Chapter Twenty-Five
Thomas
Lainey blinks a few times, and while I study the way her wide welcoming eyes make me instantly feel at ease, I pray she has all the answers. Because fuck if I know. I came with the intention to apologize and fix things between us, but when I saw her, half perched in her car, it all turned to shit and I realized I just want a do-over. I want to forget everything that happened between us and start fresh. Just Thomas and Lainey, minus the baggage.
“Sorry,” I say to break the short silence. “That was a much bigger question than it needed to be. I’m Thomas and I’m a quarterback in Seattle. You may have heard of me; I’m kind of a big deal.”
Lainey giggles, and the sound takes me back to our nights spent under the stars. The little moments I once craved. Still crave. Only life is so much different now. “I guess what I’m trying to say is—”
“Friends?” she cuts in, holding her hand out for me to shake. “Friends” is not at all what I was going to say but…
“We can start there, sure.” I ignore her slight gasp and the unspoken question in her eyes, turning toward the bowling alley, tabling that explanation for another day. “So…” I drag out, bouncing my eyebrows in the direction of the door. “Did you bring me here to show off your mad skills?” An image of a younger Lainey, wiggling her ass as she stands in the lane, has me wanting to stare at her ass now…but I snap myself out of it.
Lainey folds her arms over her chest as she pouts, mocking offense. “I’ll have you know that I’m an amazing bowler. I was even asked to go pro.”
“Oh yeah.” I grin. “I’m impressed.”
“But…” Her lips thin comically. “I think it’s best if we stay out here. You wouldn’t want to be recognized. You know, since you’re ‘kind of a big deal.’ The media would have a field day showcasing your poor bowling performance.”
I bite back a smile as a warmth runs through me, loving how quickly we fall back into our easy banter. “You’re right. We wouldn’t want that. So why did you ask to meet here specifically?”
“Privacy.” She grimaces while my brows furrow. “It’s the one place I knew Luke and your ex-teammates wouldn’t go.”
“Smart. The place with the laser tag is so much better now. But what about your place?”
Lainey laughs up until the moment I ask about her place, then she winces as she looks away. It pains me to think that we’re both adults and still have to hide our relationship, even when we don’t have one…but the reality is that we do. Luke wouldn’t understand it, and the last thing I want is for Lainey to lose her brother, like I lost Summer.
She leans back against her car, and I follow suit, getting comfortable beside her. From the way she’s curling her fingers together, I can tell she’s nervous about her response, so I change the subject. I said we needed to start fresh, and if that was the case, I wouldn’t be going to her house so soon.
“So you live in Heartwood Falls?” I say, bumping her shoulder with mine, easing into it, hitting her with “getting to know you” questions.
“I do. And you live in Seattle.”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “I went from never wanting to leave San Francisco to sheer relief when I was drafted to another state.”
“And you like it there?” she asks, repositioning herself to face me, untwisting her hands as she gets comfortable.
“I do,” I say, only half lying. Until I found out about Summer, I did. “The guys are great, the coaching staff are incredible. Plus… I’m the starting quarterback again on Sunday.” My tone changes when I talk about starting, and as always, Lainey picks up on it.
“Must be incredible knowing you’ve achieved so much in such a short space of time, but also nerve-racking.” She looks away, giving me the chance to answer without scrutiny, and I almost thank her.
“I don’t know how I feel,” I say honestly, running a hand through my hair. It’s just that the timing doesn’t feel right. “I’m obviously grateful for the opportunity, but—”
“How do your teammates feel? Any backlash because you’re a rookie?”
“Lainey, Lainey, hitting me with the tough questions.” I smile as she laughs, but the reality is that question was tame compared to what she could have asked. She’s moving on from my feelings, and I appreciate it.
“Someone’s gotta do it.” She shrugs, making me chuckle.
“Most of my teammates are supportive; only our more experienced backup quarterback has an issue. But that’s understandable. I took the position from him and then I fucked up. We lost our first game in weeks, and there’s a good chance that wouldn’t have happened if they’d chosen him.” I speak matter-of-factly, but my brows furrow as I finish. I didn’t expect to be that open about things. “Sorry, I—”
“It wasn’t you. There were so many factors affecting that game. Rhodes for one. I’m not sure there was much you could do. You—”
Lainey pauses when my eyes flash to hers, a feeling of awe settling in my chest. “You watched the game?”
