Chapter 16
Chapter
Sixteen
I did not see my mother often as a child.
But the day I met Nyx and Thanatos’ daughter, she came to the clearing where we played and sat down.
Sora hardly looked up. She was used to seeing principals, used to feeling the overwhelming breadth of their power.
After all, she was just as powerful, even as a youngling.
My mother watched her quietly for a time, until she said to me: “Fate has chosen this one, Anabeth.” For a long time, I thought her words a blessing and didn’t realize until too late they were a warning. The hand of Fate is not a kind one.
—Lady Anabeth, Royal Scribe’s Apprentice, D’anna
Her room was dark, and the only sound she could hear was the frantic heaving of her own breath.
It was just like the scary place, the one filled with whispers.
They called her name, and sometimes, she wanted to follow them, but she was too scared of the dark to go.
There weren’t even stars, just deep stretches of black.
Still, she swore that sometimes, it stared back at her with blinking, deadened eyes…
She screamed, and the next thing she knew, Papa was rushing into her room, and she couldn’t remember why she was scared anymore.
He sat on her bed, his eyes glowing a little in the dark. “A bad dream?”
“I think,” she whispered, rubbing her eyes. She couldn’t remember anymore. “Where is Mama?”
“Just resting, love.”
He looked worried and sad, and she threw her arms around him. “Is she sad about my baby brother?”
Papa shivered, and she tried to hug him tighter. It was a little cold in her room tonight.
“Yes, she’s sad,” he said, hugging her back.
She sat back. She was shivering now too, but she wasn’t sure why, because she had all her blankets.
Maybe it was because she was thinking of the way both Mama and Papa had cried when her brother had been born without breathing.
They had explained to her that sometimes, babies didn’t get much time in the world.
She didn’t think that was fair. He had been so little.
“Are you sad?” she asked, biting her lip.
Papa made a funny breathing noise and tucked one of her braids behind her shoulder. “I am, Nya, love. But you know that’s okay, right? And you’re allowed to be sad too, or mad or confused. Sometimes, bad things happen, and there is no perfect way to feel.”
“Do you think my brother went to the dark place?”
Papa furrowed his brow, and she bit her lip harder, wondering if she had said a bad thing or if she was in trouble.
“What do you mean, the dark place?”
She shrugged. “It looks like nothing, but there are sometimes eyes. Maybe they’re his?”
Papa cleared his throat then hugged her tight again. “Maybe,” he said, but she didn’t think he meant it. He didn’t sound happy like she thought he might.
He sounded scared.
Nya opened her eyes to find Morgen staring at her. She blinked a few times, trying to clear her head of the dream. It was odd that she remembered it at all.
Morgen was still looking at her, brow furrowed, when he said, “You had a brother?”
“How…?” she rasped, clearing her throat. “Why are you asking me right now?”
“Did you, Nya?”
She glanced around the room, not entirely sure how she had ended up in his bed. She remembered the pool…what they had done…but after, her memories were hazy. Carus had been there, or his voice, but she wasn’t entirely sure what had been said.
“I… Yes, I did. But he was stillborn.”
Morgen rubbed her jaw, muttering, “Of course. This is about to get a lot more complicated.” She opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but he cut her off, asking, “Are you aware that when a god dies, their soul is eventually reborn? Mostly, it’s just gods and godlings, but if a demi-god is particularly powerful, they may get caught up in the cycle of rebirth too. ”
She furrowed her brow. “Yes, it’s why my parents came back after they died along with Kronos.”
He nodded. “Usually, resurfaced memories from a past life become clearer with time.” He hesitated before he continued.
“I’ve always suspected this isn’t Carus’ first life, but he’s never remembered anything clearly.
He’s always said he can recall feelings that don’t feel attached to anything in this life, so I figured perhaps his last life was a very long time ago.
But maybe he has no memories because he didn’t make any. ”
Nya’s eyes widened, sudden heat rushing to her face. “Are you saying you think Carus is my brother?”
“I’m saying I don’t know, but he holds a striking resemblance to your father, and his magic is fire-based.”
“He doesn’t look like…” But she trailed off, realizing Morgen was right. Carus had her father’s nose and high cheekbones, and his eyes were the same as hers. She hadn’t seen it before because why would she? It didn’t make any sense. “But I thought Carus was a demi-god?”
