Chapter 18
Ryan
B rooklyn helped ease me down from the wall, and I didn’t know what was wrong with me, because even after how hard we’d gone earlier, my body still lit up for her at the touch of her hands on my waist, firm but gentle, guiding me safely to my feet.
“You’re a quick study,” she said, voice low and warm from where she stood close behind me, still not taking her hands off my waist.
“I’ve had a good teacher… and good motivation.”
“You know I’m weak for an overachiever,” she teased, and I nudged her playfully as I turned back to her, feeling laughter on my lips. She was so damn pretty, I just wanted to put my hands on her face and kiss her within an inch of her life. PDA always icked me out, but now suddenly here I was.
“Well, hence the overachieving,” I said. “But now my arms are killing me, so I’m going to sit down and let you torture Allison instead.”
She laughed, clapping a hand on my arm. “Don’t forget your stretches. Even if you’re not done for the night. Your arms need some relief after a long climb like that.”
I could have gotten used to someone this good-looking making sure I was well taken care of. It had me floating as I did some basic cooldown stretches, just as much as it had me sinking.
I was definitely getting too attached. This was supposed to be a fun fling, just something quick on vacation. But Brooklyn was going to be hard to say goodbye to, and I found myself dwelling on it as I sat back on the benches under the lush plant wall on the far side, watching Brooklyn climbing the wall next to Allison demonstrating for her, and I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice Stella and Oscar coming my way until they sat down with me.
“I’m not a climber,” Stella said, by way of declaration. “This kind of sucks.”
“Ah… you and Allison are so in sync,” I said lightly. Stella laughed, rolling her eyes.
“She’s not nearly as bad as she said she was.”
“She’s… trying to show off,” I said. “Even if she’s mad Oscar is better than she is without putting in the slightest bit of effort.”
“It’s kinda fun,” he said, leaning back on the bench. “Brooklyn’s a good teacher.”
“She is… definitely very good at what she does,” I said, keeping a straight face as best I could. I hoped I wasn’t blushing. Stella leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees.
“She’s really cool,” Stella said. “I don’t know how she doesn’t have a boyfriend.”
I snorted, turning it into clearing my throat as I put on a smile. “Ah… you know how it is. Not a lot of people really stay on the island. Everyone’s just coming and going.”
Stella made a face. “That’s kinda sad. Doesn’t that get lonely?”
Oscar laughed. “Doesn’t sound half-bad to me. You’re left alone to your own devices, anyone annoying in your life eventually leaves…”
Stella elbowed him. “Not everyone is a misanthrope. Some of us want real connections!”
“Like with you and Jacob,” I said.
Stella shot me a grin. “That’s not a real connection. But some of us want real connections and a couple of fun connections too. It’s called living life. You should try it!”
Oscar spoke for me. “I think Ryan’s living life as it is.”
“I really, really am,” I said lightly. Stella rolled her eyes.
“Okay, sure. You won’t even entertain the idea of a little flirting with somebody while you’re here.”
“Ah… yes, well,” I said. “I’m having my fun.”
She elbowed me. “No, you are not. Come on. After this, we should go to a bar or club or something and you can at least tell me if any of the guys there are attractive.”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“Come on,” Stella said. “What’s the holdup?”
Oscar sighed. “Stella, she’s hooking up with Brooklyn.”
I choked on nothing, a hand over my mouth, but I kept my gaze straight ahead, not entertaining either of them. Stella shot him a look. “What? Ryan’s not a lesbian.”
Oscar shrugged. “I don’t know how she would choose to describe herself, but they’re very obviously a thing.”
“What?” Stella turned and shot me the look now, incredulous, eyes searching. I kept my gaze past her. “Are you—huh? Are you hooking up with Brooklyn?”
“Yep.” Which was not how I intended to come out, but fuck it, I guess here we were. Stella’s jaw dropped, looking between me and Oscar, back to me, across the gym to Brooklyn, back to me.
“Huh?” She shook her head. “Oh my god. That’s why you won’t go talking about boys or flirting or anything, because you’re already—?”
“Uh… uh-huh.” I found my fingernails suddenly very fascinating.
“But—but you were with Shane and everything, and now…?”