“I obviously wasn’t watching for you, since we just met,” she lies. “I happen to be a huge LA supporter.” Her lips pull up into a mesmerizing smile before she shies away. “You know how proud Luke is of you,” she adds. “He mentioned you were starting and I couldn’t not watch.” I smile and she brushes it off like it’s no big deal, but it’s huge. “That reporter was an asshole by the way, but you handled it perfectly.”
I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Even after the way I treated her at the Ball House, Lainey was still there for me, and I didn’t even know it.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me, only… I don’t know any Lukes,” I joke so I don’t have to admit that the reporter evoked no emotions in me whatsoever.
Lainey shakes her head with a coy smile. “You know what? Neither do I.”
I huff out a laugh before pulling her into a side hug, enjoying the feel of her way more than I should. “You’re an amazing human,” I say, after I’ve been quiet for too long. “You know that, right?”
We move on to other topics, perhaps to avoid getting too deep, and as the time passes, we somehow find ourselves on the hood of Lainey’s car, staring up at the sky. A comfortable silence fills the air, and while I know there’s so much we should be saying, for now, we’re embracing the notion that we’ve never met before tonight. Only the longer the “real talk” remains unspoken, the more I want to know.
“What happened in New York?” I ask, keeping my gaze locked on the stars. “You haven’t mentioned dance once in this entire conversation.”
Lainey sighs as she sits up, and a pit forms in my stomach. Since she’s back at Heartwood U, I can only assume things didn’t end the way she thought they would, but I’m nervous about what she’s been through.
“Can we pretend I was never a dancer in this new version of us?”
The pit deepens and my insides twist in knots, but since I know a bit about wanting to keep my feelings to myself, I don’t push it. “If that’s what you really want.”
She looks to the sky, perhaps seeking answers like I often do, and when her gaze lands back on mine, I see the hesitation before she speaks. “New York was—”
Her phone rings, cutting us off, and she startles, jumping down from the hood to reach into her car. Her teeth clench as she stands up, but before I have the chance to ask if she’s okay, she releases a breathy laugh and shows me the name on the screen. Luke.
“Miss me already?” she asks into the receiver, playful rolling her eyes.
“Why aren’t you answering your door?” he snaps, and I have to remind myself that he’s her brother. Siblings argue. It’s not a good reason to punch him in the face.
“Maybe because I’m not home,” she snaps back as I slide off the car to stand beside her.
“Where are you?” he asks, and the fact that I can hear him clearly in the silence of the lot makes me wonder how loud Lainey and I have been.
Lainey scoffs, before giving me an apologetic smile. “I’m at the store, Luke. Why does it matter?”
“It’s late and I left my wallet on your counter. Is your douchebag boyfriend home?”
Boyfriend.My eyes widen as Lainey flinches and subtly steps back, tilting her body away from me.
“How badly do you need it?” she asks, avoiding the question of her boyfriend as an uncomfortable feeling settles in my chest. I only hear a few broken words after that, but from the look on Lainey’s face, I can only imagine Luke’s off on some rant. It’s his MO.
“Relax. I’ll drop it off in the morning,” Lainey groans, confirming my thoughts. “If you’re going out tonight, I’m sure someone will pay for your drinks.”
She hangs up and turns around, blowing out a raspberry as she does. “So, that was the guy neither of us knows.” She shrugs with a hesitant smile, and I laugh until I remember what Luke said, the laughter fading. “He forgot his wallet and—”
“Who’s the lucky guy?” I blurt, cutting her off. The words are out of my mouth before I’ve had a chance to stop them, but I stand tall and own it. “Sounds like Luke’s a big fan.” I somehow manage to keep my tone light, even though my feelings on the topic run deep.
“Luke doesn’t love the idea of me with anyone. It doesn’t matter who it is.”
