20. Chapter 20
Chapter 20
Remi
I rang her doorbell on a Friday night. Like a stalker I'd waited for her to come home from work and then gave her time to get changed. I crossed my fingers and hoped that she wouldn't be leaving right away…like on a date!
I came prepared with beignets from Ben Yay's on Main Street—her favorite. I also got a fragrant freesia bouquet because the scent reminded me of her.
I was scared she wouldn't open the door. I'd already decided I'd use my key then. I needed to apologize. I needed to talk to her. I fucking missed her so much that it hurt.
Echo was a bigger person than me. She opened the door, and my breath caught. She looked beautiful in a black maxi skirt with a slit and a loose tank top. Loungewear that she elevated by just wearing them.
"Remi."
I held out the flowers and the bag of beignets. "Peace offering."
She opened the door wider and waved me in. I was so relieved that my legs almost gave out. I'd thought about how I'd gain entry and what I'd say for the past few days. My father had warned me that there was no easy fix for my fuck up.
"You're gonna have to have patience, son. And if, after all your efforts, she still doesn't want you, that's your cross to bear."
I set the bag of beignets on the kitchen island and handed her the flowers. She found a vase and arranged the fragrant florals. In the meantime, I pulled out a plate and put the beignets on it, just like she did with bread and pastries when I used to come over for dinner. We worked in harmony. How could I have confused this feeling of contentment with just sex ? Well, they do say 20-20 hindsight.
"Thanks for lettin' me in."
Echo set the flowers on her dining table. "I had a big lunch. I'm full as a tic, so I can't even…." She waved a hand at the beignets.
"They'll make a nice breakfast." I suggested.
"Would you like something to drink?" she asked politely.
"A beer?"
"I got some left from the last time you were here."
She brought out a craft pale ale from Good People Brewing Co. that I favored.
"Can we sit on the porch?" I asked. I wanted that again. I wanted to sit on the swing with her, just hold her as the evening slipped away peacefully.
"Sure."
She poured herself some iced tea from the fridge, and we walked outside into the twilight. She lit the mosquito repellant and sat down on the stairs that went to the garden from the wooden porch.
I sat next to her.
"Why are you here, Remi?" she asked softly.
"I miss you," I blurted out.
She smiled. "I miss you too."
"Yeah?" I couldn't believe she was giving me this, letting me see this.
"Doesn't mean I want to spend time with you, Remi."
"I reckon not." I popped the can of beer and took a long drag. "I have a few things to say. Can you let me finish before you…you know, you can ask questions after?"
"Sure."
She leaned against a wooden column and looked at me. She wasn't showing me anything. She was blank.
"I find you very attractive. I think you're fuckin' sexy, and whenever I'm with you, I want to be inside you."
Her eyebrows went up.
So, maybe that wasn't the right thing to open with. Fuck. I got a chance, and I was screwing it up. I set the beer down and wiped my hands on my jeans.
"I'm sorry for what I said about you. I didn't mean one fuckin' thing. Mar saw you at CVS getting Plan B, and I freaked out, remembering that I didn't even check in with you after coming inside you without a condom."
She continued to listen patiently, her eyes on me. She wasn't looking away. She was truly listening.
"I started to panic that someone saw us together." I closed my eyes. Now, I had to tell her things that would not help me, but they were honest, at least. "I didn't want anyone to know because I couldn't imagine us having something long-term. And I knew my mother and sister would throw a hissy fit."
She drank some iced tea. She was following my instructions. She was listening and not interrupting me.
"I was wrong."
This got a reaction from her. I wasn't sure if it was scorn or surprise.
"I should've told the world how lucky I was that I was getting it on with you. You were not a dirty secret. According to my father, you had more reason to keep my sorry ass hidden than the other way."
She cleared her throat. "You told your father?"
"Yeah. I told him everything. I asked him if he'd have a problem if we dated, and he said he would, and not because he thinks I'm not good enough for you. I'm too shallow and too busy tryin' to be a Drake or whatever I think that means. He thinks you deserve better."
I ran a hand through my hair. This was harder than I thought it would be. She wasn't giving me any signals that told me whether I was doing well or not.
"You're not a leech, and I'm so sorry that word even came out of my mouth. You're a smart, independent, strong woman. I'm so proud of you. I should've told you that every day instead of—"
"You did tell me, Remi," she interrupted me softly. "You did. When we were together, and you forgot you had to be Remi Drake, and you were just my Remi, you did."
My Remi! I liked the sound of that.
"The truth is, Echo, I was a better person when I was your Remi than my own." My eyes filled with tears and her gasp told me she noticed. "You made me better. You took care of me, and I didn't take care of you."
I stopped talking, trying to rein in my emotions.
Echo broke the silence. "Remi? Why are you here?"
"To say I'm sorry, Echo. I'm so fuckin' sorry." I cupped her cheeks with my hands and kissed her lips lightly because I couldn't help it. I needed to feel her, skin to skin.
She pulled away. "No touchin'."
