21. Chapter 21
Chapter 21
Echo
" M artin." I heard Remi call out as he came into the lab.
This is why you should never have rescinded your resignation. He wouldn't dare come into your place of work if it wasn't his father's company.
"Remi. What's for lunch today?" My boss asked.
Remi was bringing food, flowers, and cakes for me, but he brought enough for the whole lab. My colleagues were having a field day with all the goodies. In fact, they looked forward to Remi coming over.
"Lobster po boys from Huey's," Remi announced.
Semu rubbed his hands together. "Fantastic. Hey, last week you got pork shoulder sandwiches. Where were they from? I want to take my boyfriend there."
Remi told him.
As my lab mates attacked lunch, he brought ours into my office. "Hey, Doll."
I sighed. "You can't feed my lab like this."
"It's just a couple of times a week. And I am trying to win you back; this way, I got your whole lab on my side."
"Hey, Remi, if she agrees to go out with you, will you stop bringing food?" Jason, who at one time wanted to ask me out, wanted to know.
Before I could respond to that, Martin advised, "Make him work for it. For as long as possible. We love free lunch."
"And that's the other edge of that sword," I told Remi.
He chuckled. "Doll, I get to have lunch with you, and that's worth all the lunches I got to buy for you and your colleagues."
This had been going on for a month. Every morning, he texted me good morning, and every night, he said goodnight. He joined me ever since he figured out that I ran on most weekday evenings. He'd park his bike in my driveway and wait for me.
"I didn't know you ran."
"You didn't see me except for the booty calls, remember?"
"Well, I know now, and I'm gonna run with you. Hey, you wanna go to my gym to work out?"
"No."
A month later, he convinced me to do exactly that, and now, on Sunday mornings, he took me to his gym.
Every day, he asked me to go out on a date with him. Every day, I turned him down. But in all honesty, with the lunches, the running, the flower deliveries, the cakes, and the cookies, I saw him all the time, which was his goal. Was I softening toward him? Yeah, like a pat of butter on a hot biscuit .
"What are your plans this weekend?" Remi asked me when he came to deliver flowers on a Saturday morning. "Wanna go to New Orleans?"
When we were together, whatever that meant, he'd talked about us going away to New Orleans for a weekend. It was one of my favorite cities in the world. I loved all things Cajun: the food, the music, the Sazeracs, the city. It had felt like such a romantic overture when he'd suggested the trip, but now, I was so confused. I couldn't relate the man who was wooing me to the man who had wanted to keep his dirty secret in bed.
We hadn't had sex. We hadn't even kissed properly. He would brush his lips against mine. He'd kiss my cheek and forehead. He'd hold my hand sometimes. But that was it. I was a puddle of sexual frustration, and I was certain he was doing it on purpose. Sometimes, he lost control and held me, rubbing himself against me, but too soon , he'd pull away, apologize, and keep his distance.
If we'd never had sex, if we hadn't known what it felt like, it would've been fine, I think , but we did know, and that only made everything harder .
"I got no plans this weekend… with you ." I took the flowers, this time they were yellow roses. He followed me into the house.
He dropped his Ducati keys on the kitchen island and sat on a bar stool.
"How about next weekend?"
"Remi, I'm not going to—"
"My mother is throwing a party next Saturday; everyone's gonna be gussied up. You wanna come as my date?"
I set the vase I'd just pulled from a cabinet on the counter before I broke it. My hands shook slightly at his request—a date in front of his family and friends.
"As a date or a…?" My back was to him, and I didn't dare face him, not when I was feeling so close to having a nervous breakdown.
"I said date, Echo." His tone was gentle and soft.
I didn't respond; instead, I busied myself with filling the French press with coffee. When the kettle whistled, signaling the hot water was ready, I poured it into the French press and set it down in front of Remi, along with two cups. As the coffee steeped, I stared at the swirling brown liquid.
"I can't date you, Remi."
"Why?" he asked softly.
"I'm not sure about your motives. Is all this because you feel guilty?"
"Hell, yeah, I feel guilty."
