Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ELLISON
“El… El killed Otto that day,” I say quietly.
“He was aiming for my father, and to this day, I don’t know whether my brother was rushing to help me or to stop El from hurting our father…
I don’t know… but I just know that somehow he ended up in front of my father so that when the hit came down, Otto took the blow.
“I felt like he was dead because of me. I’d begged for weeks for my illusions to return, and El came back just to take away the one person who loved me.
It tore our family apart. My mother finally had enough and divorced my father, stopping the pressure my father had exerted over me.
I begged her to help rid me of these powers, and she found a man whose superpower was to suppress others’ powers.
It doesn’t get rid of them, as my father had wanted, but it lessens the effect of them.
He mostly used it for people who couldn’t control their powers.
So as I said earlier, that’s what the tattoos are for.
Unlike the drug, it didn’t make me sick and simply made my power more controllable.
“My illusions were still allowed their personalities, though I had complete control over them and whether they’d come out or not.
It took me a very long time before I could face any of them again.
But I kept El locked away, unable to look at him since that day.
However, when my chest was cut and the tattoos were damaged when we were out in the woods…
I must have lost a bit of control. Honestly, I didn’t know for sure until El appeared in my room a few days ago.
It seems like he has autonomy to the point that I can’t tell where he is or what he’s doing.
But he’s targeting the people I care about.
He told me as much. I need to stop him… and I need to do it alone. I can’t have all of you here.”
Asmodeus shrugs. “Tough shit, I’m not going anywhere.”
I scowl at the obstinate man. “I’m not giving you a choice.”
“Neither am I,” he says. “I can out-stubborn anyone.”
“We’ll… talk about that later. For now… our main focus is on trying to get rid of El.”
“He doesn’t seem like that bad of a guy. I kind of like him,” Asmodeus comments.
“He tried to murder you,” I say, in case he forgot in the span of like thirty minutes.
“Eh. I’m not too hung up on that.”
“You are banned from talking,” Valerie says, which means Asmodeus is going to want to talk more. “We’ve tried the medication that Nolan has taken with no success.”
I frown. “I honestly don’t know what else to do.
If I lock myself away, it’s not like he can’t move freely.
I believe my best course of action is removing myself from the area completely.
I will go somewhere else where I don’t know anyone, which he seems happiest about.
And then once I figure out how to control my power, I’ll return. ”
“The guy who did the tattoos can’t repair them?” Landon asks.
“He passed away years ago.”
“What do you think El wants?” Asmodeus asks.
I hesitate before saying, “He seems to want you dead.”
“I don’t die so easily.”
“It doesn’t matter; I’m not putting you at risk. He’s not like anyone you’ve ever fought against. You can’t touch him, you can’t hurt him, and he can move around so easily.”
He shrugs like I’ve told him a mosquito is after him. “I’m not afraid.”
“Well, I am,” I say. “Asmodeus, please stay here.”
Asmodeus turns invisible and I glower in his general direction.
“Listen to me,” I snap.
I look at Nolan, wanting help, but he just shrugs. “He does a phenomenal job of cloaking his mind.”
I sigh, wondering why I’m surrounded by such stubborn people. “Thank you, everyone, for all of your help. Please don’t trust me if you see me in the future. I don’t quite know how to help you tell us apart.”
“You really need to let us help you figure this out,” August says. “You didn’t ditch us during any of the times we needed help.”
“It was different. Asmodeus, do not follow me. Please.”
I head out the door and hurry to my car.
The moment I’m in it, I lock the doors so Asmodeus can’t sneak in, but who knows if he’s already in here.
I debate waving my arms around before realizing that my desire to not look like a fool outweighs my need to know, and I quickly drive off.
I have one stop to make before going home and grabbing what I need.
And then I’m going to stay somewhere far away from them until they find me a new assignment.
I pull into my mother’s driveway and park before reaching the house. My finger hovers near the doorbell, but I decide that I really shouldn’t have to ring the damn doorbell to the house I grew up in and let myself in.
“Mother?” I call as I walk. Her assistant finds me first and her lips pucker disapprovingly when she sees me.
“Did you let yourself in?” Patty asks.
“I sure did. I wish to speak to my mother.”
“She’s in a meeting.”
“Tell her to end it. Actually, I will,” I say, making my way toward my mother’s office. I knock once before letting myself in. My mother looks up at me in surprise but then waves to her computer.
“I need to talk. I don’t have time to wait,” I tell her.
She sighs and turns to the computer to end the video call.
