Chapter Twenty-Four
Lainey
Luke goes on and on about some twins he has in his physical development class, and all I can think about is when Thomas told me that Luke shares girls with his friends. A full body shiver runs through me as I remember, and bile rises in my throat. I’m not against threesomes, at all, I’m just against thinking about my brother having one. No one should know that information about their siblings.
“I don’t know which one to go for,” he continues while I imagine plucking my eyelashes out one by one.
“Why not both?” I blurt and freeze. What the hell? Ugh. I did not mean for that to come out of my mouth.
Luke’s nose scrunches in disgust and I almost laugh. Yeah, Luke. It’s not fun talking about this with your little sister, is it?
He stares at me for a good minute before finally answering. “Nah, I think I’ll go for the blonde.”
“Good for you. Why are you here again?” I change the subject, needing to get myself out of this nightmare, and it works.
“I told you. I was supposed to catch up with a friend in the city but he canceled.”
Actually he didn’t tell me at all. He turned up at my apartment thirty minutes ago with a sour look on his face and grunted something about his bullshit friends.
“Who?”
“Thomas.” He throws his hand out in a “whatever” fashion, pretending not to care, while my jaw drops. “He’s here for the game on Sunday.”
I shut my mouth before Luke notices and frown sympathetically. It’s not uncommon for Luke to stop by on his way to or from the city, because I live about twenty minutes closer than he does, but I don’t usually question him. Now I wish I hadn’t. I’m not sure which is worse. Yes, I needed to move on to get his stupid threesomes out of my head, but joke’s on me because I’ve just replaced Luke’s issues with my own. Now that I know Thomas is here, less than an hour away, I’m suddenly anxious to see him.
“Want a drink?” I say, hoping to change the subject for the third time, catching Luke nodding after I’ve already started walking toward the kitchen.
“I’ve got juice,” I say, not bothering to mention I have soda too. Growing up, we never really had soda at home. In fact, we were lucky if we had anything other than milk or water with our parents always pushing for a healthy lifestyle. Not that we listened—we got our treats elsewhere. But because of that, neither of us really drank soda. I hadn’t even tasted it until I mixed it with alcohol for the first time, and I’ve got to say, it’s an acquired taste.
“Actually, I’ll take a soda if you’ve got it,” Luke says, making me huff out a laugh. A taste Luke has obviously acquired.
“Alrighty then.”
As I pour the drinks, mine a water, Luke mindlessly flicks through the papers on the counter, scoffing at something he sees. When I look over, he’s holding a photo of Heath, his face doing nothing to hide his feelings.
“How are things with your man?” he asks, the sound of his voice rising to match his expression, refusing to say his name. His tone bothers me, so naturally, I make him uncomfortable.
“It’s amazing. We have sex, lots of sex. All the time.”
“Jesus, fuck, Lainey. What are you doing?”
“Payback.” I shrug. It’s about time I shared something since he always feels the need to fill me in on his sex life.
“I never say the word sex,” he whines, making me laugh for real this time as I put everything back in the fridge.
“You don’t need to. I know that’s what you’re implying when you say, ‘I don’t know which one I should go for.’ It’s the same thing.”
Luke’s face scrunches. “It’s not the same. At all. Because it’s you.”
“Sexist.”
“I’m not sexist. It’s sisterist.”
“That’s not even a word—”
Hands on his hips, Luke stands tall, adopting the “I’m your big brother, listen to me” pose. “He’s not the right guy for you, Lainey.” My shoulders sag as I turn to face him. Here we go again. It doesn’t matter who I date, he’s never going to be happy. Although, come to think of it, it seems, neither am I.
“You loved him when you introduced us,” I continue to push.
“Yeah, when he was my friend. But he lost all respect when he hooked up with you.”
“What?” My jaw drops again, and this time, I don’t hide it. “You’re an asshole.”
“No. Jesus. I didn’t mean it the way you think I meant it. He did the wrong thing. I told him you were off-limits, and he didn’t listen.”
Like always, I want to argue. I want to make him see that his rules are bullshit. But when I think back to Thomas’s freak-out after our first kiss, I don’t say a word. How can I? He clearly thinks the same way. They all act like it’s against some kind of bro code, and I’ll never change their minds.
“Let’s agree to disagree and move on,” I say so I don’t accidentally spill something I shouldn’t, and then for fun, I add, “you’re annoying.”
Luke laughs and his demeanor instantly changes. Probably because he knows I’m pissy and hates when I’m annoyed at him. Either way, I take it. It doesn’t matter anyway. Heath and I won’t be together for much longer. Even if Thomas hadn’t come back into my life, we both knew it was coming to an end. I’m just speeding up the process.
