Chapter Forty-Two
Lainey
“Don’t look at me like that. I’ll figure it out.” I frown as my brother’s black Labrador, Shadow, stares up at me with the actual definition of puppy dog eyes. She seems to be able to sense when I’m stressed, and today’s one of those days. “I didn’t like the job anyway. And how was I to know the guy I kneed in the balls was the boss’s married son? No one told me that. Including his son.” He’d been flirting with me for weeks. I thought it was harmless until he tried to kiss me and I didn’t want it.
Shadow’s head tilts to the side like she’s judging me, and I almost give her some sass of my own until I realize what I’m doing and groan.
“Ugh. Come on, he deserved it. Let’s go for a walk before you start talking back to me.”
One month.I’ve only been back in San Francisco for a month, and I’ve already managed to mess up. This was supposed to be my third chance at starting over. Sure, the job itself sucked, but the pay was good. And it was going to get better. I just had to pass the three-month probation to get the raise.
“God, what am I doing?”
Shadow’s head flashes my way but I ignore her. I’ve got enough problems without worrying about the opinion of a dog. A really beautiful dog that I absolutely adore. Ugh. “Okay, Shadow. You’re right. Judge away.”
I snuck back into San Francisco early last month. And by snuck, I mean, I knocked on Luke’s door and begged him to let me stay, then told him he wasn’t allowed to tell anyone until I was ready.
Talking to my family on the phone is one thing, but seeing them in person is a completely different story. The only reason I considered staying with Luke is because he flew over to meet me in Greece while I was backpacking there a year ago, and we were forced to get over the awkwardness that neither of us admitted was there. But make no mistake… It was awkward. We’d both changed so much. Okay, Luke hadn’t really changed at all, but he’d been stuck dealing with “photogate” as I like to lovingly refer to it, while I stayed in hiding. And that’s not something you want your brother to have to see, let alone handle.
But after we moved on from the weirdness, it was like no time had passed, and now I’m here, staying in his overpriced bachelor pad, while trying to find a job that sticks.
Shadow nudges my leg, reminding me she’s there, and I laugh when I realize I’ve slowed my pace. “Alright. Let’s go. Grab your leash.” She bounds away in search and returns back with the strap clenched between her teeth, and I swear she smiles at me.
I really need some more human interaction.
We walk aimlessly for about fifteen minutes until the dog park finally comes into view. I find that if I take Shadow straight here, she goes crazy with excitement and it’s impossible to calm her down, but if I wear her out first, she plays nice. You could say we’ve gotten to know each other well.
Shadow starts pulling on the rope as soon as she realizes where we are, making me pick up my speed, and we’ve just stepped through the gate when I hear my name.
“Lainey?”
I freeze, my gaze dropping to the oversized sweater that covers my short shorts, as I cringe, remembering I left the house without brushing my hair. I was not expecting anyone to know me here, but of course I was wrong.
Turning slowly, I come face-to-face with the one and only Dylan Mathers and have to fight to hide my shock. “Dylan, hi. It’s been a while.”
“It has. A long while. Years in fact.” There’s the hint of judgment in his tone, but since he’s one of the nicest guys I know, he doesn’t say what he’s really thinking. It was me. I disappeared on them. Twice. Apparently it’s what I do.
“What are you doing back in San Francisco,” he asks, continuing on politely. “The last I heard you were blowing all your money in Amsterdam.”
“What?!” I burst out laughing. “Let me guess… You heard that from Luke?”
“Yeah, I did…” He hesitates and I laugh again.
“He’s such a dick.” I went to Amsterdam for three days on a tour. Yes, it was pricier than some of the other places I visited, but I didn’t blow all my money. “I did travel, but for the most part, I was working with children in Indonesia.”
“Holy shit, that’s amazing. I knew you were volunteering, but I kind of pictured you picking crops or something.” He chuckles.
“Oh, I did some of that, but I spent most of my time with the kids.”
“And now you’re back?” he questions.
“I am. I’ve been back for about a month.”
Dylan nods as Shadow brushes herself against his leg, making me wince as I try to pull her away. “Shadow, come on. Leave him alone.” My eyes flash back to Dylan’s with a smile, and I use Shadow as my excuse to leave. “Sorry about that. We should let you go.”
“Oh no. It’s fine. No bother.” He bends down and ruffles Shadow’s fur, scratching her under the neck, winning her over in a matter of seconds. Which I should have known because she loves everyone.
“What a beautiful dog.”
“She’s Luke’s.”
“Huh. He never mentioned he had a dog.”
“He wouldn’t. You’re not one of the ladies he’s trying to pick up. Shadow’s his wing woman. He’ll head out for a walk and come back with several numbers.”
