Chapter 17 #2
“He doesn’t fucking need help,” she says. “He deserves this. Don’t you? You want to tell them what you did? Yeah?”
He twists hard, breaking free and leaping to his feet. He doesn’t get far before she throws up a wall of acid that rains down. He screams as he reels back, his skin sizzling where the drops touched him.
And that’s when I get a bad feeling.
I freeze where I stand, but it’s not like I can hear or see anything from this far away.
“I need to go back,” I say.
“What?” Landon asks. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. You two have this?”
“Yes, we’ve got it,” August says.
I spin fast and dart through the door and back into the stairwell as I pull out my phone and call Ellison. He doesn’t answer the phone, so I quickly call Lex, but the phone rings and rings.
I leap over the railing, dropping half a flight, and then do it again, making it down to the first floor in record time. When I slip out the door, Ellison’s illusion isn’t waiting for me.
No longer able to sense what made me come down here, I dash to the vehicle where I’d left Ellison and Lex, only to find Lex lying unconscious and no sign of Ellison anywhere.
Why the fuck did I leave him? Why did I leave him?
I grab Lex while I scan my surroundings, looking for whoever it was, but I can’t see them or Ellison anywhere. When I look up, I see a note stuck to the back door of the vehicle. I have to question if the driver is in the same state as Lex, but for now, my attention is on that note.
913 N. River Road
Come alone
I tear it off the door and hoist Lex into the back of the vehicle. “Hey, wake up.”
Lex groans as I shake him awake. “There’s a man… he was so fucking fast… Where’s Ellison?”
I press a hand against his forehead, glad he’s okay.
Then I rush out into the street where a reporter is getting out of his car.
I slam him against it, dig his keys out of his pocket, and get inside before he can even cry about me stealing his car.
I use the vehicle’s GPS to tell me where to go as I realize that it was never Ellison this person wanted.
It was me.
I put Ellison in danger. I was the reason he was attacked and wounded so severely… why he almost died.
Anxiety eats at me while I push the car to its limit. Why didn’t Ellison send one of his illusions to me? Is he in a state that he can’t?
Have I ever felt like this? Have I ever feared for the life of another like I am now? I was raised knowing that relationships would be the end of me; it’s why I was never allowed any. It was why they were forbidden in our group. Because the moment you love someone is the moment you lose focus.
I should sneak in, try to assassinate them before they even know I’m there, but if Ellison is in their hands… how could I? How could I risk his life just to kill them? Just to protect my own?
“You’ve fucked up again. Do you never learn? You’ve looked into the eyes of your dead companions and still, you have learned nothing. Your skills drove you to the top, but your mind drove us to death because you are fucking weak.”
“Shut up,” I snap.
“He’s going to die just like everyone else in your life.”
“Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP.”
Suddenly the voice changes from my elder to her. “He’s going to die like I did. All because of you.”
“Get out of my head. All of you. Get out of my head,” I beg while the car goes as fast as it can. I nearly miss my turn as I fight off the voices that try to consume me.
The drive isn’t far—only ten minutes—but it feels like the longest ten minutes of my life.
At the speed I drive, it’s a wonder I don’t beat them there.
I reach for my gun and sling my rifle over my shoulder before I hurry toward the building, only for my phone to beep.
I pull it out and see that it’s a text from Ellison’s phone.
Ellison: Leave your guns in the vehicle and come in through the front door or I’ll shoot him in the head. My power lets me sense when you turn invisible. Don’t try it.
“You were raised to lack emotions. Giving in to this person’s demands would prove your weakness. Walk in and shoot him in the head. Casualties are a given in this line of work. You shouldn’t even blink at it.”
Risking my own life for Ellison’s goes against everything I was taught. It doesn’t matter that Ellison is in this position because of me. It doesn’t matter that Ellison is innocent. All that matters is that I kill the person who dares try to control me.
But I know that I would walk right in front of a bullet without hesitation to keep those I care about safe.
And isn’t that why I’m the only one left of my “family”?
I drop my rifle inside the car along with my handgun.
