Chapter 13
As soon as Lindsey got home, she called Candice and told her the news. “I’m going to LA.”
Candice’s voice shook. “You’re kidding.”
“I’m not. Taylor wants someone to be there during the mess of it all, and it’s going to be me. I don’t have anything else going on here, anyway.”
But at that moment, another call came in. It was from Jake, the bird-watcher. A shiver went down her spine. “Can I call you back?” she asked her sister. “I’m getting another call.”
“Is it him?” Candice asked, laughing.
But Lindsey hung up before she could answer. “Jake, hey,” she said, trying to keep her voice calm and easy. “I had a really good time yesterday.”
“Hey! Me too,” Jake said. “I’m sorry I didn’t text you last night.
I was going to, but then I got worried about whether it was a date, and then I wondered, are you supposed to text after a date?
What if I texted you and you texted back that it wasn't a date? And I fell into a thought hole of my own design.” Jake laughed.
Lindsey couldn’t believe how honest he was from the get-go. Even back when she’d met Christopher, he’d lied about something inane, namely about his ex-girlfriend, from whom he wasn’t fully broken up yet. This was something Lindsey had allowed herself, mostly, to forget.
“Listen, I’m glad you called. I’m going out of town tomorrow,” Lindsey said. “Not for long, I don’t think. But I’d love to see you before I go.”
“Oh!” Jake sounded a little bruised. “Yeah. What about tonight? Dinner and drinks?”
“I love dinner and drinks,” she said.
Over the next couple of hours, Lindsey performed a solo show called Panicked Packing.
She played music extra loud and threw articles of clothing around, wondering what kinds of things she would need to dress for once they got to California.
She wondered, too, where she’d stay. Would they stay in the house where Taylor and Jason had once lived happily together?
Lindsey had once seen photographs of Taylor and Jason, photographs in their Beverly Hills place, where they had lain out by the pool, both of them about as gorgeous as any two people had ever been.
The headline had been something like: The Next Generation of Hollywood Stars.
As it happened, only one of them had become a real star.
That was Jason, who was on his way to becoming another Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio.
But Taylor was something else. She was kind-hearted.
She was funny, for goodness’ sake. And for some reason, for better or for worse, Taylor’s only path forward was the Harbor House and Stella Vanberg’s children.
That evening, Jake picked Lindsey up on foot and walked her to the nearby wine bar, where they’d decided to have pre-dinner drinks before going somewhere for food.
Lindsey watched him through the window as he walked up the steps, her heart pounding.
Everything in her life felt sped up. After he knocked, she counted to three, then answered it, blushing at how handsome she found him.
He looked about three times more handsome than he had the other day, which Lindsey chalked up to a trick of the heart.
She’d gotten to know him, and now, he was the most handsome man she’d ever seen.
It usually played out the opposite way.
On the walk to the wine bar, they couldn’t shut up.
Jake told her all about his birding expedition from that morning, and Lindsey recalled the list of birds she’d gotten accustomed to in Costa Rica, along with the various habitats and ecosystems in which she’d seen them.
It was funny. Meeting and chatting with Jake was a little like learning a new language. But she found she loved speaking it.
At the wine bar, they ordered a glass each: a Malbec for her and a Merlot for him. Jake raised his glass to her. “Thanks for meeting on such short notice.”
“Thanks for asking me.” Lindsey blushed again. She felt maybe sixteen years old.
“Where are you off to tomorrow? And is this a typical thing with you, gallivanting all over the world?” Jake asked.
Lindsey laughed. “To be honest, no. I’m heading out to California with the woman we met yesterday. She wants moral support during her mother’s funeral and everything involved with that, so I said I’d go.”
Jake’s eyes widened. “Be careful, Lindsey. Those people who chase Taylor are not kind.”
For the first time, Lindsey’s smile faltered. It hadn’t occurred to her to worry for herself and her own safety. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’m not famous. I’m nobody.”
“Not to me, you’re not,” Jake said. “I really worry when it comes to these bottom-feeder paparazzi people. It’s like they won’t stop before they ruin every person’s life.
And then, it’s like celebrities have to apologize for the fact that they’re good at what they do.
Like, I’m sorry I’m a world-class actress.
Or I’m sorry I wrote the best book of the year.
Nobody wants anybody else to be successful, because it reminds them that they haven’t managed to do anything with their lives. ”
Lindsey laughed, surprised at Jake’s passion. His eyes were enormous and sure.
“Just promise that you’ll take care of yourself,” Jake said, dropping his gaze. “It’s been a long time since…” He trailed off, leaving her in the lurch.
