Chapter 1 #2
Zacia meows, blatantly displeased with using her own limbs for walking.
She eyes her owner who has no room for her, then August who is already carrying multiple bags.
Since she doesn’t know what else to do in her misery, she leaps up and obviously expected me to be prepared for this as she latches right on to my flesh through my clothes.
“Ow! Dammit!” I cry, catching the cat. I pull her free of my skin and hold her while she sits, quite pleased that I’ve chosen to carry her… as if I had a choice.
“Aww, Zacia likes you!” Landon says, like he can’t see that the cat is using me.
“Is that what this means?” I unbutton my shirt enough to look at the slice on my chest where beads of blood are running down over the tattoos etched in my skin.
Asmodeus steps up next to me and I brace myself for whatever is about to come out of his mouth that I will have to try to ignore. “Do you camp much?”
Ah… a normal question. How suspicious. “No. My family…” I hesitate. “I’ve lived a pretty boring life.”
“Boring? Nah, nothing about you is boring,” he says, then beams at me while I try my hardest not to look at that smile.
Like… what am I supposed to do with that?
I can’t be fooled. This man is the strangest creature to have ever walked this earth, so why has my body forsaken me by making me believe he’s… he’s…
I shake my head, unable to even think it.
Landon cuts in, which I’m thankful for. “One time, I told my family all I wanted for my birthday was an electronic-free time while camping, so I made them get a tent and put it far out in the woods and I told them that I would be right there. And off they went to erect the most difficult tent I could find while I got in the car and drove home with all of their phones, leaving them stranded in the wilderness. It was amazing. Fantastic birthday.”
“That is… awful,” I say.
His smile is bright. “Thank you!”
I really didn’t intend for it to be a compliment.
We walk for nearly a mile, which is significantly farther than I thought Landon could make it before he just tosses his bag on the ground, drops to his knees and cries, “Why have you done this to me, August?” His cat leaps from my arms, concerned that her owner has met his demise by simply walking.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” August asks as he rushes back.
“My legs, August, my legs.”
“Did something happen to them?” he asks while he hurriedly starts inspecting Landon’s legs. I’m not quite sure what he’s expecting to see as he struggles to push up the ankle of Landon’s black skinny jeans. Does he really think something is wrong with his legs when he is merely being dramatic?
“Yes, August, they were forced to walk for miles.”
I pull up my watch. “We’ve walked point nine miles so far.”
“Deus… carry my bag,” Landon says.
“How much are you going to pay me?” he asks, already calculating out his next invoice.
“I don’t know… like two dollars?”
“At least a hundred and five,” Asmodeus counters.
That makes Landon stare at him. “Why is carrying a bag for me worth more money than shooting me?”
“It’s a tough market,” Asmodeus says.
“Fine.”
Asmodeus reaches over and nearly dislocates his arm when he tries to pick up Landon’s bag. “Fucking hell. What do you have in here? Dead bodies don’t weigh this much! Maybe two bodies? Do you have two bodies in here?”
“Just the essentials,” Landon assures him.
Lex reaches over and can’t even get the bag an inch off the ground before he gives up. “I nearly destroyed my back. What do you have in there?”
“Like I said: just the essentials.”
“Were you using your telekinesis to carry it? Is that why you’re so tired?” August asks.
“Maaaybe. Why are you guys being so judgy? I just want someone to carry my bag.”
August reaches for the zipper to reveal what’s inside but Landon throws his body over the bag.
“August, don’t! There are private things in there that no one else can see. They are all very private. August, stop!” Landon cries as August peels him off the bag and unzips it with his other hand. A mountain of books all wrapped in protective sleeves come sliding out of the bag.
“Landon, how many books did you bring?” August asks. “It’s only two nights!”
“You don’t understand. I’m well aware that I needed at least four books.
But then I couldn’t decide which books to bring, and what if I’m in the mood for horror, but then what if when I get there my mood suddenly changes and I’m in the mood for sexy shit.
And then what if it’s awkward to read erotica in front of others so I needed another book to read in front of everyone, so then I was thinking fantasy but did I want urban fantasy or high fantasy?
And then I couldn’t decide which book that would be, so I just…
brought them all. How can you not understand? ”
“How could I understand?” August asks. “Can you leave them here, and we’ll get them on the way back?”
Landon’s jaw practically comes unhinged when it drops open. His eyes are close to falling out of their sockets as his head turns at an abnormally slow speed to look at the man he once called his one true love. “You heathen.”
