CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Friends who occasionally have sex
VANESSA
I got fucked so hard it rewired my brain.
We’ve been sitting at our regular table at Caio for half an hour and I don’t think I’ve uttered a single word to Maddie or Sydney. My subtle aah s and ooh s are sufficient enough responses for them today.My head is so scrambled that I ordered the wrong latte and I’ve been ordering the same thing since we began coming here. So that’s a bit alarming.
Sydney started off the conversation delving into all the details from last night. She made sure to tell us about how Nate refuses her from dating anyone on his team—but that didn’t stop her from making out with some random guy attending the party.
“Nate may have given him the death glare, but it was so worth it. We’re gonna go out next week!”
“Girl, you’re a hopeless romantic and yet you’re going to give a football guy a chance?” Maddie’s question alerts me. “Please be careful, we all know what happened the last time you dated an athlete.”
Sydney waves off Maddie’s words. “Yeah, yeah, I know, he broke my heart and I went into a Netflix coma for a week. Don’t worry, he’s different.”
“You didn’t leave your room for a week and definitely didn’t shower. We had to light candles around the house so you wouldn’t stink up the place.”
Sydney shoots Maddie the finger.
I can’t believe I almost forgot about that. It was our sophomore year and a guy on the lacrosse team asked Sydney out. She’s very into the tall, muscular type, so he fit her standards perfectly.Well, that is until she found him making out with two sorority girls in the quad.
When I say she was a complete wreck, I mean the same sweats for three days, hair in a rat nest on the top of her head, and an endless supply of cupcakes.
Maddie quickly changes the subject to her co-op assignment. For the semester, she gets to work in the hospital morgue to learn about autopsies. Between that and work, she’s rarely home. I listen to her ramble on about a few different cases she’s helped with so far, making sure to leave out all details regarding the people she works on. You know, all that doctor-patient confidentiality stuff.
I probably should tell my friends about the events from last night, but I have no idea how to bring it up without them making a huge deal about it.
After we left Jake’s room last night, we pretended as if nothing happened. The two of us rejoined our friends and I was teased endlessly about losing beer pong. We enjoyed the remainder of our night, acting as if nothing happened between the two of us.
“I told my professor that it’s not fair that we’re graded as a group when I single-handedly wrote the entire cost analysis report.” I tune back into the conversation and realize that Sydney is now explaining the latest gossip going on with one of her class assignments.
“And what did your prof say?” I ask, pretending as if I was listening to the entire conversation and not involved in my own thoughts.
I know, it’s rude of me to tune out my friends, but somehow my brain manages to block out everything when I’m internally debating with myself.
“She said that she’s going to do an evaluation at the end of the project and wants me to document every email I send to my classmates to see how they’re basically leaving me with all the hard stuff.”
Sydney huffs out a breath. I’ve been in the same position before where you put all of your effort into something and the other members of your group just coast on you. It’s not fun, and I do feel sorry that she’s going through this. The last two years of your degree are significantly harder, and having a bad team on a project definitely doesn’t make it any easier.
“Ness, you’ve been awfully quiet since we got here, is everything okay?” Maddie rests her hand on my knee, and I know that the second I look at her, I’m going to crumble.
Sydney’s eyes narrow on me, as if she also knows something is up. “Yeah, normally you love gossip. Are you hungover?”
She holds the back of her hand up to my forehead, checking if I have a temperature.
I can’t take it anymore. I’m terrible at hiding things from my two best friends.
“No, no—I’m fine. Just the usual, y’know, didn’t get enough sleep, ordered the wrong coffee, I may have slept with Jake last night, and I have a progress check-in this week for my social media class that I’m stressing over.”
Sydney shakes her head in disbelief. “Hold on. Rewind. What did you just say?”
Did I really think that I could drop that bomb in the middle of a sentence and hope they wouldn’t pick up on it?
“You had sex with Jake?” Maddie’s voice echoes in the small cafe.
Suddenly everyone’s eyes are on us and our intimate conversation. I shrug and smile as everyone puts their attention back on themselves.
