Chapter 18
Eighteen
He dumped a pile of blankets next to the overstuffed picnic basket. They were ready for a night of stargazing. Miles could not wait to take Bella out to the beach. It was going to be a clear, albeit cold, night, and supposedly the best meteor shower of the year.
“Are you ready?” he yelled.
He stood in the kitchen, screwing the lid onto the thermos of hot chocolate he’d just made. A thermos of soup was already in the basket, along with sandwiches and cookies.
Bella came downstairs in a pink, shifty dress that hit above her knee.
Miles did a double take. “You’re going to freeze in that.”
Bella stared at him for a beat. “I have good news, and bad news, and more good news.”
It slowly dawned on him that Bella was not dressed for stargazing.
“What’s the bad news?” he asked wearily.
“The bad news is I can’t go with you tonight.”
He tossed the hot chocolate into the pile of blankets. “Okay,” he said slowly. “What’s up?”
“That’s the good news! You know Olivia? That girl I told you about from my English class?”
“Yes…” he said, trying to recall all the information she’d told him about Olivia. “You’re trying to get her to join the babysitters club.”
Bella waved a hand. “Oh no, she was joking about joining. But she does have this big group of friends who watch old movies together, and I didn’t think they were going to invite me, but they did. And it’s tonight – we’re watching Casablanca and going out for dinner after.”
“Casablanca,” he repeated.
This wasn’t what he had expected, but how long had Miles really thought his daughter would want to spend her Saturday nights with him?
He didn’t want to make her feel guilty, nor make her feel like she had to hang out with her pathetic old dad.
“Are you mad?” she asked, face tense.
“No, of course not!” he said cheerfully. “That sounds like fun. We’ll catch the next meteor shower,” he said, reaching to unpack the picnic basket.
“I have more good news, though,” Bella said brightly. “I called Annie and told her we were going stargazing. She said she’d love to come.”
Miles laughed. “Yeah, okay.”
“I’m serious! So you can still go,” she said. “I know you were really looking forward to it.”
He set the hot chocolate thermos on the table, carefully weighing his words. “I was looking forward to going with you. I don’t need a replacement.”
Bella groaned. “Don’t make me feel bad, Dad.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad. You don’t need to feel responsible to find a stand-in.”
Especially not one that he couldn’t stop thinking about.
“She’s not a stand-in. I’m sure she’s bored, too.”
That seemed unlikely, and it was inappropriate. “I don’t think Annie would want to go with me anyway.”
Bella cocked her head to the side. “Why not? She sounded excited about it. She said her mom could watch the kids.”
He was going to have to spell it out for her. “She’s going to think,” he said slowly, “that I’m trying to take her on a date or something.”
A laugh burst out of Bella and she covered her mouth. “Yeah right! You’re way too old for her.”
He snapped his head back, an astonished smile on his face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Aren’t you like, I don’t know, fifteen years older than Annie? Her kids are just babies, and your kid is almost an adult.”
Miles covered his mouth, laughing. “Hang on. Almost an adult?”
She drew herself up to her full height. “Indeed.” Bella bowed her head slightly. “I’m practically grown.”
He wasn’t going to address that any further. “Did you know people can have kids at different times in their lives?”
Bella paused, seemingly pondering this.
“I think she’s only three years younger than me,” Miles continued.
That was a lie. He knew she was three years younger than him, because he’d looked her up online and read about her job and accidentally stumbled on her old wedding registry with Roy.
Bella frowned. “Oh. She looks younger than you.”
“So not only have you insulted me,” Miles said, crossing his arms, “now you’re implying that I’m basically a grandpa.”
“But are you mad?” Bella asked. “I just really can’t believe they invited me and – ”
“Of course I’m not mad,” Miles said. “Please, go and have fun. Do you need a ride?”
She shook her head. “Um, no. Noah is coming to pick me up.”
The muscles in Miles’ back stiffened.
“Noah,” he repeated.
“Yeah, I think I’ve mentioned him before. He’s, like, part of this group, and he just got his license, so he said he’d pick me up.”
A boy. An older boy, who had just gotten his license? So he could barely drive?
There were a million things he wanted to say, but Miles was at a complete loss as to what the right thing to say was.
He took a deep breath. “Is this Noah a safe driver?”
A smile lit her face. “Yes, the safest!”
Miles didn’t care about the stargazing. The Annie bit had given him whiplash, but really, Bella wasn’t focused on that at all. She was trying to make him happy, which made him feel guilty, all while she wanted desperately to be included by these new friends.
