Chapter Twenty-Five
On Friday, the 3rd of January, Valentina and Barnaby piled everything into the car ready to drive home. Barnaby jumped in, eager to see his dad again and tell him about his time in Rothach. Valentina was pale but philosophical, seemingly feeling that, because of Barnaby, her relationship with Gary might be changed but could continue in a new form. Ezz gave her an extra hard hug, grateful that they, at least, were back to their normal loving ways. ‘You always know what you’re doing, Valentina, so if you think it’s right, it’s right.’
Valentina joked, ‘Admitting I’m right? Do you need to lie down?’ Then she hugged Ezz back, murmuring, ‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Mats.’
Throat tight, Ezz nodded. ‘He texted yesterday to say the family was overnighting in Amsterdam. They should all arrive back in Sweden today.’ She hadn’t realised how hard it would be to let Mats leave, but that’s what she’d had to do.
Valentina’s eyes darkened with concern. ‘I’m happy for you about your first family, at least.’
Ezz managed a smile. Their visit to her cottage on New Year’s Day for Ezz to share her memories of Maxie and Vince had turned into quite an afternoon. As Valentina and Barnaby had been staying anyway, she’d invited Thea, Dev and Daisy too and, with sofas, kitchen chairs and cushions pressed into service to accommodate so many, they’d finished up the festive goodies in a fine mix of lemonade, Irn-Bru, oat cakes, tablet, chocolate and biscuits. Ezz had wiped a couple of tears because Maxie and Vince hadn’t been there in person but knew they would have enjoyed her first family listening to their music while admiring photos of them playing and singing. And being there for their children. ‘So am I. You and Thea have been so great about it. They set off towards home very early today, but we’ll see each other again.’
So followed a solitary weekend for Ezz, putting the cottage to rights after her visitors and feeling as if she was ordering her mind at the same time. Getting used to the new normal. She waved to Rosamund across the road once as she put out bottles for recycling, and that was the sum of her human interaction.
Monday’s return to the office felt alien after two weeks away. Her office smelt of polish as she turned on her computer, feeling very alone, despite the distant grumble of a vacuum cleaner that suggested the housekeeping staff were busy in the – empty – family side of the hall.
To ground herself, she began by listing outstanding tasks. The accountants would be returning to work and would soon expect the year-end figures and statements. A winking red light on her phone meant voice messages awaited. Her inbox was full of routine enquiries and January offers disguised as Happy Hogmanay wishes from suppliers. She’d start with the inbox.
That took an hour. The remainder of the morning crawled by, silent but for the tapping of her keyboard and the cries of gulls outside.
Then the white door opened and Ezz glanced up, ready to say hello to Georgia and Peony with their cleaning things. But it was Astrid and Alvin who bowled out, fighting each other to be first into Ezz’s office, coats flying and boots thumping. ‘Daddy’s taking us to feed the ponies. Will you come?’ Astrid panted.
‘And the donkey,’ Alvin added, grinning. ‘Like on my m?ssa .’ Proudly, he showed Ezz a hat with a donkey knitted into the pattern.
Ezz couldn’t speak. It was as if a time machine had picked her up and transported her back a couple of weeks, before Inger arrived. Her brain couldn’t compute what Astrid and Alvin were doing in her office when she knew them to be safely back in Sweden.
Then Mats strolled out, too, his eyes glowing as they alighted on Ezz. ‘We’ve timed it to coincide with your lunchtime,’ he said casually. ‘It’s a lovely day. Would you come? You could put your coat and boots on while I bring the cart round.’
‘Can I ride on it?’ Alvin demanded.
‘Can I stay with Ezz?’ Astrid asked.
Mats gave Ezz a dazzling smile. ‘Can she?’
‘Of course,’ Ezz managed, wondering if she was dreaming.
Mats and Alvin went off for the cart, Alvin’s piping voice fading away. Astrid gave Ezzie a stern look. ‘You said you’d put on your outdoor things.’
‘Right.’ Ezz rose and went towards her coat hook, giving Astrid’s hair a pat as she passed. The little girl felt real enough.
Astrid smiled sunnily. ‘We’re the only ones left now. The others have gone home, even Farmor and Farfar.’
‘Right,’ Ezz said weakly. Slowly, she buttoned her coat, wound her scarf about her neck and pulled on her hat. It was the smoky blue with thick faux fur hat that Thea had given her for Christmas. She felt odd as she trod into her boots – numb but shaky.
Astrid skipped to the office door, clearly impatient. ‘Ready? C’mon.’
Soon, they were outside in the biting cold, where the grass rippled in the wind and Mats was rounding the house with Alvin kneeling happily in the cart, his arm around the hay. Astrid fell in to trot alongside, chattering to Alvin about Haggis, Scotch, Mary and Clive.
Ezz turned her gaze on Mats. Then she reached out and touched his face. ‘Just checking that you’re real.’