“Because you don’t need thirty books for two days of camping? Why didn’t you just bring that Kindle? You could have put thirty thousand books in it.”
“Don’t disgust me, August. You know I have to smell the book. I have to touch the book. I have to caress—guys! Guys! Why are you leaving me? Help me, please!”
“He would not make it one day in the wild on his own,” Asmodeus determines.
“Deus, could you carry Landon just for a little bit? Just until his legs have a tiny rest. I’ll carry his… bag,” August says as he hefts the bag up. It’s a good thing he has super strength or I’m not sure he could have handled the weight of all of their supplies and the library Landon has packed.
Asmodeus goes over to Landon and squats down.
Landon seems to think he’s being given a piggyback ride until Asmodeus slides his left arm through his legs and his right arm around his neck and stands up, leaving Landon in some strange horizontal position that looks horrifically uncomfortable as he lies against Asmodeus’s back just below his backpack.
“What is this position? I demand to be carried like a princess, thank you very much!”
“It’s so if I need to get rid of you quickly, I can drop you and you will be incapable of latching on to me,” Asmodeus explains.
I stand there and question life, my choices, and how I ended up here. None of it is very clear, yet I have no choice but to keep moving and pretending like any ounce of this is normal.
“If you are displeased, I can drag you or you can use your own legs.”
“I will happily suffer,” Landon decides, bouncing against Asmodeus’s ass with every step they take.
His rifle smacks Landon every now and then too, but Landon acts like he doesn’t notice as he looks at August, and I watch the bag unzip just enough for him to use his telekinesis to slide a book over to him.
He seems delighted to be able to read while Asmodeus climbs a steep incline carrying Landon, his bag, and his two guns. It’s quite the impressive feat for a man that I don’t think has superhuman strength like August.
“Do you want me to carry your guns?” I ask Asmodeus.
He looks over at me and then eyes me up and down. “That’s rather promiscuous of you.”
My face scrunches up. “Is it? Do you know the definition of that word?”
His expression has turned pleased. “I like it.”
“You like what?” I ask in disbelief. “Forget I asked.”
“You could carry my book,” Landon offers. “I want you to hold it in front of my face and then flip the pages when I ask.”
I walk away from that mess.
“It’s just so pretty here,” Lex says.
“Isn’t it?” August asks.
“So pretty,” Landon agrees, face stuffed in a book while Asmodeus suffers. Of course Asmodeus doesn’t look like he’s suffering; I’m positive the man pretends everything is perfect at all points in time.
Asmodeus looks over at me. “Are you having fun, Ellison?”
I hesitate as I find that… I am having fun. “It is… tolerable.”
He beams at me. “You’re loving it, aren’t you?”
“Love is a strong word.”
“Ha. You’re hilarious.”
“Could you guys talk a little less? It’s kind of hard to read when you’re all blabbing away,” Landon whines.
“Hmm…” Asmodeus begins. “I could place you on the limb of this here tree and we will return in two days for you… if we remember you. You should be safe from most wildlife at this height. Bears and cougars do climb, but if you see one, just play dead. It’s not guaranteed to keep you alive, but honestly…
you don’t look very delicious. Like if I was a cannibal…
I don’t think I’d eat you first, if you get my drift. ”
Landon slowly lowers his book. “Excuse me? I am very delicious. Just ask August.”
“He is very delicious,” August says. I can see the muscle strain going on because of the bag of books. How can anyone enjoy another human enough to torture themselves in this way? And does he not understand that the farther he carries the books, the farther he’ll have to carry them back?
“So… if you had to eat one of us first, who would you eat?” Lex asks.
“That is an excellent question,” Asmodeus says, and like…
is it? “I definitely wouldn’t go for August; while he doesn’t have bulky muscle, he’s like lithe muscular, which would still make his meat a bit tough.
I would want to keep Lex around to cook it in case I can’t get a fire started…
so I guess I’d eat Ellison. I bet unwrapping him from that suit and all of those layers would be fun. ”
“Thrilled to know that if you become a cannibal, I’m your first pick to murder.”
Asmodeus smiles at me, like this is, in some messed-up way, a compliment.
“Is that the only way you want to eat him?” Lex mutters under his breath. Asmodeus doesn’t hear, but I sure do. My face heats up and I charge ahead to catch up with August.