And now, a boy had entered the picture.
Everything all at once, as they say.
Trying to keep his expression carefree and bright was like performing surgery on himself. Awake. An amputation, maybe.
“Okay then, I trust you to make good choices,” he said, falling back on a default phrase. “Don’t stay out too late!”
“I won’t!” she said, running and planting a kiss on his cheek.
Fifteen minutes later, Noah pulled up in an old minivan. He had the decency to get out of the car, walk up to the door, and ring the doorbell.
Bella rushed to beat Miles there, already wearing her coat. “Bye, Dad!” was all she said.
He stood behind her, dummy that he was, and waved, “Have a good night.”
The door shut, and he was left to the silence.
Miles let out a sigh. There wasn’t time to think through what had just happened, despite the sickly feeling in his chest. He had to undo whatever Bella had done with Annie.
What was that about Annie being too young for him? Nonsense.
Then again, how old were the women Bella had been showing him? He hadn’t really paid attention. Thinking on it, the one she’d been pushing recently listed that she had “grown children.” Maybe she was a grandma.
He wasn’t that old yet. He still had some life in him.
Miles picked up the phone and dialed Annie’s number. She answered with a bright, “Hey! I’m just getting ready now. But I can hurry it up if we’re going to miss the meteor shower.”
She was excited. He didn’t want to spoil it for her, but he had to. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Bella has ditched us. She’s been picked up by an older boy named Noah.”
A laugh burst out of Annie. “Oh no! Are you okay, Miles? Do you need to talk about it?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. The sick feeling hadn’t gone away. “I think I do. It all happened so fast. I think I’m still in shock.”
She laughed again. “I understand if you want to cancel. You know, if you need a night to recover.”
He grinned into the phone. It was like Annie had read his mind.
Then again, what was the point of sitting at home and being sad when he could be outside being sad?
With her?
“We should go,” he said, “if you’re still interested.”
“I can’t wait! I’ve never seen a meteor shower.”
“Really?” He cast a look at the picnic basket and blankets he’d packed. From this view, it was altogether a more romantic gesture than he’d anticipated.
It was too late to back out now, though. Especially if Bella now realized Annie was a viable candidate for her fantasy step-mother. She’d either try to force them together, or she’d realize that a real, live person was involved and suddenly change her mind about the whole thing.
Either way, it was probably his last chance to spend time with Annie unencumbered.
“Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll come and pick you up,” he said.
“I should be ready in about fifteen minutes.”
It was going to be far too romantic. He shouldn’t do it. He knew that. He should cancel, then sit and stare at the clock until Bella came home.
He should, but he wouldn’t.
Miles cleared his throat. “I’ll see you then.”
Following Noah’s lead, when it was time to pick Annie up, he got out of his car and softly knocked on the door.
Annie emerged from the house wrapped in a long jacket and a cream-colored hat on her head, her hair peeking out at the bottom and sides.
She looked like an adorable Christmas card. Not that he could tell her that.
“I have a blanket,” she said, motioning to the bundle tucked under her arm. “I don’t know if it’ll be warm enough, though, if it’s windy wherever we’re going.”
“I’ve got a couple blankets, too. And hot chocolate and soup—all the hot things.”
Annie smiled. “Seems like we’ll be set then.”
The entirety of their drive to South Beach was occupied with Miles talking about himself—the shock he felt when Bella not only canceled on him, but slyly told him she was going out with a boy.
“She is that age,” Annie said thoughtfully.
“She’s too young. Doesn’t she seem young?” Miles countered. “I think it was only two Christmases ago I was buying her Barbies.”
“Did you buy her a Ken doll, too?” Annie asked with a smile.
He sighed. “That was where I went wrong, isn’t it?”
“You didn’t go wrong anywhere,” Annie said, casting him a sympathetic smile. “It’s a great sign that she told you about Noah. She’s not hiding things from you, even if she feels sheepish about it all.”
Sheepish. That was how Bella had acted, wasn’t it? The uneasy feeling in his chest quieted. She had been excited, he’d noticed that, but she also felt a bit embarrassed. Perhaps this wasn’t the bold leap into adulthood he’d imagined.
It was a small comfort. Annie was always a comfort.
They parked the car and to his surprise, no one else was there—usually at least one or two other families went out for the meteor showers, especially on a clear night like this.
Maybe the cold weather was keeping people away, but Miles didn’t feel cold at all.
