Chapter 16
Sixteen
Rose
I'm heading out tomorrow. I’ll be gone for a while.
That was all he had said. Gunnar had walked into her private room in the barracks and announced his departure. Like there was nothing else he had to say to her. Just that he was leaving. There was nothing she could do to stop him. And then he’d left the room.
Rose had been seated on the edge of her small bed, wondering about the rage that had spread throughout her and how she was stuck here.
Her hands looked different, even. It was strange to look at them and know that she couldn't leave them behind.
She'd been staring at them for nearly an hour when he’d interrupted her trance.
Gunnar hadn’t noticed something was wrong with her. He’d just stood there for a few seconds, looking at her rather strangely before adding in a quick, Don't do anything to hurt yourself, before leaving again.
And that wasn’t right. She didn't like it. Usually she would have slipped away to talk with Rhydian, complaining to him about men who thought they could order her around. The elf would have snorted, told her that all men were the same, and then they would have continued their work.
Now, everything she had been spending so much time on wasn't within her grasp. Her books. Her research. Everything that she had built in that realm was... gone.
Was any of it even real?
She had no one to lean on, and no one she had told about this secondary world. She thought the only person who might understand it even a small amount was the man who had just announced he was leaving. And something in her twisted again.
Rose wasn't better by any means. But she thought maybe she was ready to be in this realm again. Or at the very least, she'd been thrust back into this world, and all she could think about was what Rhydian had said.
She had to live.
That was the point of all of this. She had to live, no matter how terrifying it was or how horrible her life had been.
She was here, in Trollveggen, which was so much safer than where she’d spent most of her life, and she was squandering it.
Of course, the research she'd done with Rhydian was important.
But she hadn't told any of the trolls here the things she could see.
All she'd done was wander among them and use their own resources for her gain.
It made her angry at herself to even think such things, because she shouldn't have used them like that. She had been used her entire life. Rose knew better!
Maybe this anger was good. She'd been numb for so long, it felt good to be angry. To feel it. To know that there was more she could do with this life, and she wasn't stuck being abused and tormented.
She hadn't believed Trollveggen would be safe when she'd first arrived here. Nowhere was safe if the very castle of the king held such depravity. But things had changed. She knew the people here were quiet and gentle, and they wanted the best for her. For all of their people.
A soldier like Gunnar had given her his private room. He slept on a bunk with the other troll warriors, while making this room more comfortable for her. She ran her fingers over the extra pillows he'd brought her just a few days ago when he’d noticed that she was rubbing her sore neck.
He did things to make her life easier without even asking. She'd been taking that for granted.
So Rose crept out of this closet of a room that was so sparsely decorated it was utilitarian, and peeked out of the door. No one noticed her looking or listening. They never did. She was as much a ghost to them as Rhydian apparently was.
Gunnar stood with another troll warrior, filling a bag with items she had seen him pack before. A bedroll, dried jerky and supplies for long days without food, weapons. So many weapons.
The other man leaned against the wall, his pale yellow skin almost sickly.
She thought his name was Torbin. He'd arrived with her sister's husband and many other trolls who had been captured in the labyrinth with her. She recognized him. Rose hadn’t ever seen someone given to him, which meant he wasn't all that good of a fighter.
"Yes, I'll watch her," Torbin said. "Don't you worry about a thing here. If the king's sending you on an important mission, then you have to go."
"I don't like leaving with the bridal games going on." Gunnar stuffed an extra tunic into the pack with far more force than necessary. He was going to tear the fabric if he kept that up. "Make sure the others keep their hands off her."
"Excuse you. I am not a babysitter. That's a grown woman, and if she wants a man to touch her, then who am I to get in the way?"
Gunnar growled at him. So low and angry that it made the hairs on her arms rise. He was mad about that. Really, truly angry.
He didn't have to be. The idea of anyone touching her made her skin crawl.
Not him, she supposed. It would be all right if Gunnar had to touch her, and he had in moments where there was no other option.
But he was always respectful, and he had never made her wonder where that hand was going to go next. Just like Astrid.
Torbin sighed and lifted his hands. "All right, all right. What path are you taking so I can make sure there aren't any scouts to see you slip out?"
"The southern pass toward the Silver Forest."
"Understood."
The southern pass. She knew that one. She'd walked by it with Astrid once, and her sister had pointed it out.
It was a very well known pass that apparently quite a few trolls took.
They usually ended up going that way these days because there weren't a lot of patrols from the humans in that area yet.
So that was good news. She knew where he was going.
Something inside her woke up. Unfurling in her soul like it had been waiting for this moment to push her toward a new life. It whispered for her to go with him.
Trollveggen was safe. It was home now. But she’d had her safety net pulled out from under her, and if she was going to live like Rhydian had bid her to do, then leaving this place was perhaps the only way to do it.
Not forever.
But she could prove to the dead elf that she was living, and maybe then he would let her come back. She could disappear into her safe realm one more time, and that would feel so much better than being shut out.
Rose just had to be brave. Which she hadn't been in a very long time, but this newer part of herself almost felt familiar.
She'd felt this part of herself before, and it had been the part to lead her into more trouble than not.
Adventure was foolish for girls like her.
Adventure always led somewhere terrible.
And yet... That part of her whispered that she'd always adventured alone. This time she would have him.
Stupid. These thoughts were ridiculously stupid. At best, she would anger Gunnar even more with her actions. At worst, she'd end up right back in that labyrinth with the king and all his men using her in whatever way he saw fit.