“You’re coming over to watch the game Sunday, right.” Luke asks as he’s leaving a little while later, and I stare at him deadpan until he repeats himself.
“The game. Sunday. You owe me since you”re not coming to my game.” His eyes are wide but he already knows the answer. He asks me the same thing every week, and every week, I say no. I made an effort to spend game days with him and his team when we were younger and when I first moved back to Heartwood I alternated between attending his games when I could or watching the pro”s. But I stopped going after one of his drunk teammates hit on me. It was harmless, and I easily handled it, but I realized it would cause problems with his team if Luke found out, or if something else happened. It’s easier to steer clear.
“Wrong. I have to work,” I say, giving him my standard response.
“You’re always working. I never see you anymore.” Luke pouts but I ignore him. He sees me plenty.
“You’re seeing me right now.” I gesture between us. “And we had dinner last week.”
“Are you ever going to tell me what you do?” he asks, ignoring my response as he folds his arms over his chest.
“Nope. It doesn’t matter.”
I bite back my smile until he peers over my shoulder into my apartment, looking for some kind of clue. I have no reason to keep my job a secret from Luke—it’s just fun to tease him, and his guesses bring me so much joy.
“It’s the old bowling alley, isn’t it?” he asks, studying my expression. “Sundays are comp days, so I’ll bet it’s busy.”
“First, how do you know about their comp days? I didn’t think you’d been since we were in high school. And second…wrong again.”
“I haven’t been there in years.” He shrugs. “None of us have. Not since that place with the laser tag opened. But I saw a sign somewhere.”
I huff out a laugh as I picture the guys on the football team running around with their little beams of light, but Luke silences me with a glare. “That’s not important. Please, Shortcake. Just tell me.”
“Why? It’s more fun this way.”
I give him a wave and shove him out the door before closing it in his face. It’s just about to click shut when he calls out, “It better not be illegal,” making me burst out laughing.
I’ve got to get my thrills somewhere.
I’m in my room an hour later when Heath comes home, and by the time I walk into the living room to say hi, he’s on the couch playing video games with his headphones on.
Yet, somehow he senses me.
“Lainey, you’re home.” He removes the headphones and jumps up before walking over and curling his arms around my waist. “Have you been home long?” he asks with a smile. “I thought you were heading out.”
“I was but Luke stopped by.”
Heath scoffs as he sits on the barstool behind me, pulling me into his lap. I shoot him a smile as I untangle myself from his grip and step out of reach.
“What’s that about?” I ask, hoping it will distract him from my obvious need to be away from him.
Heath sighs. “He doesn’t want us together,” he says without looking me in the eye. “He’s been very vocal on that topic.”
Yeah… about that.
“Heath.” How do I put this nicely? “I think it’s time we stopped seeing each other.”
“The fuck? What the hell did Luke say?”
“What?” Oh shit. I timed that badly. “It wasn’t Luke. I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks and…”
“Is that why you won’t touch me?”
Yep. Among other reasons. “I think it’s better to end things now since I’m leaving.”
“In five months.”
“It doesn’t matter. This isn’t going anywhere, and I’d rather we didn’t get any more attached to each other.” Or rather, I don’t want him to get more attached to me.
“Don’t do this, Lainey. I need all the time we have together.”
I huff out a laugh as I roll my eyes. “You say that like you’re in love,” I joke while my insides squirm at the thought.
“Maybe I am.”
What?My eyes widen and I stare at him in silence, putting us in a torturous standoff until he turns away. “Goddammit, Heath.”
“I know.”
“I don’t…” God, how did this happen? “I don’t…” I don’t love him. I never have. We just worked…until we didn’t.
I drop onto the stool next to his as he sighs again. “I know that too.”
Of course he does, because I’ve never pretended. But this certainly complicates things.
I release a long, slow, drawn out breath making Heath laugh nervously. “Do you want me to move out?” I ask, my chest tight with anticipation. Even if he says no, I should move out. It’s not right to stay here. But God, it makes life hard for me. “It might be easier and—”
Heath starts shaking his head before I’ve finished my sentence. “No, this is a me problem. But, if there’s any chance…”
I close my eyes, needing the brief moment of respite. No. There’s no chance. There never was. Heath’s not the first “boyfriend” I’ve had. There have been a few. And while I refuse to even think about one of them, I couldn’t get past the “like” stage with the others either.
“No. I’m sorry. I just don’t feel that way.”
“But—”
“I don’t think I ever will.”
His face drops before he jumps up and takes a few steps away from me, like I’m poison. “Okay, Lainey. Whoever he is, I hope he’s a good guy.”
I bite back a groan as my body tenses in frustration. “Heath, there is no one else. I just don’t—”
“It’s fine,” he cuts me off before turning away and huffing like a child.
