Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
DEUS
Landon lowers his book long enough to raise his hand.
“Yes, Landon,” Ellison says. They picked us up in a transport vehicle, which means that the back is done up in bench seats that face each other.
It’s been a couple of days since the prison incident, and we all happened to be at Superheroes United when the call came in, since we were discussing what to do with Nolan.
We barely got through the door before Valerie tossed us into the vehicle and sent us on our way.
“Can you give us the condensed version? Like how I used to read the SparkNotes in school?”
“Did you really not read the books for English class? You love reading,” August says.
“Honey. Honey, honey, bunny honey. Do you not listen to me? I am a mood reader. I can only read what I’m in the mood for and I was never in the mood to be told what to read,” Landon explains.
August doesn’t seem to understand and just pokes his lucky doll with more vigor.
“See? They use cute pet names, why can’t I use ours? Why can I only use it in private?” I ask.
Ellison flicks his eyes over to me. “You act like I allow you to use it in private!”
“Ooh, pet names? How disgusting,” Landon says.
I clearly heard this wrong. “Dis… disgusting? You dare classify our love as disgusting while you’re over there wearing underwear with August’s face on it?
” I hiss. “I hereby curse your essence for eternity. Demons, I, your most trusted follower, beseech you to come hither and smite this cursed soul. Smite it, I say!”
“I would like to watch them try,” he says as he waves his hand and sends the medical kit flying at my head. I duck, but Lex, who is minding his own business, does not and is immediately smacked with it.
Lex’s head snaps up and his eyes lock on Landon’s. “Look at my nails!”
We all look at where Lex’s nail polish is swiped right up his hand.
“This woebegone soul was minding his walk of life when you clouted him across his pleasant face,” I say.
“I was painting my nails, but yes! What Deus said!” Lex waves his fingers some more to make sure we are aware of the issue.
“I… was very much aiming for Deus. It’s not my fault he’s so fucking fast!” Landon protests.
“The apartment building has seven floors, each with—” Ellison tries to slide in.
“CliffsNotes, SparkNotes, bullet points… shorten it, please,” Landon says.
“I can only get out five freaking words at a time! How can you possibly need it to be condensed?” Ellison snaps.
“Oh shit… I think I broke Ellison!” Landon says.
“Please… don’t take the credit for that. I broke him long ago,” I say, quite proud of myself. “It’s sexy, isn’t it?”
Ellison gets really close to my ear as his hand goes in my hair and jerks it back. “You will listen, and you will like it, do you understand?” Like what the hell! Landon is the one refusing to listen, not me!
“I’m understanding something, alright… and I think it has to do with carnal desires,” I say.
“It’s like you guys want to risk your lives,” Ellison growls.
“I sure don’t. I just want to sit in here and paint my nails,” Lex says.
“My brother’s favorite color is red,” Landon informs him.
Lex hesitates before quickly screwing the lid on the nail polish and dropping it in his bag. “What strange trivia you have declared,” he says, sounding a bit like a robot as he digs in his bag and pulls out some red nail polish.
“My Lord of Suits, do you know your husband’s favorite color?” I ask.
“There are five apartments per floor,” Ellison continues.
“He’s a bit shy,” I explain to the rest.
“You said seven floors?” August asks from where he’s over there taking notes.
“What a nerd,” Landon calls out. “Teacher’s pet. Hey, nerd, you wanna bang under the bleachers?”
“I think it’s highly illegal for you to have intercourse on any school grounds,” Ellison says.
“It was a joke! We were role-playing! Deus, how do you manage to tame that man?” Landon asks.
“I will get back to you when I figure it out,” I assure him. “Even my omniscient demons don’t have the answers to that.”
“Oh hey, did you see this video of that guy who was preaching up a storm at the mall?” Landon asks as he pulls it up on his phone and aims it at me.
The man stands before a group of people, of course standing up higher so he can tower over them. “Superheroes United is incapable of keeping villains in their own prisons confined! The villains were unleashed upon innocent lives—”
“I really didn’t see anyone innocent there, did you?” I ask.
“Turn that shit off,” Ellison snaps.
The man continues to preach from the phone. “A ban of powers is not strong enough. We need to remove their powers!”
“Can we focus on what is at hand?”
“Sure, sure,” Landon says as he turns it off.
“All eyes are on your sexy body, my man.”
Ellison just throws his papers that he’s been trying to read from for the last fifteen minutes. I glance down and see “acid spraying” in them.
“The villain sprays acid? I feel like you should have mentioned this and shouldn’t have been withholding it from us,” I say.
