Chapter Three
Lainey
“How did it go?” Mom asks as soon as I’ve walked out of my audition. I smile, but from the subtle drop of her lips, I can tell she sees through it. And to answer her…it was awful. Okay, it wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t my best.
San Francisco Ballet School is one of the most prestigious schools in the US and it’s on my doorstep. My life wouldn’t have to change if I got in, not like it would if I had to move across the country.
It would be a dream come true.
But I don’t think I did enough to get there.
If this had been two years ago, or even last year, I would have nailed that performance. My heart was in it back then. Life wasn’t as chaotic. But until this year, we hadn’t been able to afford it, and yet, I’ve never qualified for a scholarship.
“I’m sure you did better than you think, Sweetie. You’re always so hard on yourself.” Mom pats my arm as she smiles. “Not only that, but I bet they’ll take into consideration the award you received last year.”
They did. That’s part of the reason why I was invited to audition after sending my video.
“And remember…if you miss out on this school there are others. We won’t give up.”
She smiles brightly and I want to smile with her. This is my dream. It’s always been my dream. I wouldn’t be working so freaking hard if it wasn’t. So why did I tell Thomas I didn’t want it? And why do I have this sinking feeling in my gut?
Mom notices my lack of enthusiasm and gives my hand a squeeze. “Let’s not worry until we hear back. I think you deserve some you time.”
What?
My head snaps her way so quickly it aches. “Me time?” This is new.
Before she’s had a chance to answer, Luke comes running toward me, and I shriek as he lifts me under the knees, raising me in the air to spin me around. “You did it!” He cheers. ”You finally auditioned. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
A few heads turn our way, and one lady even gasps, but I don’t care. It’s hard not to get caught up in my brother’s infectious happiness.
“Thank you, Luke. But please, for the love of God, put me down.”
“Sure thing, Princess.” He laughs before dropping me so fast that I squeal, drawing more attention.
“Luke!” Mom scolds. “Was that really necessary?”
“Absolutely. Now it’s time I steal our little ballerina away.”
Again, what?
“I thought I was having ‘me’ time?” I ask, my brows furrowed in confusion.
“You are. You’re just having it with your brother.”
I let out an exaggerated groan as my head falls back, pretending the idea pains me. But it’s much better than what I assumed Mom had planned, which would be to drop me off at the botanical gardens for some peace.
“Come on, Pipsqueak,” Luke says, ruffling my hair, continuing on his mission to call me every embarrassing nickname under the sun. “It’s time to have some fun.”
I’m not sure what I expected out of a “fun” afternoon with Luke, but it wasn’t this.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” I ask, looking up at the huge bowling pin on the roof of the alley.
“Of course it is. I’ve got a group of friends meeting us here, and I even invited Melissa.” Luke raises his brows in a gloating fashion. And call me impressed.
“Okay, thank you. I appreciate it. Though I am surprised you convinced Mel to keep it a secret.” She’s hopeless with surprises but she owns it.
“You say that like I haven’t known her forever. I only told her an hour ago, and then had Mom switch off your phone.”
I rush to grab my cell from my bag, and sure enough the screen’s off. Guess that explains why Dad didn’t call to check in.
“Okay, clever.”
I’m starting to see boys in a completely new light this week. Thomas remembered me. He even remembered when we first met. Now Luke knows stuff about Melissa. I always thought boys were unobservant beings. Turns out, I could be wrong.
When Luke’s friends and Mel arrive, we split off into teams and start the first game. While it’s fun from the get-go, it’s immediately apparent that I suck. So bad. Because, while my friends were learning how to bowl by bowling, I was in my room dancing. This is only the second time I’ve ever been, and I’m almost tempted to ask if I can use the kids’ ramps, since they’re already allowing me to use bumpers.
“You’ll get the hang of it soon, Little Miss,” Luke says, curling his arm around my shoulder. “It’s all about practice, and who’s more dedicated to that cause than you?”
I roll my eyes as I step out of his hold and get ready for my turn, ignoring his verbal jab. Luke likes to tease me about my routines, claiming that I do it to myself by not standing up to our parents. But that’s not it. I wanted it. It was my choice.
Past tense. What is going on with me?
Grabbing my ball, I get in position, wiggling my ass a few times before swinging my arm back.
“Just roll the fucking ball, Pebbles.”
