Chapter Nine
Lainey
Summertime arrives, and we head to our vacation home by the lake, like we’ve been doing since we were kids. I continue to dance every day, but I don’t feel as connected to my movements as I used to, and it’s breaking my heart.
On our drive here, I told myself I’d use this vacation as a detox of sorts, a way to separate myself from my feelings for Thomas. I love our friendship, and I want to be able to move forward without feeling like I’m constantly lying to him. Without risking that friendship by keeping my crush a secret.
I want it gone. And what better way to do that than no contact for almost two months.
“Are you coming for a swim?” my little brother, Ryan, routinely asks every time he walks past my room, today no different.
I’m wearing my ballet shoes and standing in front of the mirror in fourth position, yet when I glance his way with a raised eyebrow, he shrugs. “Well? Are you?”
I huff out a laugh and spin around, ready to give him a smart-ass response, when I pause. Why don’t I go? I always say no, but it’s summer. It’s hot. And I’ve got plenty of time to dance.
“You know what, Ryan? I am. Will you wait so I know the way?”
My response doesn’t faze him in the slightest. Instead, he grunts in a “whatever” kind of way. “Sure. I’ll be in the kitchen,” he says before walking off, making me laugh as he disappears down the hall.
I can always rely on Ryan to be blasé about almost every situation. When he’s out of sight, I stare at myself in the mirror before searching my bag for my one-piece suit. We come here every year, and yet, I probably only swim once every two years. I tend to spend my time dancing or with my mom—shopping, getting our nails done—doing the things she likes to do on vacation.
Now, all that time feels like it was for nothing. I didn’t get in. I failed at the one goal I’d always been working toward. It’s time I started living a little.
We weave through the trees on our way to the dock, and it’s nothing like I remember. My family’s land reaches the water, but because it doesn’t have a beach, my grandfather built a large dock when my dad was young, giving them somewhere to sit other than the rough brush that borders the lake.
When we arrive, I expect to find Luke with some girl, and I’m right, but what I don’t expect is another ten kids gathered on the dock…and a boat moored to the end.
“Um. Who are they?” I whisper to Ryan as we approach, my gut twisted in apprehension.
I’m not antisocial by any means, but I don’t generally hang out with random people, or make new friends—Thomas being the exception. I’m not even sure I know how to make new friends. But since I’m here now, I’m about to find out.
“What do you mean?” Ryan asks, his face comically confused, making me laugh.
“What do you mean, what do I mean?”
“Lainey, that’s Jace, Sia, and Beth, and the other kids are their cousins.”
What?My jaw drops but I push it back up before Ryan notices. I used to run around with Jace and Sia when I was younger, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen them.
“Have they been coming every year?”
“Of course, same as us.” Jesus. So, I’ve basically been ghosting them since I was ten.
“Okay.”
Ryan laughs. “Relax, Sis, it’s going to be fine,” he says and I pray that he’s right.
Taking a deep breath, I step onto the wooden slats of the dock, and it’s like someone hit pause on the scene in front of me. Everyone stops what they were doing and stares in my direction. Silent. My cheeks heat, but I manage to smile through the weirdness and even offer a wave while Ryan laughs beside me, doing nothing to help.
Finally, after God knows how long, Jace steps forward. “If it isn’t Twinkle Toes.” He smiles, making me regret my decision to come here. “God, it’s been too long.” He runs forward and lifts me into his arms before spinning me around. “It’s so good to see you.”
My nerves don’t dissipate, but they morph into something else. Something more like giddiness. It’s been six years since I’ve seen Jace and his sisters, six years since I’ve made the effort to spend time with them, and he still greets me like we’re family.
“It’s wonderful to see you too, Jace. I’m sorry—”
“Nope,” he cuts me off. “You don’t have to be sorry. Luke filled us in on where you’ve been.”
My eyes narrow as Luke walks toward us. I’m not sure I can trust what he told them. “Ahhh. What did he say?”
Jace bursts out laughing. “Don’t worry, he told us that you were going to be a star ballerina and that took practice. You didn’t have time to mess around.”
My heart fills but I cringe, because while I thought he’d probably spin some story about me joining the circus, that actually sounds better than “I didn’t have time.”
“I’m still—”
“Nope.” Jace cuts me off again. “We get it, but it’s good to have you back.”
For the next few weeks, I spend more time hanging out with my new—or I guess, old—friends than I do dancing. And it feels good. I’ve had the phrase “work-life balance” drilled into me many times over the years, but I’ve never really understood it. To me, dance was my life. But now I see the appeal.
The more I see Jace, the more I notice about him, and even with Luke’s usual “don’t date my sister” rule hanging over our heads, we spend more time together than with anyone else. And while I don’t think my heart has stopped racing the entire time I’ve been in his presence, it’s a different feeling than what I get with Thomas. It has a lightness to it. I don’t freak out if he looks at another girl, and I’m not secretly planning our future. But it’s fun and I kind of want to explore it more.