I didn't stop. I couldn't. I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs. "I miss you so fuckin' much it hurts."
She put her hands on my wrists and removed them from her face. "Why are you here?" she asked again.
"Because I want a chance."
She frowned. "Chance? To do what?"
"Date you."
She laughed then. It wasn't a happy sound. "I don't think so."
"Echo, I know you're in love with me. Don't you want to give this… us a try?"
She took a deep breath. "I did give it a try, Remi, and in return, you called me a fat bitch who's a hanger-on. In return, you treated me like a booty call. I was a fool."
"Echo, I do lo—"
"Don't you say that, Remi, 'cause that ain't fair, and I'm not gonna believe you. I don't want to be manipulated by you or your sister. I'm done with y'all."
I didn't know what to say to change her mind, to compel her to give me another opportunity so I could make her happy, show her what she meant to me, how much I loved her.
"I know I took from you last time and didn't give back. Let me give this time."
"There is no this time."
She rose and walked into her small garden. "You and your sister and y'all's friends have been treating me like dirt for years. You know what I found out recently? That people at work like me. That there were several men who asked me out once they heard I'd resigned. That senior leadership at work wants me to stay and not because I'm Dallas Drake's charity case."
"You were never that." I walked to her. "Ever. I'm so sorry that I said that. You're no one's charity case."
"Here's the unvarnished truth, Remi. I do love you; but I'm also done with you. If I stop seeing you, I'll get over it; I know that. I've lived through plenty of losses; losing you doesn't even hit my top ten."
She turned away from me. I pulled her back to my chest and rested my forehead on her neck, nuzzling her, smelling her, feeling her breath hitch.
"I want you, Echo. So fuckin' much."
"I'd love for us to have sex, too, Remi, but it would just be fuckin'. And I'm too good for that."
She didn't move but let me hold her, so I soaked her in, unsure if she'd ever let me get this close to her again. I had her. I could've been a happy man if I'd just stopped to think. Now I'd lost her.
"Baby Doll, I'm so in love with you." I kissed her shoulder. "I can't sleep. I'm fuckin' going out of my mind without you."
Now she moved away, and I let her. She faced me. "Find a new fuck buddy, Remi. You just need to get your dick wet, that's all, and—"
"Stop, Echo. This is not you. You don't talk like this."
"You don't know me, Remi." She looked at me with a mixture of sadness and irritation. "I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, remember? I've seen ugly like you can't imagine. I saw people fuckin' long before you even knew what it was cause I grew up in a trailer park with a mother who fed her drug habit by hooking. I'm not innocent."
She was breaking my heart, and there was nothing I could do about it. I had no defense, no recourse, no argument to put forth. Remi Drake, the smooth operator's charm, was worthless with Echo. She didn't care about all that. She cared about me, the real me. She'd seen who I was with all my scales and scars and still loved me.
"I know, Echo. What you are is refined; too refined to talk about me getting my dick wet. And, darlin', my dick isn't interested in any pussy but yours."
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a long moment as if gathering herself.
"If I'd never come to the club, and you came over and said these things to me, I'd have been overjoyed." She opened her eyes. "But now, it just seems like too little too late. I can't trust you. We were friends, Remi. How could you say those things about me? Even if we weren't fuckin', how could you allow others to say such things about me?"
"Because I was a coward and a douchebag."
"I don't want to be with a coward and a douchebag."
I grabbed her close then—pulled her to me. "I'm working on being a better man, Echo. I'm working on becoming a man who deserves you, who's worthy of you."
She held back as I gripped her shoulders, pleading. "Let me show you I can be that man."
"No."
"Why?"
"Because you broke my heart." Her eyes filled with tears, and it crushed me. I hurt this beautiful woman who didn't deserve it.
"Let me heal it; let me heal my heart along with yours."
She shook her head, tears flowing down her cheeks. "I'm scared. I can't get hurt like that again. I don't want to love you, Remi. I want to get over you."
She loved me, and she thought I'd let her go? Well, fuck that.
"I can't let you go, Baby Doll," I admitted. "I know you're scared. I'm afraid, too."
"Of what?"
"Of screwing up. Of losing you more than I already have. I know I have your love. I'll show you that you can trust me."
She pushed me away. "No, Remi. It's done." I watched her go up to the porch. "You have to leave."
"I will. But this isn't done. We're not done. Not by a long shot."
She went inside her house, and I followed her. I held her even as she stood stiff as a board.
I kissed her forehead and smiled. "I'm going to change your mind. I'm going to show you that I'm worthy of you."
"You're out of chances with me."
I kissed her again, this time on her nose. "You love me. I love you. The rest is going to work out. I know you don't trust me, but I promise, I'll earn it."
She pulled away and folded her arms.
She closed her eyes as if reorienting herself.
I kissed her lips lightly and left her in her living room with a silent promise that I was coming back.
I was at the door when she called out, "Remi, you never returned your key."
"Not gonna either, Doll."
"I'll change the locks," she retorted.
I smiled. "If you were gonna do that, Baby Doll, you already would have."