No, wait. The king was dead. The country was in turmoil as they tried to find a new leader, and Rose... Rose was free. She could do this without fear, without wondering what might happen to her if she were caught. She was damn well going to live again.
Even if that was only to get back to a realm where she could hide again.
Resolve settled in her stomach like a rock.
She turned back into the small room that she had made her own and started to plan.
Maia had gotten her an outfit for gardening back when they were trying to get Rose out more often.
The leather breeches and black shirt would suit travel well enough, and it would be better than the dresses Astrid always seemed to bring her.
Rose had no idea how long the journey would take them, or what adventure Gunnar was even going on.
She waited until it was very late at night to leave her room. The servants barely even noticed her anymore. They just moved out of her way as she pretended to meander by them in a trance, her eyes slightly unfocused as her feet made their way down the halls toward the kitchen.
Perhaps she had made a name for herself because it was remarkably easy. No one even questioned what she was doing or why. Maybe there were a few murmured words that said something along the lines of "should tell Torbin," but that wasn't going to get her in trouble.
Rose got into the kitchen without anyone stopping her.
It was empty this time of night. The hearth banked and the room cold.
The floors were icy beneath her feet as she headed toward the root cellar, which was located all the way at the end of the room.
There were so many stoves in this room, it took her a while to get past them.
At least six of them, stretched along the wall with their chimneys leading out of the mountain.
Massive kitchen islands were in the middle of the room, ready to feed more trolls than she could count in this place.
And there were a lot of trolls.
The cold cellar was where most of the dried meats, cheeses, and even some dried fruit were kept. There was a smoke cellar too. And another darker hole that she didn't go into often, which was for specialized wines.
She had a good amount of supplies in her hands when she turned around and almost ran into a yellow chest. "Shit," she muttered, looking up at Torbin who was apparently going to cause an issue for her.
He looked at the food in her arms, and there was a slight moment of confusion that passed across his face before she could see that he understood what was happening. "Leaving, are we?"
"Following," she replied.
Rose wanted to be strong. She wanted to stand in front of him and not quake, but damn it, she did. She hadn't been alone with a man in the dark in such a long time. The maw of the cellar opened up behind her, and she could already sense what would happen.
He'd push her back in there, and she wouldn't be able to hide. There was nowhere to go. She couldn't damn well fight. She didn't know how to do that.
Except he moved out of her way. He stood there looking her over with kind, soft eyes. Then he reached behind himself and picked up a knife from one of the blocks on the counter. Handing it wooden handle first over to her, Torbin waited until she took it from him.
"Better?" he asked.
And surprisingly... yes. She did feel better. Her fingers curved around the worn handle, and she knew that she could stab him if she wanted. It wouldn't do much damage to a troll, but she could do it. Her grip tightened so hard her fingers creaked.
Then Torbin looked at the food in her arms and said, "That's too much. Pop it on the counter there and I'll get you packed better. You have clothes, I assume?"
She blinked a few times, chasing away the anxiety that screamed for her to run because there was nowhere she could hide. "What?"
"You're going after him?" Torbin nodded toward the counter again. "Go on. Can't have you wandering without enough food. Gunnar would kill me for that."
She did what he told her to do, but did so slowly and with confusion. "Why are you helping me?"
He gave her a look. "Listen, I don't know what you went through in that labyrinth.
None of us talk about it, and none of us should have to if we don't want to.
But I think that you should tell Gunnar more about what happened and how you are dealing with it moving forward.
I haven't seen you lucid in a while, Rose.
No one has. If the thought of running from this place keeps you here with us, then I'll do whatever I can to help you. "
"I'm not running away." She blurted the words out a little too forcefully. "I'm just..."
"So Gunnar doesn't know you're following him?" Torbin moved the food into a bag that he must have brought for her. She wouldn't have packed that much jerky, but she supposed it made sense why he was doing it.
"No."
"That'll be a surprise for him. You know the southern pass is where he's going?"
"How do you—”
Torbin tapped his temple. "You live in the labyrinth for that long, and you learn how to see things others don't. I knew you were watching us."
"Oh." She leaned her hip against the counter, staring down at the floor while he finished.
It took a while. The silence between them was awkward and heavy. She felt like maybe that was her fault, and the pressure of not knowing what to do in a social situation made her uncomfortable.
Until finally she said, "I don't talk to people."
Torbin finished with her pack. He stayed on the other side of the island and slid the whole thing over, almost as though he knew coming too close was something she couldn't handle right now. "Neither do I. I think both of us should try a little harder to do that, though."
Her hair fell in front of her face, obscuring her expression from his view. She didn't want him to read how hard that was for her to hear. "Why?"
"Because it might be good for us both to learn how to be around people again.
" Torbin waited a little while, but she still didn't look at him.
He sighed and said, "The southern pass connects with the eastern one before it hits the trees.
Gunnar was going the long way, in case anyone followed him.
I think, considering your reputation, you should head out on the eastern pass and head him off. "
"If I don't find him in time?"
"I think he'll find you before you find him." Torbin rapped his knuckles on the counter.
She flinched at the sound, but the sound forced her to look at him. He wasn't angry with her. He was just watching her with those eyes that saw too much.
"Go now," he said. "And don't forget your cloak so you can block out the world when you need to. I’ll make up something so Astrid doesn’t send the army after you."
She raced from the kitchen. Rose didn't know if she was running from him, the discomfort of conversing with another person, or... the reality that Torbin knew too much about her. Perhaps because he had been through the same thing.