“Yep.” Polysyllabic words were awfully hard to come by all of a sudden. Stella blinked fast.
“So you’re… what? You’re like, bisexual or something?”
“That’d be the term for it, yeah, pretty sure that’s generally what people call it.”
“Oh my god, you never told me.”
“You never asked.”
She threw her hands up. “Who the hell asks? When was the last time you just dropped on someone hey are you bisexual? ”
Oscar checked his phone idly. “It’s been kind of obvious for a long time now.”
Stella shot him another look, and this time I joined her. “If you knew,” I said, “you could have said so earlier and saved me a lot of trouble wondering if I was supposed to say it.”
Oscar arched an eyebrow at me. “I thought that was how we were all just acknowledging it. Figured you weren’t really looking to talk about it.”
Stella looked frantically between us. “Wait, so did everyone know about this but me?”
“I honestly think it was just Oscar,” I said stiffly. “Given some of the things Grandpa has on his Facebook, I don’t think he suspects the… the horrors of a single non-straight person in his family.”
Stella laughed incredulously, still staring at me like I’d turned purple and sprouted a second head. “Oh my god, so you’re hooking up with Brooklyn.”
“We’ve covered that part, yeah,” I mumbled.
She laughed louder this time. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you,” she said. “You’ve been introducing me to your hookup and you didn’t even tell me.”
“You… didn’t ask.”
“Shut up. Oh my god, I love it. She’s really hot.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I’m not looking to share, sorry.”
“Ew. I’m not sharing a hookup with my sister. That’s disgusting.” Stella laughed. “I can’t believe you’ve been doing this right under my nose and you never said.”
“Like I said,” Oscar said, “it’s been obvious to anyone looking. They’ve been flirting nonstop.”
“I thought you two were just, like, really good friends.” Stella shook her head. “This is my favorite thing ever. Your ex tried to cheat on you with this girl so you went and slept with her instead.”
I cleared my throat, my face burning. The modicum of cool I’d managed to achieve about my sexuality had completely vanished at this point. “It’s not like I was doing it to make a point,” I said awkwardly. “She was just… well, she was really supportive and gave me a place to crash—”
“Oh, I’ll bet she did,” Stella said. I felt like shrinking into myself until I vanished.
“And she’s very nice to be around,” I said politely. Stella laughed.
“I’ll say. Oh my god. Okay, so I was underestimating you. You beat me to the hooking-up game and now I’m pissed off.”
“I’m… sorry for that, then?”
“So? She’s better in bed than he was, right?”
Oscar sighed, standing up. “I think I don’t feel like being part of this conversation. I’ll go climb some more.”
Stella rolled her eyes, waving him off as he headed back for the wall. “Yeah, yeah. Answer the question.”
I cleared my throat. “Ah… yes. A lot.”
She laughed so loudly I thought they’d hear it back at the resort. “Oh my god, I love that. I would be rubbing it in Shane’s face if it were me.”
“I… have.”
“ Stop, ” she half-screamed into her hand, practically laughing herself to tears now. “Are you serious?”
“He did not like it.”
“What did you say? ”
“That’s between me and Shane. And between me and Brooklyn.”
“Literally tell me right now.”
I put my hands up. “I told him I could see why he’d want to trade me in for her, and that I was very much enjoying trading him in for her.”
She pouted. “But you didn’t mention how the sex is better with her?”
“I… I did that later.”
That seemed to brighten all her days at once. I didn’t know what to do with this woman being so invested in my sapphic sex life. “God, I wish I could have seen his face.” She looked across the gym to Brooklyn, and she laughed again. “So that’s your type, huh?”
“Very much, categorically, yes. I’m finding this out now too.”
“I mean, I can see it. She’s seriously hot. I’m a little jealous.”
I shot her an incredulous look. “What, you want to find a hot girl to hook up with too?”
“What? No. No, I’m… no. I just mean, I wish I had a hookup that hot. God, that would really make this vacation.”
“I’m sure… I’m sure Jacob would be happy to be that hot hookup for you if you’re willing to get over all the gender roles enough to ask him out.”
She sighed heavily. “I don’t know. I just want it to happen organically.”
