Chapter 20 Paige
PAIGE
“We’re going to be late.” I tap the steering wheel impatiently but keep the van at a steady pace. My cargo is too precious to speed.
I glance in the backseat to see Noah staring grumpily out the window. His face is smeared with dirt mixed with the ice cream Annette Huntington gave him.
Noah was cranky that I rushed him with his ice cream, and I feel bad about it. Annette was cooing over him and insisting I leave her to mind Noah, but I didn’t want to leave him in case Chad was home. How that kindhearted woman spawned a son like that I’ll never know.
So here we are, one cranky kid covered in dirt and ice cream and a cranky mom who didn’t get all the work done I wanted to at the Huntington place. And now we’re late for the first proper meeting between Ryan and Noah.
It’s been three days since Ryan visited me in my shed, and I’m still apprehensive about my little guy meeting him. It’s been the two of us for so long, I don’t want to let anyone else into our little world, especially not if they’re going to leave.
As my house comes into sight, a memory flashes into my head. I’m five years old, waiting by the mailbox for my father to come home.
He never did. He left Mom and us, and I never saw him again.
I’m certain that when Ryan is healed, he’ll go back to wherever he’s from, and it will just be the two of us again.
All we had together were two nights. Why would he stay?
He may have said he went back to the bar for me, but that was years ago.
It may as well be a lifetime ago, considering all that’s changed for both of us.
My thoughts are jolted as I pull into my driveway. The Rose and Thorns Garden Designs sign drips with spray paint. One word has been written in an angry red.
Whore
My blood goes cold, and my hands tremble.
A car horn honks at me from behind, and I realize I’ve stopped in the middle of the road.
“Beep beep,” echoes Noah.
I glance in the rearview mirror. The last thing I want is for him to see the sign, even if he can’t read it. But he’s too busy pointing at the car that beeped at us.
I pull into the driveway and leave Noah in the backseat. “I’ll be back in a minute, buddy.”
I march to the sign and grab the wooden post. I knock it about to try to wiggle it free, but the damn thing is hammered in too tight, thanks to my brother.
Noah whines as I stalk past him to the shed. I stop to take him out of his seat and sit him on the grass. “Wait here, okay buddy? Mommy just needs to do something.”
I’m shaking as I unlock the shed. Noah watches me as I march back to the sign, swinging a mallet. It hits the side of the post with a satisfying whack that reverberates up my arm.
I hit it again on the other side and again and again until it’s loose enough to pull out of the earth. I’m panting as I chuck it on the ground.
The word “Whore” stares up at me, and I almost laugh. If only they knew how long it’s been since I’ve even had a date.
My gaze goes to the Evans house a few doors down. It’s quiet, and there’s no movement behind the lace curtains.
Rowena Evans is a judgmental old biddy who may be suffering from the first throes of dementia. But sticking stones in my lawnmower is one thing. I just can’t see her spray-painting offensive words on my sign.
I think of calling Hudson, but he’ll only freak out and go into ultra big brother protective mode. I think of Ryan, but he’s got enough to deal with at the moment without having to worry about me. Avery has her own family problems too.
“Momma?”
There’s a tug on my overalls, and I turn to find Noah peering up at me.
Whoever did this, it’s something I’ll have to figure out on my own. I scoop Noah onto my hip and head inside.
Twenty minutes later, I hurry him through the paths to the Zen garden, which is where we arranged to meet Ryan.
There was only time to change Noah before we got back in the car to head to the center. I’m in my dirty overalls, and my face is no doubt red and sweaty from rushing around.
I smooth down my hair and wish there had been time to put on some lip gloss—not that Ryan’s here to see me.
We reach the Zen garden, and he’s waiting for us.
My heart jolts in my chest. He’s got a t-shirt on that shows off his arms, which look as hard and muscular as I remember.
I spot the tattoo snaking down his bicep, and I wonder if he has any new tattoos or what else has changed about his body, apart from the obvious.
Noah wiggles in my arms, and I set him down on the path. I smooth my hair off my face and wipe the perspiration from my forehead. I wish I had a mirror, but it’s too late to do anything about it now. Besides, this is about Noah, not me.
Ryan hasn’t given any indication he wants anything from me other than to meet his son. But what do I want from him? My stomach flutters whenever he’s around. His smile disarms me, and the flashbacks I’m having to the weekend we spent together make me heat all over.
Three years ago, I would’ve given anything to find him again. Even before I knew about Noah, I regretted walking away. But we’re different people now. It’s stupid to think we could get that connection back—if he even wants it.
“Sorry I’m late. I, um…” The sign and the angry red lettering across it flashes into my head.
Whore
“I got held up at a job,” I finally say.
Ryan tilts his head like he doesn’t believe me, and I bend down to straighten Noah’s collar so he can’t see my face.
“It’s fine.” Ryan wheels his chair forward to meet us and stops in front of Noah. “It must be hard working with this one.”
“This is Ryan,” I introduce him to Noah. “We’re going to hang here with him for a while.”
Noah stares up at Ryan with big round eyes, and I hold my breath as the two of them look at each other.
