Chapter Twenty-Six
Lainey
After pulling into my parking garage, I stare at the scuffed concrete wall in front of me, my hands locked tight at ten and two, replaying the strange events of my night. When I called it quits with Heath, I had Thomas in the back of my mind, but I never expected to actually see him. Or for him to kiss me again. Or for me to let him.
Starting fresh felt like a loophole we shouldn’t have agreed to, but it’s hard to say no to anything Thomas says with his eyes boring into mine and the broken expression he thinks he’s hiding. And when it comes down to it, I need the escape as much as he does. I want to forget the past too.
Nothing about our night together was expected, and it probably shouldn’t have happened. But God, was it welcome. My lips still tingle from our kiss, and my skin still burns where his hand gripped my waist as we danced in the rain. Just being around him makes me feel like I’m sixteen again. Crushing on a boy I have no right to be crushing on. Desperate for him to see me. It makes me feel alive for the first time in a long time, and I can’t shake the sense that I shouldn’t be feeling that way.
I know he’s masking his feelings, but I can see right through his facade, and I’m hiding all the same. Shoving one’s problems to the side is my forte and I know firsthand how debilitating it can be. But instead of the knowledge pushing me away because he’s not being real, it’s drawing me in, making me want to drop everything to take away his pain. He needs me, and in turn, I need him.
When I finally get into bed, I toss and turn all night, my mind refusing to still. By morning, I feel groggy when my alarm goes off, made worse when I hear Heath rummaging around in the kitchen, purposely being louder than he usually is.
Since it’s a Saturday, and Luke”s team has a bye, I have nowhere to be, I hide away in my room until Heath’s gone, only rising when I hear the door slam and the silence take over. He’s not stupid. He knows I’m avoiding him, but I’m thankful he didn’t call me out on it.
My phone dings when I’m blitzing my morning smoothie, and I wait until I’ve taken my first sip to read it, smiling as I do.
Thomas: Thank you for last night. It was nice getting to know you again.
I picture him trying to be funny, but a frown quickly replaces my smile because as much as I love the laid-back, happy version of Thomas, I want him to trust me enough to talk to me. Through all the smiles, it’s impossible to miss the crease on his brow and the worry lines that mar his features. He may truly believe he’s okay, that he’s moving on, but he’s holding something back, maybe even from himself. Although, I guess, so am I.
Lainey: It was nice getting to know you too. But I do have a confession to make… I lied about something… I suck at bowling.
Thomas sends back a laughing emoji followed by a meme of a toddler trying to bowl, and with the way I laugh out loud, I’m grateful that Heath’s already left for the day, otherwise he’d be hitting me with questions. I don’t laugh like this. Ever. But Thomas brings out the best in me; he always has. If only he didn’t have the potential to bring out the worst.
If I truly expect him to be real, then I’m going to have to face some real truths myself. And I don’t know if I’m ready for that.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for that.
***
Without work or football to keep me busy, my Saturday moves slower than normal, and I find myself with too much time on my hands, and time is a dangerous thing. After writing a paper for a class I have Thursday, I catch up on some reading but forget everything that happened the second I close the book. Next, I try watching reality TV, hoping I can pass the time drooling over million-dollar houses, but no matter what I do, it’s not enough to steady my mind. I hate to admit that’s where Heath came in handy. Whenever my thoughts roamed where they shouldn’t, I’d find Heath to shift my focus. But I can’t do that anymore. Nor do I want to.
After a small workout—nothing strenuous, but enough to make me sweat—I take a long, scalding hot shower and give myself a pep talk.
I don’t need to keep busy to be happy.
I am happy.
Life is good.
Only the second I step out of the steam, all that flies out the window as I stare at my reflection, my dancer’s body laughing back at me, always a constant reminder of where I came from, why I’m running.
I wish I could break this stupid discipline I’ve always had. What I wouldn’t give to binge eat my way through a dessert menu or spend the next month on the couch, never leaving the apartment, never exercising. But I can’t do that because it’s so ingrained in me that I can’t seem to fight it, even though I don’t want that life anymore. Even though it hurts.
Running my hand through my fading dyed hair, a thought hits me, and I actually smile, knowing I’ve done at least one thing that deviates from the plan.
The first time I dyed my hair, it hadn’t been my decision. I’d been on the receiving end of a stupid prank at Jaiton, and at the time, it devastated me. But after that, I kept changing it. Not because I didn’t like my natural color, but rather, I did it to prove to myself that it didn’t matter. That I was my own person and could be whoever I wanted to be. All my life, I was told that I had to be perfect and the only way to be perfect was to be natural.
But pushing my body to the limits every day isn’t natural. Being perfect isn’t natural. And I needed a change.
When I’m dressed in my signature yoga pants and loose-fitting tee, I throw myself onto the bed and spend the next hour scrolling through social media, searching for inspiration. I’ve just come across a gorgeous girl with stunning pink hair and a tattoo sleeve when a text appears at the top of my screen.
Thomas: Can I see you?