Dropping my arm, I raise my middle finger over my head and laugh. I can do this. I am going to make this lane my bitch.
I step forward, ready to swing again, when…
“Lukey, my man,” someone calls out behind me, and the ball flies out of my hand, landing with a crash. I spin around so fast I get dizzy, but I’d know that voice anywhere, and I had to see for myself.
Thomas walks our way, his smile completely distracting me until his gaze locks on my ball and I wince. Looks like the lane won this round.
My cheeks heat, and a warmth spreads through me as Thomas jogs past, lifting my ball from the floor. “Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Lainey, you know Thomas. Thomas, you know Peanut. We’re good; now take your shot.”
I cringe at the name Peanut before mumbling that we “may have met.” Thomas on the other hand decides to play dumb this time, and it hurts a little.
“Maybe,” he says. “I can’t remember.”
I force a smile so I don’t frown, but when everyone goes back to the game, he throws a wink my way, his denial forgotten as my heart cartwheels in my chest.
By the time we finish the first game, I still suck. I don’t think I managed to knock over ten pins in total, let alone in one go. It didn’t help having Thomas here. Every time I looked his way, he was laughing or flirting with a girl on the other team, and unfortunately, I looked often.
“Should we switch it up this round?” one of the guys asks as we take a break for some food.
I almost blurt out yes in the hope of splitting up Thomas and the girl, but I keep my lips sealed.
Luke’s eyes flash to mine before settling back on his friends. “Sounds good,” he says. “But Lainey stays with me.”
My brows furrow but I smile to hide it. Luke only calls me Lainey when he’s in serious mode, and two seconds ago he was laughing. What did I miss?
The groups shuffle around with me staying next to Luke, like a good little girl, but when Thomas stands, I can’t hide my emotions, or more specifically my nerves. “I’m playing this round, and Luke needs one more.” He makes his way over and sits next to me, bumping his shoulder to mine. “You think we can beat them?” he asks, his killer smile on full display.
“Not even in the slightest,” I say honestly, making his smile brighten as his eyes crinkle in happiness, completely obliterating any chance I had of ridding myself of this crush.
As if reminding me of his existence, Luke barks out a laugh. “I have to agree with Short Stuff,” he says, bopping me on the nose. ”She sucks. We have no hope.”
“Hey, now.” Thomas frowns and I freeze. Is he about to defend me? “You’re underestimating my skill,” he finishes, and I laugh so hard, I almost snort. Me and my stupid delusions.
“Unless you’ve improved since we last played,” Luke says, neither of them paying me any attention, “we’re fucked.”
When Thomas responds, Luke jumps up and heads over to the other group, presumably setting a bet like he did for the last game. The second his back is turned, Thomas grins. “Short Stuff?” he says, turning to face me.
My cheeks heat but I smile. “For now.”
“For now?”
“Yeah, it’s…” I trail off because it’s embarrassing, that’s what it is. “Luke does this thing—”
“You better be telling the truth, Kelly,” Luke calls out as he approaches again. “I’ve got a lot riding on it if you’re lying.”
“What did you bet?” I ask, leaning forward with interest.
Luke smirks before ruffling my hair. “Nothing for you to worry about, Squirt.”
I roll my eyes and sit back, trying to appear unaffected, but when Luke’s friend laughs, I openly cringe as a warmth coats my cheeks. Luke’s antics never bother me—I’ve been living with them for years—but I don’t usually hang out with his friends, and I’ve never hung out with Thomas.
I fall quiet after that, keeping to myself, until Luke steps up to bowl and Thomas leans in, bringing me into his orbit. “I know what the bet is, and you’re better off not knowing,” he whispers as my head snaps to his and I laugh.
“Are you a lip reader?” I ask, letting my smile show.
“Nah, I’m not. But I know your brother, and it will be something woman related.”
“How can you bet on a girl?”
“Don’t ask.”
“No, I want to know.”
“Okay, but remember I didn’t want to tell you, and… Yes! Go, Bennett!”
I startle at his sudden change in volume and spin to see my brother celebrating his strike.
“And that’s how it’s done,” he booms as he takes a bow and heads straight over to the other group to gloat.
When I look back at Thomas, he’s focused on his phone, as though our conversation is over, but I can’t let it go. Taking a deep breath, I ask, “Soo…the bet?”