“Why your chair have wheels?” Noah asks in his baby voice.
“Noah.” I step forward, but Ryan shakes his head.
“It’s okay.” He addresses Noah himself. “You like my wheels?”
Noah reaches out to touch one of them.
“I’ve lost part of my leg, and the wheels help me get around.”
Noah stares at Ryan, and I hold my breath, hoping he won’t say anything upsetting. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a toy car. “I got wheels.”
He holds the car up to Ryan, who admires the toy. “Those look like good wheels.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I don’t know what I expected, but Ryan is good with him, patient and kind.
“Hey, I brought you something.” Ryan holds up a bunch of leaves that he had in his lap. They’re different colors, showing the shades of fall.
Noah’s smile widens, and he makes a grab for the leaves.
“Noah, don’t snatch,” I scold.
He ignores me and takes the leaves off Ryan.
“What do you say?”
“Thank you,” he mumbles.
“That’s okay, buddy.” Ryan leans forward and ruffles his hair. Noah has the same dark curls as his own.
“I like this one.” Noah selects the biggest leaf and holds it up to Ryan, who makes a show of inspecting it before selecting his own favorite.
I retreat to a bench seat on the other side of the courtyard, wanting to give them space. I pull out my tablet and bring up the designs for a job I’m providing a quote for. But I’m too distracted to work. Instead, I watch them out of the corner of my eye.
Noah’s voice carries to me as he says the colors on the leaves he recognizes. Ryan watches him, talking easily with him. His expression turns from uncertainty to wonder, and for the first time since I’ve seen him again, I get a glimpse of the man I met in the bar.
Noah sits on the ground and spreads the leaves around him, arranging them in some kind of order.
Ryan leans forward and points to a leaf.
I can’t hear what he says, but Noah looks up at him and giggles.
When I see Ryan smile, my heart lurches.
Seeing them together and the way he looks at Noah—like the kid hung the moon—twists something inside me.
By the time half an hour is up, I’ve given up pretending to work, and I’m watching them openly. Ryan has Noah sitting on his lap, and they’re both giggling as they tear around the garden path.
The Zen garden is supposed to be a peaceful area, with a water feature and calming lines designed to create a quiet place for reflection. But today, the walls echo with laughter and the sounds of Noah calling, “Faster, faster.”
I’m laughing as they come to a stop beside me. “We better get going and leave Uncle Ryan in peace.”
Ryan wheels Noah right up next to me, and his smile makes my heart quicken. I lift Noah off Ryan’s lap, and though he tries to hide it, I notice him wince as I pick up Noah. It cost him to have him on his lap, no doubt crushing his stump. But Ryan hasn’t mentioned it.
“Go gather up your leaves,” Ryan says. “I need to talk to your mom.”
Noah toddles off to his precious leaf collection, and I’m left alone with Ryan. I sit back on the bench so we’re at eye level.
Ryan has a lightness about him that I haven’t seen since before, and his eyes sparkle with something that might be hope.
“He’s great,” he gushes. “A cool little guy.”
My heart swells with a mother’s pride. “Yeah. He is.”
We grin at each other, and for a moment, I’m back in the hotel room. Back when we shared something that my grief stopped me from recognizing as special. I reach my hand out and rest it on his arm.
Ryan starts at the contact, his expression turning tight, and I pull my hand back, annoyed at myself for ruining the moment.
“I’ve got money,” Ryan says, “for missed child support payments. Let me know how much, and it’s yours.”
My throat constricts. I don’t want his money. I want him to look at me the way he looks at Noah. I want him to notice me as more than Noah’s mom. Money is the last thing I want from him. Besides, I’ve come this far on my own.
“I don’t need it.”
Ryan shakes his head, and his lips curl up. “Hudson told me you’d say that.”
I sit back on the seat, annoyed at my brother for discussing me, but at least that means they’re talking.
“I’m not here to take your money, Ryan.”
“It’s not for you, Paige.” He turns to look at Noah, who’s gotten distracted by a beetle crawling across the path. “If you don’t want back payments, then at least accept payments from now on. I’ll deposit them weekly into your account.”
Leaning forward, I put my hands on my knees. “I’ve come this far…”
“Yeah, yeah,” he cuts me off. “You’ve come this far on your own. But you’re not on your own anymore, Paige. Let me do what’s right.”
He puts a hand on my knee, and the touch is electric. My gaze flicks to his, and I wonder if he felt it too, but I can’t read his expression.
“It could pay for a couple of hours of childcare a week. Help you get the business off the ground.”
He’s got me there. If I didn’t have Noah to worry about, I’d work twice as fast and be able to fit in more jobs.
I’ve also got a replacement sign to pay for.
“Okay.” I guess I could use some help. Not that I’ll admit that out loud.
“Send me your bank details.”
I sit back, rub the back of my neck, and take a deep breath as a little tension eases from my body.
I don’t know how far I could have gotten without the help of Hudson or my small circle of friends, but even so, I’ve always felt like I’ve been treading water.
Ryan’s support might just give me the breathing room I need to find success.