I don’t even think about it; the answer hits me instantly. Yes. Seeing Thomas is exactly what I want. What I need.
My eyes dart around the empty apartment as I consider inviting him here. Heath is never home on a Saturday. Even when we were together, it was his day with the boys and my time to unwind before work. The chances of him coming home are slim, and yet there’s an uncomfortable feeling in my chest telling me to say no. Plus, Luke still hasn”t collected his wallet so he”s likely to show up.
But where else do we go?
I’m rereading his message when another one comes through and I know what to do.
Thomas: I only have a few hours, but name a place and I’ll be there.
Lainey: I’ll come to you. Text me the details.
Forty-five minutes later, I raise my fist to knock, but Thomas opens the door, grabbing my hand to drag me inside.
Skipping the pleasantries, he spins me around and lifts me onto the counter, immediately slipping between my open legs.
“We can catch up in a sec, but first…”
He palms my face and presses his lips to mine, instantly making me melt. I’ve never been excited about kisses except for Thomas’s. It must be something to do with the way he devours me, making me feel his touch everywhere. But whatever it is, I can’t get enough. So, when he brushes his tongue across my bottom lip, seeking entry, I can’t stop myself from giving it to him.
He makes my toes curl and my heart race, but on top of all that, he makes me forget. And God, do I need to forget.
Just like last night, I curl my fingers into his tee and pull him closer, needing to feel his body against mine. We mold together as one, our tongues tangling, my mind racing, and when his hands sink into my hair, my head drops back as I moan his name, loving the possessive nature of his hold.
Tilting my head farther, Thomas glides his lips down my neck, alternating between gentle sucks and featherlight kisses, erasing any man that’s been there before as a giddiness takes over me. He’s making me feel like it’s my first time, and God, do I wish it was my first time. More than anything, I wish for that innocence to return, for kissing and sex to still be special to me, but I’ll never get that back. Basking in the way Thomas makes me feel is all that I have. And I’m going to hold on to that high.
Thomas explores my heated skin, brushing his lips across my neck, my chest, the little spot just below my ear that makes my body shiver, and when his mouth reaches mine again, I’m ready for all he has to give me.
But he’s not.
After pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of my mouth, he steps back, running a hand through his already mussed hair, his gaze locked on mine.
He shakes his head as he huffs out an incredulous laugh, and when I don’t say a word, he lifts me off the counter, dropping me to my feet before stepping away.
I take a moment to slow my breathing, using the time to glance around the room, taking in my surroundings until Thomas moves in place beside me, bumping his shoulder to mine, his breathing ragged. “So this is my room,” he says, making me laugh as he walks toward the window, his hands by his sides.
I follow his lead, my attention immediately caught on the picturesque scene staring back at me and I gape. “Nice view,” I say, stating the obvious as I come to a stop beside him.
He’s silent until I glance his way to find him staring directly at me. “It’s okay, I guess.” He shrugs, making me laugh out loud.
I know we shouldn’t be doing this. That it’s going to end with one of us getting hurt, but he’s not the only one that needs it. Nothing in my life has felt more real than when Thomas is touching me, laughing with me or at me, staring into my soul. I made a promise when I left Jaiton to take control of my life, to be the owner of my decisions, and right now, this is what I want.
“I’m sorry about that,” he says suddenly, as though reading my thoughts or, perhaps, reading my expression. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“Then why do it?” I challenge, even though I did nothing to stop him.
Thomas turns to face the outside world, his brows furrowing like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I can’t seem to stop myself,” he whispers, his voice coated in guilt as though he’s adding this—me—to the list of things he hates himself for.
My heart thuds in my chest as I walk closer to the window, my eyes locked on the glimpse of a reflection I can see, noting Thomas’s fists clenched by his sides as though he’s trying to stop himself right now.
“What if I don’t want you to?” I spin to face him. “I think—”
“Let’s not think,” he cuts me off, closing the space between us as something shifts in the air. He cages me in with his hands against the glass beside my face, his eyes bouncing between mine, waiting for something, while my heart thumps frantically in anticipation. “Just tell me you want this too.”
Once again, there’s no thought required for that answer. “I do. I—”
Rendering me speechless, Thomas drops to his knees in front of me and reaches for the waistband of my pants. He curls his hands around the material, lighting me on fire where his fingers brush against my skin.
After releasing a slow breath, he inches the elastic down, his gaze locked on mine, silently checking I’m okay.
I’m about to nod, when a thought hits me and I glance over my shoulder, once again coming face-to-face with San Francisco’s skyline. If that’s all I could see, I wouldn’t question it. It’s the people scurrying around only a couple of stories below us that has me on edge.
“It’s mirrored,” Thomas says with a knowing smile. “We can see out but they can’t see in.”
Jesus. My entire body tingles as the idea of that hits me, and I’m torn between letting a past memory ruin this moment, or using this moment to erase it.
Thomas frowns and moves to stand up, but I push him down, decision made.
Erase it. “I want this.”