I nervously take a sip of my drink before speaking. “Yeah, it sort of just…happened?”
“Sex doesn’t just happen, Vanessa. Oh my god, I totally predicted this! I told you!”
I had a feeling Sydney was going to say that.
“Where did this happen? The bed? The bathroom? The shower? Ooh, was it against the back of his door? That’s always super hot when they can pick you up and drill into you.” Sydney’s eyes are wide with wonder and imagination.
“His hands are massive so I bet he’s packing,” Maddie adds.
“Oh my god, yes —is it as big as people say it is?”
“Who initiated it?”
I put my hands up in defense, stopping their ongoing questions. “Okay, can you two calm down? Aren’t we supposed to be working on assignments and studying?”
Maddie looks at our laptops, unopened on the table in front of us. “Yeah, but this is way more interesting than studying the anatomy of the human body.”
“We could always discuss the human anatomy of Jake Shepherd.” Sydney wiggles her eyebrows at me and I throw a piece of my croissant at her.
“Okay, we’ll stop being crazy, but you have to admit, this is insane. Can you blame us for wanting to know all the details?”
My eyes look around us, making sure everyone has gone back to their own business before scooching closer to my two friends. “Okay, fine.”
Sydney claps her hands together as she stifles a shriek, knowing it would only cause more attention on us.
“So I may have had a teeny, tiny, micro-sized crush on Jake since the first night we met.”
“I knew it!” Maddie clamps her hand on her mouth before composing herself. “Sorry Ness, continue.”
“I know I said that he was annoying the first week or so, but he’s just…becoming his friend made me see a much different side of him.”
“Yeah, and you definitely saw another side of him last night.” The two of them burst into a fit of laughter at Sydney’s comment.
“Anyway.” My eyes send daggers at them until they stop snickering. “We went up to his room so I could change into his jersey, and instead of me changing, I ended up telling him that I wanted to ride him like a horse. And then proceeded to do so.”
I take another sip of my drink as Maddie and Sydney both look at me, their mouths wide open.
“Holy shit, I can’t believe you had the balls to say that to him.”
“And I can’t believe that line worked on him. Men are so easy.” Sydney leans back into her chair, taking a bite out of her pastry.
“So, what does this mean?” Maddie asks the question that’s been on my mind all morning.
If I’m being honest, I don’t know where this puts our friendship. I know I’m sexually attracted to him, and I love spending time together, but I don’t date. He doesn’t date either. We’re basically the same person in different fonts.
We haven’t talked since last night, but maybe this is something we should discuss. I mean, he did say that he was going to ruin all men for me, and I honestly think he might have because I haven’t opened a single dating app since the night at the hotel.
“I don’t know, but I’m sure we’ll discuss it sometime this week. I have assignments I need to work on, so how about we head over to the library and forget about this conversation for a little while.” I smile at my friends and they nod in agreement with me.
I’ll focus on schoolwork today and figure out what to do with my feelings another day.
Vanessa
Are you free today?
Jake
I have a break between 12-1 if you wanna
grab lunch on campus?
Vanessa
Ok, I’ll meet you in the student
center.
Jake
See u soon, angel girl
Wednesdays seem to be the one day of the week that no one wants to show up for class.
I don’t know if it’s the midweek slump that deters people from attending classes or the weather getting colder, but either way—I’m not mad at the empty campus. My creative writing professor let us go an hour early because there was only a third of the class that showed up today.
Professor Miles canceled class due to being sick, and she gave us an extension on our weekly check-in, which is heaven sent because I rushed through it on the weekend and now I have time to clean up my work.
Things have been looking up for me this week. Now all I need to do is speak with Jake and figure out whatever the hell is going on between us. I don’t regret hooking up with him. I mean, he did give me the best sex of my life so far, but I’m scared that us getting together could affect our relationship. I had it in my head that if I hooked up with him once, that it would be enough. But it’s not.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I crave him. Geez, I sound like every other girl on campus.