His familiar, eye-crinkling smile blazed. ‘I’m working from here for a bit – at least until Inger’s back in Sweden and I have to share the children again. Josefin’s on her way back to Rothach. We’ve had a long talk about her role and her actions generally. I don’t think there will be any more … misunderstandings. She doesn’t want to leave my children and I’m confident in her care of them.’ The cart’s fat tyres hissed on the driveway, and he puffed from pushing it at the same time as walking and talking. ‘She says she wants to apologise to you for carrying tales to Inger. I didn’t think you’d bear a grudge.’
Silently, she shook her head.
‘Ponies!’ shouted Astrid, as they crossed the bridge and the paddock came into sight, the Sound of Sleat glittering in the sunshine beyond and the peaks on the mainland half-covered by snow.
‘Clive!’ yelled Alvin.
The ponies and Clive met them at the gate, snorting and whickering. Mats wheeled the cart through, and then Ezz helped the children up onto the gate and held on to their coats while they watched Mats flake off hay, before pouring feed from the bucket. When he’d checked the water, he trundled the cart back. The children giggled as the gate opened and closed and they remained astride it, with Ezz ensuring they didn’t tumble off.
Then Mats arranged himself behind them, his hands on the top rail either side of his children, which meant Ezz was included in the haven of his arms. All the feelings she’d been suppressing so hard roared back into her, every part of her body fizzingly aware of their coats brushing, his breathing, his warmth and her desire. Her mind leapt to crystal clarity, instead of the bamboozled mush it had been on the way down the slope.
This was good. It had to be, that Mats was still here when she’d thought him gone.
‘I’m hoping,’ he said, ‘that by the time I have to go back, maybe we’ll know what we’re going to do. Be warned, I’m hoping very much that you’ll visit Gothenburg with me at the end of that time to see how you like it. And if you think you could ever live between there and here.’
Her mind flew to logistics and her heart sank. ‘That sounds impossible.’
‘Different,’ he acknowledged. ‘But not impossible.’
He lifted the children down and gently turned them back towards the hall. ‘Astrid and Alvin, you run for a bit while I push the cart up the worst of the slope. Then you can both ride for the last part.’
‘Yeah!’ The two little people began running, Astrid holding her hat, Alvin soon lagging behind, though his small legs pedalled furiously.
Mats made no move to follow but let the handle of the cart fall to the ground while he took Ezz’s hands. He was bare-headed, and his fair hair blew in the wind. Smile lines radiated from the corners of his eyes yet a cleft dug itself between his brows. ‘I’m sorry that I can’t live here, but I can’t, because the children need a home with me and a home with Inger, and those homes will be in Sweden. But an airline has just announced direct flights between Gothenburg and Inverness that will make moving between the two places a hundred times easier. We could do it in half a day, door-to-door. But even if something happens to stop the new route, what I suggest is possible – just more hassle.’ One corner of his mouth tugged up. ‘I’m not being impulsive,’ he pointed out. ‘I’ve thought through every last detail. I happen to know your employer would let you work remotely as much as possible, once the assistant manager is settled in to see to a lot of the day-to-day – as I think was the case when you were assistant manager and Tavish was manager. We could come here as much as Inger, school and work allowed. There would be weeks where I’m there and you’re here, I know, but we could be together for big chunks of each year.’
‘Daddy?’ Astrid’s voice was thready on the wind. ‘Are you coming?’
Mats sent her a quick wave. ‘In a minute. I’m just talking to Ezz about something important.’
‘What about the children?’ she asked, dry-mouthed, hardly daring to examine the plan he’d laid out for them in case she found holes.
‘They adore you.’ Gently, he squeezed her fingers. ‘Of course, you have to want to become part of yet another family and that will make three, but we want you very much. I’m not going to drop down on one knee or even tell you I love you yet because you’ll tell me I’m impetuous and dismiss everything I’ve suggested.’
She stared into his winter-sea eyes, her heart galloping faster than any of the nearby ponies could ever have done. What he suggested could work. She’d be back here often. She didn’t have to miss Thea’s baby growing up or Valentina’s holidays in Rothach. She could visit her birth family.
And she’d have a new family.
And Mats.
No more feeling miserable and hollow without him. A chance to share his children, too – the ones who were now shouting insistently, ‘Dad dee . Come on. ’
Her heart felt as if it was soaring over the roofs of Rothach Hall and up into the brilliant blue winter sky. ‘I’m glad you’ll be here for a month or so,’ she said softly.
A huge smile broke over his face. ‘So, you’ll use it as a chance to decide?’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘I’ve decided already. I want the third family. There are enough stars in the sky.’
‘There are,’ he declared. ‘Though I’ve no idea what stars have to do with anything.’ Then he swept her into his arms and squeezed her so hard she thought her ribs would break, as he planted kisses all over her face, making Ezz laugh and splutter and gasp for breath.
Astrid came panting back. ‘What are you doing that for?’
Mats turned a big smile on her. ‘Because I love her.’
‘Oh.’ Astrid’s face cleared. ‘So do I. But can you bring the cart up the steep bit so we can ride the rest of the way?’
‘I can,’ said Mats.
‘Jump in now,’ Ezz invited. ‘I can help Dad push.’ She gave him a wink. ‘That’s how we’re going to work things, right? We’re in it together.’