“A long time since what?”
“Since I met somebody,” Jake said quietly. “It’s been ages since I felt like I want to be around someone the way I want to be around you.”
This time, it was Jake’s cheeks' chance to turn beet red.
Lindsey was quiet for a moment. She filled her mouth with wine. And the next thing she said, the next thing her anxious mind told her to think, was, “I’m sure you’ll get sick of me. I mean, you don’t really know me yet.”
Surprised, Jake raised his eyebrows. He seemed not to know what to say.
“It’s just that, yeah. People get sick of me,” Lindsey said hurriedly, trying to laugh it off. “I guess anyone can get sick of anyone. But, yeah.”
“I can’t imagine ever getting sick of you,” Jake said.
Lindsey laughed again. Her stomach boiled with anxiety.
“But we’re here,” Jake continued, when she said nothing. “We’re here to get to know each other better. Date number two. Right?”
“Right,” Lindsey said, although she struggled to look at him.
“Tell me about yourself,” Jake said.
“You know so much already,” Lindsey said. “Remember? Scuba diving instructor. Runner.”
“Yeah, but Costa Rica! How did you end up there?”
Lindsey grew flustered. She remembered how, when she’d first met Jake (two days ago, now!), she’d told him almost immediately that she’d gone to Costa Rica.
She’d revealed things that she hadn’t been brave enough to tell Candice, nor her brother, Henry.
Why was that? Did Jake make her feel particularly safe? Did he make her want to open her heart?
A voice in the back of her mind reminded her to remember that all men would wrong her. Remember that all men would leave her. Remember, remember.
“I don’t know,” Lindsey said, trying to laugh. “There isn’t that much to tell.”
Jake leaned back in his chair, his smile melting.
“What about you?” she asked. “Like, where did you grow up?”
“Indiana,” he said. “A small town, not far from Muncie, if you know where that is.”
“I don’t,” Lindsey said.
Jake laughed. “No, I imagine you don’t. Why would you, when you grew up here?”
“What were you like as a kid?” Lindsey asked.
“This shouldn’t be rapid-fire interview questions,” Jake said. “I reserve the right to ask you some questions, too.”
Lindsey rolled her eyes.
“What were you like? Not as a kid, but in Costa Rica. I’m sorry.
I’m fixated on that.” Jake smiled. “I can’t help but think that I might have seen you down there.
Maybe I was running around, looking at birds, and you were coming up from one of your scuba diving expeditions.
Maybe we passed by one another. Although, to tell you the truth, I can’t imagine it. ”
“Why not? I look like everyone else,” Lindsey said.
“No, Lindsey. You really don’t.” Jake spread his hands on the table between them.
Lindsey felt as though they’d hit a wall of sorts.
This wall—which she’d constructed over the years of heartache and being alone—was one she hadn’t allowed anyone past in years.
She could tell that Jake felt that wall.
She could tell that he wanted to push it down but didn’t know how.
He wanted to be respectful. He wanted to show her he was safe.
But Lindsey wasn’t sure if she could ever think anyone was safe again.
Soon enough, the conversation flattened out the slightest bit, and Lindsey could breathe again.
She could see and feel that Jake was mystified, but that he’d known to step back.
They spoke of easy things, of Jake’s current article, of Jake’s work in the birding communities of various regions in the United States and Europe.
Lindsey spoke about her mother, about the secrets she’d left behind, of how essential those secrets had been in drawing Lindsey and Candice closer together.
“But don’t you think that’s the thing?” Jake interrupted now, his eyes alight.
“The thing? What thing?” she asked.
“The telling of secrets, the sharing of stories, the imparting of the heart,” Jake said. “It all brings us closer. As humans. As friends. As…” He trailed off, then added, “Lovers. As cringe as that sounds.”
Lindsey couldn’t look him in the eye any longer. She had a sudden, desperate desire to go back to her apartment and draw the blankets over her head. I can’t do this, she wanted to tell him.
But she liked him too much to go home.
That night, after a relatively tame dinner, he walked her back to her apartment, where he brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear and gazed into her eyes.
Lindsey’s heart screamed with its desire for him to kiss her.
But instead, he whispered, “I hope you can let me in, Lindsey. I want to let you in, too. But it has to be equal. Good night.”
Lindsey watched from behind the curtain as Jake walked slowly through the night, back toward his rental house with its enormous porch and its grand windows and its fifty-plus birding books, all of which he had shipped from place to place, wherever he went.