply ask him about his conversation with Felicity once he got home.
Changing into my pajamas, I’d tried very hard to quell those hateful voices in my head and have faith in Liam.
Maybe I would’ve even fallen asleep first before he arrived if he’d been driving Addison somewhere.
But, thanks to a conversation with Ivy about brunch plans, I’m wide awake when I learned Liam didn’t drive Addison anywhere.
Ivy: In case you hadn’t heard, some guy showed up at Sable causing a huge ruckus tonight.
It was so bad Hudson had to call the police.
The head bouncer had left to take some poor pregnant woman home who had caught her husband there planning to cheat earlier, but Liam just left with Felicity.
Said he needed to take her by her place, but he’d come back later to talk to the cops.
Yes, the guy causing trouble and the cops being called is significant, but what I can’t work past is the fact that Teo took Addison home while Liam left with Felicity.
Ivy had signed off our conversation with two words – Men suck. I know she’s upset with Hudson, and I now know why, but I suppose she’s right. A lot of times, they certainly do.
All this time, years of therapy and effort to put the past behind me, how can a few seconds blow all that to hell and fill my head with the same old hateful thoughts again?
But, Liam and Felicity leaving together doesn’t just feel like an isolated incident. The hugging when they’re alone, the secrets, the plans, the apartment, the late-night calls. It feels like a pattern, and it feels sickeningly familiar.
I’m up as soon as I hear the garage door opening and I’m pacing by the time he reaches the bedroom. “Where have you been?” I ask, sharply, reaching for anger over sadness. I don’t want to sit here and cry. “And before you say you took Addison home, I know Teo did.”
His brow furrows, surprised to find me awake and surprised by my tone.
Picking up on my anger, his posture shifts in response.
It reads like guilt to me. “Yes, Teo took Addison home. I would’ve texted you, but I’ve been dealing with a shitshow at the club.
For a side business, it’s causing me more headaches than the day job lately.
And, the day job included my fucking asshole of a father until recently. ”
“So, you’ve been at the club all this time?”
“No, I escorted Felicity home, then I went back to the club for another hour.”
“Felicity?”I can’t hide the heavy insinuation in my voice.
“If I’m missing something, please spit it out, Jules. I’m tired. If you want to know something, ask.”
“Don’t treat me like an idiot, Liam. You can be honest with me.”
“I have never once treated you like an idiot, and I’m being honest. That’s where I’ve been.”
He’s lied before though, hasn’t he? my insecurities whisper. The words tumble out, my darkest fears laid bare. “Fine. Are you having an affair with Felicity?”
He looks at me like I’m crazy, but Chad did that, too, when I first confronted him. “No, I am not. I have never thought of her that way. Not once, but I appreciate all your faith in me,” he adds, his sarcastic anger evident.
“I keep seeing the two of you alone together. She keeps… touching you.”
He winces, but my fear of having my suspicions confirmed quickly dissipates.
“Her ex-boyfriend who was her neighbor has been stalking her for the past several months. He’s becoming more unhinged and she’s scared.
She turned to me for help after she realized there was only so much the cops could do. ”
The floor feels like it just disappeared beneath my feet. I was so certain it was happening again. “Well, I… why couldn’t you just have told me that?!”
“Because it’s not my habit to go around blabbing about a woman’s problems with her man to others.
Just like I’ve never shared everything about the day you caught your husband cheating with another soul, I haven’t shared Felicity’s business because it’s her business and because she’s ashamed of it. ”
“She has nothing to be ashamed of!” I, on the other hand, am starting to feel ashamed of my accusation and I feel horrible for Felicity.
“No, she doesn’t, but sometimes people get ideas in their heads,” he snarls, and I know he means me.
“If you don’t believe me, you can ask Santi and Hudson.
We’ve been helping her get into a new apartment because she broke her lease to get away from the guy in the first place, and it’s too crowded at her aunt’s place where she was staying.
Of course, you may wish to seek out your own sources of information if they’re not trustworthy enough. ”
Shit, he’s really pissed.“Liam..”