She’s not wrong there. We’ve all heard his threats, only back then, they weren’t aimed at someone that Lainey was actually dating. It was more the idea of her dating. “He cares,” I say honestly. “I’m sure, I would have been the same with Summer.”
Lainey frowns and I instantly regret bringing Summer up. I want to know about her and her boyfriend, and I’ll bet she’s going to change the subject now.
“Speaking of Summer…”
“Things are okay. I just need to give her time.” So back to this douchebag. “Anyway, we were talking about—”
“Okay. Yes, I had a boyfriend. Well, more of a…”
Jesus. A dark cloud of jealousy smothers me as my muscles tense. “What the hell, Lainey? I kissed you and you didn’t think to tell me?”
Lainey stands tall, her gaze full of fight, and fuck if it doesn’t make her sexier. “That’s right,” she snaps. “You kissed me.”
“You didn’t exactly push me away,” I argue back, until I remember that she did. “At least not at first.”
She huffs out a breath, her shoulders dropping. “I know. It’s complicated and I felt like you needed it.”
She what?
My jealous anger subsides as her words give me pause, a new fire taking over me. She’s right. At that moment, I needed it more than anything, but… “What if I need it now?” I tease, trying to see if I can push her, wanting to see how she really feels. Wanting to make her mine.
She turns to face me and takes a step closer, staring at me in challenge. “Try it,” she whispers confidently, pushing me all the same.
If there was a tiny string of decency holding me back, this would be the moment it snapped.
Spinning her around, I lift her up onto the hood and use my knee to nudge her legs open, stepping between them. “He may be your boyfriend, but I’m about to make you forget he ever existed.” I sink one hand into her hair and use the other to wrap my fingers around her chin, tilting her head to look up at me. I’m about to devour her when she raises her hands to my chest, shoving me back.
“Wait! You didn’t listen. I had a boyfriend. We broke up. It’s over.”
A wave of relief hits me until I realize I don’t actually care. “Makes no difference,” I say, loving the way her mouth drops open at my words. “Either way, I’d be stealing this kiss. Because Lainey… you’ve always been mine.”
She gulps until her gaze softens. “Didn’t we just meet?”
I step closer until I’m exactly where I should be—pressed against her—and lean in close, my lips hovering near her ear. “Time doesn’t matter. Then, now, or the future… we will always have this connection.” Tilting back, I lock our gazes and stare intently. “There’s no denying it.” I know that because I tried.
Her eyes flash with something that looks a lot like regret, and before I’ve had the chance to question it, she pushes me away again.
Stepping back, I’m about to apologize when a spark ignites in her gaze and she grabs my shirt, curling her fingers into the material.
“Fuck it,” she says, pulling me against her, slamming her lips to mine as she takes control of the moment. At least she thinks she does.
Sinking my hand into her hair, I wrap my fingers around her ponytail and give it a gentle tug, deepening the kiss. Lainey’s entire body jolts as she gasps, but she yanks me closer, pulling me down until I’m crushing her against the car.
I groan as our tongues finally touch, and when she releases a soft mewl, the sound of it vibrates through me, sending a current directly to my cock.
And I lose my mind.
Hitching her leg up, I grind into her as our tongues intertwine, exploring, possessing, both trying to consume each other.
Hands travel, hair is pulled, and our bodies mold as one, moving in sync against each other…our lips never parting. Shielded by the shadows, I take everything from her with my kiss, but she gives it willingly, matching my fervor, both of us desperate for this moment, clinging to each other like it’s a lifeline.
And maybe it is.
Because kissing Lainey gives me a high I’ve never felt before, and I think she just became my addiction.
Her hand drops to my waist, and her hips buck as she digs her nails into my skin, unleashing a wild grunt from within me.
I slide her forward until her ass hangs off the hood, then break the kiss as I stand tall, my gaze roaming her body. I’m feral for her—I want to glide my tongue across every inch of her naked skin; I want to feast on her. I want it all. But when she wriggles under my intense stare, the movement snaps me back to reality and I groan.
“Fuck, Lainey. That was some first kiss.”
I continue our charade as I lift her to a sitting position before stepping back, creating some much-needed space between us. If I don’t stop now, I’m likely to rid her of her clothes, right here on the hood of her car. And while I desperately want to do that… not here, not like this.