“You want it to happen without you having to do anything.”
She elbowed me. “Look, it’s just weird! Maybe it’s different with a girl, I don’t know.”
“You could try it out,” I said dryly. “You know Allison has a crush on you.”
She made a face. “She does not. She’s really into athletic girls, right? Girls like Jessica.”
I hadn’t expected her to pick up on that and hold onto it. I highly doubted my sister was looking to experiment, but latching onto her lesbian friend and her taste in girls and just about dripping jealousy when she found out about me having a fling with a woman felt like it was an… energy. She was probably just bored. “Yeah, that was a lie,” I said breezily. “She hates athletics. Brooklyn and I just wanted to give her a hard time.”
She laughed, elbowing me. “Hating athletics doesn’t mean you hate athletic people. I’m not remotely athletic, but who doesn’t like a strong guy with a six-pack?” She shrugged. “Or maybe you’re too gay for that. A strong girl with a six-pack.”
“I’m still attracted to men,” I said, my voice pointed.
“Oh yeah. Right.”
“Are you having this much of a hard time with the concept of bisexuality?”
She put her hands up. “I just haven’t known anyone bisexual before!”
“You probably have. Sometimes they just pass as straight.” They. I was still talking about it like I wasn’t a part of it. “You know, statistically speaking, like half the queer community is bisexual women.”
“That’s not true.”
“It pretty much is. There’s a lot of us.”
She huffed. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. So what is Allison’s type, anyway?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think she really has a type. I’ve honestly never heard anyone talk about a type as much as you do. But she’s a pretty… romantic kind of person, so, probably someone like that. Someone artistic, probably.”
She pulled a thinking face, looking across the gym at where Allison was fuming at the base of the wall, having an argument with Brooklyn ten feet above her. “Yeah, I could see it,” she said.
I paused, looking sidelong at her. “Could see what?”
“Her, like that.”
That didn’t answer the question. She said it like it was about Allison’s type being someone artistic, but the loaded way she said it felt like it meant something more. And it wasn’t lost on me that someone romantic and artistic was a decent enough description of Stella. I’d put good money on that yeah, I could see it was circling back to you know Allison has a crush on you. I had no clue how to proceed, but I went cautiously.
“I never really got why people make a big deal of someone having feelings for you,” I said lightly. “I’ve been friends with guys who I’ve turned down before. I kind of forget about it, honestly. Doesn’t really feel any different from, like… someone who wants you to go rock-climbing with them but you don’t want to. You say no and you don’t go rock-climbing, but it doesn’t make things weird knowing that they’d want to go climbing if you were interested.”
“Is climbing a metaphor?”
“I meant it literally, but whatever you like. I know what Allison would rather be climbing.”
She snorted, elbowing me. “Oh, god, stop.”
“What? You’ve apparently taken to asking me every question about all the times I’ve slept with Brooklyn, so the subject is clearly on the table.”
“Wait, so when did you two first get it on?”
“Day before yesterday.′”
She raised her eyebrows. “All the times you’ve slept with her, huh? In a couple days? Guess she is good in bed.”
I put a hand to my forehead. “I… won’t deny it.”
She laughed. “I love this for you. Brooklyn, huh…” She turned her gaze back across the gym. “You know? I can kind of see it.”
“Oh, you were expecting me to hook up with a hot bartender woman.”
“Um, no. But you know, just, this. You and her. She’s really just… out there. With who she is. You always did hate veiled things and people not saying what they really mean.”
I hadn’t realized Stella had even had a read on me like that. “She is… very nice to be around,” I said lightly, and she stopped, giving me a look.
“Are you hooking up with her, or are you… I don’t know, actually dating her?”
Oh, god, I hoped I wasn’t blushing. I hung my head. “I had a feeling you’d go straight to go be in love together forever… she lives here on the island, and I do not. No amount of enjoying what’s happening here would make me want to do a long-distance relationship.”
Her face fell, looking down at the floor. “Yeah… again with that. That sounds really lonely.”
I sighed. “It does. She seems generally happy, but whenever she’s talked about it, it seems like…”
“Like she wishes she had something serious with someone.”
