Chapter 29
Maryellen
It was work as normal on Tuesday morning when we finally made it back north. But there really wasn’t anything normal about my life anymore.
My secret was no longer a secret.
There was a level of comfort I attained with Chase knowing about my past and how I made it to PFA. It took time to get there this weekend, with a lot of tears, talking, and convincing. Chase convinced me to take Monday off work, giving us an extra day at the beach together.
During the drive back to the city, Chase asked me to stay at his place that night since we were getting back so late. He said he wasn’t ready to let go of me just yet.
So, Tuesday morning we strolled into the office together.
Nothing was normal anymore.
Chase was fully aware of my concern about seeing Gage this morning and my need to apologize to him for creating drama at the party.
I had already spent an hour on the phone with Harper the night before.
What started out as me begging for forgiveness turned into the two of us chatting about boys.
She was happy we resolved things and that the beach house was put to good use.
Chase walked right into Gage’s office with me.
“Morning, Brother,” Chase said.
Gage looked up at the sound of his brother’s greeting, but his eyes were drawn to me. Standing, Gage came around his desk to my side and took my hand in his.
“How are you? And before you answer, I want you to know something. My father is still in New York. He’s worried about you, both of you.
” He glanced at Chase. “He wants to see you before he flies back to the West Coast.” He let out a sigh.
“If you don’t want to see him, though, I get it. I’ll be the one to let him know.”
This was a lot.
This meant Gage knew everything. I wasn’t expecting that, though I don’t know why. I guess I thought I’d have to tell him just as I told Chase. The fact that Gage already knew should have made things easier, or better, in some way.
But it didn’t.
Instead, I felt like I had no control.
It had been taken from me. And I didn’t like that.
The room began to spin.
My hands reached out, searching for Chase, for something stable to hold on to.
Gage’s mouth moved, but I heard nothing.
I felt strong arms around my middle just as it went black.
“Mare…”
“Just hold her head, man, I’m calling an ambulance.”
“Why the fuck did you have to bring up Dad the second we walked in here?”
“Shut up, man! I thought I was doing the right thing. You think I wanted her to faint?”
The words around me sounded as though they were underwater. Garbled and muddied. They were clearer now as I worked hard to open my eyes.
“Mare,” Chase said as his hand caressed my cheek. “I’m here, baby.”
My instinct was to get up.
“Woah,” he said. “Stay down, babe, where ya going?”
I didn’t even realize I was down. I saw I was on the floor of Gage’s office.
It came rushing back. The horror of my new reality.
Gage knew my secret, too.
I’m sure that meant Harper did as well. They, and whoever the hell else, knew I started my life here in New York as a glorified prostitute.
“Maryellen.” Gage’s voice was soft as he knelt by my side. His pinched brow as he looked down made my heart ache. The urge to run was strong.
I didn’t like drama, especially drama created by me.
Control.
“Hey,” Gage said. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…said what I said.”
The concern on his face, in his words. I mean, I should have appreciated it, but all it did was make it all crash down on me again.
I worked hard to push it all away. I had to.
My breathing normalized, and Chase let me sit up in his arms.
“I don’t want the EMT to come, please.” The whispered words were a plea.
How did I let this happen? How did I become so vulnerable?
“They should check you out,” Gage said.
I knew it came from a place of concern. But I couldn’t do it. Pushing Chase away, I stood tall, steadied myself against the desk, and looked at them both.
“It was a panic attack, I get them. I’m fine. No EMT.”
Chase nodded at his brother. “Cancel it, Gage.”
While Gage went to his phone, I felt Chase run his hand along my back, a silent show of support as he stayed close.
“I’m here,” he whispered in my ear. “I’ll always be here.”
Nodding, I turned to him. “I know.” I paused. “Some things I still need to be able to do on my own, ya know? But having you here to support me through them, it does feel good.”
As he tucked a loose piece of hair back into place, he smiled. “I’d think nothing different of you, Mare. You’re the strongest woman I know.”
Gage cleared his throat, alerting us he was off the phone and interrupting our moment. I looked at my boss. Our relationship would be forever different moving forward, and I needed to make sure I set some ground rules.
“Chase, I need to talk with Gage.” I looked back and forth between the Parker boys. “My boss.”
“Of course, I’ll be down the hall,” Chase said.
He gently tugged on my finger before he turned and walked out.
This time Gage was at a loss for words. He stood against his desk, silent and awkward.
I took a deep breath, knowing he had given me back some control.
“I need to apologize for how things happened at your party. It was not my intention for my personal issues to take over—”
“Maryellen…” he said in protest.
I stopped him by putting up a hand.
“Let me finish, OK? This has been a long time coming. I would’ve thought I’d have been more prepared for it than I was. But I guess no one is ever prepared to let the world into their past when they’re ashamed of it.”