I walk toward the door of a large building and pull it open, completely vulnerable.
“Keep your hands up or I’ll shoot him in the head,” a male voice calls out.
Hands above my head, I continue down the hallway. “How will you guarantee to me that you’ll let him go?”
“I can guarantee that I’ll kill him if you don’t listen,” he says.
I walk through an open door and into a large room.
It looks like it might have held cubicles or desks at one point but now it stands empty besides two people, a man in black and Ellison who is kneeling by his side.
Ellison is bound but seems unharmed, although I do notice that he appears unsteady and is wavering a bit.
“What did you do to him?”
“I simply gave him something to knock him out. He’s just groggy. Hopefully, by the time it wears off, he’s back home… if you play your cards right, that is.”
“Asmodeus, get out of here,” Ellison demands.
“Who are you?” I ask the man in black.
He stands behind Ellison, a gun pressed against his head as his other hand slides his hood off.
I need nothing more to know who stands before me.
I’ve never met the man in my life, but a simple glance is enough to tell me exactly who he is. And I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.
Desperate for breath, I tear my eyes away from his vibrant blue ones, knowing I need to regain control of the situation, but how?
“You have a knife in your pocket; all it’d take is a flick of your wrist and he’d be dead. I’m sure he’d shoot Ellison in that time, but what is one sacrifice if it means ending a monster hunting you?”
“Let Ellison go, you can do whatever you’d like to me,” I say as I hold my arms up higher.
I feel like I’m back in that room. I’m back staring at those blue eyes, that soft smile. She had so much good in her. So much hope in her. I’d never met anyone like her.
“You remind me of my older brother, you know that?” she asks, voice soft.
I think she’s resigned to her fate at this point, but still, it hasn’t broken that smile.
“You’re both so prickly. He’s so serious all the time.
He just needs to relax but he’s determined to be a hero—wants to make the academy and will do anything to accomplish it.
I know he will… I’m just glad this group didn’t take him. ”
“Stop,” I whisper.
“Mo… I’m afraid… I’m really afraid and you make it better.”
I shake my head. “I can’t make anything better. You have this fucked-up idea of who I am. I’m a monster. All I know how to do is kill.”
“You’re not a monster to me. You’re not like the rest.”
I jerk back from her. “Don’t say that.”
“You’re not like the rest. There is goodness in you that I can’t find in them. I’m scared. I’m really scared.”
“You want me to tell you that I’ll get you out.”
There’s that smile again. “Even if it’s a lie. Please.”
I stare at her desperate eyes before glancing away. “I’ll get you out.”
She looks so hopeful. How can she look hopeful even after all of this? “Yeah? And then I want to introduce you to my brother. I think you could become a hero, just like him.”
“You think?” I ask, almost wanting to laugh. There’s nothing but hell for either of us. And there’s no fucking way out.
“I don’t think. I know. You can do great things, Mo.”
I stepped out of that room having no idea that it was the last time I was going to do so.
Having no idea that the next time I would see her would be her lifeless body lying on that table.
I didn’t cry when I saw her. No… it was almost like there was nothing in me.
I walked up to her, I touched her hand… and then I slaughtered everyone in that godforsaken place.
But now… now I cry for her. I hurt for her, I ache for her… for the only light in that darkness. The regret eats at me every night when I close my eyes. It makes sleep a dangerous place that I’ve begun to fear.
“I want you to hurt,” her brother says. “I want you to hurt so fucking bad.”
“Henrik, right? That’s your name… I know it is. I remember it, just like I remember everything she said. Please. Let him go and do whatever you need to me. You can cut my limbs off, tear me apart, cut me into pieces, I don’t fucking care. Just let Ellison go.”
He’s shaking, all his emotions flashing across his face before he manages to choke them down. “I want you to hurt like I do,” he settles on as he switches the safety off the gun pointed at Ellison.
“He already hurts,” Ellison says, stunning me. “He can’t sleep. He’s driven to the edge by the hell he went through. I don’t know who the fuck you are or why you want him to hurt, but Asmodeus is a good person.”
