Chapter Two
Lainey
The pulse of the music permeates the air, making it impossible to focus. I have seven days to perfect this routine, and I need every spare second I’ve got.
Someone turns up the volume and the floor vibrates beneath my feet, making me bite back a scream. Though God only knows why I bother, considering no one will hear me.
No one ever hears me.
An instrumental version of a-ha’s “Take On Me” plays through my portable speakers, but no matter how loud I turn it up, I can’t compete. It’s pointless. Instead, I’ve got the constant flow of techno shit invading my mind, making me want to repel all upbeat music.
Hard to do when your brother throws parties like this every other weekend.
Hitting pause on my phone, I fall back on my bed, letting my legs dangle over the edge. Staring up at the ceiling, I watch the light shake as the song hits its crescendo before shoving the pillow over my face to drown out the sound.
Living in my own personal hell.
It’s bad enough that I’m here on New Year’s Eve, but now I have to fight for what I want ringing in my ears?
After a deep breath, I kick my legs a couple of times and stifle another scream, one that was sure to contain a million expletives. And after giving up all hope of getting any decent practice in, I remove my shoes and massage my arches, groaning as my fingers dig into the soles. This is the third time this month my parents have allowed “Golden Boy” to throw a party, pretending not to notice the garbage cans full of alcohol bottles the next day.
There’s no way anyone could concentrate during this invasion, and yet, if I was to step foot out of this fortress they call my bedroom, I’d be scolded for my lack of discipline. For deviating away from “the plan.”
I love Luke—we have a great relationship—but he’s clueless about what’s really going on in my life. And sometimes I wonder if my parents are the same.
Luke has a one-track mind set to football and college, and why wouldn’t he? He’s following his dream—something my parents are always reminding me of. So, what am I doing?
Pulling the pillow tight around my ears, I try to sleep. Or at least, rest my body since I’ve been pushing myself to the limit the last few days.
But no matter what I do, I’m mentally restless.
Every time I think about my future, or picture myself up on stage, smiling as people applaud me…it doesn’t sit right. An image that once gave me joyous butterflies now fills me with dread. I want to be ready. My teachers tell me I’m ready. But there’s this nagging feeling deep within me that’s screaming, telling me that something is wrong. That I should get out now before it’s too late. But too late for what?
The music stops suddenly, and my heart jumps as I move the pillow away. Is it done? Am I about to be blessed with peace? A relieved smile tugs at my lips until I hear the countdown to midnight, my eyes flashing to my clock to confirm. Goddammit.
3, 2, 1…
Happy New Year to me.
Burying myself under the comforter, I accept the inevitable sing-along to the music and pray that exhaustion lulls me asleep.
And it must, because sometime later, I wake with a start, the sound of a slamming door entering my subconscious. I roll over in the darkness, certain I imagined it, until the silhouette of a figure comes into view. A male. He leans against the door with his forehead pressed to the wood, his broad shoulders hunched over. As my eyes adjust to the lack of light, it’s hard to miss the way his dark tee clings to his body, or the tension in his arms as he clenches his hands by his sides. My heart races as I silently watch him, holding my breath as if breathing will draw his attention, even though it’s so loud in here, I can’t think.
The guy doesn’t move for an excruciatingly long minute, so I sit up, holding the sheet in front of me, keeping my pajama-clad body from view.
When he finally turns, he startles, doing some kind of double take as his eyes bounce around the room before settling on the bed. Settling on me. And my heart fires.
It’s Thomas.
My brother’s friend. The guy I’ve had a crush on since I knew what crushes were.
And he’s in my room.
He stares at me for the longest moment before turning his gaze away, and I wish I could say I had the decency to do the same…but I don’t.
Thomas Kelly is in my room.
I have to talk to him. “Are you okay?” I ask, because there’s clearly something wrong.
His eyes flash to mine and he grimaces. “God, sorry,” he says before spinning around and grabbing the door handle. “I’ll leave.”
“Wait!” I call out, without giving it any thought as I lean over to switch on my lamp. “Are you okay?” I repeat, wanting to keep him here for a little while longer, but also genuinely worried. I’ve seen Thomas many times—he’s always the life of the party— and this doesn’t seem like him.
“Yeah, yeah. All good,” he says, huffing out a nervous laugh as he peers over his shoulder. “I just needed a minute,” he adds, his deep voice making me shiver.
“So you decided to do it in my room,” I joke, hoping to bring out his always stunning smile.
And it works.
Thomas smiles shyly as he runs a hand through his messy, brown hair before gripping the back of his neck. “I didn’t realize it was your room at the time. I assumed it was Luke’s with the signs on the door.” He softly groans as his hand drops, and I can’t help but laugh.
Damn, Luke. I told him not to do that. Although, maybe I should be thanking him.
“It’s fine,” I say casually, but it’s more than fine; it’s a pleasure. “I get it. We all need a time-out every now and then, and there aren’t many places to hide that aren’t off-limits.”
“Including here. This room is probably the most off-limits room of the house. If I remember correctly, Luke has a general rule about this room—something along the lines of, ‘you enter, you die.’”
“I’d be willing to bet those were his exact words.”
