19. Seventeen
Seventeen
Eden
“You know the end.”
My father’s voice floats through the recesses of my mind, bouncing around like a butterfly in a cardboard box. When it began, I was sure he was standing right beside me; that he was back from the dead with the sole purpose of punishing me once and for all.
I wouldn’t have put up a fight.
This is worse, somehow, the unexplainable torment of a phantom that I can’t escape. I’m unsure where my own thoughts and that of his ghost’s begin. It’s in there, under my skin and around my lungs. Unyielding.
“You bring death, Eden. That is your curse. When will you learn?” The click of a tongue against teeth. “After you kill that boy?”
I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. Not Creed—
“You will. The Darkness controls you, girl.”
Raising my hand to the window, my forefinger draws swirls in the condensation.
Beyond the field running parallel to the house, Cecil digs a hole.
Sunlight hasn’t yet peeked over the horizon, but the inky black of the sky is lifting into a midnight blue.
The glow of moonlight makes his skin pure white, and his hair jet black. He looks otherworldly. A fallen angel.
“You know the end.”
It keeps coming back to that. The words ring truer each time. There’s only so many ways this can go, all of which end in tragedy and pain. It’s up to me to decide who will endure it.
If I care for the boys, I must eliminate the one thing that is at the root of suffering.
Myself.
There’s no telling how long I stand and watch Cecil hide my heinous act. What a burden I must be. Papa was right about so much.
Cecil eventually walks around the house and out of sight, the opening and closing of the front door letting me know that he’s back inside.
Holding my breath, I close my eyes and listen intently to his footsteps.
Creaking sounds behind the walls, and I recognize it as the water pipes.
Living in the attic, that noise was my only proof that I wasn’t alone in the house.
Day after day, I hoped for those sounds. For Papa’s return.
They never came.
“You don’t have much time.”
My father’s voice makes my eyes snap open and peek over my shoulder. I know he’s only in my head, but still, I expect to see a figure looming behind me.
“Now!” The command sets me in motion and I begin gathering what few belongings I might need. Scurrying around the room, I toss things onto the bed haphazardly. Socks, an old stocking cap, hairbrush, my sketchpad and a pen…
Wrapped only in a comforter, I peer down at myself. If I'm going to be out in the elements, I'll need clothing that are durable. In the dark, I manage to find a pair of pants and my new sweater, tugging them on quickly. My body thrums with the need to escape.
Squinting, I search for a bag to throw my belongings into. My gaze lands on the head of the bed. Turning my pillow inside out, I stuff everything into the cotton case. It might not have a strap, but it will do. I swing the pillowcase over my shoulder and twist the fabric between shaking fists.
“You know the end.”
I know the end.
Twisting the knob, the door swings open like someone opened it from the other side. I’m alone in the hall. Water continues to race behind the walls, so I take the chance to quicken my footsteps. If they found me, they would try to stop me, and I don’t know if I have the strength to deny them.
“Selfish girl.”
It’s light enough outside to see the murky outlines of trees, and the hush of a breeze plays with the ends of my hair. Graciously, the voice in my head quiets and leaves me to the silence of nature.
Without a destination, my feet carry me where they will. I was expecting my mind to put up more of a fight, but I’m relieved to feel almost nothing now. I am… resigned, I suppose.
At the edge of the trees, I brace a hand against the bark. I’ve never passed this point. It terrifies me.
Isn’t freedom what I’ve always wanted?
Step after step, I get further from the only life I’ve ever known. The gradual brightening of my surroundings tells me of passing time. I don’t feel tired, and I’m clueless as to how far I’ve gone. Looking over my shoulder, I’m met with trees as far as I can see. The house has simply… vanished.
The sun is high in the sky when I begin to slow.
All the moisture has been sucked from my mouth, and my stomach twists uncomfortably.
My sweater already has snags in the fabric from angry branches that have reached out to grab me.
A few even had thorns, and I delicately detached the barb from my skin.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the woods themselves were warding me off.
My body pleads for rest, but I block it out. I must keep moving.
Eyes downcast, I dodge roots and rocks that protrude from the ground. In the edge of my vision, something moves. Something large. Whipping my head to the side, adrenaline zips through my limbs, urging me to flee. I raise a foot, prepared to run, but then I go perfectly still.
It’s a deer. Long neck bent down, the animal grazes, meandering slowly in my direction. It’s beautiful. A caramel colored coat glints in the light, a tuft of white on its backside swaying happily. All alone, the deer is completely at peace.
Cautiously, I lower the pillowcase to the grass.
“Keep moving.”
Papa’s command falls on deaf ears.
I’d only ever seen them in books, and photos don’t capture their grace.
In awe, I take one step closer. The crunch of a leaf beneath my shoe may as well be a bomb, breaking the serene silence.
I cringe, waiting for the deer to flee. Instead, he or she lifts their head and looks directly at me.
A soundless gasp escapes my lips. Round black eyes blink slowly, seeing me as I see them.
My wonder rises to elation when the animal moves toward me, just as slowly as I was.
A smile breaks over my face and I stay rooted to the spot, breathing as shallow as I can.
Inch by inch, the deer comes closer. Cautiously, I raise a hand.
It’s ears twitch, turning this way and that.
Its eyes flicker behind me, but I pay no mind. So, so close.
Two of my fingers graze coarse hair. The deer takes off. My smile slips, and before I can lower my arm, pain explodes in the back of my head.
I hit the forest floor with a dull thud. Black swarms my vision, and just before I lose consciousness, I watch the flash of a white tail as the animal escapes.