My mind has gone back and forth trying to figure out what he wants. If he wanted to hook up just once or if he’s willing to do it again. If I’m just another notch in his bedpost, which, if I am, who am I to judge that?
The constant thinking has my palms sweaty as I open the door to the student center. I immediately spot Jake sitting in the atrium, his messy waves tucked underneath a backward baseball cap, light denim jeans, and a thick dark green flannel jacket.
As if he can feel my presence, he looks up at me with the sweetest smile before standing up to greet me.
“Hey, Ness, how’s your day going?” He pulls me into a hug and the heat he’s emitting warms me up from the cold November air.
It felt like the second October was over, the chill that comes at the end of fall rolled right in. I bet we’ll have snow by Thanksgiving.
“We got out early, so I’m done for the day, you?”
“Two classes later this afternoon, but they’re both easy.” Jake moves to grab his bag off the ground and slings it over his shoulders, “Follow me, I’m taking us somewhere for lunch.”
Before I can respond, he’s already moving toward the exit that leads to one of the many student parking lots. My tiny legs move quickly to catch up to him, but by the time I take three steps he’s already ten feet ahead of me, waiting for me at the door.
Maybe I should start working on my cardio.
What I really need to do is to figure out what we’re going to do about our situation and how I’m going to bring it up. How does one politely say that they love having sex with you, but they don’t want anything more than a physical relationship?
I feel like, if anything, Jake is the one person who would understand where I’m coming from.I highly doubt he’ll be looking for a girlfriend anytime soon. Who would want to be tied down right before they start their career in the NHL?
He holds the door open for me and our footsteps become synced, as if he realized how fast his long legs take him, he slowed down just so I could keep up.
“I didn’t know you had your own car,” I say as he stops next to an old beige Jeep Wrangler.Every time I’ve seen Jake in a car it’s either been Nate’s or Kieran’s.
He looks at me with that goofy grin still plastered on his face. “I got it when I was seventeen. Saved up for two years and had a little help from my dad. It’s inspired by the Jeep from Jurassic Park .”
My eyes roam over the vehicle, noting the red rims and trim lining the vehicle. Who knew Jake was such a movie geek?
Well, I guess I sort of did.
“Wow, very dorky of you.” I muffle a laugh, and walk around to the passenger side, but before I can open my own door, Jake yells from behind me.
“Woah, hold up there.” He reaches around me and opens the door, motioning for me to get in.
“Thanks.” That stupid grin plasters across his face and it sends shivers down my body.
Okay, I need to get it together. I feel like it would be best to rip off the Band-Aid and talk about this before we’re sitting in a restaurant full of people.
Jake climbs into the Jeep and tosses his bag into the backseat.
“Before we go anywhere, can we talk for a second?”
“What’s on your mind, angel girl?” The nickname floats off his lips like it’s his favorite word.
I secretly love the nickname he’s become so fond of using, but it does make me a little nervous. Sure, friends have nicknames for each other, but angel girl sounds like something a guy would call his girlfriend. And I am definitely not Jake’s girlfriend.
“I wanted to talk about our situation.”
He leans back in his chair, his arm resting on the steering wheel. “Our situation?”
“I don’t know where we stand after everything that’s happened.” I look at him, trying to gauge his emotion from his face—but all I can see is intrigue, so I continue. “I’m not looking to date. I just—I want you to know that I had a good time and I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”
“Are you insinuating what I think you are?” His tongue peeks out and licks the side of his mouth before giving me a cocky smirk.
I roll my eyes. “What I’m saying is that if you’re open to it, I wouldn’t be opposed to a friends-with-benefits situation. Sex is a good stress reliever, and you happen to be very good at it.”
Jake’s eyes are attached to my lips, watching every word come out of my mouth. Did he turn on the heat or did the car just naturally get hotter?
“Oh, I’m definitely open to it.” He moves in, grabbing my neck and pulling me into him. Our lips crash against each other and I move myself from my seat so I’m now hovering over the center console.