Stifling a groan, Thomas wastes no time removing my pants, but when his fingers slip into my panties, he slows, gliding them down my legs, his lips brushing over my skin in the opposite direction, inching closer to my center. I step out of my thong, and Thomas grabs my ankle, lifting my leg to the arm of the couch, opening me up for better access. When his face meets my glistening core, a guttural groan rips from within him, and this time, he has no chance of stopping it. He unabashedly stares with a feral look of desire that has me clenching in anticipation as a wanton need pools between my legs.
Sucking in a breath, I prepare myself for his onslaught, but the first lick is like torture. Taking his time, he slowly runs his tongue through my heat, rolling it around, before flicking my most sensitive area. My legs buckle, but I hold strong, flattening one hand against the glass for balance as I sink the other into his hair.
Thomas lets out a string of grunts when I tug at his locks, then abandons his edging, curling his fingers around my legs, spreading me wider as he guides his tongue back to my core.
He alternates between fast and slow licks, working me into a frenzy as I fight to stay afloat. The more his tongue swirls, the harder it is to hold back, and it’s not long before I’m rolling my hips against his face, chasing the release I so desperately need.
But just as my pleasure builds, Thomas rips his mouth away from me and sucks in a breath, hitting me with a wicked grin. I open my mouth to yell at him, but he lowers his face again, gently biting the inside of my leg at the same time he eases a finger inside me. I cry out as the intensity of the pleasure overwhelms me, and the sensation builds to an intoxicating level.
He continues to nibble at my skin, working his way back to my center as he pumps his fingers inside me, and I’m torn between begging him to stop and never wanting it to end.
My head falls back and I stifle a moan, but when he bites down on my clit, I lose all control, screaming out his name as my orgasm hits me, sending me flying over the edge.
Thomas continues to lick me through my release, and it’s not until my legs give way and I start to fall that he pulls back to catch me.
“Now that’s a high I never want to come down from,” he says as he stares into my eyes, the intensity of his gaze making my insides squirm. “God, you’re beautiful when you come apart like that. Please tell me I can do that again?”
I nod because I don’t have the energy to do anything else, and before I’ve had a chance to come down from my own high, Thomas lifts me off my feet and spins me around before lowering me to the couch, hovering above me.
“Good answer, because I need us naked. Now.”
I want to agree, to tell him I need that too, but the words get stuck in my throat when he glides his shirt over his head, giving me a view of the sculpted body I’ve always imagined. And just like I pictured, he’s built like a god.
I want to get my fill of him, to spend hours marveling in his beauty, but he lowers himself again, pressing his mouth to mine as he smiles. An unfamiliar warmth spreads through me, and for the first time in forever, I feel completely at ease.
“Lainey,” Thomas whispers against my lips. “I—”
A siren blares into the room, startling us both, before an announcement tells us to evacuate the building.
Thomas drops his forehead to mine as he groans, and I feel his anger down to my bones. “Ignore it,” he rasps until the sirens change, becoming louder and more frantic, reminding us they’re not going away.
“Come on. I don’t want to die before I’ve found my purpose,” I joke, but it falls flat when Thomas’s expression fills with concern.
“Relax. I’m kidding, but we should go.”
“I hate that you’re right,” he complains, and I can’t help but giggle as he sulks before standing up and stalking toward the bathroom.
He takes his time doing God knows what, while I rush to get dressed, and yet, he meets me at the door barely seconds after I get there.
My brows furrow as I work my messy hair into a bun, frustrated by his effortless but well put together look, while I look like I just woke up…or had sex.
“We need to split up,” I say, ignoring the hot mess that I am, picturing the media circus that’s already gathering below, undoubtedly prepared for anything at the Seattle team hotel.
Thomas holds back a groan as he opens the door, his frustration clear as day. “I’m not sending you off on your own in an emergency situation,” he snaps, making me laugh.
“My car’s in the parking garage across the street. I was going to leave soon anyway. You only had a couple of hours, remember?” Thomas opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “If there’s no emergency there, I’ll jump in the car and drive home.” There’s a chance this is just a standard drill or burnt toast, and I’d rather not have to hang out on my own waiting.
With a lift of his brow, Thomas challenges me as I slip past him into the hall, gripping my elbow as I walk. “And if they’re evacuating the parking garage?”
I playfully roll my eyes, shaking him off. “I’m capable of standing alone and waiting it out. I can even text you if it puts your mind at ease.”
“I still don’t like it,” he grates, and I swear I see his nose flare. “But that helps.”
I hold back another smirk, appreciating that he cares, and instead get a move on. “Come on,” I say, walking toward the stairwell. “You go first and then—”
“Hell no. I’m not leaving you up here. You go. I’ll follow in a minute.”
He stares at me with unwavering passion, and I give in. “Okay, sure. I’ll leave Seattle’s quarterback up here to burn while I save myself,” I mumble half under my breath.
Thomas suppresses a smile before he subtly nudges me toward the door, his grin full of satisfaction when I do as I’m told. “Go. I’ll see you down there.”