Chapter Forty-One
Sadie
After James practically throws Raphael out of Seedling Sanctuary, we end up fucking in the back.
Right next to the nettles. Something about the nearby danger heightens the moment and I come so hard that I see black stars.
Then he spends the rest of the day as my guard, sitting in my office and making calls while I tend to the plants or help customers.
Right before I close, Macy returns, this time without Christian. She’s hesitant to talk in front of James at first, but I think the way he hovers defensively behind me sets her at ease. It probably reminds her of her own overbearing protector of a fiancé.
I send her home with a free fresh bouquet—of completely safe flowers—and a promise that our next meeting will be about her wedding, not her past. Then I follow James back to the house to let Soot out before we join the three Saints chapters at the Cage.
Remembering what he told me about his father, I keep my hand firmly clasped in his when we walk inside.
He looks around in his overly alert way and tenses when his eyes snag on a booth in the back.
I follow his gaze, finding three men sitting there.
I recognize the largest as Daryus, the Saints’ sergeant at arms. Next to him is a younger Black man with long locs whom I’ve never seen before.
The last one is a stranger I instantly recognize.
Rocket looks so much like James. Even sitting, I can tell he’s tall. He has a red beard longer than James’, but his hair is buzzed. Both men have oval faces and ears that slightly stick out, but Rocket’s nose is straighter and longer than James’s, the tip curved down over his lips.
“Are you okay?” I ask under my breath.
James just nods once and turns away, tugging me with him to the back room. Several people say hello as we pass. Most are strangers to me, but they’re all wearing Saints cuts.
Stopping outside Theo’s office, James knocks once and waits. A few beats later, the door opens and we step inside. I let go of James’s hand and rush to June, pulling her into a hug. She laughs, saying, “You act like it’s been years since we saw each other and not mere hours.”
Neither Theo nor James have wanted either of us to return to our respective homes unprotected, so we’ve been sleeping under the same roof for a week. It’s like the world’s longest slumber party, complete with the hottest sex of my life. Separately, of course.
“Excuse me for being happy to see my best friend.” Letting her go, I reposition my stance so we’re leaning side by side against the office wall, facing our guys as they talk in low voices. “Did you see Rocket?” I ask in a whisper.
Her expression transforms into a scowl as she nods. “Theo almost shot him when he looked at me.”
“Because of how he looked at you,” Theo adds, clearly always fully in tune with June, even when having his own conversation.
June rolls her eyes.
I ask, “How did he look at you?”
“Like he was curious,” she says.
At the same time, Theo says, “With judgement.”
She shakes her head, giving him a soft look I’d never seen her wear before him. “You need to give him time. This is the first time he’s seen you with a woman since…” She trails off, but we all know the end of the sentence. Since his daughter died, the only other woman Theo has ever loved.
“I don’t need to give him anything.”
She huffs slightly but doesn’t reply. I can tell she’s battling with herself.
The therapist in her, and the woman who wants Theo to only feel good things, wants to play devil’s advocate on Rocket’s behalf.
She wants to empathize with him and help Theo see that his pseudo-father didn’t make the decisions he did out of malice or without considering Theo.
She wants to help bridge the gap between father and son.
But the serial killer, justice seeker in her wants to storm out of this office, find the man who hurt her boyfriend, and slit his throat.
I know because a very similar war is happening in my own head.
I’m filled with anger at James’s father. But I want to fix it for them. Theo and James have surrendered to their fury, which only makes me want to calm the storm even more.
But he doesn’t need me to play peacemaker. He needs me to be there for him and let him work through this at his own pace.
After a few more minutes alone in the office, during which James and Theo discuss the upcoming meeting, we head out. The guys stop at the front of the room near the bar, and I follow June, taking an empty seat at a table with Luna, Raphael, and Bella.
Theo’s booming voice grabs everyone’s attention. He thanks the other two chapters for coming, before going over logistics, like lodging and when the Albuquerque chapter and remaining nomads will arrive. Then they discuss the plans for facing off with the South Five.