Gage wasn’t sure how to react. His hands were in his pockets as he peered at his feet.
“Can we go sit down?” I asked.
He gestured to the chairs and followed me.
“Part of me is happy it’s finally out. Always worrying if today was the day you’d learn about it from your father became exhausting. And even though I knew your dad had no plans of unloading my past onto you, the fear was real.”
Apparently for good reason.
Gage sat, stoic and quiet. There was an audible swallow from him at the mention of my fear.
“The other part of me hates that you know.” I turned away, unable to make eye contact. “Chase continues to tell me how proud of me he is, and how strong I must have been to get through it all. I see some of that, I do. But the shame I feel shadows it, and I’m scared it always will.”
I knew Gage wasn’t sure if he should talk, but our elongated silence seemed to grant him permission.
“Maryellen, first of all, no apology needed.” Then he stopped. He didn’t seem to know how to proceed.
I gave him the time he needed.
“My first instinct was to be furious with my father. You need to know, though, he told me out of his love for you. He was distraught that he had something to do with you being upset but also knew this day would come. Harper and I basically badgered him into telling us. We thought it was something really bad.”
My head popped up. When my eyes connected with Gage’s, I tilted my head in question.
“We thought, I don’t know, you were sick or leaving us or moving away. Harper was devastated. This…” He gestured with his hands between us. “This is nothing, Maryellen. Chase is right. You’re amazing. What you had was a job, nothing more than that. You did what you had to in order to survive.”
Making it through the week at the office wound up not being as difficult as I thought. Things settled into place and returned to normal.
Normal.
I kept using that word, but it had a different meaning, of course.
Having lunch with Chase most days became my new normal. Being able to steal a kiss from him, and not break out in a sweat, became my new normal.
Also knowing my boyfriend, my boss, and all my close friends knew about my past and were OK with it became my new normal.
Today, I was having lunch with Harper. We met for salads halfway between her shop and my building.
“Hey,” she called out when I walked up. “Doesn’t it feel amazing to not have to be bundled up today?”
It had been a brutally cold winter, even for New York. Today, however, we had a tease of spring with the sun shining bright and the temperature going over fifty.
“Amazing,” I said.
We had already placed our orders and were finding a table. “I’m happy you could get a break from the shop today.”
“Me too, and we’ve been busy. Fiona and I have been interviewing for my replacement.”
She was reaching for her dream and opening her own business in the next couple months. I was so excited for her and happy to be at her side while she was on this venture.
“Well, thanks for making some time for me,” I said.
It was hard only being around the boys in this relationship…and yes, Gage was part of my life now, not just as my boss. All week, both he and Chase would check on me constantly. Of course, that was nice and thoughtful. But after a while, it was also annoying.
I needed some girl time.
And she seemed to know that.
“So,” Harper started. “You are going to lead this conversation. I’m here to listen or talk about anything you want. Even if it’s about the last movie you watched.” And then she shoved a forkful of lettuce into her mouth.
That was exactly what we did. We talked. About a lot of nothing. Eventually we moved on to her wedding plans, which were coming along. They set a date for late next spring, so only a little over a year.
“So, I’ve obviously got the florist booked,” she said, then laughed. “And I chose my photographer. But we only have the venue down to four options. Even with Gage’s influence and money, I’ve got to choose it, like yesterday, to get our date.”
She was right, they were cutting it close.
“What’s the holdup?”
“I kind of wanted my maid of honor to help me choose,” she said.
That made sense. Girls would likely have an easier time helping with the important details more than men.
As I continued eating, Harper sat there staring at me. I was expecting more of her story, so I simply waited and stared back.
“What?” I asked. “Is something wrong?” I looked down at my shirt to make sure there wasn’t food dribbled on my chest.
“You are being so dense right now!” Harper laughed as she yelled at me. She pulled out a beautiful bouquet from her large tote and placed it in front of my salad. “Maryellen, I’d like you to be my maid of honor.”
Oh. My. God.
I jumped from my seat and into her waiting hug.
“What an honor,” I said as I squeezed her. “Thank you. This will be so much fun.”
We talked for a bit longer about some of her ideas and what she’d like me to do. She had an appointment to go dress shopping this weekend, and she wanted me to go.
“Are you around tomorrow night? I thought you and Chase could come over for dinner and we could look at some things online together before going to the bridal shop.”
Chase’s show.
I so badly wanted to tell her and have them come. But I understood how Chase wanted it to be for him this week.
“We already have plans for tomorrow, I’m sorry. I could come over Saturday if that works?”
She smiled at my suggestion as we packed up our things to head back to work.
“Harper,” I said. “Thanks for not pressuring me to talk about…anything today. It helped to not have someone expect me to.”
Her arms went around me in a tight hug. “No worries. You will tell your story when you’re ready.”