“That was rather rude,” she chides.
“I don’t even care anymore.”
“We can talk in the living room,” she says, walking over to it. “That was a man who is interested in investing with us. He has the prettiest daughter. You two would hit it off, I just know you would.”
“I’m not interested.”
Of course Mother ignores me as she continues, “I’ll set you up on a date.”
“A date? How lovely,” Asmodeus says from where he’s tinkering with my mother’s knickknacks when she walks in.
Her face immediately sours. “Stop touching my things.”
“I only do it because I love the face you make when you see it,” he says. “Ellison can’t go on a date unless she’s interested in being the third wheel.”
Mother’s head snaps around to face me. “Are you dating this man?”
I stare at Asmodeus, who walks over to my mother and holds his arms wide open. “May I call you Momma?”
She refuses to hug him, of course, and leaves him standing there.
“Ellison, what is the meaning of this?”
“The cut to my chest has broken the hold the tattoos had on my power,” I say. “All of my illusions are back to full strength… including El. I just wanted to warn you that he might come here.”
Mother’s face pales considerably when she realizes what this means. “How do I know I’m not speaking to him now? My son would never be so rude.”
“I tried to be perfect for you, and it wasn’t enough, so maybe I should be the horrible son you’d always seen me as.”
“I never saw you as a horrible son,” Mother says.
I look her in the eyes. “Well, I’ve always thought of you as a horrible mother.
You stood by Father and said nothing every time he bashed me down.
I needed someone, anyone, and the only people there for me were those my fucking power made up.
You treated me like absolute shit. You made me hate myself.
I only came here to warn you and tell you that I’m done.
I’m done letting you convince me that I’m a horrible person. I’m done with it all.”
She shakes her head. “I was not a horrible mother. I wanted you to be the best you can be, and instead—”
“I needed you so fucking much. I needed you to protect me from Father. I needed you to tell me that I did a good job. I needed you to tell me that I was loved, that I was enough. I fucking needed you. And instead, all you ever told me was that I could do better.”
“I wanted you to be the best. The better you were, the brighter your future would have been! I was doing it for you!”
“But even when I was, it wasn’t good enough!
Otto was the same way. He and I would sit together and talk about how much we hated both of you.
We’d wonder what it would have been like to be raised in a household with parents who cared that we existed—who hugged us, who told us they loved us, and who were proud of us. ”
“No! You’re lying. Otto…” She trails off and I can’t help but wonder if she realizes that she didn’t treat him that much better than she did me. Then she says, “We gave you everything you ever wanted! Look at this house, look at the house I bought for you, and you are still ungrateful!”
“You gave us everything but love. It’s my fault you lost your oldest son, but it’s your fault you lost this one. I’m leaving.”
“Otto was not your fault,” Asmodeus says. “I firmly believe El was trying to protect you. A child should never have to be protected from their own parents. Before you go, is there anything you want to take with you?”
I pause and look up the stairs before I decide that I do.
I really do. I never thought I deserved it and I’m still not sure I do, but I find myself in Otto’s room anyway.
It’s still pristine, just the way he left it.
I go over to his closet and reach up to the top shelf where I know he hid the comic books we weren’t allowed to read, just like the Game Boy he wasn’t allowed to play.
He read them so many times that the pages were curling up and worn.
We both knew if Father saw them, he’d trash them.
I remember acting like it was some big deal that he had these.
Like they were drugs or something with consequences instead of literal pieces of paper.
I pull them out and turn around to find my mother standing in the doorway.
“I left your father to protect you… I live every day knowing that if I’d left him sooner, I would still have both of my sons,” Mother says.
Hugging the comic books to my chest, I nod. “If he’d been gone from my life, I wouldn’t have to live with the fact that I killed the only person who loved me.”
“I’m sorry, Ellison. I’m sorry I never treated you like a son.
I don’t want you out of my life. If you promise not to leave, I swear I’ll support everything you do,” she says, and there’s a quiver to her voice that I’ve never heard before.
It makes me watch her, incapable of answering.
“I will support your new career; I’ll support you dating this man. ”
I look up at Asmodeus, who is staring at her. His expression is unreadable. “Right now, I care about dealing with myself. I don’t know that I have the energy to care about everything else.”
Mother slowly nods, even though I can tell she doesn’t want to leave it there. Then she watches as I leave. Holding the comic books like they’re going to save me, I head out to the car. Asmodeus either doesn’t follow me or is invisible.
So I get in my car and drive toward home while silent tears run down my cheeks.