Thomas doesn’t look up. “My guess is that it’s related to the next time they share a girl,” he says nonchalantly, while I choke on thin air.
Ew. “What?” I did not need to know that about my brother.
“You heard me.” He laughs.
“Is that common?” I hesitantly ask, because… What the hell? They share? I feel a little nauseous.
Thomas is still distracted by whatever he’s typing, but his brows furrow as he responds. “For Luke?” God no, I don’t want to know about Luke.
“For…ahh…guys in general.” You. I mean you.
“It happens.” He shrugs, giving me nothing. “But it’s not for everyone.”
It”s not until he finally finishes what he”s doing that he glances my way, pinning me with an intense stare. One that neither confirms nor denies if he’s in the “it happens” camp. And I wish I could ask. But it’s not really something I want to keep harping on about. Especially now with this weird energy surrounding us. A one-sided energy that’s basically just me being awkward.
Regardless of whether or not Thomas likes… Nope, I refuse to think about it. No matter what he does or doesn’t do, he lives in an entirely different world from me. A world I’ve never been a part of.
And I probably never will be.
When I get up to take my next shot, Luke sits in my seat, and from then on, I don’t get another chance to talk to Thomas, but it doesn’t stop me from stealing glances. I even catch him looking back a few times. In a purely platonic that’s-my-friend’s-little-sister kind of way.
To no one’s surprise, except apparently Luke’s, we lose the second game.
“Are you kidding me, Kelly,” he yells at Thomas, completely ignoring my shittyness, because at least mine was a given. Thomas shrugs with a huge smirk on his face until one of the guys bursts out laughing.
A silent but heated exchange takes place before Luke throws his hands in the air. “The hell? You two were in cahoots?”
I bite back a smile while Luke throws a mini tantrum, not at all happy about being hustled. Or reverse hustled, I guess.
The guy that Luke bet with hands over fifty to Thomas, and they fist-bump as they laugh. Turns out, Thomas can’t bowl either, and the idea of that makes me giddy.
“You could have just told me you wanted her for yourself,” Luke grumbles, while the guys all laugh. Meanwhile, I’ve heard enough about my brother’s personal activities to last a lifetime, and I’m just about to ask Luke if we can go home when Thomas stands.
“I’ve done my bit for tonight,” he states, throwing his trash in the can. “I’m out. Catch you all another time.”
He smiles my way as he leaves, and though he doesn’t say goodbye, it still gives me butterflies. And I hate that.
But that’s life. He’s Luke’s friend and I have to be content with that. Even if it sucks.
Acouple of weeks pass and I don’t see Thomas again. Not that I expected to. He’s a college student, and I’m…not.
Luke continues to host parties every other week, while I stay locked in my tower, hoping a certain visitor will once again stop by and save me.
I know my parents mean well. They’re just trying to make sure the hours I’ve been putting in pay off. That I don’t let my life fall apart when I’m so close to finally getting what I’ve always wanted.
But it’s making me resent it.
After another grueling week of school and practice, I’m in a strange funk when I get home late from a class. I’ve just filled up a glass of water when I notice a booklet for the New York International Ballet School strategically placed where Mom usually leaves our mail. It’s open onto the auditions page and in big black letters she’s written,
REMINDER: AUDITION THREE WEEKS AWAY.
She’s been trying to push New York on me for years because she wants me to go to the renowned Jaiton Academy of Dance. Her mother, my gran, studied there before becoming a principal dancer at the American Ballet Theatre, and Mom believes I should be following in her footsteps. They both do. Especially considering talent apparently skipped a generation—Mom’s words, not mine—and she never got to go.
I’m supposed to hear back from the San Francisco Ballet School any day now, and I’m desperately holding out hope for that. When I think about it, an uncomfortable feeling settles in my chest, a tightness I can’t seem to shake. It’s been there a lot lately, in the background, but becomes more prominent whenever I question my future. Like now.
If I don’t get a place in San Francisco, I’m not even sure I want to keep dancing.
Since deciding I wanted to be a ballerina, I’ve had my heart set on that school. It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. And while it’s not the only option, deep down it feels like my only option. My one shot…my big break.
So, I can’t help wondering…if I don’t get it, is that the world’s way of saying it’s time to choose a new path? Because the thought of that, of changing my entire future, strangely feels less scary than the idea of Jaiton does.
Only I’m not sure the choice is mine to make.