He was so hot he wanted to take off his jacket, heat pulsing out from his chest. It seemed to get worse whenever he looked at Annie.
They found a suitable spot on the beach and Miles laid the blanket on the ground.
“I would start a fire,” he said. “But we’re in a fire ban.”
“I know,” she said. “I checked. The fire danger is ‘very high.’”
He shot her a look. “I’m impressed you keep up with our warnings.”
“I always heed the fire department,” she said solemnly, taking a seat on the blanket.
He sat down next to her, their legs nearly touching, and pulled out a second blanket to cover themselves with.
Annie shivered, and without thinking, he scooted closer to her. She cast him a fleeting smile.
The intimacy of the moment was palpable, and Miles knew no way to deal with the tension other than offering food and drink.
“I have lentil soup,” he said, reaching over her to open the picnic basket, “and hot chocolate. Anything sound good right now?”
“I’ll try the soup,” she said, hands clasped beneath the blanket.
He pulled out a thermos for her and poured a serving into the lid. Annie’s shoulders were tense, her posture huddled.
“This should help,” he said, handing it to her.
“Thanks.” She took a sip. “Oh wow. This is delicious. Did you make this?”
He nodded and poured a small amount from his thermos as well, heat still pumping from his chest.
“It’s one of Bella’s favorites,” Miles said. “The soup.”
“Ah. It’s very good.” She sat, head tilted up to him. “You’re a great dad, you know.”
She seemed to mean it.
He realized he was scowling at her and softened his expression. “Thanks. It doesn’t always feel that way.” Miles paused. “I guess I just didn’t expect her to grow up that fast. I know everyone says it happens in the blink of an eye, but it’s still so easy to miss.”
“It’s because it’s not one blink of an eye. It’s thousands. Thousands of moments you realize they’ve grown up, and the old version of them is gone forever.”
“Yeah. Man, that’s the truth.” Miles shook his head. “You’re a great mom too, you know.”
She cast him a wry smile. “I wasn’t fishing for compliments. I’m a mess.”
“You’re not a mess,” he said firmly.
“I’m a mess,” she reiterated. “I spend half of my time feeling sappy about them getting older, then the other half wishing away the difficult times – the tantrums, the night wake ups, the moods. And all the time feeling guilty.”
“Sounds like a great mom to me.” He turned so he was facing her. “You’re in the thick of it.”
“Yeah,” she said softly. Annie kept her eyes fixed upward. “I already see so many stars.”
He stared at her, the gentle slope of her nose, the delicate eyelashes, her beautiful round eyes twinkling with starlight.
Did she really feel that way? A mess? He wished she could see herself how he saw her. Bold, determined. Endlessly kind in the face of so much unfairness.
“I’ve never seen this many stars in my life,” she whispered.
It was hard to look away from her, the wonderment and delight obvious on her face.
He tore his eyes away and looked up, the sky littered with light. The Milky Way glowed above them, but he didn’t have much interest in stargazing tonight.
“I don’t see any meteors yet,” she added, squinting. “Should I have a wish ready for when I see one?”
“Yes. Keep watching,” he said. “Have lots of wishes.”
“I just have one,” she said softly.
His heart leapt, and he glanced down at her. In this moment, he only had one, too, though he doubted their wishes were the same.
Miles forced himself to look away from her.
“Each meteor puts on its own show,” he said. “They come as streaks of light, some bright, some faint. They’ve been traveling for millions of years, only to catch fire as they enter earth’s atmosphere.”
She gasped. “I see one! There!”
He caught himself staring at her again, this time at her lips. He tried to follow the path of her finger, but he saw nothing.
“I can’t believe how quiet it is. There’s no sound at all!” she said breathlessly.
He took the empty cup of soup out of her hands and set it down. “Here,” he said. “You can lay down. You’ll be warmer, and you won’t miss any meteors.”
She laid back, pulling the blanket to her chin. “Oh, I like this very much,” she said, grinning.
Miles laughed, hesitating. It took everything he had not to reach out and brush the errant strand of hair out of her eyes. His stare lingered a moment too long, and she caught his eye, a puzzled look on her face.
He quickly settled in beside her, his shoulder touching hers. He didn’t say anything about it, and neither did she.
“Another one!” Annie said with a gasp.
This time, Miles saw it, too, an exceptionally bright fireball across the sky, its trail lingering for a few seconds after it blasted apart.
“Incredible,” Annie whispered.
“Yeah,” he said, adding a silent, “You are.”