Dylan raises an eyebrow as he stands up. “And he thinks it’s the dog, not the fact that he’s a pro football player.”
“It’s Luke. I think that goes against him. Everyone knows his reputation. He wants to find women that don’t know him.”
Dylan laughs. “Yep, that makes sense. I’m actually about to meet Summer. Is it okay if I text her to meet us here? Do you have to rush off? It looks like Shadow’s ready for a run.” He points into the dog park and I internally wince. Seeing Dylan is one thing. I can separate him from the past. But only the mention of Summer has my skin tingling as an image of Thomas runs through my mind.
But how am I supposed to say no? Giving Shadow a run is what I’m here for. “I’ve got a few minutes.”
“Great. I’ll text her now. She’ll be excited to see you.”
“Rewind. You want me to do what?” I stare at them blankly before my gaze drops to their sleeping son in his stroller.
“We want you to be our nanny,” Summer repeats, but it doesn’t help.
I have no idea how we got to this moment. Well, I mean I know why, but they never even had a conversation and yet they’re both on the same page.
“You haven’t seen me in years. We haven’t spoken. And I’ll bet my life savings”—which is actually nothing—“Luke told you I’m a pain in the ass.” He’d probably be joking, but I say it anyway because desperate times call for desperate measures. “Why would you want to hire me?”
Summer’s smile turns sympathetic. “We trust you,” she says, even though she barely knows me. “In our world, it’s hard to find good people, but you found us, and no matter what Luke says jokingly, we know you’re a good person.”
If this is because she thinks she owes me… “Aren’t there agencies?”
“There are. But we’d prefer someone we know. It’s only for the season at this stage. After that we may not need anyone.”
I blow out a breath and look to the sky like I always do when I need answers, hoping that one day they’ll be there. But today isn’t that day.
Why did I have to mention I was jobless? This is crazy.
“What if I’m bad at it?” I ask, hoping that might make them question things, but when Dylan laughs, I know it didn’t work.
“You just spent years working with kids in Indonesia. How could you possibly be bad at it?”
Ugh. I did. I walked right into this and I’m running out of excuses.
“Please?” Dylan begs, pulling me from my thoughts. There’s a waver to his tone that wasn’t there before, giving me pause.
“Dylan. God, you sound so needy,” Summer cuts in before I respond, making me laugh nervously.
“I am needy.”
“What he’s trying to say is that we are a little bit desperate. I’ve been offered a part-time job writing for a lifestyle magazine, and while I don’t have to take it, I’d really like to. And even though it’s currently the offseason, we’d love some lead time with the nanny before preseason starts.”
Dammit, they played the guilt card.
“I really don’t—”
“Please,” they say in unison, and it’s a little creepy.
“Should we talk about this? Don’t you want a resume or something?”
“Nope.”
There’s another question lingering on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t ask it. What about Thomas? How am I going to look after your son and avoid Thomas?
“You’d get somewhere to stay,” Dylan adds with a cheesy grin, and I deflate. I had to go and mention that I was currently living with Luke and didn’t particularly enjoy it. A live-in nanny. They want me to be a live-in nanny.
Pros… I’d have a job and I just lost a job. I’d have somewhere to live and be away from the bachelor pad. I love kids. Dylan and Summer have always been good to me, and I’d probably get to see Joel if they’re all still friends.
Cons… Thomas. Summer is Thomas’s sister. Thomas is Summer’s brother. Thomas. Thomas. Thomas.
“Can I think about it?”
Dylan frowns until Summer slaps him in the chest. “Yes, of course. Take as long as you need. We’ll make things work until you decide.” Dylan’s eyes flash her way, but her smile remains. “Ignore him. We’ll wait.”
They’ll wait. I only have to think about one thing and yet, that could take a lifetime. What’s the likelihood of running into Thomas when he lives in Seattle? And how will I feel if I do?
Aweek later, I pick up my keys from the table and rush out the door. Shit. Shit. Day one and I’ve already failed.
I dial Summer’s number in a panic, and she answers on the first ring. “I got your message; it’s an easy mistake.”
“Summer, I’m supposed to be helping you.”
She laughs, and the calmness to her tone settles my nerves. “You are helping. Today was just a coffee to go over a few things.”
“Yes, but I’m not there, am I?”
“Again, it’s not a problem. How about we all have dinner tonight? You’re moving in today, right?”
“I was, if that’s okay?” I decided to move into the pool house part time, only on the days I’m working, decreasing my chances of seeing Thomas. If Dylan and Summer aren’t home, then Thomas has no need to be there either.
“Of course, that works for dinner. I’ve got some running around to do, but I’ll be home around three if you need a hand.”
My eyes flash to the back seat of my car, taking in the lone bag that sits there, and I can say with absolute certainty I won’t need any help, but still I say, “That would be lovely, thanks.”