His skin is soft against mine, he must’ve shaved this morning. His tongue sweeps into my mouth and the taste of mint overtakes my tastebuds. I didn’t realize how hungry I was for his touch. For his kiss. Jake’s hands move from the back of my neck to cup my face and I take this as an opportunity to climb into his lap.He grips my hips as I grind into him, not caring if anyone might see us as they walk by the car.
It isn’t until he finally breaks the heated kiss to say, “Is it too forward of me to ask if you want to skip lunch and take this somewhere besides the student center parking lot?”
“I would love that, actually.” I move back into my seat, buckling in. “We can go to my place. Maddie works after her classes and Sydney is on campus all night.”
“Perfect.” Jake moves the gearshift into Drive and has us pulling out of the parking lot and to my place in under ten minutes.
We barely make it through the front door before pieces of clothing are tossed haphazardly to the side. I think one of my shoes ended up in the middle of the living room and I have no idea where Jake’s jacket ended up.All I care about is ripping off his jeans.
His lips are back on mine as he picks me up and holds me around my waist. God , I love being picked up and tossed around like I’m a rag doll.
Jake pushes me against the wall, his hands roaming across my waist and chest.We make our way to the kitchen and he sets me down on top of the countertop. I’ve always wanted to get fucked on a kitchen counter. It’s a kinky dream of mine. I pull my shirt over my head as Jake pulls off his jeans.
“Condoms are in the top drawer next to the fridge,” I tell him as I unclasp my bra.
Jake gives me a questionable look as I direct him to our designated clutter drawer. You can find everything in there from hair ties to pens to condoms. We probably should organize it better, but that’s the last thing I want to think about right now.
Just as instructed, Jake pulls out a shiny square package and tosses it onto the cool marble next to me. He comes back to me, boxers still clinging to his very muscular thighs. The muscle is so defined I want to take a bite out of him.
This time I grab him and pull him into me. My fingers pull off his hat and thread their way through his thick curls. I think that one of Jake’s most attractive features is his hair. Somehow he manages to have the curls perfectly tousled, even if they’ve been smothered by a hat all day.
Steamy breathes and moans fill the space around us, and I’m so glad we’re home alone. Jake moves his hips in a circular motion, only the thin fabric of our underwear is keeping us apart.
A shriek that isn’t mine carries across the kitchen and Jake stops all movement. I look over his shoulder and see Sydney standing in the doorway, mouth agape.
“Are you guys fucking kidding me!? I just cleaned!” Sydney slaps her hand over her eyes and turns out of the kitchen, dramatically stomping her feet on her way back to her bedroom, not before peeking through her fingers and giving me a thumbs-up.
She’s something else .
I lean my forehead against Jake’s chest, trying to stifle my laughter. This is mortifying but also hilarious at the same time.
“I thought you were on campus! I’m sorry!”
A shout comes from behind her bedroom door. “Just clean up when you’re done!”
I’ve never been caught red-handed before. But looking at the expression on Jake’s face, I can tell he must’ve experienced this a few times.
“Well, I hope she at least enjoyed the view.” Jake wiggles his eyebrows at me and I playfully smack his chest.
“Should we take this into my room and save ourselves from getting caught by another roommate?”
Jake scoops me up and carries me down the hallway to my room as his response.
“Didn’t you have classes to go to this afternoon?”
Jake shrugs. “One’s about bees and the other is about environmental ethics. Both of which are entry-level courses that I could pass in my sleep.” He plays with a strand of my hair before focusing his attention back on my eyes. “I would much rather spend the rest of my day in bed with you.”
I clear my throat and sit up in bed, holding the covers over my chest. “Just in case I wasn’t clear before—friends with benefits doesn’t mean we’re exclusive or anything. Anytime you want sex, just message or call me and I’ll do the same. No jealousy, no romantic feelings—just friends who occasionally have sex. If you want to have sex with someone else, I won’t hold it against you and vice versa. Deal?”
Jake leans back into the headboard. “Sounds like a dream to me, Ness.”
Hearing him confirm he wants exactly what I do allows my body to relax into his and enjoy the tiny bit of happiness leaking into my life.I know most people wouldn’t approve of our situation, specifically my friends, but I’m content with my decision.