“I’m not,” I choke out. “I’m not a good person.”
“You are,” Ellison retorts. “You are kind and caring and you fight to protect us, no matter what it could mean for you. Your past is going to haunt you until you die, but don’t ever believe you’re not a good person.”
“Shut up,” Henrik says, hitting Ellison with his gun.
“Don’t touch him,” I snarl.
“I don’t have to touch him to kill him,” Henrik snaps. “Stop looking at me with those fucking eyes!”
“Your sister speaks to me in my dreams,” I say, making Henrik hesitate.
“She reminds me every single night that she’s dead because of me.
But I wish I could tell her that I’m alive because of her.
She was such a kind person. She was the first person who made me realize that even if they molded me into a monster, I could be so much more.
She was the first person who showed me kindness.
She was the first person to ask me how my day was.
She was the first person whose touch was kind instead of painful. ”
I drop to my knees in front of him. “I should tell you to kill me, and if that’s what you must do to let Ellison go, then do it.
But she taught me to fight harder than anyone else did.
She taught me how to fight for those I care about.
The problem was… I fought for her too late.
It took her dying to give me the strength to fight for her.
When I woke up and found her body… something let loose inside of me.
Feelings I’d been forced to lock away my entire life ripped through me.
I’d been beaten, molded, manipulated into being the very best. Yet they told me again and again that I wasn’t good enough…
“That day, I proved I was better than they ever could be when I slaughtered every single person who stood before me. I didn’t do it for myself. I did it for her.”
Henrik is shaking harder. He has his hand against Ellison’s head, like he’s using Ellison to keep himself standing. “I’m going to kill you. I don’t give a shit what you say. I’m going to kill you. I’m going to make you hurt. I’m going to make you hurt for what you’ve done.”
“I won’t stop you,” I say as I look up and catch his eyes.
“Stop looking at me!” he sobs out. “Stop looking at me with her eyes!”
I refuse to look away from him. “I regret not saving her sooner. I fear that back then… I didn’t know how.”
“I don’t want to hear your fucking sob story!”
“I don’t blame you.”
He throws Ellison to the ground, and that voice deep in my mind tells me that I could kill him. It would be so easy to do. He’s emotionally unsteady; I could use that to my advantage.
But instead, I watch while he lifts the gun and points it at me.
“No! Please,” Ellison says. “He told you he didn’t kill her.”
Henrik grits his teeth and slowly lowers it. “Why couldn’t you save her?”
“Because she was too busy saving me.”
“Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!” He shakes his head.
“I’m sorry. I wish I could change things, but I can’t.”
He stares at me for a long moment before he turns his back on me, his shoulders slumping. “Don’t make me regret this. Don’t make me regret letting you go. I’m only doing it because I know it’s what Eve would have wanted.”
Henrik passes through the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
“Asmodeus, untie me,” Ellison says.
Slowly, I look up at him.
“Asmodeus, come on.”
I manage to crawl over to him and untie his arms, but that’s all the energy I can find. I drop down until my head hits the floor, yet gentle hands lift it up. He’s watching me with such forgiving eyes, but why? How can he forgive me? How can anyone?
“You can’t join your demons yet,” Ellison says.
“I got you hurt. I’m the reason you were targeted. He wanted to hurt me by hurting those closest to me.”
“I’m fine—do I not look fine? Get up. Let’s get out of here.”
“I deserve to rot. I deserve to have him shoot me.”
“If you have time to rot, then rot at home with me. And do your job as my bodyguard.”
“The only thing I had to guard you from was my fucking past!” I exclaim.
Ellison’s eyes narrow. “Being human means making mistakes. It means fucking up and then getting back up so you can fuck up in some other way. Maybe you don’t know that, since you’re some demon from a weird-as-fuck cult, but you’re about to learn it. Come on. I need you to come with me.”
He drags me to my feet and pulls me from the building as I wait for Henrik to change his mind, to shoot me in the back of the head… but he’s too good.
And I bet he has Eve to thank for that.
She could make even the darkest souls bright.
I was proof of that.