I blow out a breath and consider pointing out that I’ll never feel that way partly due to his inability to have a proper conversation if it’s not what he wants to hear, but instead, I leave him to sulk and head to my room, contemplating where we go from here. Knowing, deep down, that moving out is the best answer.
By nine p.m. I’m half-asleep as I read the latest best-selling thriller. While I’d usually be starting work around this time, it’s like my body knows that I’m off tonight and it’s shutting down.
My phone buzzes with a text as I’m getting ready for bed, and I almost ignore it, but when curiosity gets the better of me, I give in and as I read it, I come to a halt.
Unknown: It’s Thomas. I’m in Heartwood. Can I see you?
An overwhelming need wells up inside me, and I have to stop myself from rushing to reply. My heart races as I consider my options. All the logic screams at me to say no. Nothing good can come from us spending time together. And yet, the tightness in my chest at the mere thought of not seeing him again gives me my answer. I want to see him. There’s no use pretending that I don’t.
Heath yells at the TV, drawing my attention, and I cringe. I can’t invite Thomas here, and I can’t meet him anywhere in Heartwood.
I’m stuck until an idea hits me, and I think of the perfect place. A place no one visits anymore according to Luke. A location on the outskirts of town and at the opposite end from the college.
Lainey: I’m free now. Want to meet at the old bowling alley?
My knee bounces as I wait in the shadows of the parking lot, hiding away like I’m some kind of criminal. Which isn’t easy to do since Luke was right; it’s pretty empty for a Friday night.
An old pickup truck pulls in after I’ve been sitting for a few minutes, and Thomas jumps out of the passenger seat, tossing a bottle into a nearby trash can as the truck drives away. Without a care in the world, he walks with purpose toward the graffitied glass doors, like he hasn’t even considered the possibility that he’ll likely be recognized. And maybe that’s true. But I doubt it.
I watch his confident strides in silence, and when he pushes his sleeves up his arm, I’m momentarily stunned still. With my eyes glued to his movements, it takes until he reaches the door before I finally snap out of my daze, calling out for his attention. “Thomas. Over here.”
He spins to look my way, and as soon as our eyes lock, he takes off in a jog, his warm smile making me wish we were in another time, another place, anywhere but the current situation we’re in.
I’ve barely had the chance to fully exit my car when he’s standing in front of me, pulling me into a suffocating hug. A feeling of déjà vu hits, but I can’t dwell on it. I can’t think about what might come next. About the inevitable heartache I’m going to see in his eyes as soon as I’m able to focus on them.
“I’m sorry,” he says with a rasp, his eyes boring into mine, his hands brushing my arms as they fall to his side. “I was an asshole last time I saw you, and even before that, I let you take the blame when I never should have run in the first place, and I’m sorry.”
I pause, my heart racing as I stare into his sincere but glassy eyes. I could push back on him and make him grovel, but I don’t have the energy anymore. Yes, he walked away from me first, but it was a long time ago, and I walked away too. When he needed me the most.
“Apology accepted,” I say, trying to focus on what’s important. He’s been drinking again, and while he doesn’t appear drunk, he’s not completely clearheaded, and one of us needs to be. Now is not the time to rehash the past. I’d much rather focus on what’s right in front of us.
Thomas smiles as he steps out of my personal space, and I swear the air around me cools, sending a shiver down my spine. But it’s his gravelly voice that really gets me. Always has.
“It’s good to see you. I…” He trails off and I’m about to cut in when he releases a long drawn out sigh, throwing his head back to look at the stars. “Uh. It’s been a day…month… year.” His gaze drops to mine again as he runs his fingers through his messy hair, and I’m once again overwhelmed with a fierce need to protect him. “Can we start over?” he asks, his hand settling at the back of his neck. “Pretend I’ve just knocked on your window for the very first time.”
I can’t imagine a scenario where that ever works out—for anyone—but God, it would be nice, and if I’m being honest with myself, it’s exactly what I need to forget. “Is my brother still your teammate in this new reality?”
“Technically not. I play for Seattle.”
The smallest grin tugs at my lips as I shake my head. “That’s a pretty good loophole.”
“I thought so.” His breathtaking smile widens, but there’s something about his stance that has my brows furrowing. He needs this. He’s not just joking around. He needs us to pretend. As do I.
“Guess we have no other option then.” I lie for both our sakes, and the relief in his eyes guts me. We have so many options. Talking things through for one. But for now, what harm could it do?
Thomas smiles again, and I feel a shift in the air as he physically relaxes in front of me.
But then he hits me with the million-dollar question, and I suck in a breath. “So where do we go from here?”