I give her a soft smile, taking in the way the low light illuminates her face, highlighting her flushed cheeks and beautiful pink glistening lips. But instead of the sated look I expect to find, she’s staring at me with the same gaze she had before her “fuck it” moment, and now that I can focus, I think I know what it is.
She’s hurting, but the question is… has she been hurt, or is she hurting for me?
“Was he good to you?” I ask, wondering if it has anything to do with her ex.
A subtle crease forms in her brow but she nods with a smile. “He was, yes. We just drifted apart.”
“When?”
“Hmmm,” she asks, her gaze dropping to her hands.
“Ah… When did you break up?”
Lainey cringes as she peers up at me, biting back an awkward grin. “Today.” She winces while I bark out an incredulous laugh.
“Today? Does he know that?”
Jumping from the car, Lainey slaps my arm, jokingly giving me a shove. “Yes, he knows. We broke up before I came here.”
“Be—”
“Before you messaged me. It wasn’t about you. I didn’t expect this.” She motions back and forth between us and I chuckle again. I didn’t expect it either. At least it wasn’t my intention when I asked to see her, but the second I did…
“Can you promise me something?” I say, grabbing her hand until she gives me her full attention.
“I can try,” she whispers, sensing the conversation just turned serious again.
I close my eyes and release a slow breath before opening them again. “Promise me you’ll never settle for anything less than you deserve. Even when it comes to me. Because you deserve the world, Lainey. Every bit of it.”
“I—”
“Nope.” I press a finger to her lips and shake my head, putting a stop to her argument. “Don’t try and tell me otherwise.” I step closer, encroaching on her personal space. “I mean it, Lainey. You deserve the world. But fuck, I’m happy he’s not giving it to you.”
Lainey smiles against my fingertip, before her tongue sneaks out, giving it a lick.
I stifle a groan, as her relaxed laughter lights up her face, and it takes everything in my power not to smother that laugh with my mouth.
“Can—”
“Nope.” I smile as she leans away from my touch.
“Am I at least allowed to say thank you?” she asks, her challenging gaze returning.
“Sure. You can thank me with a—” A drop of water hits my nose, and I lose my words as we both look up at the sky. The next drop hits Lainey right next to her eye, and the soft giggle she releases is a sound I want burned into my memory. A permanent reminder that I can make her happy—that I’ve made someone happy.
Stepping forward, I lightly brush the water from her face, my thumb lingering a second longer than it should. Her breath hitches again, and her eyes lock on mine just as the heavens open up.
I raise an eyebrow, watching her while she stares up at me, her expression marred in confusion as she blinks away the rain. I try to speak, but she renders me speechless, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, shaking her head as she turns to walk away.
“We better—”
I catch her hand, pulling her to my chest, trying to control the sudden increase in my heart rate, a feeling like panic taking over me.
When she doesn’t protest, I move closer, wrapping my free arm around her waist as her palm settles against my pounding heart. I raise our clasped hands and sway, dancing to my own beat, ignoring Lainey’s gasp as she takes a moment to figure out what I’m doing.
A small giggle escapes her, but I silence her with a chaste kiss.
“No talking,” I scold. “I never got my dance under the stars.”
She opens her mouth to speak but bites her lip instead, her head shaking with a flirtatious grin. I can’t tell if she was going to argue or question me, but when she rests her head on my chest, I no longer care.
We sway slowly, dancing on our own as the rain cascades down, soaking through our clothes. At one point Lainey shivers, but when I try to pull away, she holds tighter, continuing to move.
When the rain slows, and the world around us grows quiet, I start singing “Dancing in the Moonlight,” by Toploader, trying to remember the lyrics as I go. I’ve just reached the second part of the chorus when Lainey bursts out laughing, her body shaking against mine.
“You don’t like my singing?” I ask, trying but failing to hide my grin.
“On the contrary, I love your singing, but…”
“But what?”
“Do you realize you’re getting the words wrong?” Her face contorts as she waits for my answer, a sympathetic smile in place. Meanwhile, I’m confused.
“I got the words wrong?”