“Probably,” he agrees. “I never really paid attention.” He shrugs before sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, the movement drawing my gaze.
“Guess that means you’re not afraid of my big bro?” My voice comes out quieter than it should to overcome the music, but he hears me all the same.
“Nah, he’s little to me.”
God, if that doesn’t highlight our difference in age, I don’t know what will.
“Either way, I should go.” He turns to leave, but I can’t let him. This might be my one chance to talk to him.
“Wait. It’s okay. You can stay. I won’t tell if you don’t.”
“Hell no!” He staggers. “I’m not risking Luke coming to find me.”
I burst out laughing, bringing another beautiful smile to my intruder’s face. “I thought you weren’t scared of him?” I joke but his face falls.
“What can I say? I need my friends.”
“Are you a good friend of his?” I feign ignorance, loving the way Thomas’s brows furrow before his lips pull into a smirk.
“Are you messing with me, Lainey?”
Lainey. He called me Lainey.
“No,” I say, the smallest smile on my face. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve known your brother for years… I think I was around fourteen when I first saw you.”
My smile fades as my heart beats erratically in my chest. He remembers that?
I can still picture it vividly. I was hanging upside down from the huge tree in our old yard when Luke and his friends came over to play football…and that’s when I saw Thomas. Luke had recently started high school football and made new friends—Thomas being one of them. It was his cute floppy hair and boyish smile that got me.
Luke being Luke, he didn’t bother to introduce us, but Thomas waved before hitting me with the most beautiful smile I think I’d ever seen, and when I waved back, still upside down, he laughed.
You could say I’ve held on to that little moment.
“It doesn’t ring a bell,” I lie, making Thomas chuckle, just like he did back then. Meanwhile, I’m struggling to keep myself grounded as my soul floats on cloud nine.
“Whether we know each other or not, I’m a good listener,” I say like it’s no big deal, when in reality I’d love for him to stay and talk with me for hours. About anything. Everything.
Thomas smiles and I prepare myself for the rejection.
“I don’t want to bore you with the details,” he says, before adding, “How about you tell me something instead?”
My pulse spikes at his question, a nervous energy running through me. “Like what?”
“Anything. Your favorite color, the name of your first pet, football her—”
“I don’t think I want to be a dancer,” I blurt before rushing to cover my mouth. Where the hell did that come from?
Thomas’s eyes flash to the mirror and barre in my room before settling back on me. “You don’t?”
“I…I don’t know. That…ah…came out of nowhere.” I laugh, though it’s not exactly funny.
“Maybe it’s how you really feel?” Thomas questions, a sympathetic expression on his face.
“Yeah, maybe.” I try not to grimace. “But also…my favorite color is pink, I’ve never had a pet—they’re too distracting—and my football hero is my brother. That’s what you were going to ask, right?”
Thomas’s eyes light up before he shakes off his thoughts. “That’s right, I was, but do you want to talk about the dancing thing?”
Nope, I was trying to change the subject. I need to process what I said.
“Do you want to talk about the boring details of your own issue?” I counter.
“Nope.” He shakes his head.
“Well then…”
Thomas chuckles again and the sound makes me giddy. “Got it. No dance talk.”
“Oh no, we can talk about dance,” I say, sitting up on my knees. “Did you happen to have a little boogie on the dance floor downstairs?”
“A boogie?” Thomas asks, and my cheeks heat with embarrassment.
“I was kidding, I—”
“I like it. And yes, I love a good boogie.” He winks and my heart just about explodes. Clearly it doesn’t recognize that he’s messing around, but luckily my brain’s switched on.
Stop living in a fantasy, Lainey. Wecan never be.
Thomas moves to sit on the chair by my desk, and we fall into easy conversation. We talk about music, school, or college in his case, football, and life… but only the safe topics, nothing too deep.
When the topic of my brother comes up again, I sense Thomas’s mood shift. And I get it. He’s in my room, in the middle of the night, and there’s a sign on the door telling him it’s a bad idea. But selfishly, I don’t want him to leave, knowing I’ll never get this chance again.
The music cuts off, drawing our eyes to the door, and Thomas looks at his watch, cursing under his breath. “I’ve got to go,” he says. “I’ve already been gone too long.” He jumps up and rushes to the door, pausing with his fingers wrapped around the handle. “It was nice talking to you, Lainey. You’re not as annoying as Luke says you are.”
A giggle bursts out of me, and I cover my mouth with my hand, shaking my head. “Coming from a college quarterback, that means a lot.”
Thomas’s beaming smile lights up his face as I finally confirm I know who he is. “Ah-ha.” He laughs. “I knew it. Have you known all along, or did something I say help you figure it out?”
“You’ll never know,” I tease, sucking my lip into my mouth to hide my smile.
Thomas shakes his head as he bites back his own grin. “Night, Lainey. It’s been a pleasure.”
“Night, Thomas.” The pleasure’s all mine.
When the door clicks shut, I fall back on my pillow and cover my face with my hands, completely bewildered by what just happened. I spent an hour with Thomas Kelly. Getting to know him. Talking. Almost like friends.
So what if I’m fifteen, almost sixteen, and he’s in college. I want more.
I’d do anything to see him again.
But I’m not under any illusion that it will happen.