Morgen shook his head. “Both his birth parents were mortal. They died when he was young, and he ended up on the streets in D’anna. He crossed the border into Arcadia when he was thirteen.”
“How old is he?”
“Twenty.”
“I thought he was older,” she whispered, shaking her head.
“Most do,” Morgen said with a sigh. “But he’s incredibly powerful and has lived through more than most do in a lifetime. Those things tend to age someone past their years.”
Her throat worked. This was…too much of a coincidence. Wasn’t it? Morgen couldn’t possibly be right, and even if he was, what did it mean? Everything was complicated enough already.
“Did you see my dream?” she asked. “Is that how you figured it out?”
Morgen paused. He was already dressed, and she had no idea what time it was.
She needed to go back to her parents, make sure her father was okay, and apparently figure out if she had a brother.
But this felt important. She couldn’t remember her own dreams most of the time, but if Morgen could see them, maybe she could finally figure out the source of her nightmares.
“Yes,” he finally answered, not explaining further.
“Is that new?” she pushed. “You being able to see my dreams?”
“Not entirely,” he said. The air shimmered with the pulsing energy of his magic, and she wondered if it was on purpose, or if some of his control was slipping.
“Okay,” she whispered, holding his gaze. “I have more questions about that, but for now, where is Carus?”
Morgen cleared his throat. “Still keeping guard.”
Nya winced. “Keeping guard outside the room holding my parents, who might also be his parents?”
“We should probably head that way,” Morgen said carefully, rising from the bed. “Imeria brought clothes for you. I’ll be waiting in the hall.”
She almost brought up what had happened last night but let him leave instead. If he didn’t want to talk about it, perhaps that was for the best.
She dressed quickly in the thick pants and too-big shirt Imeria had left, tugging on boots she assumed were for her too before joining Morgen.
His eyes landed momentarily on her face, though he looked away quickly.
She wondered if he felt the same urge to stare, paired with bitterness when he did look at her.
He sucked in a short breath, and she wondered if he’d heard the thought. All he said was, “If you can find it in you to be gentle about this, I’d ask you to try. I know you don’t like him, but this might be a bit…sensitive, for Carus. He’s been looking for his true parents for a long time.”
“So he’s always known his mortal parents weren’t really his family?”
They started to walk. “I think so, yes. Obviously, I’ve never been reborn, but I hear there is usually a strong feeling of dissonance with the circumstances you’re born into. Your parents are quite familiar with that feeling, I’m sure.”
“Are gods usually reborn so quickly?” she asked as they rounded a corner, passing a few soldiers who nodded respectfully at Morgen but did not really look at her. “My brother was only born a year before Carus was supposedly reborn.”
Morgen didn’t answer right away, his expression contemplative. “I’m not sure the amount of time is important. The Fates just pull souls back into the world when it’s their time again.”
After that, neither of them spoke until they reached Carus, lingering in front of the room where Nya’s parents were and looking bored.
“Anything to report?” Morgen asked casually, but Nya could hear the tension in his voice at the end of the words.
Carus shrugged. “Not really. They’re pretty boring prisoners for being heirs. Just a lot of hushed talking.”
Morgen nodded, and Nya’s stomach whooshed as she really allowed herself to look at Carus. Morgen was right. He could absolutely be her brother.
“Why are you both looking at me like that?” Carus ventured, eyes narrowing.
Morgen shifted, his boots scuffing on the stone floor. “Nya had a dream, which I saw.”
“Really?” Carus mused, though his voice hardened, his tone almost cold, and for a moment, Nya felt like she was the one missing something here.
“Yes. It was a memory,” Morgen said firmly. “One I was unaware of.”
Carus raised a brow. “Okay?”
Morgen glanced at her, and she took a deep breath, realizing he wanted her to continue. “I had a brother,” she forced herself to tell him. “But he didn’t live. He was stillborn.”
Carus stiffened. “My condolences, but I’m not sure why you’re telling me this.”
“He was born when I was five, about twenty-one years ago. Morgen told me you don’t think your mortal parents were your original birth parents.”
“Why would you tell her that?” Carus snapped, silver flashing in his eyes. Though she didn’t know him well, Nya had a feeling he didn’t often get angry like this, at least not visibly.
Morgen didn’t balk though, replying calmly, “I started to have suspicions when I saw her father. Nya’s memory just confirmed them.”
“What does her father have to do with—”
“You look just like him, Carus.”