“As for my delay tonight, Felicity’s freak showed up outside the club trying to get to her. He wasn’t armed but he was not in his right mind either and we had to handle things.”
“Oh my God.”
“It’s handled. He’s in jail. For now, at least.”
A shuddering breath of relief escapes me. I had no idea Felicity was living in this sort of hell. All I saw was what my fear wanted to see. And, Liam’s simply been helping her as he once did for me. As he’s done a thousand times over for me with no expectation of something in return.
I’m trying to compose an apology when I notice the way his eyes narrow as he stalks toward me. Some base instinct whispers ‘danger’ but I could never be truly afraid of Liam.
“I wonder…” he says, prowling closer. “You ask if I’m having an affair when you won’t even label this thing between us as anything other than friendship. You must feel something beyond friendship to be concerned about being cheated on, don’t you think, Juliana?”
“Of course, I…” Is this the moment to tell him? To confess that I’ve fallen for him when he’s angry with me and rightfully so?
He doesn’t give me a chance to work through the words. He takes me by my arm and tows me toward the full-length mirror beside the closet, spinning me toward it. “Put your hands on the glass,” he growls, nodding at the mirror.
I shiver but do as he says. “Do you see that woman there?” His breath is hot against my neck and I feel that familiar heat coiling up in my center while his reflection stares back at me, fury burning in those beautiful eyes of his.
“Answer me,” he commands when I’ve been blankly staring for too long.
“Yes, I see her.”
“No. Really look at her, Jules. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? Stop trying to lower your chin, goddammit, and look.”
Trembling, I do. I see me with messy hair and dark circles under my eyes in my gray and pink maternity pajamas and I see Liam, tall and sexy and gorgeous standing behind me. “What do you want me to-”
“That’s the woman I want, and I need you to get that through your skull, once and for all. I want you and no other woman. I want you every fucking hour of every fucking day, Juliana.”
His husky words whispered against my throat have me biting back a moan as my fingers curl against the cool glass. His hands move up to cup my breasts. He can get me wet with barely a touch and… help .
“You can’t even say the words, but you feel them, don’t you? Or, maybe it’s just this you feel,” he taunts, grinding his erection against my ass as he pinches and twists my nipples until I’m writhing with need.
“I can say them,” I pant as he pushes me closer to the brink. “I love-”
“No! You’d say whatever I want to hear to keep me from stopping right now. Would you mean those three little words? I doubt it.”
“Don’t try to tell me what I feel.”
“Maybe I don’t want to hear them anymore, not after you accused me of cheating seconds ago, Juliana,” he rasps.
I want to cry, knowing I’ve hurt him again, but his hands are hot and sure as they untie my pajama bottoms, letting them drop to the floor at my ankles. “Liam…”
He shushes me, peeling off my top, exposing my swollen breasts and belly. “Don’t you dare lower than chin. Look at your body, this beautiful body I fantasize about in the shower every single morning.”
“Liam, I’m…”
“Pregnant,” he interrupts. “Yeah, you’re pregnant.
There’s a few stretch marks and some other signs that your body is putting in work right now.
So what? I don’t fucking care, Jules. In truth, I fucking love it.
I’ll love your body just as much after you have our baby.
I’ll still want to fuck you then and when you’re pregnant with our next kid and the next and after all that’s done, too.
I’m going to want you for all my days. Are we clear on that? Is this getting through?”
I blink at his words about more kids and, swallowing hard, I nod. “We’re clear.”
It’s time to finally silence the hateful voice my ex-husband left inside my head and accept that Liam loves my body the way it is and every way it might be in the future, no matter the difference in our ages.
Except I majorly screwed up just now accusing him the way I did.
“You want to know something else? Ever since the night I finally had this woman I want, all other women have ceased to exist for me in that sense. Do you enjoy knowing that?” he asks, his fingers caressing my inner thigh.
I’m tingling all over even before he growls, “Spread those legs, dammit. You’re going to fucking watch me touch you. ” Oh God.
I obey, watching his movements in the mirror.
The instant he touches me, I’m already primed to explode.