Jake stretches and looks at the watch on his wrist that I didn’t notice was there. “ Shit. As much as I would love to stay in bed with you all day, Coach will kick my ass if I’m not in the weight room in fifteen minutes.”
I groan as he leaves the bed, lifting the sheets and allowing cold air to swoop in. The bed is warm from our conjoined body heat and I quickly wrap myself back in the covers to keep the warmth in.I take a moment to appreciate Jake’s physique as he grabs his clothes off the floor. As he pulls his shirt back over his head, his back muscles flex and I notice the small scratch marks I left behind. Oops.
Will the guys tease him for these marks in the locker room? Will he tell them who gave them to him? That’s probably something we should discuss, but we can save that conversation for later. I don’t mind if he tells his friends, but I think it’d be best if the whole team doesn’t find out, especially Coach Wilson.
I find the strength to get out of bed and pull on a hoodie and sweats. I follow Jake to the front door as he grabs the rest of his belongings off the hallway floor.We stand there awkwardly at the front door, not knowing how to end this interaction.
Do I kiss him?
No, that’s definitely not something friends would do. But I also feel like if I hug him, that’s too personal. I settle for a handshake and he laughs, tucking one of his loose curls under his hat. “See you tomorrow, you goof.”
The second he leaves, I can feel the heat rise to my cheeks.
A handshake? Who the hell says goodbye with a handshake?
“That man has the nicest ass I’ve ever seen.”
“ Ohmygod! Where the hell did you come from?”
Sydney stands behind me with her arms crossed and a mischievous grin plastered across her face.
“Some of us know how to be discreet .” She walks by me into the kitchen, putting the kettle on the stove.
I follow her with an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry. I thought that you were on campus.”
She moves to grab two mugs from the cabinet and plops an earl gray tea bag in each, “Technically I’m supposed to be on campus til nine, but I felt like skipping the rest of the day to finish an essay that’s due at midnight.”
Sydney grabs the boiling kettle from the stove and pours the water into both cups. “I guess in hindsight I should have messaged you to see if you were home. It definitely would’ve saved my poor innocent eyes.”
My cheeks burn. “You are the farthest thing from innocent Sydney Archer.”
Last semester she hooked up with a frat guy and forgot her blindfold and some other interesting items in the living room. Maddie and I teased her relentlessly for days after that.
“Well, it wasn’t the worst view. His butt is perfectly round, like a peach I want to sink my teeth into.” She smacks my butt as she walks by, before grabbing both of our teas. “C’mon, let’s watch a raunchy rom-com and you can tell me all about Jake’s magical dick and whatever the hell it is that you two are doing together.”
I roll my eyes but reluctantly follow her to the couch. We settle on a random movie, knowing full well that we won’t be paying attention to it. I blow on my tea before taking a small sip. Sydney situates herself so she’s sitting cross-legged in the corner of the couch, her eyes locked onto me—patiently waiting for me to start talking.
“So, what’s the deal? Are you guys fooling around? Dating?” Her eyes wiggle at the last word.
“We’re friends.” I push my glasses up the bridge of my nose, keeping them from sliding down as I readjust myself on the couch. “Friends who sometimes have sex. Y’know, no strings attached.”
“Okay, who brainwashed you into thinking this was a good idea? Someone always catches feelings in these types of situations.”
“Syd, you know how I feel about relationships. And we all know that Jake doesn’t date either. It’s just a healthy and convenient way for us to relieve stress. Nothing more.” The last two words linger on my tongue like a bad taste in my mouth.
I don’t want more. Just something fun. Right?
“All right fine, but when the two of you inevitably end up together,” she leans in closer to me, “which we all know you will, I’m going to be standing there with a gigantic sign that says Sydney was right. And I will hold it over you for the rest of our lives.”
She lounges back into the couch, grabbing her tea and focusing on the movie playing on the TV.
Maybe one day I’ll be ready for a relationship—but today is not that day. For now, I’m content with the situation I’m in—and hopefully Jake is as well.