“We’ve gotten our packages to two dozen women already and hope to get them in the hands of a few more before tomorrow evening,” he says.
“They have instructions on when exactly to use them, then we’ll have our teams ready to extract any women who need asylum after.
Valor will be your point of contact.” He gestures to Valor, whom I first met after June’s kidnapping.
The meeting continues for three more hours. I lean toward June and ask, “Are church meetings usually this long?”
“Not really,” she whispers. “But there’s also never this many people or so much to plan.”
I wonder if James will ever take me to a church.
Theo canceled tomorrow's meeting, saying it would be too dangerous to meet at the normal time with everyone in town because the South Five may see it as an opportunity to strike.
But what about after all this? Despite life getting crazier after Evelyn first asked me if I wanted to be his ol' lady, I know now more than ever that I do.
But he hasn’t asked. And I’m not sure if I should be worried or hurt.
Friday passes in a blur of work and helping the Saints. Nerves for the weekend have me on edge, and James must notice, because he spends the evening helping shut off my brain. When we lay tangled together after, our breaths syncing, I consider asking about the ol' lady situation but chicken out.
Truthfully, I don’t think he’d take offense to the question or feel we were moving too fast. But I can’t risk it.
James is a sanctuary I didn’t know I needed.
I never realized how unstable I felt until he was there to anchor me.
Losing him would feel like the ground giving way beneath me.
His presence is the quiet kind of comfort that makes the chaos in my mind bearable.
I used to think I was fine on my own, but now I know the difference between surviving and feeling safe. And James... he’s safety. He’s home.
Asking the question isn’t what scares me. It’s getting the answer. Because I’m pretty sure I know what it would be. And if tomorrow goes poorly and I lose him… that would shatter me.
I won’t let him give me that gift tonight just to rip it all away tomorrow.
~
“We already talked about this. I’m going,” June says, zipping up her jacket.
“Please, reaper,” Theo begs. “Just reconsider. For me?”
“You’re cute, Tink, but no.”
“Then for Sadie and Evelyn! They need you here.”
“Nope! Don’t pull me into this,” I say.
It’s nearly six p.m., and the Saints all around Tucson are preparing to make their move.
Some probably already have, but I wasn’t privy to the details of their plan.
I did my part, and though I demanded to help more, I was overruled.
Earlier today, June and Theo had a big fight about her staying back with me.
James and I already had our own disagreement, but in the end, I had to admit what my own strengths and weaknesses are.
I can fight but nowhere near as well as June.
Besides, someone needs to stay back with the small group of women and children who could be in danger and weren’t able to get out of the city.
June refuses to sit back and wait. Theo tried pulling the police card, saying the cops could easily catch them, but she didn’t care. The only time she wavered was when he really begged and said he couldn’t lose her again.
But she just said, “I’m not going anywhere, remember? I promised. But that means I’m with you always. Your danger is my danger.”
I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation because James subtly pulled me back to his room and proceeded to reward me for agreeing to keep myself safe.
“Sadie and Evelyn don’t need me here,” June says now. “They’ll have Nemo and Pappi guarding them. Plus Bella and Clyde.”
“Nemo only has one fucking hand,” Theo grumbles.
“He’s got two hands. He’s just missing a few fingers,” she argues.
“Reaper—”
“It’s not happening, Theo. Accept it.”
It takes a few more minutes, but he finally does. We say our goodbyes, Evelyn emerging from where she’d been playing with Zion’s daughter to hug June and nod at James and Theo. In a low voice, June promises me she’ll kill anyone necessary to come home safe, before following Theo outside.
James holds my chin between his fingers and says, “You’re no damsel in distress, but knowing you’ll be here, safe and waiting for me, is the best gift you ever could’ve given me.” He leans down, capturing my lips in a long kiss. Then, “You are one of the strongest, bravest people I’ve ever known.”
“Just promise me you’ll be okay.”
Another meticulous kiss. Despite the warmth his touch spreads throughout my body, I still feel a tiny crack of unease.
Even as he says, “I promise.”