And lucky for me, I get my chance.
Late one Friday afternoon, Jace pulls me away from the group when my brothers are wrapped up in a game of catch, and doesn’t stop walking until we’ve passed the tree line and made it to the shadows.
“That’s better,” he says, taking a deep breath. “I always feel like I have to behave in a different way when I’m around your brothers. Mainly Luke; Ryan’s off in his own world.”
I laugh but it’s packed full of nerves. “You’re not wrong. Ryan wouldn’t care how you behaved unless it directly affected him.”
Jace’s eyes light up. “Good to know. One brother down, one to go.”
I bite back my own smile. “What does that mean?”
“It means I’ve been hoping to get you alone, but I swear Luke has a built-in alert system when it comes to you.” Butterflies fill my chest but I don’t speak. “Do you think you could sneak away for a boat trip tonight?”
I burst out laughing before covering my mouth. “Sorry. God, I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at your question; I was laughing about sneaking out. While I’ve got my own room, Luke sleeps on the couch in the living area just outside my door.”
“Jesus.” Jace chuckles. “He’s like your own personal guard dog.”
“It does seem that way, but I don’t know why. I’m sixteen now, and quite capable of making my own decisions. I’m not precious. It’s odd.”
“I don’t think it’s odd. You’ll always be his baby sister. But there is nothing baby about you anymore. I don’t even think you realize how beautiful you are.” He steps closer, and my heart races to dangerous levels. “I’ve always thought you were cute. You were my first crush when I was ten and you were nine. But now, God, I can’t keep my eyes off you.” He lifts his hand to my face, brushing the loose strands of hair away from my eyes, and I hold my breath. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time,” he whispers. “But I want it to be right, not while we’re hiding in the forest, getting attacked by bugs.” He swats something away from his face, and I giggle, until a realization hits me… I want to kiss him too.
“What do you say? Do you think you could sneak out the window or something?”
The second he mentions the window, my giddiness dissolves and an image of Thomas flashes through my mind. A tightness fills my chest and I feel like I’m cheating, when I’m absolutely not. “I like you, Jace. A lot.”
“Ah man. I know what’s coming. You—”
“No.” I cut him off this time. “No, you don’t. There’s a guy back home. Nothing has happened. Nothing ever will, but I need you to know that I also have feelings for someone else.”
“Also?” He bites back a smile.
“Yeah.” I can’t help but smile back. “I feel a little something for you, too, but I’m not sure what it is.”
“I’ll take it,” Jace cheers. “Because I kind of have someone back home as well.” My stomach instantly drops. “Wait, no,” he rushes out. “Please don’t frown. I mean that the same way you do. There’s a girl and I’ve liked her for a while, but nothing has happened and I really like you.”
“Okay.” I hesitantly smile. “But I still don’t think I can sneak out.” I grimace.
Jace laughs. “We’ll have to get creative then. Let’s go back before they realize we’re missing. I have an idea.”
Ipace the floor but it doesn’t help, reading doesn’t help, and music and dancing don’t help. Nothing is going to stop this anxious feeling I have. And that’s going to be a problem.
Jace shocked me by openly asking my mom if he could take me out, bypassing Luke altogether. And while it was sweet, it turned what I thought was going to be a small boat trip into a date.
Talk about pressure.
On top of that, Luke’s been talking about some big party his friends are having that he’s missing, and now all I can think about is Thomas’s smiling face. A smile that’s not reserved for me, and it’s sending my mind into a spin. I’m supposed to be forgetting him. I don’t want to picture him snuggling on the couch with some beautiful senior, or grinding against a college girl on the dance floor.
My phone vibrates on my desk and I race over, wishing I could see his name flash across the screen, but it’s not him. It’s never him. He hasn’t even asked for my number. Instead it’s Melissa checking in to make sure I’m ready.
But I’m not. I’ve never even thought about dating before. Why haven’t I thought about dating before?
If Thomas wasn’t in the picture, things with Jace would be easier. But he is, and despite wanting to get over him this summer, I can’t stop thinking about him.
Although, I have to admit, for the first time my thoughts have been somewhat divided, and Jace has been amazing this past month. I like him. Yes, I still like Thomas. But I like Jace. I owe it to us both to push Thomas from my mind and go on this date. After all, he’ll probably be spending tonight with another girl. It’s time I had some fun.
Lainey: I’m nervous but good. I can do this
Melissa: Hell yeah, you can. You’ve got this. And I want ALL the details
I send her back the laughing emoji and glance at myself in the mirror. I’ve let my long brown hair fall naturally—when I’d generally have it pulled back—and I’m wearing a fitted dress, instead of my usually flowy outfits. I’ve even put on some mascara and lip gloss. Melissa’s right. I’ve got this. I’m ready for my first date, and it’s time I had my first kiss.