“So wrong.” She grimaces, clearly thinking she’s offending me, but she’s not. Nothing could ruin this moment.
I bark out a laugh and pull her into my arms, pressing my forehead to hers. “Damn, I really thought I knew that one.”
“It’s not… never mind. It was still nice.”
She arches her body to look up at me again, and her eyes shine in the moonlight. A small smile plays at her lips, drawing my attention as she lifts to her toes and swipes her fingers across my brow. “If I look as drowned as you, I’ll be mortified.”
“You do.” I chuckle. “But you’re always beautiful and it’s no different now.”
She rolls her eyes for the briefest second as though I’m lying to reassure her, but she’s wrong. Even with her long, now dark hair plastered to her cheeks, she’s still the most breathtaking girl I’ve ever seen.
“Thomas, I—”
The doors to the bowling alley crash open, and while we’re pretty much hidden where we are, we spring apart, as though we’ve been caught in the act.
A silence settles between us as more people exit, the chatter building every time someone new steps out. We watch and wait, side by side, as the parking lot empties, and when the last of the cars drive away, I realize they must be closed.
“What time is it?” Lainey asks as she lifts my wrist in front of her face, trying to read my watch in the low light.
I pull out my phone and check the screen. Midnight. I almost don’t want to tell her, knowing what she’s going to say.
“It’s almost tomorrow.”
“Oh. Oh. You should be in bed.”
And you should be in my bed. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. But I bet it’s past your bedtime.”
Lainey scrunches her face, and I can tell she’s about to argue until the lights go out, surrounding us in darkness. “I guess that makes the decision for us,” she giggles while my chest aches.
Unfortunately. “I think you’re right.”
“Can I take you anywhere?” she asks, reminding me I caught an Uber.
“Nah, I’m good. My driver said he’d be back around closing time. I’m sure he’ll be here in a few minutes.”
As my eyes start to adjust, I catch the end of Lainey’s frown before she smiles again. “Good night then?” Her face scrunches. “It was good seeing you.”
“Good night, Lainey. And thank you.”
She shoots me a confused glare as she gets in her car, securing her seatbelt, and after putting the car into gear, she rolls down her window to wave. Taking the opportunity she gifted me, I call out as she begins to pull away. “Oh and Lainey.” She stops, her gaze meeting mine as she squints in the darkness. “After that, there’s no going back to just friends. Not anymore.”
Stepping away, I wait by her car as she reverses, shielding my eyes from the blinding headlights as she drives past, enjoying the soft giggle I hear over the sound of the engine. I smile in case she’s watching, but as she turns the corner and the darkness takes over again, an unfamiliar tightness settles in my chest.
And I have no idea what it means.
After I’m dropped back at my hotel, I fall into bed around two a.m. and the second I’m quiet, everything hits me at once. My chest aches as memory after memory fires at me in quick succession, sending my emotions into chaos. I know I fucked up, but will I ever get my redemption?
It’s been weeks, and Summer still doesn’t want to speak to me. She couldn’t even answer her phone. And while I get that she needs time, I have to wonder… What if she never forgives me? I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, but even if I make a thousand more, it will never be worse than what I did to her.
And now I have to live with that. With those cruel words screaming at me whenever my mind stills or I close my eyes, reminding me of the hurt I caused, the venom in my voice playing on repeat.
I will never in this lifetime get the image of her scars out of my head, and while I may not have caused them, my actions made it worse.
But then, through all the darkness is Lainey. She’s like morphine—all she has to do is stand in my presence and she numbs the pain, making it all go away. I feel like a different person around her. But what right do I have to feel any kind of happiness? Or by the same token, what right do I have to be feeling any kind of pain? I’m not the one that was wronged; I’m the wrongdoer. I should be sucking it up and dealing with the consequences.
But I can’t shut it off on my own.
Lainey’s the only one that helps me forget, and I feel on edge without her.
When three a.m. hits and I’m still staring at the ceiling, I get up and grab a small bottle of bourbon, hoping some mindless television will help. But it’s not until I’ve almost cleared out the minibar that I must finally drift off, waking in a daze as the sun rises.
Nothing has changed. It never does.