One stroke of his thumb against my clit as his forefinger slides through my pussy lips, and I lean into the glass, my mouth hanging open.
He plays me like a pro, demanding my whimpers and cries like they’re his crowning achievement.
I’m so wet when his fingers dip inside me, and the climax just keeps coming. I want more. I want his cock.
Gasping for breath, I try to reach back to palm his erection. He grasps my wrist, his voice sharp as his eyes remain locked on mine in the mirror. “I want to fuck this woman But, does she want me?”
“I do.Please.”
It’s all the encouragement he needs to tear his belt off and pull his cock free of his pants.
I try to turn, thinking we’ll move to the bed, but he doesn't allow that. He keeps me facing the mirror, covers my hands with his so that I’m braced against it like before.
“No, you’re going to watch me take you, Juliana.
You’re going to watch me give you this cock that you want. ”
He spreads my hips wider and rubs his shaft through my wet slit before he slams into me with one swift thrust. “Oh!” I yelp, not expecting it rough after so many weeks of him being careful.
But, the lust is burning through my veins, and I know I want it rough. I’ve craved this, wanting to watch Liam really lose himself and claim me like he did that night at Sable, like he did in Bora Bora, like he did that day I jumped him in the nursery.
He tears his gaze away from the reflection of my pussy and meets my eyes again. He’s seeking permission - is this okay?
“Harder,” I say in response to the silent question, and he lets me have it.
I’m crumpled against the mirror with his arm wrapped around me, right below my breasts.
His panted breath heats my neck, his dress shirt’s little buttons rub across my back, and his pants slide further and further down his legs.
Our eyes are still locked in the mirror, and it’s really all I can focus on beyond the way he feels inside me.
“Okay?” he grunts, sounding desperate, hitting deeper, going faster, and really losing control. It feels fucking amazing.
“Yes… God, yes. More.”
“Greedy girl,” he taunts, slipping his hand between my thighs again.
He sends me over the edge again. And again.
And again. Until I feel like I’m going to pass out.
And, when he comes with a roar, I’m weeping with happiness and relief because I wanted it, wanted him and I need to know we were okay despite my mistake.
“Let’s get you in bed,” he murmurs, shifting away to pull his pants back up.
Dazedly, I let him lead me there, not minding the quivering remnants of our activity my body is feeling.
There’s a tightening sensation that causes me to wince as I lay down, but it soon eases. “I shouldn’t have gone so hard.”
The guilt in his tone makes my eyes fly open. “No, I wanted it.”
“Yeah, you wanted my cock. You want that. I got it.” He gets up and moves toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To the guest bedroom to sleep. You should get some, too, Juliana.”
“Why wouldn’t you sleep here? This is your bed,” I whisper, realizing what he’s doing and knowing it’s my fault.
“I’ll sleep in the guest room.”
“I don’t want you to go. I got carried away seeing you with Felicity and… Liam, don’t leave.”
“Do you want me to hold you until you fall asleep?” he asks, and my heart breaks, knowing he’d still do it to please me despite the dejection in his voice.
“I want you to stay because I love you.”
His eyes blaze with anger again. “Don’t say it just because you want something or because you’re afraid I’ll leave you.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Do you know what I wished for when we threw our coins in the banyan tree’s waters?
I wished that you might someday fall in love with me because I have been in love with you for so long I can’t recall what it was like before I loved you.
I knew my wish wasn’t anything more than a wish.
I can’t make you love me. I just wished for it.
But, how can you love me when you don’t trust me?
Because he’s still in your head. There’s not enough room in your heart for me when you still cling to your past hurt.
So, don’t humor me with those words now.
Don’t say them tonight after accusing me.
Don’t say them until you truly mean it… and until I’m ready to hear them without questioning that they’re real. ”
He turns and walks out, softly closing my bedroom door behind him.
My heart cries out for him, tears run down my face, but he doesn’t believe I love him because I’ve told him so many times how I never would fall again.
How can I blame him for erecting some walls?
All this time he’s loved me, and I’ve not been able to reciprocate.
It seems only fitting that once I’m ready to, he doesn’t want to hear it.