I’d much rather have her there to show me around than move in by myself like I own the place. It’s already strange enough.
And now that I have time to kill, I can slow down and plan the rest of my life or at least think about it…
The last week has been a whirlwind. And it all started the morning after seeing Dylan and Summer, when I was met by a very smiley Luke as we ate our breakfast.
I tried to pretend I didn’t notice, but when it got ridiculous, I couldn’t hold back.
“Spit it out. What has you looking so happy?” I ask as Luke grins, turning me off my food.
“I caught up with some of the boys from the team last night.”
“Okay.”
“Yep. I saw Carter, Blake and Dyl-an.”
Goddammit. I blow out a breath. “He told you.”
“He told me.” His smile widens, and I almost reach over the table to slap him.
“I think I’m going to say no. I’m not qualified for something like that.”
“Like hell you aren’t. You just spent the last six years working with kids.”
“I didn’t spend the last six years working with kids. I moved around to different projects and I traveled.”
“You’re still qualified.” He shrugs, staring me down in challenge.
My eyes narrow as I stare back, trying to figure out what’s really going on until it hits me. “You want me gone,” I accuse.
“What? No, I don’t.” I have to admit, the genuine shock on his face is actually believable, except for one minor thing. Why else would he be pushing this?
“I was actually thinking about going back to Shauna’s,” I say instead, watching for his reaction.
“You’d prefer to wait tables?” Yes, I finally told Luke what my job was before I left. I couldn’t leave him hanging. And while he was a little sus on the type of venue, he was relieved by my actual position. But that relief is about to be taken away.
“No, I think I want to dance.”
“What?” Luke jumps to his feet like he’s outraged, but I laugh it off.
“Sit back down. Why don’t you come with me so you can see what it’s really like? It’s not a strip club.”
“Would you be dancing for men’s enjoyment?”
“Yes, and women’s.”
“Would you be dressed in jeans and a sweater?”
“You know I wouldn’t be.”
“Lainey.”
“No. I’ve thought about this. While I was away, I took my life back. I made decisions about my body. I let myself focus on my mind for once, and it made me stronger. But now I want to try dancing again. For me.”
Luke groans, but I can tell it’s out of frustration because he can see my point.
“What if…”
“I owned that moment, Luke. I chose to walk out on that stage in that costume. I knew what people could see. I saw it. And I danced better than I’ve ever danced before. Better than every single person in that room. I showed them they couldn’t get to me, and there was no denying it. Did I know someone had snuck in a camera? No. But I’d do it again if I was back there.” It’s everything after that moment that I’d change.
“You know it messed you up, Lainey. That’s why…” he trails off, suddenly nervous.
“That’s why, what?”
“That’s why you’ve been away for so long.”
“I went away to find myself. And I did. I just haven’t found my purpose.”
“Well, maybe it’s nanny-ing.”
“You think my life’s purpose is to be a nanny?” I’m sure it’s someone’s life purpose, but since the idea has never crossed my mind, I don’t think it’s mine.
“No,” Luke rushes out with a laugh. “Not that exactly. But it might lead to something.”
I ponder that for a moment as he grabs himself a juice, and when he sits back down, I frown. I love working with kids. There’s no doubt about that. So… “Ugh. I hate when you’re logical. It really messes with our rhythm.”
Luke’s eyes light up. “So you’re going to take the job?”
“I guess I am. And I guess that means you can start bringing women home again. Part time.”
Luke grimaces before raising an eyebrow. “Ah. Sure. That will be good. I’ve missed it.”
“Dammit, Luke.” He never stopped. “What happened to ‘it might be good for me to take some time off sex.’”
“I was clearly joking,” he says, gobsmacked that I’d ever believe that.
“One day you are going to find ‘the one’ and it’s going to be so much fun for me to watch.”
“I don’t have one. I have many.”
“Yeah. Okay…good luck with that.”
After that conversation, I’d called Dylan and accepted the position, even smiling when I heard the utter relief in his voice…and then it was on. I went to the house to see my space, and discovered it was less like a pool house and more like an oversized apartment. What world do I live in? Then I officially met Josh, when he was awake, and instantly fell in love with him. He may only be five months old, but that boy is a charmer, and I know I’m going to have a lot of fun.
Finally, I took the step I was planning and met up with Shauna after negotiating some regular nights off.
I went from being lost and jobless to having two jobs, a place to live, and contemplating dancing again, all in the space of seven days. But while it’s a lot to take on, I feel good about it. There’s only one thing—one person—that could bring it all down.
And I need to prepare for it.
Because seeing Thomas may have been a possibility before, but now, I have a feeling it’s inevitable. It’s just a matter of time.