Chapter 7 #2
The box is being flung every which way while the cat tries its hardest to leave.
I can see it now, leaping out, scratching the shit out of me and then running off through the hospital.
And now that I look at Mark’s arm, I see that it’s been absolutely shredded.
It looks like he should be in the hospital instead of me.
“I’m so excited,” Landon says as he hurries over.
“Take it back. Please. Someone!” I beg.
“Does it already have a name?” Asmodeus asks, getting involved in this.
“Pocket Lint the Third, Esquire,” Mark announces proudly.
“Take it,” I plead. “I will not… I will not have a cat, and I will not have a cat with that horrible name.”
Landon whips open the box and the cat tumbles and rolls out before standing up on four very stubby legs. It looks at me, arches its back, and hops sideways down my chest then chomps down right on my nose.
“FUCK,” I cry as I grab the creature and pull, but its jaws of death are latched on for good. While I fight it, the fucking “Congrats on the baby girl!” balloon is bouncing all around.
“I told you to get a cat! What the hell is that thing?” Patricia asks while I’m holding on to the creature in question. I don’t want to hurt it, but it’s over here giving me a piercing for a nose ring I’ll never wear.
“It’s a looong cat,” Mark says before going, “Heh.”
“Don’t heh me, you ass! Cat! I said to get a cat!”
“I tried to get a cat!” Mark protests. “I tried snatching one out of the alley and it fucking shredded my arm all up, so then I ran to a pet store where I was told the only cats they had are ones up for adoption and I’d have to fill out this form.
But this thing… I just had to tap my card for this. ”
“Get. It. OFF,” I say.
Landon looks close to tears and I can’t tell whether it’s from delight or laughter. “August… I can’t… it’s precious.”
“Precious, my ass,” I grumble as Asmodeus gives it the smallest thump on the top of the head with one finger.
The white creature releases and tries chomping down on him but misses and then proceeds to do an arched-back hop down my body.
I don’t know if I’m supposed to grab it or what until I see Zacia shoot out of her blanket roll, questioning if ferret is on the menu.
The ferret freezes, and I snatch it up before Zacia can eat it.
“Zacia, no! Friend, not foe!” Landon says as he scoops up his cat and I hold the damn ferret.
“You guys have to…” I trail off when I look up and realize that during all of that, the entire SAVCGEM group just fucked off, leaving pinata pieces and ketchup packets, and worst of all, a fucking ferret behind.
“Well, that was fun,” Landon says.
“I think more fun for some people,” August agrees.
And that’s the moment the last person I ever expected to walk through that door steps in.
“What in the hell is this absolute mess?” Mother announces.
I sit up a bit straighter and look around, trying to decide what to do with the ferret. It seems to have calmed itself a bit now that it’s released all of its frustrations and looked Death in the eyes.
“M-Mother,” I choke out before remembering the balloon on my wrist and beginning a battle with it that I cannot seem to win.
“MOTHER?” Asmodeus repeats as he gasps then tries to fix his hair before sliding over. “A pleasure. Honestly, the pleasure is all mine. Asmodeus at your service.”
Mother stares at him, much like she would a bug that has just splatted on her windshield after she’s paid someone to clean her car for her.
“Are there… rodents in this place?” Mother asks. “I should have this place shut down.”
“It’s a ferret, a pet. Not a rodent,” I say. “It’s… uh… Asmodeus brought it here to cheer me up.”
“He looks like someone who’d be frolicking with rodents.”
“Thank you,” Asmodeus says for some reason.
“Mother, why are you here?” I ask, because it’s quite evident she’s not here to check on my well-being.
She kicks some ketchup packets out of the way. “To tell you that this is what happens when you’re out playing with superheroes and supervillains. You know where you belong and it’s not out here with people like…”—she looks at the supers in the room—“like them.”
“Why yes, we are definitely the villains here,” Asmodeus says.
“What’s that?” she asks, her narrowed eyes fixating on him. She knows how to use those eyes to get her way, to control the situation, and whenever they don’t work, she just bashes people down until something does.
“I said you are a delight.”
“I hate it when people lie to me.”
“Oh, I apologize. Your existence irritates me, but I know that I shouldn’t say that to the mother of my dear friend, so that is why I lied to you,” Asmodeus says.
“Trust me, I also had parents who really didn’t care much about me.
But what I do know is that the halfway decent thing for you to do would have been to ask how he was feeling.
He could have died, but you don’t seem to have noticed or cared about that. ”
“And he wouldn’t have if he wasn’t off doing this shit,” she snipes back.
I think both the ferret and I are just flabbergasted that someone has stood up to my mother. Even Landon had a bit of a grimace on his face when she started spouting shit about villains and whatnot.
She raises a brow and looks down her nose at him, displeased she’s met someone she can’t immediately cow. “And who exactly are you?”
“I already told you. Asmodeus. You can call me Deus, though.”
“Do you have a last name?”
“Uh… yeah, probably. Landon, what’s your last name? I’ll just take that. Asmodeus Death Riverstonson.”
“That’s… I don’t know whose last name that is but it’s not mine,” Landon says.
Asmodeus simply shrugs.
“Mother, enough,” I say. “I’m not going to follow in your footsteps, no matter how much you think I should. It’s not going to happen. Thank you for… coming.”
She stares at me for a moment and then at my balloon. “We will have words.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
She heads toward the door with a huff before pausing in the doorframe and looking back at me. “How are you?”
I hesitate, rather caught off guard by this question. “I… uh… I’m fine.”
She gives me a nod and with that, she’s gone.
“Wow, Ellison, I see where you got that stick up your ass. It’s from your mother,” Asmodeus says.
“Thanks,” I retort with much sarcasm.
“You’re welcome.”
I can’t help but wonder why he thinks I’m honestly thanking him. “I have one more duty for you.”
“Of course.”
I hand him the ferret. “Get rid of this thing.”
“No, he’ll eat it!” Landon says.
“I will not…” Asmodeus trails off. “It does look delectable. Like a bratwurst.”
“Find it a new home.”
“Just not in your stomach,” Landon begs.