Landon gasps. “Omg, we could have been melted to goo and you weren’t going to tell us?”
“That’s the plan,” Ellison says with so much sarcasm he could have fed Valerie’s addiction to being evil for at least a year.
“Anything else you’re withholding from your Lord of Darkness?”
“You’re the ‘Lord of Darkness’ in this scenario?” Landon asks me. “What am I?”
“A mere peasant.”
“I’ll peasant your ass.”
I hold my arms out. “Come at me, bruh.”
“What… other things does Nolan like?” Lex asks. “Asking for a friend.”
Landon huffs. “Lex, I’m about to destroy Deus’s ass, so can you read the room?”
“It looks like you’re picking your book back up to read it,” Lex says.
“Well… I was going to kick his ass… after this next chapter.”
“Hey, Landon,” I say.
“What, fiend?”
“I know who dies in the end.”
He slowly lowers the book. “You’ve read this book?”
I’m so very delighted by this turn of events. “Sure have.”
“Please don’t tell me that the only person in this vehicle I have hobbies in common with is the demon worshiper,” Landon whispers.
“If you don’t apologize, I’m going to tell you who dies.”
He freezes. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would.”
Landon’s face twitches. “August, apologize to the fiend for me.”
“I am very sorry,” August says for some reason.
I shake my head. “Not good enough. His name—”
“It’s a man? NO! August, throw him out of the vehicle, now! Hurry. Is it Tom? Trent? Don’t tell me it’s Matt! August, throw him!”
“Of course,” he says as the vehicle comes to a stop. August gathers me in his arms and carries me out through the back door of the stationary vehicle.
“That felt less like a throw and more like a man carrying his bride through the door on their wedding night,” Landon grumbles.
“It was wildly effective,” I say as I twirl a strand of August’s hair with my finger, leaving Landon gasping.
Jumping out of August’s arms, I hurry off toward the apartment until Ellison grabs me by the back of my shirt to choke me a little.
“Wrong apartment,” he says as he aims me toward the right one.
“It’s hot how smart you are.”
He stares at me, as if he could possibly see something wrong with any part of this.
“Stay focused and don’t get hurt.”
“How many entrances are there?” August asks.
“Four. I’ve sent my illusions out to watch all four to see if they try to exit the building. I’m unsure if there are any people still inside.”
“I’ll stay here and guard Ellison,” Lex offers, obviously not wanting to go into the apartment. I think he gets more anxious about using his powers when it comes to residential buildings. But with only one villain, we really should be able to handle it fine without help.
“Sounds good,” Landon says. “If you need us, just shout, ‘August is naked!’ and I’ll come even faster than if you said something foolish like ‘help.’”
“Thrilled to know that,” Ellison retorts with another dose of sarcasm. He’s getting his sarcasm quota filled for the day.
We head inside and I turn right toward the stairs.
“Can you tell what floor the villain is on?” Landon asks.
“No, but I can sense that something is going on upstairs,” I say as I hurry up the steps with August in front of me and Landon taking up the rear.
“Like… should we take the elevator? I think we should take the elevator.”
“The villain could be camping the elevator. They could dump acid in it the second the door opens,” August explains.
“My legs are saying that they’re willing to take that risk,” Landon says. “I’m going to check the second floor, okay?”
“They’re not on the second floor,” I tell him.
“Yeah, but… they could be,” Landon says as he eyes the door leading to a life of less stair climbing. “Hear me out… if I pick up the entire building with my mind and then like… flip it over and shake it like a little Tic Tac container… the villain might fall out one of the windows.”
“I approve of this message,” I say, halting in my steps, very interested in seeing this happen.
“Come, I’ll carry you,” August offers, like the sucker he is.
“Yay! We could fight like this, you know? You carrying me, me beating the shit out of people with my telekinesis. My superhero slogan could be like: ‘I would never be opposed to riding you, ChronoBendMeOver.’”
“Sounds romantic,” August says.
“I might go wait outside with the other two before I throw up all over,” I mutter.
“Aww, you’re just jealous that the man you have the hots for is stoic and only likes having a stick up his ass.”
“Am I?” I ask, quite uncertain.
We rush onto the fifth floor where August hesitates before turning. “They’re here.”
“I agree,” I say as I pull the door open and August hurries inside with Landon still on his back.
A woman looks up from where she’s dragging a man who is blubbering and pleading.
She scowls at our entrance. “How about you all worry about yourself and I’ll finish up here?”
“Please, please help me,” the man sobs.