"I don't want that. That's not a good enough reason for me to date you."
"Can you look at me?" He took my hands in his and when I finally raised my eyes, he smiled. "I do feel guilty. I feel ashamed of my behavior. None of that changes the fact that I'm also in love with you, Echo Devlin, and I want to show you off."
"Just a minute ago, I was a fat bitch and a leech."
I hated repeating his words because I could see the hurt in his eyes. But I wasn't past it; I hadn't gotten over it. This wasn't just about Remi; it was about a lifetime of abuse, of being told I wasn't good enough.
"I'm so sorry about that."
I pulled my hands away from him. "I don't need any apologies. It's fine. I'm past it in the sense I don't hold it against you."
He cocked an eyebrow. "All evidence points to the contrary, Doll."
"Look, it's not just you. I've been hearing this stuff forever, and I don't want to date someone who has ever thought about me that way. There are billions of people in the world, Remi; I don't want to be with someone who at one point looked at me like I was dirt."
"Any of these billion people in love with you, Echo?" he demanded gruffly.
Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit cause he made an excellent point.
"Maybe I don't believe that you love me," I replied lamely. "Once this chase is over, once I give in, it'll be the way it used to be. You'll sleep with me and keep me at a distance."
He looked like he was in pain. For two months now, he'd been trying to make up for his wrongs, and he was realizing now that he was nowhere close to being forgiven. I didn't want to hurt Remi, but I also didn't want to be vulnerable around him.
The hurt he'd caused had almost driven me away from my life. I had quit my job. I had even thought of leaving Memphis so I didn't have to see Remi again. Letting a man, or anyone for that matter, have so much power over me was dangerous.
"I thought you were giving us a chance." He sounded tremendously sad as he poured coffee into cups.
"I can't take that risk. I can't get hurt like that again, Remi."
He took my hand in his. "What if I promised you I'd never hurt you again; at least not intentionally?"
"You weren't intentional last time either," I pointed out. "Remi, why do you think you're in love with me?"
He kissed my hand, which he was holding. "Because you're the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I want to talk to when I go to bed. I can be myself with you, always. You don't judge me. You'll tell me straight up how you feel, no pussyfooting. I like that. It makes me feel safe to be with you." He took a deep breath and continued, "I love makin' love with you. I love how tight you are when I come inside you. How you whimper when you come on my tongue. How you blow me. I love how you cook for me; or how you used to cook for me."
This all seemed sincere. I really wanted to believe him, but if I did and he let me down, I wouldn't survive a second blow.
He took me in his arms. "I know that I make you happy. Even now, when you're scared, you're happy to see me. You enjoy my company. You like talking to me about your work. You're the best relationship I've ever been in, Echo."
"You're the only relationship I've ever been in," I countered.
"It's just a date," he kissed my nose. "Let me show you how much you mean to me."
"Your mother, Lani, Marina, they'll all be there, Remi. It'll be a clusterfuck."
He grinned. "That's what my father also said, and he thinks it's high time we had one of those."
Dallas had kept it professional with me at work and never mentioned what his son told him about us. I hadn't broached the topic either. I wanted to keep the personal and professional separate as much as I could, though Remi was making it impossible by showing up at my lab all the time. Since he worked evenings and nights, his days were free. I wasn't sure when he was sleeping, though.
"Can't I come like before? Pretend that Dallas or Lani invited me?" I suggested, giving in.
"No. As my date."
I gently banged my head against his chest. "I can't do it, Remi."
He stroked my back, holding me close. "Please, Echo."
"I don't have anything to wear," I said sullenly.
Remi laughed, and I moved so I could look at him. "What's so funny?"
"That's the most girlie thing I've ever heard you say. How about I take you shopping?"
"Why didn't you ask me earlier? Did you just decide? Did your date cancel at the last—"
"Because then you'd have too much time to think about it. You're the only woman I have asked out to this party."
I leaned into him because it felt good. "What are we doing, Remi?" I asked wearily.
"We're learning to be in a relationship, Doll."
"Damn, that's what I was afraid for," I confessed.