“I think it just starts to feel aimless… arbitrary… after a time.”
She elbowed me. “You travel a lot for work,” she said.
“I am not getting into a serious relationship with this girl I met on Monday,” I laughed. “Go… go say hi to Allison or something. She’s looking like she never wants to touch a climbing wall again. I bet if you go around then she’ll be motivated again.”
She laughed, jumping up to her feet. “So, I’m guessing you and Brooklyn are busy tonight and just want to get back to her place after this.”
Oh, god. I put my hands up. “What would be the point in denying it?”
“Have fun, you two,” she said with the biggest grin. “I’ll take Allison to go look for cute people tonight.”
“She’s not going to notice any girls as long as you’re there with her,” I said, and she snorted.
“I’m not the only girl on the island. She’ll find someone else she thinks is cute. Someone artsy and romantic.”
Poor Allison. I was going to focus on my own prospects, though, which were looking brighter, as Brooklyn came over to join me on the bench not long after Stella left, and I pulled her water bottle from her gym bag next to me and held it out for her as she approached, taking it gratefully.
“All tapped out for the night?” she said before knocking back the water, and I stood up, compelled by some force to step in and press a kiss against her cheek. My heart ran wildly over it, and I smiled ridiculously as she set the water bottle back down.
“I think so,” I said. “Um… sorry about that.” I cleared my throat, looking past her. “I don’t know what got into me all of a sudden.”
She paused, glancing behind her at where Stella and Oscar were back at the wall. “I don’t think they saw.”
“I, er, told them…?” I folded my hands at my waist. “Well, Oscar got tired of dancing around it and just said it, and I confirmed it, so.”
She blinked fast, and she broke into a big, brilliant smile, just looking at me, for a long few seconds before—my chest about exploded when she leaned in and pressed her lips against mine, a quick flash of a kiss before she sat down on the bench. “Well,” she said, “no harm done, then.”
Oh, god, I really did like her. I wanted so badly to keep her with me, to… parade her around as the woman I was with. I blushed furiously as I sat down with her—the last time I’d really had serious feelings for a woman had been when I was seventeen, and apparently now that we were here, I was right back to that age. “So, um, are you… are you done, too? For the night?”
“I could keep going, but I’ve got more pressing things at home.”
Well, so much for any attempt to keep it cool. I laughed nervously. “Ah… yeah. Have to get dinner on.”
“That is not what I was thinking of eating, but probably that too.”
I cleared my throat hard, and she laughed.
“You’re shy tonight. Should I lay off?”
“No! No, just… you know, it’s a little embarrassing talking to my sister about these things, so now I just feel… well, shy, I guess.” I set my hand, pointedly, down on top of hers on the bench between us. “But I like this. And I would love to go back with you. Stella said she’ll be, uh, taking Allison to go look for cute people.”
“Ah. Good luck to Allison.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
She kissed my cheek, and I thought I’d explode. “Congratulations.”
“On… having the same thoughts as you?”
“On coming out. I know that’s been a scary thing for you.”
“Psh…” This damn woman. I couldn’t help myself and I didn’t want to—I shifted closer to her side, resting my head on her shoulder. “Only scary because I was afraid of awkwardness. Stella was actually really sweet and supportive… even if she seemed a bit confused on the concept of bisexuality.”
“Ah, well… she’ll figure it out. And Oscar?”
“He left once Stella started asking about how our sex was.”
She turned to look at me with laughter sparkling in her eyes. “Stella was asking you what?”
“She’s just very open talking about… love, dating, sex. And for this vacation she’s fully focused on the last one.”
“What’d you tell her?”
“That it is significantly better than it was with Shane.”
She snorted, slipping an arm around my back. “I’ll take it,” she said.
Some higher force, some greater cosmic power, compelled me to say, under my breath, “You take it very well.”
She pursed her lips, standing up. “All right,” she said levelly. “Well, I think that’s my signal to get out of here before I respond to that right here and right now.”
“Oh, yes?” I said, feeling incredibly good about myself. “Shall I accompany you, or are you feeling some alone time?”
“You are going to get your cute ass into my car so I can drive you back to my place and have my way with you.”
Well, that was a tempting offer.